Hi

I am in my late 40s

For 6 months now I am in a relationship with a woman (late 40s too)

We met on Telegram

We chat a lot via Telegram...voice notes...whatsapp too.

During that, she shared everthing her personal life.

Happy and sad ones.

She cried a lot during voice notes.

Because of the trauma she faced.

At 22 years old, she found out that she's an illegitimate child 

I mean her parents had her before marriage.

Probably they got married after she was born.
We exchanged pictures, videos.

Decent videos 

Having bfast etc.
We never met.

But one day we will.

She invited me to join her to travel to Bandung this coming July.

In a group of course.

Not just two of us.

She's bringing her mother along.
She knows I have feelings for her.

But she said she's just tired to start a new relationship.

She has a bf for 6 years now.

And that bf is married 

Sometimes she said things that does not make any sense to me.

She said that the bf is still a friend 

Since they are not married.

Probably she wanted to justify her actions having male friends online(?) 

And she felt jealous each time her bf talks about spending time with his family

Strange isn't it?

6 years and still no effort to marry her or what not.

No balls to do something?
Made me think.

6 years and still she feels lonely and searching for male friends online.

What do you guys think?

What is missing in her life?

What kind of woman is this?

Is she still searching for Mr Right?

Her bf is not good enough?
She said that her bf does not know about me.

She kept it a secret.

She claimed that I am her BFF.

Because she can talk about anything with me.

Unlike her bf.

Even though I am guy, but I can layan her when she talks about handbags, clothes etc.

You know, women stuff.

She claims that talking to me is like talking to a female friend.

I am not queer or anything 

I am normal guy.

But when you are trying to get close to a woman...you need to comfort her and layan her always.

Commenting that the handbags are beautiful...elegant etc.

"Wow. So elegant. So lucky you lock that handbag during tiktok live"

Stuff like that.
I hope you guys know what 'layan' is.

It's like making her happy...prolonging the communication...by sharing her passion and interest etc.

My trait I guess.

Her bf does not have that trait 

Of course I felt jealous each time she mentioned about her bf during our chats and voice notes.

Since I have feelings for me.
So...

Should I stay and be her BFF + hope that one day she'll leave her bf?

Or should I just walk away.

Because it's a useless relationship?

No future?

I am just hurting myself?

Thank you.