Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

28 Pages  1 2 3 > » Bottom

Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+

> 🏳️‍🌈 LGBTQ Community, Discussion regarding LGBTQ

views
     
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 13 2020, 12:01 PM, updated 4 months ago

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
user posted image

Since we have a lot of different groups here, I figured we should make one for LGBT too. Contrary to what our ex-tourism minister had claimed, we do actually exist. sweat.gif

Just a little introduction about myself: You guys can call me Giga. I'm a 28 years old malay gay guy currently living in KL. Nice to meet you guys!

Feel free to use this thread to discuss LGBT issues in the country and beyond. Anyone with any questions about the LGBT community feel free to drop your questions here too. We will try to answer as best as we can.

🏳️‍🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨👨‍👨‍👦👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍👩‍👦


Added on

This post has been edited by internaldisputes: Mar 17 2021, 04:49 PM
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 13 2020, 12:17 PM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(chowhai @ Feb 13 2020, 12:15 PM)
teddysaur will join this chat shortly
*
That's great. We've pm'ed back and forth before. He's a nice guy. biggrin.gif
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 13 2020, 12:41 PM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(seventwo @ Feb 13 2020, 12:18 PM)
Welcome bro.
When you realize that your sexuality is different?
*
Probably when I was 7/8? Because I remember feeling some type of way looking at wrestling shows on TV.

QUOTE(ListenToTheWind @ Feb 13 2020, 12:28 PM)
I'm just worry that the discussion get too obscene. drool.gif
*
Probably. I don't think it will get more obscene than the discussion on /k though. innocent.gif

This post has been edited by internaldisputes: Feb 13 2020, 12:42 PM
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 14 2020, 09:13 AM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(sweet_pez @ Feb 13 2020, 01:47 PM)
internaldisputes i have amended the title as it will be more for discussion rather than 'networking'.

Guys this is Serious /K so please adhere to the rules and be civilized in comments/ discussion.
NO TROLLING in Serious /K section.
*
Alright thanks! icon_rolleyes.gif

QUOTE(V429 @ Feb 13 2020, 01:56 PM)
Good day, may I ask a question please?

I've noticed some lesbian or gay couples have.. Roles. For example, one tends to be more masculine and the other tend to be more feminine?

Sometimes for some couples this is rather obvious and for some others it is not apparent. I usually notice this in Chinese couples, but less so in Caucasian couples. (Just my casual unscientific observation).

So I am wondering does this role thing apply to most lesbian or gay couples? Just that some are more apparent than others?
*
Among gays we have bottoms and tops... Bottoms are the ones getting penetrated and tops are the ones penetrating. But those are just terms exclusive for anal sex. Although we tend to joke about bottoms being the more feminine of the two, there are people who don't really follow the trend— feminine tops, masculine bottoms, etc.

My partner and I are both "versatile" and we don't really have any roles that we play. We both due house chores and we both go to work. We are equal in all ways.

QUOTE(kl920930 @ Feb 13 2020, 02:06 PM)
I'm not into lgbt but I know a friend of mine that was gay and his parents did not approve the relationship. lastly he shifted out of the house and rarely goes home ever since unless parents ask him to come back for dinner etc.

his parents actually loves him a lot but he views his bf more important than his parents. btw both of them together I think about 4 years already

how do you all cope with such situation? share some suggestion then maybe I can tell him or his parents how to be at peace together smile.gif
*
Yeah that is a common theme among LGBT people because it's pretty rare that a family will accept someone for being LGBT. I have came out to my family (my mom specifically) through a phone call and I thought it ended pretty ok but as I found out later she is not as accepting as she still asks me when will I get married, etc. It's pretty annoying but I guess I can just keep deflecting those questions until she pass away. I have brought my bf (introduced just as a friend) last month to meet her and she gets along with him great. So I'm thankful for that.

Personally, I think LGBT people should not be afraid to cut ties with their family if the love that their family have towards them is pure toxic.

QUOTE(seventwo @ Feb 13 2020, 03:32 PM)
haha it's a bit early tho you found out. biggrin.gif but it’s okay
Do have a question here, since you re Malaysian, i believe you should know about it, where is, there is one transgender (man to woman) have performed worship but in ways that the guy do not follow the true teachings.

I do not want you to speak from a religious point of view, so what do you think about this from a human right and moral standpoint. smile.gif
*
I think it's great that she is exercising her right to worship. And she brought her parents too! A lot of people thinks that since we are LGBT, none of us care about religion but that is not true. My bf for example still prays 5 times a day and he wants to go to Mecca one day. I on the other hand, is pretty agnostic these days but I respect him and everyone else for still keeping in touch with their faith.

The whole is issue is pretty silly because the crime was committed in a foreign country but everyone here wants her to be punished here. Pretty sure that's not how law works (I'm not a lawyer though).
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 14 2020, 09:34 AM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(WallMaker @ Feb 13 2020, 08:56 PM)
what should be discuss in this thread?
*
Anything! LGBT is a pretty complex topic and I'm sure LGBT themselves (especially the closeted ones) have lots of misconceptions about the community and themselves.

QUOTE(Solar Calendar @ Feb 13 2020, 10:42 PM)
There is only 2 genders. Prove me wrong.
*
There are plenty of scientific research to support the diversity of human genders but I don't think I will be able to convince or prove to you about transgendered people since I don't really dive deep into all those research. Being a plain old cisgender male, I don't really have first-hand experience of being transgender too. I can only say I've met a trans man (assigned female at birth) and I've learned a lot through his experience and struggles. But I don't think I can convince you through personal anecdotes either.

If someone who is a transgender can hop into the discussion that would be great! In Malaysia, we have icons like Nisha Ayub who is constantly engaging with the government to highlight transgender rights but there is still a lot of work to be done.
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 14 2020, 09:43 AM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(V429 @ Feb 14 2020, 09:27 AM)
Thanks for sharing.

Can I ask in your experience, does 'family dynamics' affect a person's sexual orientation? I am asking because I noticed 2 cases where seemingly the lesbians lack stable fatherly figure? I suppose this is an oversimplification, a very surface level observation and probably have more unaccounted factors to be considered, but I am still curious and hope you can share you views on this. smile.gif
*
Can't speak for lesbians but in my case I'm not so close to my dad and most of my family of 10 siblings are female. Maybe the lack of father figure and constant feminine interactions affect me or maybe they don't. I can't say for sure. sweat.gif I do have guy friends who are closer with their dads more than their moms and still end up gay, though.

Personally I think homosexuality is genetic so regardless of how I interacted with my family, my parents should be held accountable for passing me the gay gene. innocent.gif
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 14 2020, 10:12 AM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(V429 @ Feb 14 2020, 09:58 AM)
I see. Interesting.

Lastly I wonder what are the things that people not familiar with LGBT community do or say that may unknowingly cause offense, annoyance or discomfort to people within the community?

I was going to ask how should people not familiar with LGBT community treat people within the community, but I can already guess the answer : to treat them just like how you treat anyone and everyone else, hence the above slightly tweaked question.
*
At the top of my head is men saying , “Wait, you’re not attracted to me right”. sweat.gif

But yeah, just treat LGBT people that you meet like everyone else. If you feel what you about to say is offensive, it probably is. Asking transgender people what pronoun they prefer is totally okay though.

I think this article pretty much covers the rest:
'Are You the Husband or the Wife' 6 Things NOT to Say to LGBT People
Source: https://www.diversityinc.com/are-you-the-hu...o-say-to-lgbts/
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 14 2020, 11:18 AM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(DoomCognition @ Feb 14 2020, 10:17 AM)
Support your rights to not being harassed!
*
We appreciate that! Thank you so much!

QUOTE(V429 @ Feb 14 2020, 10:26 AM)
Thanks for the share. It's quite informative.

Speaking of pronoun, non-binary gender is something I discovered on twitter recently. Very new & confusing and is quite a big paradigm shift for me. It's going to take some time to learn.

Have a nice day.
*
You're welcome! Haha non-binary is fairly new term for me too. Have a nice day too!

QUOTE(Havoc Knightmare @ Feb 14 2020, 11:01 AM)
I've been around LYN for ages but never been out on this forum, so here am I. In person, I am fairly out with my friends, family members and even some colleagues. I am a 32 year old Chinese guy based in KL. I'm somewhat of an oddity, being gay and socially conservative but not particularly closeted at the same time.

In any case, glad to see a serious thread on the topic. I avoided the previous LGBT thread that existed years ago because I'm not really keen on all the banter. Would be happy to help answer any questions that people have.

For those of you straight guys who are wondering, it is not a 'choice', in the same way that one does not choose to prefer chocolate over strawberry icecream. And I don't think anything 'caused' us to be this way. I LOLed at the wrestling bit because I never heard of anyone turning gay because of that.

Personally, I don't like to be 'identified' as gay by my social circle because it is just a small part of my life. Like I wouldn't want to be exclusively identified as being 'male' or 'Chinese'.
*
Hey there! Yeah, my friend taught me to always choose our battles because sometimes people are just so set in their ways and there is no way we get to change their views. I like to remind myself that our society as a whole has become a little more accepting towards LGBT and according to Pew Research Center it is true although just marginally.

I agree about not having to come out. It's a personal choice and I only come out to people on need to know basis. That being said, I always post LGBT materials on my Whatsapp updates so everyone in my contacts should be able to connect the dots.
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 14 2020, 03:12 PM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(Hades76 @ Feb 14 2020, 11:29 AM)
Hello LGBT. Just reading this thread for fun. People are quite tolerant when it comes to LGBT as long as it doesnt encroach on other people's feelings.

However what Sajat did was totally wrong. He knows the situation both here and Saudi on this matter and yet flew in as a male and perform umrah as a female and happily posting on social media. Thats purposely asking for trouble ( or fame ).

Nothing against the LGBT society, but sometimes they just want attention and hopes there is no backlash from traditional Malaysia.

We are not even near West level of tolerance, thus dont lah test the waters. Just lay low, enjoy your lifestyle and no one will focus on this.
*
Hello there. smile.gif

Laying low is good and all but where should we draw the line? We were just having fun in our own establishment, and the authorities suddenly decided to raid us. Our transgender sisters are just minding their own business trying to find money, but people simply beat them up for no reason. We want to watch our favourite movies, and the government keeps censoring and banning them for spreading LGBT agenda.

Don't get me started on Facebook comments blaming LGBT for all the wrong in the world: tsunamis, forest fires, coronavirus, etc. rclxub.gif
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 18 2020, 09:55 AM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(Taikor.Taikun @ Feb 15 2020, 05:23 PM)
Is it easy to find partner? By interaction, networking, apps, agency or something?
*
It's pretty hard! The first thing is to detect who is gay and who is not. Some people have excellent "gaydars" and they can detect another gay person from miles away regardless of how masculine the guy is. I don't really have that so I need to rely solely on apps. There are a lot of dating apps which cater for every spectrum of the LGBT community available through the Play Store/App Store. Thankfully, none are being banned by the government yet. The most famous one for gays is called Grindr. Most if not all of of these apps are geared primarily towards hookups, though. And most people in there are discreet and refuse to share anything about themselves which is super frustrating sometimes.

So there is a lot of layers to peel through in order to finally find someone as a partner.

Personally, I've met my current boyfriend last year in a LGBT gathering through sheer coincidence. I feel like I've won a lottery.

QUOTE(UpsideDownYeah @ Feb 17 2020, 01:35 AM)
I'm curious if there is alot of cases where gays are attracted at straight guys , isn't it a little uncomfortable ?
*
My gay friends and I talk about hot guys all the time regardless of whether or not they are gay. At the gym it can get pretty suffocating being surrounded by muscular guys but I try to zone them out by listening to music and really focusing on my workouts. I think the situation is not really unique to LGBT since I'm sure straight people have crushes on certain people and unable to act on them because of whatever reason. As long as we know our limits then it's fine, I guess. We are all humans afterall.

QUOTE(hellkvr @ Feb 17 2020, 04:32 PM)
Hi All,

i wonder if this case happend to any of you guys, my friend, once a very straight man, was crush when he find out his gf cheating behind him, in later he become 100% gay, how? now he always hangout with all his gym fren which i know they are gay too. wonder how brain trigger this.
*
Hey there! So they're both a couple now? Such cases are pretty rare but I suspect your friend is not 100% straight to begin win. There is this thing called Kinsey Scale which measures how straight or not straight someone is. Maybe your friend is somewhere in the middle of the scale.
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 18 2020, 10:12 AM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(Havoc Knightmare @ Feb 18 2020, 10:00 AM)
Yup, I can imagine the battle being a lot tougher for you as the Malay community is a lot more conservative and religious in general. Have you ever felt like migrating?
*
I used to think about migrating before. I did fill up a form to become a Canadian PR. But it was mainly because I was pretty lonely back then— little to no friends, poor relationship with my family, etc. Now that all the situations improve, I don't feel like wanting to go anywhere else. Besides, I'm not that adventurous haha. Moving from Perak (my hometown) to KL is all I could muster. How about you?
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 18 2020, 11:01 AM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(ashangel39 @ Feb 18 2020, 10:21 AM)
Checkin' in. Good to have a serious thread for the community for once.
*
Hi! Welcome! biggrin.gif

QUOTE(Havoc Knightmare @ Feb 18 2020, 10:34 AM)
Which part of Perak are you from?

My life in KL has been quite comfortable all these years, so no plans to move anywhere actually. Ignoring the political noise, life in Malaysia is quite pleasant as compared to many other places, even as a gay. I'm not very sociable, but has got better over the years though I'm not keen on mixing with the pretentious, superficial gay community that you typically find in KL. Am hoping to know more like minded folks around here.
*
Oh, I'm from Taiping originally. I go back home for Raya once or twice a year only.

That's great! I'm happy for you. I wish I can tune out all the local news sometimes. but maybe I have a news addiction or something because I just can't. It always leave me feeling anxious afterwards because they hardly report anything positive these days. Anyway. you're spot on about the superficiality and pretentiousness of our community. I'm still on Grindr and I have seen and experienced so many unbelievable things in there. Discrimination, racism, bullying, etc... My theory is that we as gay people we were subjected to a lot of emotional abuse growing up and most of us still hold on to that negative energy/trauma. A lot needs to be done to reverse this, starting with teaching ourselves about self-acceptance.

Maybe this is something you can participate in? Statistically there should be hundreds of thousands of gay people in Malaysia and most of them should be in KL. Finding like minded people is maybe hard, but not impossible haha.
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 18 2020, 02:45 PM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(Havoc Knightmare @ Feb 18 2020, 11:47 AM)
Nice place, and all the folks that I've met from there are really nice and simple people. If only KL folks had that honesty and simplicity.

I think it's because the community has been kept underground all these years that we revert to our primal nature... a lawless community with no structure of morals to police what we should and should not do. Hopefully as society becomes more accepting, and LGBT becomes more mainstream very slowly, the LGBT community will start to reflect broader society in terms of values. I don't use Grindr as I think its possibly the worst app out there for us.

As for news, I follow closely due to work and personal interest but I don't allow it to affect me personally. Maybe because I know that alot of the politics are just sandiwara, with self interest coming first. Maybe people don't dare to say it, but Malaysian politicians are alot more liberal on LGBT issues than what they let people believe. After all, the current PM candidates to succeed Tun M are not straight but no one dares to say it out openly.

Have you been for that group's gathering before? I'm usually quite apprehensive about joining such large high profile groups.
*
Yeah, Taiping is pretty awesome. Maybe I will retire there one day. We'll see haha.

That's a good theory too! Good for you for not using Grindr. The only reason I'm there is to do some outreach work. I have to promise myself not to spend more than an hour a day on it otherwise I'd go insane.

I dream of the day when a politician would openly support LGBT—perhaps run as the first openly gay MP— however everyone knows that would be a political suicide. Those who did in the past like Zaid Ibrahim, are nobodies in the government. sweat.gif Oh I've heard rumours about Anwar and even Azmin from my friends but whether they are gay or not, it's kinda irrelevant because I doubt they gonna do anything to advance our cause anytime soon.

I haven't been to that meetup specifically. The gathering that I participate in mostly consists of Malay non-professionals so they are a lot to deal with haha. But I still love the people I meet there. Another gathering group is People Like Us Hangout (PLU). They actually won a Human Rights Award last year for their effort in community building. So there is no shortage of groups that a LGBT person can join, despite all the restrictions in place. I understand not wanting to participate in any of these though because they usually gonna ask to submit our personal details and not many want to do that because they are discreet.

This post has been edited by internaldisputes: Feb 18 2020, 02:56 PM
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 18 2020, 02:54 PM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(darkmusses @ Feb 18 2020, 02:14 PM)
Just realised not many able to explain and put in good word for the LGBT community. Keep up the good work smile.gif

Moreover most forumer here always have an illusion of grandeur or perception in their replies - see the way they respond on other topics when you browse through all of their comments

It's been awhile since I read proper comment; especially from Havoc Knightmare and internaldisputes. Appreciate for an elaborate and extensive view
*
Aww thanks! Do check this thread every once in a while.

The internet is one of the area the government has not extensively regulate yet (unlike other media) so it's important for people like us to craft our own narratives and not be afraid to speak up now— at least that's what I think.
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 19 2020, 03:17 PM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(Havoc Knightmare @ Feb 18 2020, 05:58 PM)
What sort of outreach work are you doing on Grindr? I find it hard to imagine doing anything productive there. Haha.

I'm OK with Anwar or Azmin not advancing our course, it's fine as long as they leave us alone. Like everyone here is saying, it's asking for too much to expect a LGBT friendly PM, so one that does not actively persecute us is good enough for me at least. The previous government had one obviously butch lesbian minister, so it seems that politically being gay is possible in supposedly conservative Malaysia. Even our neighbouring countries are not as 'progressive' as we are in that sense..

I am not particularly discreet since I am out to all my friends but I just feel uncomfortable being associated with an overtly LGBT group. I consider myself to be just a regular guy that happens to be gay, like I don't want to be part of a group to express my Chinese ethnicity, if that analogy makes sense. I just want to make friends and network.
*
I have some friends who were funded by The Malaysian AIDS Foundation to carry out free HIV testing, peer-to-peer support and everything so I am on Grindr mainly to help them with their KPIs by spreading the word around. Plus maybe invite the people there to our frequent gatherings and hangout sessions. I'm not paid or anything haha... Just want to contribute something to the community as a form of charity I guess.

Oh I understand. I think all these groups—regardless of how they advertised themselves— have their own agenda to pressure the government to legalise or ease the challenges faced by LGBT. If someone is not concerned about that and enjoy the status quo, it's probably best to stay away from them.

I just thought every LGBT person needs at least another LGBT friend because we are in the middle of loneliness epidemic. Have you read this article before? The article really hit home for me. I remember getting tested for HIV and the doctor asked me if I have any emergency contact if the result turned out unfavourable and I had to tell the doctor I never thought about that. We ended up leaving the field empty.

QUOTE(yahiko @ Feb 18 2020, 11:24 PM)
Hi thanks for this thread.
I have lesbian friend that basically came out since secondary school. (Seems that lesbian have lesser hardship compare to gays).
And recently she got married in other countries. So my question. Does Malaysia LGBT get married with Adoption kind of things?

Just curious
*
Hi. You're welcome!

Nah, I'm sure lesbian have their own struggles especially when it comes to acceptance from their family. One thing they don't have to worry about is HIV because that mainly affects gay people.

Well same-sex marriage is definitely not recognised yet in Malaysia. And because of that adoption as a same-sex couple is impossible. But there are people like Sajat who managed to adopt a child. Not really sure how she applied. Last year she made several videos on social media pleading the authorities not to take her daughter away. No more updates after that.
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 19 2020, 04:53 PM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(darkmusses @ Feb 19 2020, 04:33 PM)
I wonder will there be a casual meet-up from active member here in the near future tongue.gif
*
Haha I'm open for that possibility! But we need to establish some sort of screening first to avoid unknowingly inviting JAIS officer or something. sweat.gif
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 20 2020, 12:31 PM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(darkmusses @ Feb 19 2020, 05:20 PM)
Just a coffee or a tea session only .. I don't think JAIS is involve right shocking.gif
*
Haha I don't know. People got arrested for simply waving pride flags before. So who knows what sort of rules they gonna come up with to justify our arrests.
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 20 2020, 02:10 PM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(darkmusses @ Feb 20 2020, 01:42 PM)
I expect smart casual and just coffee .. no extras required. This include rainbow flag, pin or any affiliate to avoid unnecessary "arrest"
*
Haha sounds good. Once this thread becomes more active, maybe we will get back to organizing it.
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 23 2020, 09:55 PM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
user posted image

Today I learned Malaysia used to have pride before 1990's.
TSinternaldisputes
post Feb 24 2020, 08:39 AM

he/his/him
******
Senior Member
1,723 posts

Joined: Oct 2010
QUOTE(Raddus @ Feb 23 2020, 11:10 PM)
Now the gov might end up having PAS inside

I don't know how gay communication going to be feeling ok

Sure halau
*
Yeah, I'm anxious. sad.gif Next few years gonna be tough.

28 Pages  1 2 3 > » Top
 

Change to:
| Lo-Fi Version
0.0212sec    0.35    6 queries    GZIP Disabled
Time is now: 25th September 2021 - 12:41 PM