Nowadays some woman is younger than you should follow what you are doing
not just procrastinating why men should be the one giving the finances in everything to the wife.
Your fiance is a lucky man i can see ,and he also try his ways on how to be a man who can provide a car at least (LOL),House nowadays,need baby step
There are some people who cant see men who earns lesser or has lower position than a woman when it comes to family issue ( until today i dunno why).. but i also heard the same story from my ex colleague when they share thier story with me and they live normally with kids.
Marriage costing to be honest i don't know ,but i am sure there is way for you both ,even in kids , honeymoon wise (this shouldn't be questioned ,the future is up to you both )
I also believe that in bring up the family ,women also should be a big support in managing finances for men because most men x kira sgt in expenditure ,hence always overshot budget (like me )
I wish you guys the best in future and live happily together
i also hope myself to meet a lady with mindset of yours after i stabilize myself (knows 'the direction' ,not those spinning the balls of thoughts on a football field giving weird signals and words )

tertekan

This post has been edited by yungkit14: Jul 27 2018, 07:15 PM

Very well. But pardon me if I'm being too short as I'm not someone who likes to explain herself much.

1. Cost breakdown
Dinner in hotel - RM35k in hotel for 20 tables (covers everything including invitation cards, deco, and hotel stays for 1 night)
Dress - RM1,160 (bought 2 from a wholesale shop in KL)
Suit - RM980 for 2
Hair and Makeup - RM700
Car deco - RM500
Angpaos for tea ceremony - RM600+/-
How are we paying for it? We both have savings you know? We are both paying for the dinner 50-50 (mostly can be recovered from angpaos anyway). Suit and car deco covered by him. Dresses, hair and make up covered by myself.

2. No. They rejected his offer of providing a dowry. So no cost.

3. We have allocated a small budget for Bangkok. It's not alot but it's enough for a short getaway. Roughly around RM10k. This fund is coming from both of us, but if there are extras from the wedding dinner angpaos, then all the better.

4. Of course my house. Doesn't make sense to rent when I already have a house. We're already staying together anyway. I cover the monthly installments, he covers utilities and groceries. It's not a 50-50 dutch, there will be times where I contribute more, or he contributes more.

5. Yes, preferably 1 only.

6. We have many options, which we have discussed before. I will never resign and be a housewife though, I come from generations of business owners where the women are just as capable as the men. Even till today, my mum refuses to retire at 60 years old and is still managing her own business and travelling around the world. Besides, the burden of a single breadwinner is too much, it's better to have both spouses working.

7. Thankfully, confinement and childcare will be managed by our parents, they both volunteered. Both my company and his company covers childbirth. Insurance will be bared by us of course. We're already paying for our own insurance and looking to get a family one.

8. I did well in independent chinese schools and subsequently government schools. I don't see how they can cost alot. I myself took a student loan for my degree because I didn't want to burden my parents with a RM80k school fees. I don't see why my children can't do that themselves.

I won't advocate that my life is better than yours or that your life is better. That's subjective to what you want in life. However, your very mindset and how you proclaim to be a successful woman, yet look at what you are actually advocating, is extremely misleading and demeaning to many successful women I know and work with.

Thanks! But I believe it goes both ways. He's good in alot of things I'm not, and sometimes he manages things better than I can (probably comes with age? 😂).

Thankfully or the wedding, we're both spending only on the necessary stuff to make our parents happy. However, we have to spend alot of time sourcing for cheaper things, like wedding gowns, suits, and wedding pictures.

As for our lives, I think we both already established that we're not the conventional male-female relationship in traditional roles. For example, he does the cooking, grocery shopping and pays half the bill. I do the cleaning and pay the other half of the bill, including my installments. Not the conventional typical relationships out there, but it seems to be getting common as more women are becoming career oriented. I also believe that as gender roles becomes more and more skewed in the future, traditional gender roles will be a thing of the past.

Aw compliment your husband to be for us ,that's sweet.

Your wedding is how you decided like i said but i really like the budget on how it is planned and use by you both.(LOL!)
For me ,sign paper ,take those money put in good photo and honeymoon is enough (if there is my future partner thinking the same thing )

Carrier woman or not carrier orientated is not the issue but i am trying to convey a message .Its 2018 ,
Don't just let the guy to face the front line alone since there is a wise man saying a successful man always have a woman behind him
front-line means also the finance, other stuff not bragging je by someone

Gender role wise i am sorry to say ,we are still not in the american level yet
There are still in their traditional mentality so it will take years ,but what is their mindset ,is theirs not our own

Wish you luck and very best to your future family

This post has been edited by yungkit14: Jul 27 2018, 08:52 PM

"My fiancé is not a rich man, he doesn't own a single property or car (till recently)."

Plus this sentence "what he cannot provide for me in monetary value, he provides in other ways the best he knows how to. It's endearing to see a man try his best to give you the best he can based on whatever limited resources he has."

These two sentences are misleading. You're putting in a nice way that you're milking him. I wrote it more bluntly and directly, but you put it in a flowery way.

What your fiance did:
- got a car FINALLY, in his mid-30s... but why only recently? Is it for your wedding? So before this, he rode a motorcycle or used public transport, or drove a company car? Anyway, downpayment for a car is at least 4-digit, let's say it's RM5k.
- paying for the dinner 50-50, which means his savings spent on this is about RM16k.
- "small budget" for a Bangkok short getaway is RM10k, which means he paid RM5k. (RM10k for Bangkok getaway is a lot, ok?)
- His company covers childbirth

So, his savings is probably around RM30k-50k.

This is "not rich" enough, for you?

How many single men out there have RM30k-50k savings in their account, with company benefits that cover childbirth? Do you know most Malaysians live paycheck to paycheck?

***

"I did well in independent chinese schools and subsequently government schools. I don't see how they can cost alot. I myself took a student loan for my degree because I didn't want to burden my parents with a RM80k school fees."

FYI, I also did well in gov schools, but I worked hard to get into public university, and took a student loan that cost RM21k only. & my Master's degree? Is only RM12k, and I was on a scholarship. Total is RM33k, which is only about a third of your degree school fees.

& you think your RM80k degree didn't cost a lot? Wow.

Look who's bragging here, now.

***

I think I understand poverty much better than you do, and I'm more frugal than you are. So yeah, you are way more successful than me, and your definition of rich is probably T20.

Btw, for this year, my anniversary getaway to Phuket, 4D3N in 4-star hotel + airfares, is only RM550 per pax = RM1,200 for two. My fiance is rich, but I didn't ask for much. I said I wanna go to Phuket, and I sourced for the best offer. I don't squander his wealth although he's earning 5-digit SGD.

Yet, you spend RM10k on your Bangkok honeymoon short-getaway (while you claim your fiance isn't rich = probably earning 4-digit MYR), and you call this "small budget". Is this how a 27-year-old from biz family think?

I really dunno what to say now, after being nastily labelled by forumers all this while as "a materialistic, narcissistic gold-digging bitch" just because of my direct & brutally honest writing style that bruised their ego.

This is so unfair. Good job, guys.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Jul 27 2018, 09:15 PM

T20 is not considered to be rich.

Maybe If you are in the T5 perhaps but definition of T20 with household income of around 15k cannot be considered to be rich by any standards.

You just need both husband and wife to be middle income management each earning about 7k to 8k. How could this ever be considered to be rich. It is barely middle income at best.

To be in T20 is what the previous government wanted to hoodwink the minions that Malaysia was about to achieve High Income Status but they forgot to also mention that Malaysia was at even Higher Expense Nation.

Wait.. T20 only means RM 15k household income??

Why the standard of the "rich" is getting lower since these few days

The definition of rich means one is able to afford a supercar, send at least 2 kids to intl schools, staying in banglo in prime area, that is the life of CxOs and partners of professional firm, if not owning some SMEs around.

I find myself not needing to explain much anymore, since from proclaiming yourself to be a "glamorous, beautiful, and successful woman", you had to use your fiance's money to pay for a meager RM1,200 vacation in Phuket.

FYI, RM10k is the maximum allocation for the whole trip, which includes shopping, flights, hotels. Of course, it would be better if we can spend around RM5k for the whole trip, but we're not allowed to spend anything more than that. Also, my fiance has never traveled out of Malaysia before, this is his first time, so we're allocating more budget to spend to make it much more memorable.

If you think my definition of rich is in the T20, then I would implore you to widen your social circle and meet more successful people, especially with the inflated economy in Malaysia and dwindling MYR currency. Besides if I'm T20, then most of my colleagues and friends should be the Top 1% of the world

T20 in 2016 is only RM13,148

Maybe in 2018 increase to say RM15,000

https://www.dosm.gov.my/v1/index.php?r=colu...mdhMjFMMWcyZz09

Yeah, to be real honest, I still don't understand why I am labelled as "materialistic, narcissistic gold-digging bitch", when in fact, I have already given my definition of rich in Post#243 and Post#257 & #258 (page 13) when you asked me, and I replied that:

***

This is the new definition of T20:


Source: https://www.comparehero.my/blog/t20-m40-b40-malaysia

Yeah, Malaysian standard of rich. My standard too. I really don't know what's so "gold-digging" about me.

I lazy to reply in long winded post

You suddenly sounds like those can afford an iPhone X is automatically rich in your dictionary

In corporate settings I don't think managers ever claimed themselves as rich despite earning 5 digit

"you had to use your fiance's money to pay for a meager RM1,200 vacation in Phuket. "

You really have no idea what you're talking about.

1) I was the one who paid for the trip, booked the flights and 4-star hotel, coz our anniversary month is also his birthday month.
2) We are going there during the moderate season (his b'day month), not high season. That's why it's not as expensive.
3) RM1,200 is for 4D3N 4-star hotel accommodation + flights, EXCLUDING other expenses. Read that properly.

Btw, following your logic, rich people can't go on budget trips? This word "meager RM1,200 vacation" is a big slap to the others who like to hunt for budget trips. Posts about budget trips are prevalent and popular on FB. Following your logic, these people are cheap-skates? & your RM10k budget for Bangkok trip is considered adequate?


"I would implore you to widen your social circle and meet more successful people"

I don't need you to advise me on that, coz I already have wide networks of friends and also, network of successful people. FYI, I was headhunted to work in SG, and since 2016 till today, I received 17 job offers which I never applied for, coz it's usually the recruiters or potential employers contacting me. I've already stated that in a few posts. You should know what all these means.

Just last night, I was chatting with a CEO about biz, and today, I'm in Singapore for the weekend to attend a seminar conducted by a SG wealth coach.

Again, up to you whether to believe it or not, but this is the life I'm living, which my friends know of, and a few forumers here too, who have met me in real life.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Jul 27 2018, 11:13 PM

Rich is the people described in the first post.

30-50k savings? For a guy in 30s and especially since he was described as an intellectual, very likely. Since he doesn't or didn't own a house or car, he could be very cash rich. Being bad with managing finances doesn't mean he is a spendthrift but could also mean he doesn't know how to invest and make his money work for him.

Not sure how much student loan you take translates to how rich you are. It's just a loan. It might take her longer to pay off compared to yours.

10k for a honeymoon? A lot of money I agree. Could be done with less. But why not? It's not your run of the mill holiday. It is supposed to be a til death do you part kind of situation they're getting into.

I used to think money was important. It still is to some extent but after bouts of bad health plus seeing people I know pass away or have serious illnesses, I started to appreciate other things in life. Spending time with family and friends for starters.

"Rich" is a highly subjective term. To B40, spending RM3k+ on iPhone X is considered rich. To M40, it's considered... & to T20, it's considered ... ?

For example, I won't spend RM3k+ on an iPhone, but I'll spend it on pampering sessions. My detox massage package alone was around RM5000, which I think is more worthwhile, coz of the health and relaxation benefits.

Conclusion? Each individual has his/her own preferences and priorities. There's no right or wrong, just different choices and tastes.

Managers are just name by occupation haahahahha~~ i also can be manager in some sales beans too

The thread still alive huh?

I actually believe most parts of TS story actually, especially when there’s regular who seem to know her

I really won’t call her gold digger. But I would like her to think about this - you know it’s a controversial topic before you even started it; and yet you expect everyone to worship you and agree with your point of view? A bit unrealistic for a self-proclaimed realistic and practical person don’t you think

When handling disagreements and conflicts, there are many ways, response in the heat at the moment is the worst thing you can do



Now, if only the fiancé let us know his thoughts if this whole drama. are ready to love and cherish this version of your queen?

*im usually not so evil 😈*

P/s: didn’t expect to be classified as T20; probably half the ppl working white collar job in Klang Valley with double income for more than 10 years can qualify that

Hi readers,

I think we usually refer to rich ppl as millionaire (with net worth >= 1M) but not how much he earns within a period of time, cus someone who spend as much as he earns without accumulating any wealth by any means can never be rich, agree?

So is TS' fiancé a rich guy? Well it all depends on how much he inherited from his parents.

So is TS a gold digger? Only TS would know, EG if her fiancé failed in biz later and could never maintain TS upper social lifestyle anymore, will TS marries him ?

Agree. By the way, millionaire nowadays probably just upper-mid class, looking at the property value, plenty selling about 1M and that shows the demand and a big pool of ppl who can afford it. Don't think this grp will claim they are rich, probably may just say they are at a financially comfortable grp.

From beginning of the post, I already started to doubt how rich is rich that 1 need to happily share her experience like she have got a catch that are tough to find. I dare not say much as not good in debate with my English std far behind than most of the forumers here. But when i notice how she mention 5figures as in the value superb. I think the title of this topic irrelevant. Should just put "how to marry a man when time clocking is running out" as she somehow succesfully to find a man and willing to marry her within 2 yrs before its too late.

And T20 for household or individual consider high income? If is household, gosh...our country soon into poverty.

By the way, lawyer is just a professional, what so great to tell.

1M remaining loan and 1.3M market value = net worth 300k