black face is something that can be avoided... but it will be difficult since i presume your gf is very close to her parents?

mine ok, i tak jumpa my parents or they tak jumpa me for 9 months also no problem

but how much difference is it by the way? double or something like that?

How on earth did u think u no need pay dowry.....

No friends mentioned dowry to u? Its important component in a chinese wedding hahaha

Ive heard stories of wife helping the husband pay part of the dowry,  to please the parents.  See if ur wife willing fork out some money

Can PM the amount too? Interested to know.

no lah, i'm still in KL... my in laws are quite nice people, they love my boy! more than my parents

Ah weddings...there's always hidden costs. Let me give you a rough gist what are the things to take note and calculate as well.

You've mention banquet so depending on your budget you might wanna consider having it in a restaurant rather than in a hotel ballroom. The restaurant is usually the much cheaper option. But you've gotta take note how many tables you wanna have for both sides of the family as not many restaurant can cater wedding banquets well around 60 and above tables. Also if your future wife's parents & family are from a different state then tough luck for you. You gotta at least hold two separate wedding banquets.

Do you want the reception area decorated? For example having photo album table/ beverage & candy bar/ reception table/ photobooth and etcs. Those can cost extra alot so if ya don't want to just save the money. On a side note that If you do go on the hotel ballroom route, you best better have this option. The ballroom & reception area is mostly bare and the hotel will only cater to their standard table arrangement and decor which may or may not be up to your expectation. You gotta ask for actual images from the management.

Don't forget liquors. Can't have a good Chinese wedding without liquors be it beer, wine, whisky, brandy and whatnot. Even on a budget, at least get decent RM40+ bottles of wine. Don't skim it on RM20 or below bottles of wine as you're better off not having them in the first place because those are gonna be left untouch after a sip or two and you're gonna have so much leftovers to take home. If not just forgo it and get 30-40 cartons of beer which is quite plenty.

Performance for the banquet is not a must but it's good to have it so the whole banquet isn't mundane. At least get a 3 piece band should suffice. Want a cheaper route? Ask the restaurant do they have karaoke system. Most that does wedding banquets do and you can have your relatives/friends go on stage and sing. It's free~

Dowry amount is subjective but at least you gotta put in mind about RM20k. If your future in laws are understanding, they will return a large portion that will be given back to your wife to keep.

Does your parents want to hold a small buffet banquet at home to invite neighbors, friends and family? That might not cost alot which can average RM20-30 per head but still something to put on the list.

I might've left out some stuff but these are some of the notable ones that would burn the expenses the most if taken too lightly.

just a piece of advise to those planning to get hitch soon...

always discuss n understand each other's financial position, planning & habits b4 signing anything or sending out cards, better still b4 the guy pops the big question...

and never never ever plan that ur ang pows will cover the cost of ur wedding... especially when times are bad... if u need to open ur ang pows the next day to find out if u r still financially sound, u r not ready to get married...

as for chinese dowry, it is a must because it shows ur appreciation to ur in laws, from 2688 up to 12888, depending on the situation la.. unless u r paying like 95% of the total wedding cost (including the house & reno) like me, then u mite have to force the dowry down ur in-laws throat....

you gotta tell her that .. this is not your money or her money. its ours money. tell her spend so much for wedding then after that how? spend the first few years repaying that debt? life aint gonna be good like that.

No one asked you to organize a banquet amounting to 1200-1400 a table.
You invite people to your banquet with the aim they celebrate your wedding celebration with you not so they can pay for your wedding.

Good. The smaller amount of guest the better. I can tell you the hardest of all and most headache part in a wedding planning is planning the guest's seats. You'll have alot of buggers and funny things said from relatives that may go something like this "I now not good terms with this person(relative) and I don't want to be seated same table or the table beside them".  The lesser the tables the easier it is to plan. What more there's always not one but several basket fellas that last minute 1 or 2 days before the actual day only to tell you they cannot come or can't make it with very unreasonable reason that they could've notified you in advance a week or 2 before the actual day. The worst are those in a family suddenly not gonna attend but did not make the effort to notify leaving a table few seats empty. Best to remind your guest a week or 2 beforehand to reconfirm if they are still attending anot.

Wine at least 2 bottles a table is ok as not everyone in the table is gonna drink but one can't be too careful. I'd recommend about 2.5x of your overall table quantity should be right if your relatives/in laws side of the family are heavy drinkers. Try not to allow until people complain that there's no more liquor. It's best to have more than enough. Plus some of your relatives might even bring their own bottle of whiskey/brandy. You don't really have to worry so much about it if you have more than sufficient bottles. 2.5 x 40 tables x RM40 is RM4k anyway not that really huge of a big dent. RM800 lesser if it's 80 bottles.

If church hall is bare instead of fresh flowers go with long cloths that can tie into ribbons as they can make the place look vibrant and colourful. Fresh flowers will perish easily and are a waste of money unless you're really loaded. It's gonna be a logistic disaster unless you get the green lights from the church to decor it at least a day before the ceremony because no driver is gonna deliver flowers for you just because it's your big day early in the morning and there's the potential risk of driver arriving late on actual day.

Dowry like some suggested, maybe convince your in laws that you'll be giving them 10 tables and then also you would also give an amount as a token for said future wife's jewellery(Maybe RM3888). I think that's not a bad deal.

When my wife and I got married, I was dirt poor - I just started work after I returned from my studies overseas, she had been working a couple of years before that, so when you rattled the piggy bank, you could literally hear the coins banging against the walls.

Her mother and father didn't ask for anything other than whatever we could afford to give - in order to save face, my wife "paid" her own 聘金 (betrothal gold) - RM5,000 of her hard earned savings. We had a simple wedding and the generosity of our friends & family easily helped us cover the cost of the banquet/ceremony.

We've been married 25 years now. And in that time, our fortunes improved. But I never forgot neither my wife's generosity nor the generosity of my father & mother-in-law, who made it so simple and easy for me & demanded nothing more than for me to be true to their daughter.

When I received my first bonus, I bought plane tickets for my father & mother in law to fly back to their ancestral home in China. It was an emotional time for them, because they hadn't been back for many decades. I was happy to say that I continued to send them on fully-paid holidays annually for many years until my father in law passed away 10 years ago.

When I made my first million, I bought my mother in law a house in her home town back in Ipoh. The house she was staying in previously had become a bit run down, and with my father in law's passing, there was no one left to help with the repairs. I remember I paid RM 400,000 for the property - big, landed double storey place with a large porch. The look on her face was worth every ringgit.

Till this day, my mother in law receives a monthly stipend of RM10,000 - transferred directly by giro into her bank account, by a grateful son-in-law, who never forgot and always appreciated her (and her late husband's) gesture of not demanding a large 聘金 all those years ago.

The money saved from not having to be burdened by a ridiculous 聘金 amount & an expensive, show-off wedding all those years ago set us on a debt-free path, and helped the marriage off to a wonderful start with the right priorities.

My only regret is that my father in law passed away too soon, and that I was denied the opportunity to give him even more - totally deserved and rightfully earned by his simple gesture of love and understanding 25 years ago.

No, my friend, I'm in my 40's. We got ROM'ed  just fresh out of school, the traditional wedding (the one I was talking about) was about 5 years later, after I'd returned from my overseas studies. So, I suppose I should clarify: ROM/civil marriage - 25 years, traditional wedding (the one that actually matters to the Chinese) - some 20 years ago.

Don't so fast jump in conclusion that your in law is money minded ..
Usually not very well family need some dowry to cover the wedding expenses geh and some gift to u and your wife
End of the day they also never pocket anything ..don't so fast show black face to them

But more important is r u prepare to accept after marriage life n treat her family like your family?
Marriage is not between u n your wife, but is 2 family matter