After I announced I was single again in Sept 2024, about ten men pursued me in the months that followed. And this was without even touching dating apps.

What puzzled me, though, was that 4 of them were younger than me. Like… why? I was 35 then. I’ve always liked older men, so dating younger guys felt unfamiliar and a bit baffling.

Being myself, I made it difficult for those younger men—partly because I wasn’t confident in dating younger men, and partly because I was still healing from my breakup and emotionally tangled with the analyst guy back then.

I remembered a guy friend who once told me in 2023 that he didn’t like “xiao mei mei” (girls younger than him). He preferred older women and always pursued them. In fact, he married a woman four years his senior; she was 39 and he was 35.

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Last month, out of curiosity, I asked some younger male friends, and they said they didn’t mind dating women 1–5 years older. They like the stability, care, and guidance that older women bring. It makes them feel safe, nurtured, and able to manja a little. Financially, older women tend to be more stable. The relationship works more like a balanced partnership, rather than the usual older-bf-younger-gf dynamic—which often comes with more drama and burden. To them, slightly older women are like “jie jie” (elder sister) they can trust and confide in.

They also said women in their twenties can feel needy, insecure, and high-maintenance with “princess syndrome”. Younger women are fun for sex, but draining for a relationship. Women in their thirties, on the other hand, are stable, mature, loyal, and serious.

Interesting perspective, right? Many unmarried women in their thirties are judged harshly as 剩女 (leftovers), but younger men apparently don’t see them this way.

I’m sharing this to hear more input; just trying to understand what younger men think and whether I should open myself to that possibility.... and maybe also give some hope to other older women.

Older woman can be childish depends but that said older woman can give better piap.

Generally older woman should be more matured and less needy.

Some guys prefer 10-20 years younger woman, while some prefer older.

Just a matter of preference.

Why dont u try younger men? Probably "stronger" maybe u will like it.


Last but not least, maturity does not comes from aging but from experience.

101% yes if she can pay me well.

I know this one girl who prefers younger men. Shes not old herself only late 20s, but her fiancee is 3 years younger. The bf before the fiancee was also a few years younger.

Intrigued, so I asked her about this. She said that her parents were like that as well, her mum being older than the dad. And she follows her mum.

Digging deeper, it seemed that for her (and her mum), they play a more alpha role in their relationship. The male partners are more follower.

I implore you to open up can already see in this forum, age is no indicative of one's maturity. Some younger people can be more mature than others.

Since you have so many pursuers, you have the luxury to compare and choose. That said, "comparison is a robber of happiness" or something like that -- be careful not to be too critical as you cherry-pick every good trait from 10 different men and expect one to have it all. We're all humans looking for someone who can accept each other's bullshit.

depends , but most older women no longer firm inside. All saggy, with loose skin.

Men are not like women....like very restrictive to a certain age when dating.

Generally, men can date woman of any age as long as she's attractive. That's why terms like milf appears because men also like older women.

Unless the guy has a specific objective of wanting a kid from that lady, then he might prefer a younger woman.

Dating and marriage are different.

If the guy does not plan to hv child, then women age not really an issue. It is all about vibe

If guy do plan to hv kids, then they might looking for younger and smarter girl. Pregnancy while younger is safer to both mum n child. Meanwhile child IQ is influence by X chromosome and mum impact on son is significantly higher

agreed. it all depends on what you are looking for. if you're looking for family and have kids, then ya perhaps older men may appeal to u as they are more matured, financially stable (not all though) and mentally ready for a family.

if older men like me, who got kicked out of a marriage, i tend to look for women of any age as long as they provide me what i'm looking for, companionship and someone to grow old with.

As usual, it depends on the needs of the couples involved.

Typically the older person will be the one leading the relationship. So if the guy or girl doesn't mind that, then that's ok.

I have a few friends like that, and the common theme in all the women is the need to be the one in control of the relationship.

Yes i would, and why not date someone 1-4 years older than me 😉

Woman to woman, I learnt the hard way that some older men can be immature even though they're in their late 30s or 40s. In other words, age doesn't determine their maturity level or their cability of taking care of you. Take the time to find out their personality and the values that they believe in instead.

I've read all the replies. Thanks, everyone, for your input.

I do agree that some younger men can be surprisingly mature, while some older men can be quite immature. Maturity is definitely attractive to me.

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Years ago, I got close to a Singaporean guy three years older than me. We liked each other, but I was put off by how he treated his parents. His dad was late picking us up one day, and he spent the whole car ride nagging his dad. He couldn’t drive himself because he’d get carsick, and when I asked why he was still living with his parents, he casually said, “Then where would I get a maid?”—referring to his mom. That was a huge turn-off, and I didn’t continue seeing him after that.

Then there was another guy who pursued me when I was 19. He came to my parents’ house, introduced himself, and promised he would take care of me. He said he could cook, clean, and do laundry, and he wanted my mom to feel reassured about letting me be with him. He was 18 back then.

So yeah, maturity and character matter more than age.

we same fate ^^

Your relationship your choice.

But never tried never know

Honestly, I think it’s because people naturally get drawn to those who seem more grounded and emotionally stable.
Older people tend to have better self-awareness, clearer values, and a calmer mindset that’s attractive energy.
You’re basically a reflection of who you surround yourself with.

If you spend time around mature, stable individuals, that becomes your baseline.

But if you hang out daily with people who are emotionally messy or childish, even if you’re not like that, your behaviour and thinking will slowly shift to match theirs.
My brother’s a good example — his girlfriend’s super childish. Even though he wasn’t like that before, being around her all the time kinda made him pick up those habits. It’s the same principle.
So when younger guys are drawn to older women, it’s not weird they’re just craving that kind of grounded energy and maturity they haven’t found in their own age group

That’s such a grounded take. I actually think how you respond to moments like that says a lot about your own personality too.
Most people are quick to judge, so their relationships don’t really have space to grow.

It’s okay to have judgments they show what we value and where our boundaries are.

But the real test is whether the other person is willing to grow when you communicate it.
A lot of people behave a certain way simply because that’s what they grew up around.

I once heard something that stuck with me: “Marriage is a decision, not an emotion.”
It reminds me that love can start from feelings, but it lasts through conscious choices.
At the end of the day, in any relationship or marriage, the key is communication not assumption or judgment.

Well, besides how he treated his parents, there were also two occasions where he didn’t apologise but retaliated when I asked why he was 30–60 minutes late without informing me in advance. Taken together, these four incidents made me feel he wasn’t mature or independent enough.

There’s a saying:
成人的世界，只筛选，不教育，只选择，不改变。
(In the adult world, we filter, not teach; we choose, not change.)

Many women enter relationships hoping to change their partner, but to me, what you see is what you get. Red flags at the beginning won’t turn green simply because you try to correct him. Any real change has to come from within. Of course, we can communicate our concerns and observe how he responds. But if he can’t take feedback, then there’s really no point continuing.

This applies to men too; trying to change their girlfriend or wife rarely works unless she herself recognises her flaws and is humble enough to grow.

Yes, I completely agree that it is decision, not emotion, that carries us through the hard times in a relationship or marriage.

Sometimes I still reflect on what got me through eight years of a long-distance relationship with the same man (my ex-fiancé), including three years of forced separation during the pandemic. My conclusion is that I made it through because I was committed to making things work, even though, in the end, we called off the marriage due to his health issues. I’ve asked myself whether I regretted waiting and committing only for it to end, but I don’t. It gave me closure and self-accountability; I didn’t walk away when things got hard or inconvenient.

I also reflect on my relationship with the analyst guy and wonder why, even after a year of not directly talking to each other, I still haven’t given up on him. Logically, I should have walked away long ago. But seeing how he’s been retreating to do his inner work for about seven months now, I’ve told myself to wait until next year while focusing on my own growth. To me, he deserves a chance to choose again — this time from a healed heart.

When he first pursued me, he was only partially emotionally available, and soon after, his fearful-avoidant side took over. I think he realised his flaws when I told him how confused I felt by his hot-and-cold behaviour. He wanted to move forward with me, but something was holding him back — his past issues, which only he could confront and resolve. I respect him for not dragging me into his mess and instead choosing to step back and work on himself.

That’s why I believe true change can only come from the person himself. It’s never a woman’s duty to fix a man, though she can inspire or encourage him to grow.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Oct 19 2025, 11:03 PM

101% agree!