Hi

I am in my late 40s

For 6 months now I am in a relationship with a woman (late 40s too)

We met on Telegram

We chat a lot via Telegram...voice notes...whatsapp too.

During that, she shared everthing her personal life.

Happy and sad ones.

She cried a lot during voice notes.

Because of the trauma she faced.

At 22 years old, she found out that she's an illegitimate child 

I mean her parents had her before marriage.

Probably they got married after she was born.
We exchanged pictures, videos.

Decent videos 

Having bfast etc.
We never met.

But one day we will.

She invited me to join her to travel to Bandung this coming July.

In a group of course.

Not just two of us.

She's bringing her mother along.
She knows I have feelings for her.

But she said she's just tired to start a new relationship.

She has a bf for 6 years now.

And that bf is married 

Sometimes she said things that does not make any sense to me.

She said that the bf is still a friend 

Since they are not married.

Probably she wanted to justify her actions having male friends online(?) 

And she felt jealous each time her bf talks about spending time with his family

Strange isn't it?

6 years and still no effort to marry her or what not.

No balls to do something?
Made me think.

6 years and still she feels lonely and searching for male friends online.

What do you guys think?

What is missing in her life?

What kind of woman is this?

Is she still searching for Mr Right?

Her bf is not good enough?
She said that her bf does not know about me.

She kept it a secret.

She claimed that I am her BFF.

Because she can talk about anything with me.

Unlike her bf.

Even though I am guy, but I can layan her when she talks about handbags, clothes etc.

You know, women stuff.

She claims that talking to me is like talking to a female friend.

I am not queer or anything 

I am normal guy.

But when you are trying to get close to a woman...you need to comfort her and layan her always.

Commenting that the handbags are beautiful...elegant etc.

"Wow. So elegant. So lucky you lock that handbag during tiktok live"

Stuff like that.
I hope you guys know what 'layan' is.

It's like making her happy...prolonging the communication...by sharing her passion and interest etc.

My trait I guess.

Her bf does not have that trait 

Of course I felt jealous each time she mentioned about her bf during our chats and voice notes.

Since I have feelings for me.
So...

Should I stay and be her BFF + hope that one day she'll leave her bf?

Or should I just walk away.

Because it's a useless relationship?

No future?

I am just hurting myself?

Thank you.

I stopped hoping.

Feelings began to fade away.

Because she's been with her bf for 6 years.

So, it's probably difficult to sway her heart.
I will read you topic.

TS haven't met her?

Not yet

Not yet

You don't even know how she looks like.

For all you know could be a guy behind the phone.

walk away.

Did you read post #1 and the rest?

I believe she's legit

Did you read what you wrote?

Think again.

She sounds very toxic.

Walk away.

sorry, i didnt read the whole story but i had a quick read.

1. the moment you asked the question "stay or walk away", you have subconsciously want to walk away but you just need people to reassure your decision and normally subconscious will not lie because that is your mind wants. so if the question arises, just walk away. If you do not feel like walk away, you will never have this question before. Just like when you are full, you wont ask yourself if i want to eat or not.

2. All those caring things she did, like asking your wellbeing, share picture of the lunch/dinner she ate, in a relationship, those gestures are just sub-point, not a main point, so in shorts, it means nothing. it is just something people do when in r/s but enough to justify whether to stay or to walk away. i was in your position before where we greeted good morning every day, check wellbeing, etc... but in the end we broke up also.

3. if you feel she is toxic, walk away immediately, dont wait. toxic relationship is like toxic gas being released into the air, dont wait for it to pass and assume it will be ok once it passes. the problem is by the time the toxic gas is gone, you are probably dead already. never dwell or question yourself when a r/s is toxic, a toxic relationship is hard to be recovered, once toxic gas is inside the body, it is hard to get out.

i was in a toxic relationship before and people around me told it is toxic and asked me to break but i thought i know better and just continue. in the end, it is really so toxic that the girl twisted the story behind my back. she tells all people that i know how i treated her so badly but she didnt mention what she did in the first place. she is overly-sensitive girl and some words she will get triggered badly and she will feel you are scolding her.

so, i would rather be single than be in toxic relationship.

r/s = relationship?

She's also like that.

Overly-sensitive

Triggered easily

It's exhausting 

Twisting stories are really bad + lying.

I was referring to what you said about how she look like...could a a guy.

I agree she's toxic + narcissistic.

Looks like a textationship.

It's not healthy if you are looking for a genuine relationship.

Hi

I am in my late 40s

For 6 months now I am in a relationship with a woman (late 40s too)

We met on Telegram

We chat a lot via Telegram...voice notes...whatsapp too.

During that, she shared everthing her personal life.

Happy and sad ones.

She cried a lot during voice notes.

Because of the trauma she faced.

At 22 years old, she found out that she's an illegitimate child 

I mean her parents had her before marriage.

Probably they got married after she was born.
We exchanged pictures, videos.

Decent videos 

Having bfast etc.
We never met.

But one day we will.

She invited me to join her to travel to Bandung this coming July.

In a group of course.

Not just two of us.

She's bringing her mother along.
She knows I have feelings for her.

But she said she's just tired to start a new relationship.

She has a bf for 6 years now.

And that bf is married 

Sometimes she said things that does not make any sense to me.

She said that the bf is still a friend 

Since they are not married.

Probably she wanted to justify her actions having male friends online(?) 

And she felt jealous each time her bf talks about spending time with his family

Strange isn't it?

6 years and still no effort to marry her or what not.

No balls to do something?
Made me think.

6 years and still she feels lonely and searching for male friends online.

What do you guys think?

What is missing in her life?

What kind of woman is this?

Is she still searching for Mr Right?

Her bf is not good enough?
She said that her bf does not know about me.

She kept it a secret.

She claimed that I am her BFF.

Because she can talk about anything with me.

Unlike her bf.

Even though I am guy, but I can layan her when she talks about handbags, clothes etc.

You know, women stuff.

She claims that talking to me is like talking to a female friend.

I am not queer or anything 

I am normal guy.

But when you are trying to get close to a woman...you need to comfort her and layan her always.

Commenting that the handbags are beautiful...elegant etc.

"Wow. So elegant. So lucky you lock that handbag during tiktok live"

Stuff like that.
I hope you guys know what 'layan' is.

It's like making her happy...prolonging the communication...by sharing her passion and interest etc.

My trait I guess.

Her bf does not have that trait 

Of course I felt jealous each time she mentioned about her bf during our chats and voice notes.

Since I have feelings for me.
So...

Should I stay and be her BFF + hope that one day she'll leave her bf?

Or should I just walk away.

Because it's a useless relationship?

No future?

I am just hurting myself?

Thank you.