No la.. its not dead.. just came back from annual leave.. was away for about 5days..

more coming.. wait for updates ya

Marketing explained...


The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, most people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."

Here it is:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed," That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed," That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say,"Hi, I'm fantastic in bed," That's Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say,"May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed," That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says,"I hear you're fantastic in bed," That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Junk Mail.

lol... i used junk mail n spam.. u forgot about spam le...
love yer jokes

S O M E T I M E S

Sometimes...when you cry...
no one sees your tears.

Sometimes....when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt.

Sometimes...when you are worried...
no one sees your stress.

Sometimes...when you are happy...
no one sees your smile.
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But FART just ONE time!!!

And everybody knows!!

Gotcha!! You thought it was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!

must give a good bump to dude |ce_cube for such a nice thread!!

|ce_cube dude~~!!! keep em coming~!!!! i m loving it~!!

aiyo..kennot laugh nemore..feeling wanna cry of laughing oso got...

Thanks sledgehammer. Do come in once a while.. but see the title.. when i update.. i'll update the title too.. Enjoy ya..


Wah.. wanna cry pun ada ka?? what did you read la?? hehehe.

Recently Newton, the father of physics made a visit to earth to
watch a movie. He watched a few Tamil movies and had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologised for everything he had done. In the movie of Vijaykanth, Newton dada was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.

Here are a few scenes:

1) Vijayakanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors
can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Vijayakanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the
bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it
and he is cured. Long Live Vijaykanth !

2) In one of the movies, Vijaykanth is confronted with 3
gangsters. Vijaykanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet.
Guess,
what he does....... He holds a knife in his hand and throws at the middle gangster.. & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kill the middle one ...

3) Vijayakanth is chased by a gangster. Vijaykanth has a revolver
but he got no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Vijayakanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....

This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely
shaken and he decided to go back. But he happened to see a movie for one last time and thought that at least one movie will follow his theory of physics. The whole movies goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops not so fast. The climax finally arrives.

Vijaykanth gets to know that the villian is on the the other side of a very high wall. So high that Vijayakanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Vijaykanth has to desparately kill the villian because it is the climax . Vijayakanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket ( probably a backup).He throws one gun in the air and when the gun reaches the height of the wall, he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air, with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villian is dead.


Newton faints !

There is this Baai (Jaswan singh) that works in one of the department store in Midvalley as jaga (security guard la!) This bhai got this well groomed beard that is as white as snow and it does attracts quite a number of peoples all these while but never before he got into a difficult situation untill he met Johnny.

Johnny was a tourist from UK, hes on holiday in Malaysia and was shopping in Mid Valley when he met Jaswant at the entrance of the departmental store. Upon seing his beard so very the white he walked up to Jaswan and introduce himself and he told him how much he admire his beard. and ask Jaswan's permissin to touch it.

Jaswan at first hesitated but not wanting to dissapoint Johnny he let him touch it.

"as smooth as silk" said Johnny after he touched Jaswan beard, "how does it gets so smooth?" asked Johnny.

"Well there is this traditionally method that we punjabis used which were passed from generation to generation." said Jaswan.

"If you wanna know I could send the details instructions to you by pos" Jaswan added.

"thanks a lot" said Johnny, I have another request said Johnny "Can I have 1 strand of your beard for remembrance?"

"no no no ... knot knot!!! hair is very sacred thing to punjabi, knot give to other people knot! knot! " says Jaswan

Johnny isnt gonna surrender just lidat, he keep on begging and begging and begging untill a big crowds gathers at the entrace to see this funny angmoh begging the jaga. As the crowds grows larger Jaswan is getting worried, hes worried with all this attention the crazy angmoh created he will get fired from his boss later.

So he thot might as well give this gila angmoh what he wants and disperse the crowds before his boss get to know about this commotion.

Jaswan : ok ok will you stop all this nuisance if i promise to give you 1 strand of my beard ?
Johnny : yes I promise!

Jaswan then put his left hand into his pocket try to reach for something .... ater a while of searching he seems to let out a soft "ouch" and pull out a strand of hair.

Jaswan : Nah! here! take it and go on with your shopping! dont disturb me anymore!

*Johnny took the hair and look at it closely ...*

Johnny : hey! this is not what i wanted ....
Jaswan : no no no! sir, its the same, now you got what you want pls go!
Johnny : no no this is not the deal, the deal is you gimme 1 strand of your beard not 1 strand of hair from "other place"
Jaswan : Aiyoyo! same one sir! both also made by the same factory! the one up here (beard) is from the showroom and the one you are holding is from the storeroom! Now go!

This post has been edited by |ce_cube: Dec 27 2006, 05:14 PM

Haha, very original......i've never read most of the jokes here b4! Nice job dude!

eh..the last one,work in klcc but meet jonny in midvalley?

nice thread!!! hehe..keep me awake in working hours

2nd last was an old joke from party joke book rite??...good stuffs....hahahahha

Sorry .. lil error.. updated already.. enjoy!!

Glad to hear that..

No wor..not from the party joke book wor.. got it from a source heheh

Special Rubber

One day, Billy walks into his grandson's (Henry) room and found him playing with a condom. Billy not knowing what a condom is, asked his grandson with curiosity, "Henry, what's that u are holding?"

Henry knew he is too young for this kind of stuff so he lie to his granpa saying that "It is a special rubber called CONDOM that helps to protect ur ciggarette from getting wet when u smoke under the rain."

Billy who is an occasional smoker, got interested at it so he asked Henry where to get one of those. "Its easy granpa, any pharmacy has got them."

One day, while Billy is walking home, he came across a pharmacy and decided to drop by and get a CONDOM incase he needs to smoke under the rain. The shopkeeper of the pharmacy is a hot looking young chick named Cindy.

As Billy is first time buying a condom, he dont know where it locates. So, he looks puzzled. Cindy then come to Billy to give him some help.

Cindy: "How may i help u sir?"
Billy : "Hmm... Do u sell something called CONDOM?"
Cindy: "Umm... yes sir? What size do u need?"
Billy : "It comes in different sizes?"
Cindy : "Yes. So sir, what size do u need?"
Billy : " Can u get me one that fits a CAMEL?"
Cindy "..."

This may be lame, but i find it funny

Mary and James are married and they have a young child named Tony. Tony is only 5 years old and dont know much things.

One day, Mary and James got some conflicts between themselves and they start shouting BAD WORDs while they quarrel. The young and curious Tony heard those BAD WORDs and wanted to know more. So, Tony asked his father about the meaning of the WORDs he heard.

Tony : "Daddy daddy, what does F*CKING means?"
***James dont want Tony to learn those BAD WORDs so he lied to him***
Daddy : " Ummm... F*CKING means cooking"
Tony : "Okay daddy, i learned a new word today. What about S*CKING? What is it?"
Daddy : " Ummm... S*CKING is.... umm... trying something. "
Tony : "Thanks dad. How about NIPPLES and d***?"
Daddy : "Well, NIPPLES are cookies and d*** is hat"

The following day, while Mary is busy in the kitchen and James is over the neighbour's house, Tony's grandparents pay the family a visit. Tony aswered the door bell and welcomed his grandparents.

Tony : "Hi granpa, granma, nice to see u here."
Grandparents : "Where's daddy and mummy?"
Tony : "Oh... mummy is busy F*CKING in the kitchen while daddy is S*CKING aunty Sarah's NIPPLES at her place."
***Grandparents got stuned***
***Tony saw the HAT of his granpa and he likes it***
Tony : "Granpa, can i take a look at your d***?. I think its so nice"





MORAL : NEVER EVER lie to kids. U'll never know what happen next.

This simple joke suddenly struck me.

Girl : "What do u think of me? Pretty or Ugly?"
Boy : "I think u are a bit of both"
Girl : "What do u mean by that?"
Boy : "I think u are pretty ugly."

Great jokes great one.. here one for you

"Old Man Joke"

A 70 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No".

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.

"Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.

3 guys met in an international conference. An Indonesia guy, China man and a Japanese. All of them are trying to show off the technologies they have in their country.

So firstly, the Indon guy start to show off. ***He took out his phone from his pocket***

Indon guy : "U guys know or not? My country now got these phones with color onw already. No more black & white screen."

Both China man and Japanese look at him and
Then its China man's turn. ***He took out his phone too***

China man : "Ohh.. like tat only hia... U haven seen mine. My one can take picture, touch screen some more. Beat that, haha"

The Indon guy feels while the Japanese
Now its time for Japanese to show off. ***He took out his phone***

Japanese : "Aiyo, got a little bit technology want to show off? U guys havent seen the BIG BOSS." "This is the BOMB, u can take photo and video with this, night mode also got. Can online to check mail, chat in MSN and browse the web. Wacth TV also can."

Both Indon guy and China man felt ashamed of themselves and they keep quiet after that.

But suddenly, the Indon guy give out a strong fart. ***phhuuuuttttt***

Both China man and Japanese look at him. And thay ask him what sound is that?

The Indon guy just lie and say "Ohhh... that's no big deal. I just send a MMS"

Both Japanese and China man