Hi All,

My father is a serious gambler and despite saying he wants to quit, he kept falling back in. He's living in a different city from me and he doesnt really talk to us (his kids) much.
He went to this anti-gamble support group once but its based on Christianity and kinda scared him (he's a bit anti-Christianity), so cant really find other support group thats suitable.
Im hoping to find some whatsapp group or discussion place at least he have some other fella he can talk to.

Thanks all for your help.

whyseej00

Seems like the same place that I wanna recommend. Got one church in Sg Besi and centre in Johor?

Can tell him that no need to join the religion but can still get support from them

He is in Sarawak Kuching. Any support group online is welcome.
Yes he can not join the religion, but the overall support and ambience is different, he is old man and gets sensitive when it comes to religious.

Unfortunately I don't know any support groups in Sarawak.

Also points to consider:
1. Online support don't really work, need human interaction and face to face to get that raw emotion out
2. Also in order for him to get help, he needs to let people in and not shut people out
3. He also have to realise that it is a problem
4. Remove his access to excessive money

Good luck!

We already remove his access to money, and its been a battle for a few years already. He says he want to change, but then he falls back from time to time.

Thanks for taking the time to reply anyway, I will try my best to give him support.

Very normal to fall back from time to time. Can't undo a habit overnight. Another way is for him to find another hobby or activity to occupy his time

Suggested, but I think its from the stress where my mum health is unstable and declining. Hence, hobby suggestion always got denied.
I just wish I know the right word to say to him, or what i can do more.

I have a close friend of mine and her grandparent is also serious gamble. Incurred close to 7 figure of debt to the family.

Gambling is like smoking, you just cant change/force the person to (unless "real force"). Smokers know the impact to their health but keep smoking. The gambler sees the impact to the family and still wont change.

The only way to change is the person himself willing to, otherwise no people can.

Dont think about talk nicely it is useless, if the gambler himself can already see the impact and still no feeling, talking only is just flapping your mouth, here say "Yes yes I will change" but turn around go gamble again

As suggested from another forumer above, limit the money, scrutinize all the expenses. Keep him busy, find him a hobby, (even playing golf is cheaper than gambling) Almost 99.99% expenses will be cheaper than gambling debt

This post has been edited by SmallPenguin: Sep 10 2020, 04:06 PM

Nice words won't work.

Harsh, cry if you have to, beg, shout, scream....as I said, need raw emotions.

Need it from him as well. Else it won't be impactful enough to induce change

I feel like he knows the impact and he is willing, but when the stress comes he cant control...
I'll try my very best to get him to start new hobby.

Man, very hard to express their emotion. Very very hard for them to even talk.
I held myself from those big emotions as he very rarely find me to talk about it, dont wanna spook him and that he never even find me to talk to.
Highly judging myself whether I do the right method.

And i guess a very hard thing for me is that Im diff state from him so Im not around, can only communicate via phone and when im back its short period so couldnt do much.

A lot factors we don't know:
- Is he retired?
- How is your family or your financial situation?
- How much he spend on gambling? What type? How often?

All these factors matter as well, for example if its just 4D Toto and spend less than say couple 10 ringgits a day then the problem is not big. If its like casino, and thousands and thousands ringgit then you can more choices.

As for hobby, you cant do 1 person hobby, need a group of people. Cycling and golfing is quite popular for older people

Edit: Same goes to your diff state, if its many money involved and real serious, you should try to go back for a short period of time and "fix" him

This post has been edited by SmallPenguin: Sep 10 2020, 05:16 PM

People rarely budge when still in comfort zone. If you wanna see change, push him into a corner.

My 2 cents from personal exp

He's semi retired, when it first bursted he loan a lot of money (very serious, up to few hundred k) from bank and card. Slowly pay back and then he stopped for some time. Then now on and off he dropped back so few hundred or thousand per month. The uncontrollable is the scary thing.

Family wise my mum has health issue, unstable and slowly declining, hence his stress and urge to gamble to get rid of the anxiety and worry.

Its better if im around so i can bring him to join those hobby or club, asking him to join is a hard thing. old people can be stubborn. For now I still try to help here, if things dont get better then i have to sacrifice my work and life here.

Yes, I agree. There's outburst during the early gamble time, and my dad went good for i think half a year. And it slowly relapse, and with my mum condition he grew even more reluctant to let her know.

Hmm if say few hundred to 1000 a month, are you okay with instead of spending that kind of money on gambling but on others? Or potentially you add on a few hundreds to do even more things and fill up his time.

Old people has "face" as well if he can and understand he has anxiety and worry, my suggestion is bring whole family to go see a psychologist. The doctor will be in a better position and come out with even better ideas how to tackle it. Cannot let him go alone, need you and potentially your mum as well. So you will have more cards to play out

Introduce him to gambling god or demo forex gambling.

Well amount is one issue, but the intention is my concern. If he's playing for interest, for fun, then few hundred per month actually i dont mind. But i can see that he actually wants to stop but that he cant, i guess its phsycological issue and hes in distress too, thats why I want to help.

He went before, with my mother together, overgo series of sessions, even tried medication. All worked but not forever. And when it comes back he lost confidence in the previous method.

Um.. is this joking or?

Hmm psychological issue in my experience can only be solved my ownself, he has to walk out of that "thing"

I used to have a psychological issue which I think part of my body is sick, and I can feel it so vividly, but went to specialist all the checkups, blood test, show my body is normal. Then I went to see two different psychologists. Doctors werent useful because "they dont understand", I thought like that at that time. But at last, I able to walk out of that "thing" and the sickness solve itself.

Then you can only try to make him busy filled up his day with different things, so his mind wont be attracting to the negative side. Its like even when a child is sick, you give him play computer games he will be happy and can play, UNLESS he is very sick cant even get up from bed.

From your explanation, your father should not be "very sick". And your mum unfortunately can be an issue, since he knows his love one may go soon. This is unfortunate add a lot negative to him. Try religion/hobby/new friends. One thing for sure, experiment never fail. But you will need to fork out some extra money for him to experiment