It's pretty hard! The first thing is to detect who is gay and who is not. Some people have excellent "gaydars" and they can detect another gay person from miles away regardless of how masculine the guy is. I don't really have that so I need to rely solely on apps. There are a lot of dating apps which cater for every spectrum of the LGBT community available through the Play Store/App Store. Thankfully, none are being banned by the government yet. The most famous one for gays is called Grindr. Most if not all of of these apps are geared primarily towards hookups, though. And most people in there are discreet and refuse to share anything about themselves which is super frustrating sometimes.

So there is a lot of layers to peel through in order to finally find someone as a partner.

Personally, I've met my current boyfriend last year in a LGBT gathering through sheer coincidence. I feel like I've won a lottery.

My gay friends and I talk about hot guys all the time regardless of whether or not they are gay. At the gym it can get pretty suffocating being surrounded by muscular guys but I try to zone them out by listening to music and really focusing on my workouts. I think the situation is not really unique to LGBT since I'm sure straight people have crushes on certain people and unable to act on them because of whatever reason. As long as we know our limits then it's fine, I guess. We are all humans afterall.

Hey there! So they're both a couple now? Such cases are pretty rare but I suspect your friend is not 100% straight to begin win. There is this thing called Kinsey Scale which measures how straight or not straight someone is. Maybe your friend is somewhere in the middle of the scale.

Yup, I can imagine the battle being a lot tougher for you as the Malay community is a lot more conservative and religious in general. Have you ever felt like migrating?

I have a few friends who 'discovered' that they are gay through this way. I can't explain it properly except to say that maybe their homosexuality was latent, and it's a case of 'never try, never know' like you don't know what you like until you've experienced it for yourself. They tend to be the minority though, with most of us knowing it inherently.

I used to think about migrating before. I did fill up a form to become a Canadian PR. But it was mainly because I was pretty lonely back then— little to no friends, poor relationship with my family, etc. Now that all the situations improve, I don't feel like wanting to go anywhere else. Besides, I'm not that adventurous haha. Moving from Perak (my hometown) to KL is all I could muster. How about you?

Checkin' in. Good to have a serious thread for the community for once.

Which part of Perak are you from?

My life in KL has been quite comfortable all these years, so no plans to move anywhere actually. Ignoring the political noise, life in Malaysia is quite pleasant as compared to many other places, even as a gay. I'm not very sociable, but has got better over the years though I'm not keen on mixing with the pretentious, superficial gay community that you typically find in KL. Am hoping to know more like minded folks around here.

This post has been edited by Havoc Knightmare: Feb 18 2020, 10:35 AM

Hi! Welcome!

Oh, I'm from Taiping originally. I go back home for Raya once or twice a year only.

That's great! I'm happy for you. I wish I can tune out all the local news sometimes. but maybe I have a news addiction or something because I just can't. It always leave me feeling anxious afterwards because they hardly report anything positive these days. Anyway. you're spot on about the superficiality and pretentiousness of our community. I'm still on Grindr and I have seen and experienced so many unbelievable things in there. Discrimination, racism, bullying, etc... My theory is that we as gay people we were subjected to a lot of emotional abuse growing up and most of us still hold on to that negative energy/trauma. A lot needs to be done to reverse this, starting with teaching ourselves about self-acceptance.

Maybe this is something you can participate in? Statistically there should be hundreds of thousands of gay people in Malaysia and most of them should be in KL. Finding like minded people is maybe hard, but not impossible haha.

Nice place, and all the folks that I've met from there are really nice and simple people. If only KL folks had that honesty and simplicity.

I think it's because the community has been kept underground all these years that we revert to our primal nature... a lawless community with no structure of morals to police what we should and should not do. Hopefully as society becomes more accepting, and LGBT becomes more mainstream very slowly, the LGBT community will start to reflect broader society in terms of values. I don't use Grindr as I think its possibly the worst app out there for us.

As for news, I follow closely due to work and personal interest but I don't allow it to affect me personally. Maybe because I know that alot of the politics are just sandiwara, with self interest coming first. Maybe people don't dare to say it, but Malaysian politicians are alot more liberal on LGBT issues than what they let people believe. After all, the current PM candidates to succeed Tun M are not straight but no one dares to say it out openly.

Have you been for that group's gathering before? I'm usually quite apprehensive about joining such large high profile groups.

This post has been edited by Havoc Knightmare: Feb 18 2020, 11:51 AM

Just realised not many able to explain and put in good word for the LGBT community. Keep up the good work

Moreover most forumer here always have an illusion of grandeur or perception in their replies - see the way they respond on other topics when you browse through all of their comments

It's been awhile since I read proper comment; especially from Havoc Knightmare and internaldisputes. Appreciate for an elaborate and extensive view

Yeah, Taiping is pretty awesome. Maybe I will retire there one day. We'll see haha.

That's a good theory too! Good for you for not using Grindr. The only reason I'm there is to do some outreach work. I have to promise myself not to spend more than an hour a day on it otherwise I'd go insane.

I dream of the day when a politician would openly support LGBT—perhaps run as the first openly gay MP— however everyone knows that would be a political suicide. Those who did in the past like Zaid Ibrahim, are nobodies in the government. Oh I've heard rumours about Anwar and even Azmin from my friends but whether they are gay or not, it's kinda irrelevant because I doubt they gonna do anything to advance our cause anytime soon.

I haven't been to that meetup specifically. The gathering that I participate in mostly consists of Malay non-professionals so they are a lot to deal with haha. But I still love the people I meet there. Another gathering group is People Like Us Hangout (PLU). They actually won a Human Rights Award last year for their effort in community building. So there is no shortage of groups that a LGBT person can join, despite all the restrictions in place. I understand not wanting to participate in any of these though because they usually gonna ask to submit our personal details and not many want to do that because they are discreet.

This post has been edited by internaldisputes: Feb 18 2020, 02:56 PM

Aww thanks! Do check this thread every once in a while.

The internet is one of the area the government has not extensively regulate yet (unlike other media) so it's important for people like us to craft our own narratives and not be afraid to speak up now— at least that's what I think.

Don't intend to butt in but here's my two cents. Your friend was probably psychologically scarred from his breakup with his girlfriend and that may have led him to perceiving that women are problematic individuals aren't worth dating or committing to a relationship to. This may not necessarily be the case but I have matched with certain guys on Tinder whose sole purpose was to "explore around" and when probed further, most of them have revealed having had problematic relationships with their present/past girlfriends that they sometimes consider dating members of the same sex.

Essentially, it is their way of saying "I want someone who gets me on their level". Some turn into romantic relationships, others border between flings and friendship.

That or what Giga had mentioned earlier, perhaps your friend was never fully straight to begin with and was merely suppressing his attraction to men. While I find scales that measure sexuality preposterous, I do think sexuality is fluid (along the lines of homo, hetero, bisexual and transgender please, not cisman, cisgender, lumbersexual, pansexual or whatever -sexual there is out there) and your friend might have experienced his first gay sex then and had never looked back since.

When this thread is up, I always check it out to see if there is any discussion or update. Just worry there will be lots of drama especially in this circle which I always avoid.

Afterall, not many people post in this thread speak up or perhaps stil in closet .. Lol

I think it's a bit hard for our society to become more accepting especially with a certain group ruling the country. The religion card will always be played. No doubt that people are generally more accepting but I don't think we'll ever get to a point where we are not frown upon or be made to sound like a freaking disease in this country.

Politicians for sure can't be as liberal as they would want to be as they might lose support from those who are not as liberal as them. They of course would have to go with the most support that they can get or they might lose their seat.

Thanks. I enjoy such discussion and this forum turns me off sometimes so it's quite a breath of fresh air to see this thread being steered in matured way.

What sort of outreach work are you doing on Grindr? I find it hard to imagine doing anything productive there. Haha.

I'm OK with Anwar or Azmin not advancing our course, it's fine as long as they leave us alone. Like everyone here is saying, it's asking for too much to expect a LGBT friendly PM, so one that does not actively persecute us is good enough for me at least. The previous government had one obviously butch lesbian minister, so it seems that politically being gay is possible in supposedly conservative Malaysia. Even our neighbouring countries are not as 'progressive' as we are in that sense..

I am not particularly discreet since I am out to all my friends but I just feel uncomfortable being associated with an overtly LGBT group. I consider myself to be just a regular guy that happens to be gay, like I don't want to be part of a group to express my Chinese ethnicity, if that analogy makes sense. I just want to make friends and network.

I'm not disagreeing with you, just that looking at how rapidly Saudi Arabia liberalized in recent years gives me hope. It used to be that the conservatism here was spread from the Middle East. Now that they are going into reverse gear, hopefully that eases their influence here. Once people get accustomed to the idea that we are just normal people, it will help. I've come out to old school homophobic guys and took quite a lot of ignorant questions ("Why don't you try it with a girl to know for sure") but it got better with time.

Hi thanks for this thread.
I have lesbian friend that basically came out since secondary school. (Seems that lesbian have lesser hardship compare to gays).
And recently she got married in other countries. So my question. Does Malaysia LGBT get married with Adoption kind of things?

Just curious

I have some friends who were funded by The Malaysian AIDS Foundation to carry out free HIV testing, peer-to-peer support and everything so I am on Grindr mainly to help them with their KPIs by spreading the word around. Plus maybe invite the people there to our frequent gatherings and hangout sessions. I'm not paid or anything haha... Just want to contribute something to the community as a form of charity I guess.

Oh I understand. I think all these groups—regardless of how they advertised themselves— have their own agenda to pressure the government to legalise or ease the challenges faced by LGBT. If someone is not concerned about that and enjoy the status quo, it's probably best to stay away from them.

I just thought every LGBT person needs at least another LGBT friend because we are in the middle of loneliness epidemic. Have you read this article before? The article really hit home for me. I remember getting tested for HIV and the doctor asked me if I have any emergency contact if the result turned out unfavourable and I had to tell the doctor I never thought about that. We ended up leaving the field empty.

Hi. You're welcome!

Nah, I'm sure lesbian have their own struggles especially when it comes to acceptance from their family. One thing they don't have to worry about is HIV because that mainly affects gay people.

Well same-sex marriage is definitely not recognised yet in Malaysia. And because of that adoption as a same-sex couple is impossible. But there are people like Sajat who managed to adopt a child. Not really sure how she applied. Last year she made several videos on social media pleading the authorities not to take her daughter away. No more updates after that.

I wonder will there be a casual meet-up from active member here in the near future

Haha I'm open for that possibility! But we need to establish some sort of screening first to avoid unknowingly inviting JAIS officer or something.

Just a coffee or a tea session only .. I don't think JAIS is involve right

Haha I don't know. People got arrested for simply waving pride flags before. So who knows what sort of rules they gonna come up with to justify our arrests.