Why didnt i found this thread sooner 😅

If you're scared to talk to her about finances then you're going to have issues later on in the marriage. It's better to have that talk earlier on before you tie the knot.

Hmm very hard these days to persuade a girl to save at least 60% of her income, or 60% of household, i dont think they willing to stay in flat and drive proton

financial issues are the main causes of spats/bad blood that eventually ends in divoce.
yup - i'm a statistic here

and yes, kids are EXPENSIVE hobby. get a cat/dog for feeling loved/self-shiok.
IMHO - kids are a privilege - something better than oneself for the world/future, not for oneself.
again - i'm a statistic here. without kids - i'd be FIREd liao but still a few more years to go (past FIRE-age) to ensure resources are enough for tooling them up for life & my retirement to avoid being a weighing them down in my old age

Huh u divorced? How are you coping. The baby girl in your avatar is your daughter right

This post has been edited by Oklahoma: May 30 2020, 09:32 PM

thanks for asking
coping? luckily better than thought coz that was about 12 years back
life rebooted, losses cut, etc. - only thing is i miss my little one mucho mucho - only see her like 3 times a year. Now with MCO-no travel, impacted 1 of 3

on a serious note - a partner can boost, neutral or KILL one's financial plans. Thus, compatibility in financial outlook is a serious consideration - neednt be exactly the same but the heading or end goals should be similar. If one is the type of "i deserve it spender" VS one of us type of saver-investor-life optimizer, sure crash somewhere one. It's just a matter of time and what time of crashes.

personal lesson learned: dont marry hoping to other party change - people become more and more of what they really are (core).

Ooo what were the reasons for divorce? Difference in financial compatibility and outlook?

I'm also scared of marriage

yup, financial manage/goals too dissimilar or should i say totally black/white different, causing too much friction in partnership. never invest in a partnership (or other investments) based on hope. hope is not a good basis of investment XD

dont be scared of marriage - be clear on yourself and your potential partner.
ignore the words (can be sweet lies).
look at the their actions and history.
look at the family's actions. the apple usually doesnt fall far from the tree.

Awesome man, god bless. Do you plan to find another partner?

heheh - didnt plan, just happened and really look long long at the actions vs words (more than 5 years), and luckily was living like a monk then, no spendthrifts will find me "interesting".

yup, i'm blessed
and
yes, even if i can travel-back to time, i'd still want to make the same mistake AND have my girl, even with all the pains and costs. She's worth my blood, sweat and pains - imagine a kid learning CashFlow 101 & 202, knowing the pros/cons of dumbspending vs using $ to buy real assets <mind blown>.. and the fact that her mother is still er.. that type, LAGI wow to me. ie. her mother's lifestyle doesnt affect my girl's core beliefs/outlook.

dont worry TOO much bro, worry enough cukup
i'm a typical worrier - good project manager type but found that one should just focus on what one can affect, do OR learn to affect/do. The rest will come together eventually if we keep to good planning/doing/review-makebetter cycle.

Woah man you damn awesome la.

Like that advice mate, part of me wanted to get a gf, part of me wanted to stay single lol
i am near 40s lol and even without gf, am having kind of heavy family commitment now,
thus in my brain now like .. lost?
Unsure the saving and investment bla bla whether for me to "get married"
or I just want stay like this

i'm just lucky bro.
my girl's awesome & i'm trying to live up to be a father she deserves + my wife's husband she deserves.
still practicing & trying

fellow FIRE-liker, in my simpleton approach - basis should always be "self clarity" first.
ie. i must know myself and my NEEDs/Goals - not nice to have / not want type of goals. NEED - like air.

when U know, then whether U are single or married with kids - U will follow through coz that's core NEED. Usually your core need will usually encompass your loved ones, just need to set "higher levels" of same needs/goals.
eg.
Level 0 basic NEED/goal: FIRE for self = RM1.6M, assuming 4% drawdown, ie. will have RM64K pa or 5,333 pm to live on.
Level 1 scaling same NEED/goal up: FIRE for family when married = RM2.4M, assuming 4% drawdown, ie. will have RM96K pa or 8K pm to live on.

my parents thought me a simple thing - "if i cannot take care of myself or better, how can i take care of others". thus, for my - self clarity first, then scale where/when needed. the core is the same

note - not the only way forward ya, just the way i found that works for me. different strokes for different folks, just sharing

This post has been edited by wongmunkeong: May 31 2020, 10:54 AM

-oops double-

This post has been edited by wongmunkeong: May 31 2020, 10:53 AM

Not easy to find someone on the same page with us able to delay Instant Gratifications. Just got to keep looking till meet the Right one. 🤞🏻

my wife is not a saver, but not a spender too. But syukur for the church pre marriage counselling session lah, theres a topic on finance ni. Lol. Ask us to list down out debts and ask questions like “how do you feel is she/he buy this and that”

did she DCA everyday to stashaway like me? Nope. Haha. But I did tell her my saving habits and show her all the amounts coming in and out though. So ok also la, she applied asb loan this year (ngam2 before moratorium). So its a good first step for us.

Good discussions in the above, bros,.... tqvm,... relationships and chidren an important aspects of our lives. Having loads of money, having powers over others in life,... and being popular can NEVER override the experiences I attained with my wife(s) and children.

Would like to offer an opinion here though : you guys shld have been able to spot the type of person she is when you were dating,...or well,... when both of you started living together (before marriage),... It works both ways - she evaluates you and you evaluate her,...

So,.... if things don't 'match', why further the relationship into matrimony and 'tie-in into legal and binding statures' ? Sorry fro using technical terms here.

very practical approach.
i have come across plenty of people declaring that they would need no less than rm20mil or more for FIRE.
and if simply based on your 4% approach, i was thinking what the hell does someone needs to spend RM66.7k per month on????

and life is always unexpected. one can plan all they want but somehow may end up a complete opposite to the plans.

so while FIRE is important, one must also know how to live their present life imho.

Unrealistic and unlikely to achieve.