yeah, after all Se7en, our board Grand Templar Knights is an Indian...so please be considerate.

its Grand Master of the Knghts Templar

i edited my post.
sorry for inconvinient.

=-=|||

What the fish...

Confusing English??

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?

5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make
terrible?

8. Why is it called building when it is already built?

9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have
parking lots?

11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?

12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Humans ???

13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading
this???

Love Potion
This guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming to my place for the weekend and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night. It is going to be hell of a party."

The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is very potent, you drink only one ounce of it and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know about it."

The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist is going to work and at the door of the drug store, the same fellow is there waiting for him. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?"
The guy replies, "Quick open the store, I need Blue Ice (a pain muscle reliever).

The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive."

The guy says, "It's not for my penis, it's for my arm. "
Pharmacist says, "What?? What happened?"
Guy replies, "Well. . . I drank the whole bottle of your potion. "
Pharmacist says, "And. . ."

Guy replies, "The girls never showed up!"

hahaha soh hai!!

Twice A Day!

This guy goes into a doctors and says, "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!"

"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks.
"Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day," he answers back.
"That's not so much," says the doctor. "Yes, but that's not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor. "Yes, but that's not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," says the man.
"Well, that's definitely too much," says the doctor. "You've got to learn to take yourself in hand." "I do," says the man. "Twice a day!"

Laws Of The Natural Universe

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, someone will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Golfing Realities

Golf balls are like eggs. They're white, they're sold by the dozen, and every week you have to buy more.

A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice that it's a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the lawn?

It takes longer to learn good golf than it does brain surgery. On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around on a cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up praying a lot.

A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you.

That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on lawn work.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

Italian Advice

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leava me your Rolex watch instead."

"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos.

Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. "Whadda you gonna do then......pointa to you watch and a say, Times Up ??"

hie..

i'm new here...

just wanna share a joke...

on the PLUS highway in the middle of the night an old man driving the kancil 660 from JB to KL...

somewhere nearly seremban his ride broke down and he couldn't get any help as it was middle of the night...

then this young chap driving a BMW E60 M5 pull over an offered to help...

he told the old man "hey old timer,strape his cabel to ur front bumper,i will tow ur ride with my ride to the nearest petrol station and we will check out wat's the prob of ur ride,if u feel tat i'm goin to fast,just flash me n i will slow down"...

the old man was over come with joy and did as he was told to do...

5 mins down the road,a jaguar XJR V8 fly pass...

being a young chap and a kiasu kia...

the young chap floor his M5 to chase the jag...

both car hit a top speed of 250KMH...

tat nite 2 police man was on duty and they just set the speed trap...

the cars fly by...

they report back to HQ bout the incident and report tat both car are doing 250KMH...

HQ reply "dun even bother 2 chase them cause no way u guys can catch them,just send them a saman"...

1 of the police say"tat's not my main point,the jag and M5 is doin 250KMH but i saw a kancil tailing them and flashing them"...

a bit lame but hope u guys enjoy it...

This post has been edited by kwon_boa: Apr 18 2007, 08:55 PM

hahahaha.... is not that lame.... kinda funny when the police say the kancil tailing them and flashing them... lolx

2 Hikers and a Bear
Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb up a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing?" He replies, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear." The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you."

Idiots Please Rise


"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Signboard Outside A Prostitute's House:
Married MEN Not Allowed.
We Serve The Needy, Not The Greedy...
. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Written On The T-Shirt Of A Girl:
SITUATORY WARNING:
Objects Inside The T-Shirt Are Larger Than They Appear From Outside.
. .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .

Man Quits Smoking Because Of Will Power.
He Quits Drinking Because Of Will Power.
But He Quits Womanizing Because He Has The Will But No Power.
. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . .. .. . . . .

---

Added on June 1, 2007, 2:57 pmGot it from somewhere.. please .. its not me ok.. heheh


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't
feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was
almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with
excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that she
knows I'm smarter than her.

---

Added on June 1, 2007, 2:58 pm. 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
. Assassins do it from behind.
. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
. Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
. Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
. Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
. Confucius say, Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
. Confucius say, Man who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
. Confucius say, Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
. Confucius say, Baseball got it all wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.
. Confucius say, Man who marries girl with no bust have right to feel low down.
. Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand.
. Man who have hand in pocket not just jingling change.
. Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed.
. Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.
. Seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.
. Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
. Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
. Woman who go to man's apartment for snack may get tit bit.
. "Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter."

---

Added on June 1, 2007, 4:00 pmDifference between you and your boss

When you take a long time, you're slow.

When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't get something done, you're lazy. When your boss doesn't get something done, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.

When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human. When you do it your own way, you don't do what your told.

When your boss does it, he's showing creativity. When you do it on your own, you're overstepping your bounds.

When your boss does it, he's demonstrating initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.

When your boss takes a stand, he's being firm.

When you violate a rule, you're self-centered.

When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're brown-nosing. When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you help a peer, you're not busy enough.

When your boss does it, he's a team player. When someone else does your work, you're passing the buck.

When someone else does his work, he's assigning responsibility.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.

When your bosses out of the office, he's on business.

When you call in sick, you're going golfing.

When your boss calls in sick, he must be very ill. When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.

When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

When you're seen shopping during work hours, you're a slacker.

When your boss is doing the same, he's picking up office supplies.

When you get a raise, you're lucky.When he gets one, he really earned it.

When you do a good job, you get a pat on the back.

When he does a good job, he gets a bonus.

---

Added on June 1, 2007, 4:11 pmThings to say if caught sleeping at work..

1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

2. "This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to."

3. "I was working smarter-not harder."

4. "Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper."

5. "Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

6. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

7. "I was testing the keyboard for drool-resistance."

8. "I was trying to remember where that difficult "Z" Key was, and now it is indelibly imprinted on my brain, or at least my forehead."

9. "I'm in the management training program."

10. "I'm actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."

11. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"

12. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"

13. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

14. "Uh, hey, whaddaya expect... the coffee machine is broken..."

15. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

16. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

17. "It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?"

18. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

19. "I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."

20. "The mailman flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot."

21. "Geez, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day."

---

Added on June 1, 2007, 4:38 pmLaughing at a pregnant woman

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

The case came before the court, and when asked why he acted in such a manner, the man replied, "When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read, 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.'
Then she moved under one that read, 'Sloans Liniments Remove Swelling.' I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read, 'William's Stick Did The Trick.' Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read, 'Dunlop rubbers would have prevented this accident.'"
He won the case.

---

Added on June 1, 2007, 4:45 pmA man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
It's a hooker. He'd never been with a hooker before.
"Twenty bucks," she says.
He decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks.
They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them.

It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.
Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."
"Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face."

---

Added on June 2, 2007, 11:07 amDuring a political rally, Muthu was arrested.

A woman journalist was walking with a badge written "PRESS" on her chest.

Muthu only did what was 'told'!

---

Added on June 2, 2007, 11:08 amTHE THEORY OF REVERSE DYNAMICS

When a man becomes rich, he becomes naughty.

When a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich.

---

Added on June 2, 2007, 11:14 amGRANDMA'S HOME

When I stopped the bus to pick up Thomas for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house.

"Is that your grandmother?" I asked.

"Yes," Thomas said. "She's come to visit us for Chinese New Year."

"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"

"At the airport," Thomas replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."

...................................................................................................

Two buddies were having a small chat and Johnny says

My wife has a little manoeuvre she likes to use
when she wants me to do something around
the house that I don't want to do, OR she
wants to buy something.

She takes her top off, comes into my room, spins me
around in my chair, and puts her boobs in my face.
She gets what she wants. !!!!

This, gentlemen, is known as a booby trap.

---

Added on June 2, 2007, 11:26 amLOST PANTIES

A LADY lost 3 panties in her house.

She confronted her MAID in front of her HUSBAND.

The maid replied, "Sir! You know very well I don't wear any underwear...!"


3 panties lost could cost you maybe $100 bucks.. but to get a reply from your maid and have the look on her husbands face.. PRICELESS!!

---

Added on June 2, 2007, 11:27 amThe children were lined up in the cafeteria of an
elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a
large pile of apples.

The teacher made a note, and posted on the
apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the
table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is
watching the apples.

---

Added on June 4, 2007, 1:43 pmBefore the marriage:



He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.



Now after the marriage you can read it from bellow to up !!!!

---

Added on June 8, 2007, 1:47 pmTeacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what
had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.

...................................................................
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much
would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!

......................................................................
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am
scolding you now.

......................................................................
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

......................................................................
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of
breaking plates,
then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.

......................................................................
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

--------------------------------------------------
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

--------------------------------------------------
Waiter: I have stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

------------------------------------------
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

--------------------------------------------------
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

--------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: " Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."

----------------------------------------------------
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between
'unlawful'
and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal'
is
a sick eagle."

---------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."

----------------------------------------------------
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"

---

Added on June 8, 2007, 1:53 pmTeacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what
had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.

...................................................................
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much
would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!

......................................................................
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am
scolding you now.

......................................................................
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

......................................................................
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of
breaking plates,
then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.

......................................................................
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

--------------------------------------------------
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

--------------------------------------------------
Waiter: I have stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

------------------------------------------
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

--------------------------------------------------
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

--------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: " Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."

----------------------------------------------------
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between
'unlawful'
and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal'
is
a sick eagle."

---------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."

----------------------------------------------------
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"

---

Added on August 7, 2008, 10:58 amMurphy's Law at work

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.

Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.

Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People are always available for work in the past tense.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

The longer the title, the less important the job.

Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.

An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.

Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.


This post has been edited by |ce_cube: Aug 7 2008, 10:58 AM

Then there's this guy who went to a Hongkong train station and came up with all these puns...
http://goo.gl/jwLyNp