i have been married for more than 10 yrs now and with kids as well. My wife is a good one and I m a good husband and father as well.
i m in my mid 40s now and am a family man.
I m about to share something and would like to know if this is normal.
i love my family, but like all marriages, after 10 yrs, my wife is getting old and body is also out of shape. To make it short, she is not attractive anymore after giving birth. Problem is we tried to have sex but i seem hard to have erection. it disappoints her but i cant do anything if she isnt attractive to me. Sometimes i take pill to make her happy but i also dont like doing it everytime, although we only do it once a month.
I thought i m erectile dysfunction, however, i m attracted to women and sometimes i can feel it strongly too.
Unfortunately or rather fortunately, i have an affair with my colleague, she is 15yrs younger and i m very much attracted to her. sexually was satisfying but that also brings to another problem where sex gets more difficult with my wife. i know it is wrong to have an affair but i m still very much horny at this age and it sort of dream comes true. To cut it short, i am still very much committed to my family but sexually i need to find satisfaction as well. is this something normal ? can i maintain feeding my family well and continue to have affair with another woman ?
Unfortunately or rather fortunately, the woman is also married. hence we both know we cannot ask for more.
my question is can i still love my wife but not sexually aroused by her, and yet still having an affair ? is this normal or too much to ask for ? i m more than willing to take care of my family for the rest of their life and also willing to live till old with her but i have not much interest with her. maybe it is commitment but commitment is part of love also, right ?
Shoot me !

Pertamax!

Keduax!

better scandal with janda, more safer.

Any cow loyal to only one female cow?

Go ahead if this makes you happy with amazing sex session, make sure reward original wife accordingly as well. Cover wife pilow when try to sex with her.

it is biology, try to handle it the humane way

No such thing as free sex. You will eventually ‘pay’ for the sex with your colleague. Ie- facing the angry husband of the colleague.

Better look for chicken. At least you pay after the deed is done. No more hassles after the sex.

makan 2 timer... wah lau

Some said, make sure you eat and wipe your mouth.

some also say dont shit where you eat

Wow, I got mind blown when I read this.
First, you don't find your wife attractive anymore which means you are dang superficial bro, like literally only the physical attraction matters. Sometimes being with someone, is not about just physical appearance but more to the heart. Yes, in beginning you will find her physically attractive but after being the family caretaker for 10 years and not focusing on maintaining herself, I think it's hard to maintain shape UNLESS she is super jaga her badan.

Second, your wife didn't do anything bad to you and you had affair AND IT'S A MARRIED WOMAN? I feel like I just lost hope in humanity. So the woman is married and you are married and both of you just affair? I feel this is so wrong. Not to say if the woman isn't married, it's right but you need to consider, what will happen IF your wife finds out OR the husband of the woman finds out.

Well, you can't cover fire with paper.

I think its common to lose sexual interest in a partner.

But married man with affair with married woman? This can be a very complicated thing. The potential headache is probably not worth the sex.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Jan 5 2023, 11:38 AM

I agreed with this. How leh ? Not easy. Fap je.

You maybe a good father but are not a good husband.
She has done her responsibility to "bagi you" in return "you bagi" other people's wife which has nothing to do towards making your child and a home.

I will not shoot you. Sukak hati lu.
G.Luck

I think you better stop seeing that married women though, have you seen the video about the husband get caught by wife with the cute 3rd person? Well at least the 3rd person looks cute to me, not saying I support her about destroying others family but villain can be handsome and beautiful too.

Anyway, back to the topic. Again you need to stop, I pity your wife more than pity you. As you just horny and prefer to have sex with some hot or at least not overweight women. Still you care about her and your kids, I respect that.

Think again, what if you be the next "husband caught cheating" and this time is your colleague husband came with bunch of guys and beat the crap out of you? I mean if I found out my wife sleep with another dude, yes I would definitely divorce her and oh yea damn sure I would beat the F out of that guy too.

So, leave the married women be, try to persuade your lovely wife to get in shape or better yet, go work out together with her. I know, easy to say than done, she's busy with kids and the house. It just my suggestion though since you post a topic here...

Wow, both cheaters on their partners eh. I guess you both deserve each other then..

No I don’t think it’s normal and I don’t reckon this behavior can be normalized. You call yourself a family man , a good husband and do this? Ohh boy , gotta kidding me

You already checked out of the marriage by being unfaithful. Don’t bother to justify it

Ask yourself what happen when the other woman grows fat and become unattractive? Will you move to younger, prettier girl?

Hello?!? Of course her body would go out of shape after giving birth. She was basically eating for 2 ppl so that u, son of a bitch could have a healthy baby. Not many mums have the luxury of having time to work out especially those working mums. She sacrificed her figure n youth for u by popping out yr kids n taking care of them tirelessly for the past 10 yrs but u rewarded her hard work by cheating on her REPEATEDLY n showing absolutely zero signs of remorse. U definitely deserve the "husband of the century" award!

To save yr marriage n sex life, u could have suggested her to work out, cook healthy food or see a marriage counsellor with you but no, u just took the easy way out like a useless coward that u are.

Have u ever thought abt her finding out abt yr affair which might lead to a divorce? Have u ever thought abt how yr divorce would traumatise yr children who might have a fear of commitment in future? U're basically destroying yr entire family with yr effing stupid affair. I hope that yr colleague's husband will find out abt yr affair soon n beat the shit outta u

This post has been edited by kitkat86: Jan 5 2023, 01:29 PM

Just a question.

U 40 and she 15 years younger means 25 atleast. And married.
But why she want to affair with u i dont get it

Maybe TS hot bod and hot face like Chris Hemsworth?

TS came here for honest opinion but u guys blast him off from ur high horse. he phrased his question honestly, can't u guys cut him some slack? do u think TS wanted this? he can't get it up with his missus means he can't get it up with his missus no matter how much moral lessons u throw at him or guilt trip him. pray that it doesn't happen to u or ur hubby.

sorry TS, never been there. hope some1 traveled this path could give u perspectives.

you are trying to solve a problem by creating another problem?

if you really love your wife, stop cheating and come clean wife

if she forgives you, she's a gem. if she doesn't, you have to move on with life.

every action have it's own consequence, so do the right thing and be responsible

yes, thank you. probably i m here to seek comfort on my guilt.
i know what i m doing is wrong, and yes i feel guilty too.
Sorry but i want to know how many guys out there that is loyal only to their wife. Nvr curi makan ? This is very difficult for me. But what i can assure is that i will treat my family well and be responsible. I also appreciate my wife. I m sorry but i still live in ideal world which is to own both of them. Is this not forgivable ? I seek for forgiveness from netizen because i cannot be getting it from my wife, right.

If the girl divorcing right now and she asked you to divorce yours too, abandon all your kids and start a new family. What you'll do?

If you refuse, she cry mother and father, find your wife and family and explain the whole truth. What you'll do?


Of cos, wild flowers out there is attractive but think twice before even picking it up.

YOLO unker.. I hope you enjoy your lifetime without regrets..

Well, I can see that happening OR worse case, the husband finds out and wanna divorce her and she has nowhere to go but to TS and forces TS to choose.

U dont need to seek forgiveness from forum. Nobody literary give a F.

If u think u r wrong then do the right thing.
If u think its not wrong just continue.

Ofcourse if u asking the public wrong or right, the result depends which kind of crowd gave the answer.

Will you do what TS do if you are in the same situation?

Do what? Open thread?

Be in another person's arms

You are seeking confirmation bias.
You know it's wrong but yet you are still trying to find justification for it.

Hi, TS.

1. Just have an open talk with your wife saying that you miss her slim and sexy body shape.

2. Send her for slimming and beauty sessions for pampering too. She'll look great again after several months.

3. Get her an image consultant to go shopping for new clothes and accessories after she slims down.

4. Book some romantic vacation and go have fun together.

5. Buy sexy lingerie and sex toys to have more bedroom fun. You can watch p*rn together too if you want.

6. Do more couple activities and romantic dates on weekends to keep the sparks.

7. See a marriage counsellor or a sex therapist if needed for further intervention.

*

As for the married woman, your hookup will get you into legal trouble. It is a crime to sleep with another man's wife.




So, decide wisely.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Jan 6 2023, 02:05 PM

❤️

Those women who is willing to be exploited by a married man, don't expect they do not have their agenda. You condition is like a time bomb waiting to be exploded. You better change your working environment & leave all the dark history behind. Eliminate the risk associate with the wild flower for the damage control first.

After changing the working environment , remember & don't forget the shit path you have walked before. If concealing this past from your wife will do more good than harm, then just let it buried for good & never walk the same path again. After this, work on your wife not on the women outside your marriage if you really claim to love your family.

even charsiew will treat ur wife better than u, shame

You know your wife better than us strangers in this forum. First of all, I believe majority women cannot accept polygamy/sharing their partner. Do you think your wife will accept your affair and be okay for you to continue?

If no, what gave you the audacity to call yourself a good husband????

If you don't know, then good luck having this talk. I'd bet that you will lose her, but I don't want you to lose even more than that (losing money to me ). I came from a broken family where my late father wanted my mother to accept the mistress. He said he loved both of them. My mother was going ballistics about it and no surprises, eventually it led to a divorce. Actually, it was ultimately because of my late father's involvement with loan sharks that was jeopardising our family, not because of the mistress because she didn't want to lose him to her. Oh boyyyy.... if that reason wasn't there for her firm up her resolve, I think I'd have a mentally ill mom for holding onto an extremely toxic relationship. I think it's best you don't know the extent of what my mom did back then so you won't project that onto your current wife.

Look, I can understand when he said he loved both of them. I think to a certain extent, your ex**-love interests hold a special place in your heart because you have these memories. You just can't delete them. Some stronger memories keep eliciting those feelings and so it's not surprising if you still feel like you'd be okay fucking them. But no, at the end of the day, commitment is what matters and separates your wife from the rest. You make that decision everyday that you will trash that thought and never betray your life partner, and so does she. Once any side breaks that promise........ Both will know that the commitment is gone and it will never be the same again. The one cheated by the other will always have this one question haunting his/her mind, "will this person pull the same shit on me again? Is s/he doing it again today?"

** - this woman is a new love interest, sure, same shit different smell. If you ALLOWED yourself to interact so intimately with her, enough to fall for her, then you were giving in to temptations.

You fucked up. I am not giving you this validation you so crave for. If you wanted to release your sexual urges, what's wrong with your left/right hands/legs??

Edit: typo

This post has been edited by Takudan: Jan 8 2023, 12:00 AM

Okay you are cracking me. "legs" lmao

short answer, based on what u did, u definitely not a good husband and father, don't flatter yourself

TS, I understand that you're basically having struggle in your head. You're struggling to fight over the negative side of yourself.

I can't comment good or bad on your actions based on what you share with us. It's about CHOICES. And every choice comes with CONSEQUENCES.

Good husband --- If you could just flip the roles between you and your
wife. What if she did exactly the same behind your back? Can you really tolerate it?

Good father --- If you could 100% ensure your kids would not suffer the deep pain of a tragic family history which started from you, sorry to say, and the deep pain and trauma which extend throughout your kids' future years, which might affect their future relationships, and which run thru their entire life.
The pain and trauma that started with the fact that their dad had did some actions that betrayed their mum, the fact their mum would have to bear all the emotional and health consequences entire life because of those actions.


May God bless you and your beloved family so that everything back on the right track.

I am loyal to my wife of 10 years. I would be obviously lying if i say i never had any intentions of seeking out an affair. Regardless, I persevered precisely because i really love my wife, it took me some time to come to the terms that no one is perfect, you're not gonna get what you really want, if you can get even a part of it, it's a blessing. Give and take.

When it comes to the bedroom, we have a great sex life, in any normal relationships, there are of course its ups and downs, but for the most part, we're pretty happy. I'm sorry you can't get it up with your missus, medications (viagra/cialis) won't help if you aren't horny/attracted to your wife. But I understand that we all have our biological needs, if push comes to shove and i get desperate for whatever reason, I can marry up to 4 women LOL, no guilt, only more problems.

you can only choose one. either be a loving husband, loving father but self deprived of sex or having affair and hope not to get caught..
weighing what's at stake, i think you understand when you have the affair, its just a matter of time of being caught red handed and what's next course of action.
commitment towards your wife is being loyal and responsible to her, but what you are doing now is blinded by lusts. the commitment you speak now is out guilt you felt from having affair.
so in short, you mess up your marriage, probably your affair marriage too, since she is married to someone else.

Pimp them both. Plant the idea of both of them sharing you is the way to go.

" you wanna make it up for the wife cause your dick useless around her by introducing the new bitch for a threesome"

Its fucked up.

But better than you ending up in a story where your fat wife guilt trip you for the rest of your marriage. If she wants divorce now you're paying alimony.
Then you go find your young pussy you crazy with. You might get the same treatment from her as she find new affair? Goes around innit.

All this because your fault in the beginning cause you afraid to say she fat to her face.

my dad had an affair, even though he provides for the family, he made my mom suffer a lot.. me and my sister hated him.. but now we already adult we let the past be the past.. and looking back, at least he did provides for the family.. but we never forget what he did to our mom.. so will u b ok if your kids harbor ill feeling towards you? every actions have consequences, if you wanna keep the affair going, do expect your family to find out sooner or later.. and since she's a married woman, do expect her husband gonna do something to you, sue you, fight you or worst, kill you.. will you be ok to face all of this?

if single or divorced then okay, but u sleep a married woman whose husband is still alive? gg la.
ur life is cursed. there can only be bad things happening (ur wife finds out, the husband of girl u have affair with finds out)

if the girl is single or unmmaried u can still marry her in (if muslim), if non muslim u take care of her without marriage paper.

got so many girls outside , paid or unpaid, why are u so stupid to sleep a married woman. looking for trouble only.
lj gatal also must have road. sleeping with married woman u only get trouble. no man will acccept own wife sleep with another man, if find out he will hantam that guy.

imagine someone else sleeping ur wife. if u corrupted one maybe u can accept. but if u a real alpha male u will beat the shit out of that guy and divorce ur wife who has no loyalty.

if wan curi makan, makan the proper one. go pay. or find single/unmarried and pay and protect her like your wife. if religion not allow marrying more than 1 girl, then do it privately. as long as both girls u continue to provide there is 0 problem. but makan a married woman whose husband still alive

lj gatal shiok that time really shiok, when ppl husband find out how u settle?

This post has been edited by darksider: Feb 19 2023, 03:23 PM

TS,

Your colleague will age as well later.
Most women will get fat with auntie look after their 30's.
Are you going to change partner again after that?

End the affair now before your wife finds out and leave you.

Work togteher with your wife (eg. enroll her for gym, yoga, etc)).
Also go for date again to bring the sparks again.

Love is a commitment and requires workout everyday,
Love is not just about romance & sex.

Honestly you haven't reach the "real" love stage yet.
That's when you're old/sick with disease even to the extent of your partner needs to clean you up.
Trust me when you get there, you'll regret what you did today.

no need after 30s.

most women especially chinese one will have auntie look at age 30 onwards, unless born with genetics of forever young.

Even if the body no run, the looks sure age wan.

ASSHOLE

oh shit the comments already started, glad the fuzz ain't here to kill the party yet.

Let's say you're the one that gets fat and she doesn't get aroused by you. Then she goes out and has an affair with a guy that's 15 years younger. But she still helps to take care of the kids and do other stuff for you. Would you be able to accept that?

And comfort you shall not have. You're trying to justify that cheating is ok. And if it isn't bad enough that you're jeopardizing your family, you're putting the other at risk as well. So, no. It is not forgivable. The world is not ideal, but people deal with it. If you have to sacrifice moral values and principles to resolve your urges, you should be asking if that's what you expect your children to do as well.

This thread induce sadness.

Kesian the another girl bf or husband...........so unfair

want makan outside , dont la makan the married ones..
go for paid ones, settle one time, leave it behind no traces.

but if can try not to do that la.. horny, just fap or buy a real doll

Not going to judge you but what happened happened, can't turn back time. You have a couple of routes:

A) Break off the affair, find new job. Help your spouse get back in shape by going to exercises with her and buy diet package for her (and even go on diet with her). She sacrifice her body shape for your kids. - Save your family life but difficulty level = HELL mode.

B) Break off the affair and resign from your job but outsource your sex life. Just make sure you don't get caught during your outsourcing. However, this option will not help her get a satisfactory sex life unless you can satisfy her with your tongue and fingers. Again, you can salvage your family life this way and difficulty level = Medium.

C) Divorce and pay alimony and elope with your mistress. Pretty much scorch earth tactic. You'll be accused of being heartless etc but then who cares? Your life is YOURS! Just take note your new mistress might lose her figure someday and you might end up losing both family and your woman. Not the best choice but it IS a choice.

There are other choices and each with its own pros and cons (i.e. make your wife accept your mistress and have threesome etc) but you need to think what is it that you seek in life?

I can list here all the things that you could do with your wife to spice things up or to improve your sex life but they don't mean nothing when you have already screwed up.

I ain't here to judge but fact is being sexually frustrated will never justify cheating. There's no way to sugarcoat this but you're officially an asshole to everyone you love and you pretty much deserve every bit of trouble coming your way, sooner or later. Hopefully your paramour's husband is not the physically violent type.

Good luck, TS!

It's normal to have urges, and since ancient times we've got the solutions for it legally, or through religious approach.

You had simply picked the wrong solution, so stop having affairs and work it out with your wife. Make her attractive, or teach her. Be more aggressive when conveying that while also helping her.

This could only be unsolvable if your partner have low sex drive. So stop the cap of trying hard enough already.

And you should know that it's not normal for people to cheat. It will broke up the family unit and communities overall. All because of the weak men & women who succumbed to urges.

At least TS should just pay up makan luar is my advice for now. Take it slow, and try to be responsible.

Pay one got std risk and restricted. Affair more excited as both can try different thing and can go raw

Besides some men (I know a few) prefer to have that emotional connection with the person they are mating with even if it's just affair.

fwbs also can have stds
dont be so black and white bro

I am wondering how are you getting on and did you managed to solve your marriage issue and speak to your wife about this?

TS MIA…. A lot of these types of thread are like that… post, then MIA