A koala is sitting on a tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says to the koala: "Hey! what are you doing?"

The koala says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and
is going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into
the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and
helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard, "What's the matter
with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a
joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is
sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and yells out:

"Hey you!" The koala looks down and says ... "Faaaaarrrrk dude ... how
much water did you drink?!"

omg!@!!!!! hahahahah!!!! farrrrk dude!!! where di u get all these jokes?!?! they're freaking hilarious!! i think u should be labeled elite on the jokes forum man!!

u got my vote!!

2 thumbs up keep it flowing man

hahahhaahhah how much water you've drink

hahaha.. thanks.. well is there such label ka?? hehehe..


Will do.. but need to have some time la.. not easy to find jokes that is not repost man..

hahaha.. he thinks the lizard drank too much and became as big as the croc. hahaha

this might be a repost .. not sure.. anyway enjoy..

NEVER LIE TO YOUNG GIRLS

There was a man lying in the nude and enjoying the view on the beach. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper?"

Thinking quickly, the guy replied, "A bird." The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. The police asked him what happened. The guy says, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this little girl asked me a question, I guess I dozed off, and the next thing I know is I'm here."

The police went to the beach, found the girl, and asked her, "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"

Robert was talking to his friend Thomas about his love life.

'So, Thomas, how's it going with the girls?'

'Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects.'

'Really?'

'Yes,' Thomas shook his head, 'Whenever I mention sex, they object.'

An old lady went to a sex shop to look for some vibrators. Despite the assortment of the product there, she still couldn't make up her mind. Then, she saw something she might like and asked the shop assistant, "May I have a look at that red and white one on the shelf?"

The shop assistant said, "No, you may not, that's my thermos flask!"

ARE YOU MY SON?

A young punk gets on the KL city bus. He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of rags, his legs are bare and he's without shoes. His face and ears are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big bright FEATHERS.

He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for about ten minutes.

Finally the punk gets self-conscious and spits at the old man: "What are you staring at, you old fart? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?!"

Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was in the Navy, I got real drunk in KL and screwed a PARROT. I thought maybe you were my son."

dude u rock!

Thanks bro.. nothing beats entertaining ppl here.. heheh

i'm sure alot of ppl have a good laugh .. well i only select jokes that i laugh.. those i don't i just pass.

This post has been edited by |ce_cube: Nov 6 2006, 05:21 PM

Last night, an incident took place at JB Jetty.

What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Straits of Johor. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.

Being typical Malaysians, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.

Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim!

Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered!

Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah!" and "Awright, man!" were among the many congratulations shouted.

The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")

Hope you haven't heard this one, TJS:

An old Indian man was booked into an MAS flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an airplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place. When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the man declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!"

So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the man began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher, who was curious about the food.

"Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.
The man picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"

Then the man took out several pieces of chapattis and started feasting.
"And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.
"Wheat of India!" replied the man proudly.

Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.
"What is it?" asked the American.
"Sweet of India!" replied the old man.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooot!" from the old man.
"What was that?" asked the American in disgust.

The old man replied cooly, "That's Air India!"

Back when Vietnam was still separated as North and South, the president of South Vietnam then was President Thieu.

As he was getting a lot of unfavorable treatment from his own country's news agencies, he invited Tara Singh, a journalist from Malaysia to brief him about the setup of 'Bernama'.

After Tara Singh had briefed the President about 'Bernama', the President was impressed. He declared that it was time for him to set up his own 'Bernama' to counter all the criticisms he has been receiving lately. Tara Singh politely said, "But Mr. President, the name 'Bernama' is already used by Malaysia... maybe if you chose another name."

"Of course, you're right! I shall name it after myself then. It will be known as 'Thieunama', said the President. Tara Singh nearly choked on that! "Ahh, Mr President, that may not be the best name. To the Cantonese speaking people, that name is a four-letter word concerning mothers" said Tara.

The President was touched by the journalist's sincerity, "Thank you for being so honest with me. You deserve recognition for that. Why don't we give the news agency a name formed from our names?

How about 'ThieunaSingh?'"

An Asian guy walks into the New York City currency exchange with 2000 yen and walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen and gets $66. He asks the lady why he gets less money this week than last week. The lady says "Fluctuations". The Asian guy storms out, and just before slamming the door, turns around and says: "Fluc you Amelicans too!"

Curiosity killed the cat.

The Perfect Password:

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the
appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now
need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and
will use each time he has to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try
for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made
it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in....

P...
E...
N...
I...
S...


His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

hahahahahahahah!!! omg!! so damn funnay!!!

not logn enough!! wuahahahahaha!!!! ROFLMFAO!! lol!!

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so
they could produce beautiful children beyond compare

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning,
gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the farmer,
asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married,
so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit,
not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one
of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

"Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit,
not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl
to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,

"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was
the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.

He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing
could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...
pregnant when you met her."

ENGLISH SIGNS IN ASIA:

In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice.

In another Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Again, in another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.

Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

At a Bangkok dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

A Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Coolers and Heaters: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive sideways

Name of small guest house in mountains of northern Pakistan:
'Sea View Hotel'

On a menu in a Hong Kong restaurant:
Spanish omelet (tomatoes, mushrooms, onion) Omelets surprise (two parsons)

On CD cover of local artists singing various western songs, name of well-known Roberta Flack song:
'Tonight I calibrate my love for you'