my best fren broke off the wedding over this issue. hotel already booked, deposit paid.

he couldnt make the girl understand that ...yes...he made more money than her, it doesnt mean she didnt have to contribute to the relationship/wedding. He wanted her to contribute 20/80....he could not make her understand that marriage is a PARTNERSHIP...both work together...not husband take care of wife 100%

TS another idiot hoping to REAP reward on getting BIG return in angpow
So what if people want to gibe RM60....you should accept with open mind.

Now tell me again why no need dowry?

since you pointed out your right...
isn't bride parent have the right to dowry deem suitable to them as well?

What makes me ponder is..
Are you selling away your daughter?
What kind of ridiculous demands from this culture.

If my gf's parents are too demanding.
I'll ask them the same thing..

Not only that, if you ask so much, rest assured my wife will not come back to visit you since you had 'sold' your daughter away to me.

hey TS,
i just attend a wedding last month which cost RM1800 per table.

So..since yours is 1.2k or 1.4k per table..
So what is your minimum angpow to give then?

Rm60...RM80...Rm100.....tell me what is your expectation then?

Ur wife is supposed to be your partner.

Some tips:
1. Talk to wife, tell her how much u likely willing to fork out for dowry. Then get her to also find out likely how much her mom is thinking of. Most importantly, can your wife find out whether her mom may pass the money back to her anyway (some moms don't keep the money, they just want to get more money so that they can pass to daughter)
2. How tables are you giving them? (The ang pow for those tables they will collect their own). If you give them 10 tables, ur dowry can be ramge from 8888 onwards depending on how much u want to give. If it's 15-20 tables, then range from 5888 onwards.
3. If during negotiation stage when u meet in-laws and you propose the sum, and they reject. Ask them how much are they thinking of. If it is over budget, tell them you get back to them as u need to try find the money.
4. Causally mention you need to set aside some money savings for after wedding. But if they are insistent to the extent where it is on the verge of quarrel. Tell them you will get back to them.

Frankly, to be blunt, a middle income family usually will not ask for over the top amount. As it will look like they are selling their daughter. Typically, I seen poorer families asking for more dowry, statistics wise. (Not because they are money hungry).
If your wife side her mom, normal. She is on both fences. Not easy to manage. But if she scolds you and treat you like ATM, then best is you find another girl. Plenty of fishes.

If I am you, if I won't marry the girl if she is not siding me. It's not about the amount or church. It's the thoughts that count. You be unhappy about the relationship.

I knew what I went through, I know what you are going through, that is why I am trying to warn you about what is to come when your partner is not your team mate. My marriage failed because she is NEVER my team mate. Not when I protested about the 10pm curfew when we were 24 (curfew still exist till the day we got married/ sign paper), not when I protested about not being able to bring her out on day trip with my friends (2 days 1 night lagi la), not when I protested about the pre-fixed location of the house by her parents when we intend to buy a new house with our own money, not when I protested about how her parents intervened the renovation of my new house, not when we are trying to decide the shape of our new bed frame, not when her parents made ridiculous demands on wedding details, not when she and her parents single handedly decide it was time for my ex-wife to have a baby.

Nothing can be discussed unless the in laws shut their pie hole.

I am not asking her to turn against her parents. I was asking her to stand on my side, think for me, manage both OUR expectations as one unit, then go out and fight the battle with her parents as one body.

This woman you are looking at, is your partner for life. If she is not your team mate, sooner or later you will sack her like how JibJib sacked Moodin. It will only cost you more.

Wah havent settle ah the dowry part ? All the best to you.

got one, some cainis parent will ask something like compensation for them, becoz u are taking their doter

my fren mother ask 50k from his bf.

you're just young and havent been through life like some of us do. Our advice are merely hints of many challenges you will be facing ahead. If everyone perceive the world as perfect as they do, they wouldnt be failures and despair.

i'm surprise that u actually thought dowry is not needed in chinese wedding.

u see, this dowry thingy really depends on girl family side. if u are lucky, ur in-laws will be very considerate, but that doesn't mean u dun have to pay at all. it is a chinese tradition to pay dowry to the girl family. this kinda thing, best is dun skip, else many many years later sure keep talking wan. however, the amount to pay is very much depending on the in-laws and their family culture. if they insist, there's really no choice but to sit down and discuss over for the best amount that both side can tolerate. marriage, after all, is both family's problem, dun blame, else will be very toxic to the marriage later on.

in my case, in-laws very cincai... she knows it's tough for me that time as that year alone was my marriage + new house move in... all were money and mostly in cash term. they did not demand high dowry, however, the other chinese tradition stuffs cannot skip, for example, the roasted pig must have...

luckily, my wife is very supportive and totally stand in line with me. we even considered no wedding dinner at all, but we did it anyway, for that once in a lifetime experience

though i'm not sure how much they actually demand for, but i do hope it's settle as soon as possible. may u have a happy marriage. enjoy the process... u will be glad when it's finally over.

in case u missed it, i said i did pay the dowry, but considered low to me, which i'm grateful for...

the one who din have to pay is this forumer Azurika
lol i think u mistaken this part... i actually meant i'm not sure how much ur wife's parent's actually demand for the dowry

All the best to you bro, but a word of advise from season adults. If your woman, wife / GF / life-partner is not with you on the wedding and follow their parent's wishes, lots of issues coming your way. Although a lot of people says that marriage is just between you and your soul-mate but with Chinese families, this is really not the case as it concern's many parties.
If your future-in laws are not understanding enough, then seriously few years down the road, probably you will open a thread about divorce procedures. We guys are very patient people but there is always a limit, hit that limit all hell breaks lose.

Bro.... just telling some of issues my frens face before, of course in this case you understand your future wife ( congratz in settling the dowry and ceremony underway ) and your -in laws better than anyone here. Like what you say, you started this thread to get feedback and i believe some feedback can use and some can't ( keyboard warrior la tu ).

Sex before marriage does not mean its bad, to me i feel its a process to know each other physically and not just mentality. Anyway, a free advice for you. Communication between your in-laws well, treat their daughter well and they will repeat ten-fold back to you unless the parents-in-law don't love their daughter.

now you realise that the dowry to your wife to be is reasonable.

my question is what make you think that your in law not reasonable in dowry amount request in the VERY 1st place?

Should have married an Indian girl.

You get the girl AND the dowry.

maybe u shd be specific, what is the amount of dowry here?

this will not happen if you gf is standing on your side... dowry is subjective, and it makes a whole lot of difference if your gf helped during the negotiation phase...

i was lucky, my gf doesn't have parents and her late grandma said that she don't want any dowry, just a dragon-phoenix bracelet for her grand daughter will do... i gave that, everyone's happy... anyway, the problem with my marriage was not with the in-laws, it was with my parents...

my parents never like my wife, thus always tried to push me to just marry her as simple as possible... no need dinner, no need ceremony, just go holiday... i went and did all that, small dinner at 5* hotel, gou da li and everything i bought following hokkien tradition, and also went for holiday...

yeah, my parents weren't happy but fcuk that... as long as my wife and i are happy, that's most important

then too bad la... some people memang money face one... try nego la bro...
your gf knows you best and whether its possible for you to fork out that amount or not...
i don't think your in-laws will go to the extent to cancel/delay the wedding just because the dowry is short of 1k or something like that...
and touch wood if they do... they you also know what to do lor right?