i have been married for more than 10 yrs now and with kids as well. My wife is a good one and I m a good husband and father as well.
i m in my mid 40s now and am a family man.
I m about to share something and would like to know if this is normal.
i love my family, but like all marriages, after 10 yrs, my wife is getting old and body is also out of shape. To make it short, she is not attractive anymore after giving birth. Problem is we tried to have sex but i seem hard to have erection. it disappoints her but i cant do anything if she isnt attractive to me. Sometimes i take pill to make her happy but i also dont like doing it everytime, although we only do it once a month.
I thought i m erectile dysfunction, however, i m attracted to women and sometimes i can feel it strongly too.
Unfortunately or rather fortunately, i have an affair with my colleague, she is 15yrs younger and i m very much attracted to her. sexually was satisfying but that also brings to another problem where sex gets more difficult with my wife. i know it is wrong to have an affair but i m still very much horny at this age and it sort of dream comes true. To cut it short, i am still very much committed to my family but sexually i need to find satisfaction as well. is this something normal ? can i maintain feeding my family well and continue to have affair with another woman ?
Unfortunately or rather fortunately, the woman is also married. hence we both know we cannot ask for more.
my question is can i still love my wife but not sexually aroused by her, and yet still having an affair ? is this normal or too much to ask for ? i m more than willing to take care of my family for the rest of their life and also willing to live till old with her but i have not much interest with her. maybe it is commitment but commitment is part of love also, right ?
Shoot me !

yes, thank you. probably i m here to seek comfort on my guilt.
i know what i m doing is wrong, and yes i feel guilty too.
Sorry but i want to know how many guys out there that is loyal only to their wife. Nvr curi makan ? This is very difficult for me. But what i can assure is that i will treat my family well and be responsible. I also appreciate my wife. I m sorry but i still live in ideal world which is to own both of them. Is this not forgivable ? I seek for forgiveness from netizen because i cannot be getting it from my wife, right.