SEX

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.

She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.

The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"

The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give the fishos a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector. "Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?" "In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".

"What if that had been vandalized?" "Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo."

This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"

"Because he's never seen a train crash!"

COLD WINTER

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

LMAO . . .wth

A. The first photo was taken when the Chinese president went to US.


B. The second photo was taken when Bush went to China .

How come bush looks so sad? Is he gesturing that "don't kiss my wife just go ahead" ?

This post has been edited by JackX: Dec 4 2006, 07:28 PM

I think he said " damn i can't kiss the chinese lady now"

Pic Edited for greater justice.

Three men who were lost in the forest
were
captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the
prisoners that
they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of
the trial
was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the
same kind of
fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to
gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the
king, "I
brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial
to
him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any
expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the
second one he
winced out
in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the
king ten
berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought
to
himself that this
should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on
the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and
was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in
heaven.
The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost
got away
with it?" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I
saw the
third guy
coming with pineapples."

muahahhaha pineapples!!!

what i heard was durians =/

Durians would have been better

Hahah! Both pineapples and durians are the same. It'll hurt your butt to hell if you're ganna shove it in. LoL!

plus u need be shoved 10 pineapples/durians into your butt

Yup thats why the fella with cherries burst out laughing ROFL.. hhahha..

oh damn LOLz

TruE sToRy...Dun MiSS iT...


Hi frens,

This is a true story of a young college gurl who past away last month, at
shah alam. her name is Priya.she was hit by a lorry. i dont wanna
mention the name of the college. She have a boy friend named Shankar. he
stays in johor. both of them are true lovers. they always hang
on the phone. u can never see her without her handphone.
she spends 3/4 of the day talking with shankar. both of them used maxis.
Priya's family knows about their relationship. Shankar is very close with
Priya's family. (just imagine their love)

Before she passed away she always told her frens "If I pass away please burn me with my handphone" she also said the same thing to her parents. after her death, ppl cant carry her coffin. i was there. a lot of them tried to do so but still
cant. everybody including me, had tried to carry the coffin, the result is still the same.

Eventually, they called their neighbour, a "bomoh" from thailand (pak Darin), who is a fren of her father. he took a sit and started speaking to himself slowly. after a few minutes, he said "this gurl misses something here". then her frens told Darin bout her intentions to burn her with her phone. He then opened the coffin and place her phone and SIM card inside the casket. after that they tried to carry the coffin. it could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. all of us were shocked. (can u feel the fear. i'm shaking at this moment)

Priya's parents didnt inform Shankar that Priya had passed away. (pity Shankar). after 2 weeks Shankar called Priya's mom.
Shankar :...."Atte, I'm coming home 2day. cook something nice for me. dont tell Priya that i'm coming home 2day. i wanna suprise her."
her mother replied....."u come home first, i wanna tell u something very important."
after he came to shah alam, they told him the truth about Priya.Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. he was laughing and said "dont try to fool me. tell Priya to come out. i have a gift for her. pls stop this nonsense".
then they show him the original death certificate to him. they gave him proof to make him believe.(Shankar started to sweat)

he said... "its not true. we were spoke yesterday. she still calls me. Shankar was shaking. suddenly, shnakar's phone rang.
"see this is from Priya. see this..."
he showed the phone to priya's family. all of them told him to answer.he talked using the loudspeaker mode. all of them heard his conversation loud and clear. no cross lines, no humming. it is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her simcard since it is nailed inside the coffin

the were so shocked and asked for pak darin's help again. pak darin brought his master (Tok Chen) to solve this matter. he & Darin worked for 5 hours. than they discovered one thing...

tok Chen was sweating. his face was red . "i just cant believe this. it's quite amazing" he said. " i didn't think that this could actually happen. unbelievable

Oh My God! Maxis is the best line,ever. we can still keep in touch even when we're dead!! Talk about coverage!!! Best coverage ever!!!
where can i get the SIMpack?

Moral of the story.........Maxis is the best lar .........
Ok, get back to work....

Ai de lor!! Kek si!!