Hi

I am in my late 40s

For 6 months now I am in a relationship with a woman (late 40s too)

We met on Telegram

We chat a lot via Telegram...voice notes...whatsapp too.

During that, she shared everthing her personal life.

Happy and sad ones.

She cried a lot during voice notes.

Because of the trauma she faced.

At 22 years old, she found out that she's an illegitimate child

I mean her parents had her before marriage.

Probably they got married after she was born.



We exchanged pictures, videos.

Decent videos

Having bfast etc.




We never met.

But one day we will.

She invited me to join her to travel to Bandung this coming July.

In a group of course.

Not just two of us.

She's bringing her mother along.




She knows I have feelings for her.

But she said she's just tired to start a new relationship.

She has a bf for 6 years now.

And that bf is married

Sometimes she said things that does not make any sense to me.

She said that the bf is still a friend

Since they are not married.

Probably she wanted to justify her actions having male friends online(?)

And she felt jealous each time her bf talks about spending time with his family

Strange isn't it?

6 years and still no effort to marry her or what not.

No balls to do something?



Made me think.

6 years and still she feels lonely and searching for male friends online.

What do you guys think?

What is missing in her life?

What kind of woman is this?

Is she still searching for Mr Right?

Her bf is not good enough?





She said that her bf does not know about me.

She kept it a secret.

She claimed that I am her BFF.

Because she can talk about anything with me.

Unlike her bf.

Even though I am guy, but I can layan her when she talks about handbags, clothes etc.

You know, women stuff.

She claims that talking to me is like talking to a female friend.

I am not queer or anything

I am normal guy.

But when you are trying to get close to a woman...you need to comfort her and layan her always.

Commenting that the handbags are beautiful...elegant etc.

"Wow. So elegant. So lucky you lock that handbag during tiktok live"

Stuff like that.


I hope you guys know what 'layan' is.

It's like making her happy...prolonging the communication...by sharing her passion and interest etc.

My trait I guess.

Her bf does not have that trait




Of course I felt jealous each time she mentioned about her bf during our chats and voice notes.

Since I have feelings for me.



So...

Should I stay and be her BFF + hope that one day she'll leave her bf?

Or should I just walk away.

Because it's a useless relationship?

No future?

I am just hurting myself?

Thank you.

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 03:04 PM

Forgot to add...


Morning wishes...did you sleep well?
Goodnight wishes
Had bfast yet?
Cook lunch yet?
Had lunch yet?
Had dinner yet?
Drive safely
Walk safely

You know...those caring stuffs

She shared pictures of her cooking.
Pictures/videos of her ootd, handbags, brisk walk etc.

She updated me each time she's going somewhere
Shared pictures of the place she went
Updated me when she arrived home.


She has a travel vlog via TikTok



Did I mentioned that she's kinda toxic?

The part me being jealous...

Once I plead to her...

"If you feel sorry for me, please don't mention about your bf during our chat and voice. "

She got really upset.

"Don't tell me things that I can and cannot do"...she said.




Many times now she voice notes angrily.

Once because I blue tick her.

Or I changed the words that she said

You know what I mean?

Or trying to advice her to end her affair.




Her voice notes sounded like she really loves him.

Really downgrading.

Accusing me of things that I did not do.

Such as I hated her bf

How the heck?

I never knew the guy.

I admit I made mistakes.

By biggest mistake probably on being jealous...that's all.

Which triggered her

10 minutes...20 minutes...30 minutes...of angry voice notes.

Probably it's the menopause thing.





Should have ended it 3 months ago.

That's the problem when you already have feelings for someone.

Hard to let go.

The memories, her voice/laughter etc.

Stockholm syndrome




I should have prioritized my own feelings instead of others.

I've been practicing to lessen the chatting, wishing etc.



Early January, I stopped texting her for a few days.

Because she offended me with her shallow way of thinking.

She praised her bf too much...made me sick

I kept quiet but I took revenge by silent treatment.

She got upset by that.

She took it to WhatsApp status

3 entries...did not mention my name but I now it's for me.

2 were sarcasm.

And the 3rd are images of cakes that her bf couriered to her.

Just to piss me off

So cruel~

She also claimed that she has high taste

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 03:35 PM

Thank you

I know.

Some even said pschyo.

But I pity her.

She only has her mother...father passed away years ago.

Thank you

I know.

But I pity her.

She only has her mother...father passed away years ago.

Thank you

Makes sense.

I know.

Should have ended it 3 months ago.

That's the problem when you already have feelings for someone.

Hard to let go.

The memories, her voice/laughter etc.

Stockholm syndrome




I should have prioritized my own feelings instead of others.

I've been practicing to lessen the chatting, wishing etc.



Early January, I stopped texting her for a few days.

Because she offended me with her shallow way of thinking.

She praised her bf too much...made me sick

I kept quiet but I took revenge by silent treatment.

She got upset by that.

She took it to WhatsApp status

3 entries...did not mention my name but I now it's for me.

2 were sarcasm.

And the 3rd are images of cakes that her bf couriered to her.

Just to piss me off

So cruel~

She also claimed that she has high taste

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 03:00 PM

What do you mean by regret?

Such as?

What do you mean move on?

IIRC, she has no plan of breaking up with him

She made it clear to me many times that she has no feelings for me.

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 03:53 PM

That is so mean

I got scammed by filter man.

Did you know that there are filters that can make you look slim etc.

Her dp profile look like she's in her 30s

Turns out she's in her late 40s (I was shocked when she told me her age)

And fat

152cm
58kg



This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 10:32 PM

ikr?

Not even a phone call.

Probably she has low self esteem.

Since she's old and fat

152cm
58kg

I probably lost interest in her after meeting f2f

I'm 170cm...64kg

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 10:22 PM

We fought a lot since November.

Her rant on voice notes.

In the beginning of each voice notes, she has no mercy

Hentam me kaw-kaw punya

But at the end of the voice note...she toned down a bit.

She's playing tug of war.

Somehow she can't seem to get rid of me.

Next day, it's like that fight never happened.

Everything is back to normal.

I guess I am too good of a friend

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 28 2025, 10:45 PM

If I knew early...I wouldn't have attracted to her

I got scammed by her filter pictures where she looked like she's in her 30s

Turns out she's late 40s and overweight

By the time I knew about it...I already have feelings for her.

One of the reason are her voice

Pleasant and calming

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 30 2025, 05:53 AM

Honestly, being attracted to a woman in their late 40s are never my first choice.

Never crossed my mind.

I avoided them.

I thought she's in her 30s.

By looking at her dp profile.

Quite surprised when she told me she's the same age as me.




I prefer those in their 20s.

If 'level' that you are referring to is about age.



Probably I met her for a reason?

To be a friend.

She lacked attention.

Give her moral support.

Persuade her in doing the right thing.

Such as ending her relationship with a married man.

I will make sure everything checks out.

Her tiktok shows she went to Korea, Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia etc.

Pictures and videos of her with the group she was travelling with.

I heard about that.

I did ask her if I could call her.

She said KIV

But I will make sure to call her directly and not using Tele or WA

I don't get it

She felt so lonely.

Just left him and be with me lah

This post has been edited by Antje: Jan 30 2025, 11:19 AM

Being single is much more peaceful

I tell you.

No worries.

No need to text, chat.




Yes you feel lonely sometimes but it's ok.

Better than feeling jealous, anxiety, prejudice etc.

Lonely heart are so much better than a broken heart.

Sometimes when we had an argument

I gave her silent treatment

I felt free

Have more time for myself.

But each time when I heard the notification of her messages/voice note...

My anxiety got triggered.

Worry about things that she wrote or said that might trigger my anxiety.

Particularly the jealousy part....me being jealous.

I hated such feeling and situation.

I know.

I am trying