hi all.

1st and foremost, im a 20 y/o male, currently studying in a uni in KL.

i can say im a (usually) jovial kind of guy. whenever our group of friends hangs out, i usually be the centre of attention, the one who usually makes the crowd livelier.

but lately (idk, for the past 5-6 month or so?) i kinda lost interest in life. day in and day out i always looking for purpose of my life. i woke up feeling depressed and go to sleep wondering what my purpose of continue living. i think it has to do with me failing in my final exam last year, idk.

i consider myself lucky being blessed with a gf, an understanding parents, n a group of close friend. i didnt feel like this when im with them, but whenever im alone, especially at night, im always be overwhelmed by the feeling of wanting to end my life. i closed all my windows (i live in 6th floor) just so that i dont think of throwing myself out of my bedroom window.

i tried to confide this to my closest friend, but he just scoffs and thought i was joking. when he realised i was being serious, he told me to go out more often (which im trying to avoid, since thats the reason why i failed in my exam), count my blessings in life (which i do). pray to god (which i cant, coz i dun really believe in god) etc etc etc.

idk. being a lurker in kopitiam (was introduced by sum1 to kopitiam, saying that its malaysian version of 4chan. haha.) , i know some of u might think that im a pathetic guy (which i agree)

i just feel so depressed. i was a plump person before, (average weight at 75kg) n i lost 15kg of weight in a span of 5-6 month. i cant sleep normally.

i need help. what should i do? i wanna be that kind of person i was 1 year ago.

please help

This post has been edited by Derp Derpington: Jul 1 2014, 08:21 AM

you can call befrienders, some get some 1 to talk to... 03-79568144 or 03-79568145

http://www.befrienders.org.my/service.html

you're just at that age. You are trying to find your own identity, thus the searching for the purpose and meaning in your life.
The best advice is to consult your uni psychology officer / counselor.
My less good advice is to take up another hobby, a lite one.

I'm also 20 years old and ya, its rough adjusting from studies mode then suddenly having to take on the responsiblities of adulthood.

Like you, I also don't have the freedom to go out to the events I wanna go on weekdays and sometimes weekends due to work.

I also tend to stray myself from my family especially going outside for dinner because I'm quite tired balancing my work and the things I enjoy doing such as blogging and playing mobile games, etc etc.

You are really lucky to have people around you who care for you. Your situation is quite different than me as I've always been a loner myself during my schooling days so ya, I'm already used to it for many years now. I'm a quiet person in nature, and quite different than my virtual self here.

Maybe going out for activities like movies, bowling or "makan" will cheer you up and get back to your usual self. Take your friend's word for it, he gave you quite a good suggestion.

You can also go travelling, the case might be that you are getting bored at seeing the same things everyday.

Listen to music. It always help one to sleep. You are just going through a cycle of life everyone has to go through once in awhile.

Hope this helps.

This post has been edited by ChowQing94: Jul 1 2014, 08:41 AM

one of my friend says that i probably having clinical depression. that i need professional help. do u guys think thats the case? coz when i go google clinical depression, i dun think im having it.

i talked about this alot with my gf, my parents, n my friend. idk if talking to another stranger would help.

so its just a phase? how long would it lasts?

i keep an aquarium for a hobby. got 6 little fish which surprisingly helps calm down whenever the thought attacks. haha.

i go out with my gf almost every week ( we study in the same uni). n i can say, im not like this whenever im around with my friends/family. just that whenever im alone, (when im studying, taking a shower, watching tv, etc.) the thought would overwhelms me. once i was at my parent's home, the thought attacks, n i tried to distracts myself by taking a night walk. in the end i run back to my house coz i feel like throwing myself in front of a speeding car. (yea i know. its pathetic)

i tried music. (which wat my friend suggests) it doesnt helps. i tried many genre of music.(another suggestion of my friend) from classical such as pachebel, 80s music, 90s music, i even tried justin bieber just for the heck of it. none of it helps.

i tried exercising before sleep.(yet another suggestion of my friend) the only result i got from that is a sore body when i woke up the next morning.

idk. i really hope (like u said) that it is just a phase that im having. n it goes away soon.

u can always make plan:-

keep a list of what u wanna achieve in 1 yr time, 3 yr time, 5 yr time.
make goal.. easy one, not hard one to keep your self motivate...

like other say, ur are just trying to pass your teenage time to enter adulthood.

cheerup

Justin Bieber ._. no, don't listen to his songs ._.

Listen to songs you enjoy, doesn't have to be classical.

This website for music : http://coffitivity.com/

Exercise before sleep is a no-no ._.

Idk, but usually when I can't sleep, I drink coffee, then drink plenty of water and try to knock myself out to sleep by playing mobile games or reading books or mangas.

Not healthy if you don't drink water at all after coffee, so ya I guess you can try this way.

You can also try Youtube perhaps when you are have some time for yourself? Try watching videos by SMOSH, Pewdepie or NiggaHiga. Get a few laughs from there.

And also check this websites ( ya, you might waste some time but its might get your mind off the things you are facing for awhile ) :

http://9gag.com/

http://en.rocketnews24.com/

http://www.cheezburger.com/

http://www.boredpanda.com/

http://www.2leep.com/

http://www.wonderhowto.com/

http://outgrow.me/

Maybe you could also work on a hobby? Also, a good start to get life going on.

Have you shared your thoughts with your gf?

This post has been edited by ChowQing94: Jul 1 2014, 09:43 AM

1) go do some charity work (old folks home, foster home, soup kitchen...etc) that will give u a little more perspective in life and how lucky u r.

2) depends on ur height, losing weight could be a good thing. though the sleeping part is an issue.

3) hang out with ppl who are positive, lively. even though u might find them irritating at this stage.

4) idle mind is the devil's playground. read a book, play a game, learn a language. or in ur case, study.

5) if u do all those things that /k members advised and still feel depressed, pls go find professional help.

This post has been edited by cksiah: Jul 1 2014, 10:11 AM

go get yourself a pet- it will help

sport， exercise, yamcha, keep fit, study, learn, play pc game,

think positive.........

Im 30, now prepare looking a girl.........

depression is a serious illness that takes life of many each year.

it happens on people with very good life as well (as what you had mention).

the best solution is to see a psychiatric and get some medicine, but it is not cheap though. around a few k i heard.

cheaper way probably go talk it out with friends and go travel.

So this only happens when you are alone? You need expert help to determine the cause and tackle it. Act now, go see your counselor/psychology officer.

Nolah, I also face this type of thing also.

Just need to see new things and participate more in life so wont get into boredom, dull life phase and get over the issue of crossing from school studies to adulthood.

Sometimes even the brightest star can become dull.

Too much of a good thing can also be someone's downfall.

Everyone has its moments. No one can be happy all the time =_= that's unnatural.

Every individual is different, the things they enjoy and dislike is also different.

Humans have emotions. From here, I can see it's just a phase and how people handle it might be difficult or easy depending on the individual.

Only he can decide on what actions he can take. We can only suggest and help him out as much as we can.

On the pretence of comparing life of others, it is subjective to one's view.

even though have emotions but does not need to resort to drastic results like losing interest in life..
i might be wrong or have a wrong impression but to me it sounds like he wants to die

He might also be suffering depression or mild case of adapting to change.

And, like others mentioned above, he might also consider seeing a professional or talk to Befrienders.

Finding purpose in life is a life long task.

As you age, you find that your purpose and expectations will change. Sometime when the changes are unexpected, it can cause depression as you are feeling now.

The KEY to overcoming your depression is to realize that it is a FEELING. The factors around you have not changed. Your parents still love you, you have your gf and your friends. It is only your PERCEPTION of them that has changed.

Why do people get these feelings?

if I have the definite answer I will be more famous than Sigmund Freud.

But being able to identify that it is actually merely a Feeling gives you the power to exercise your Will not to give in to the Feeling.

Look at it as similar to going on a thrilling ride, take bungee jumping for example.

Fact is, it is quite safe with a very small chance of accidents. But many people will be afraid to do it because of fear of heights etc etc.

Those who do it exercised their Will power to over come their fear and make the jump.

Similarly you can exercise your Will power not to Feel the depression but to divert your attention to other areas of thoughts that will cheer you up. This is especially helpful in the middle of the night when you are alone.

Recognize that depression cannot hurt you unless you allow it to. Paying attention by entertaining depressing thoughts gives it strength while ignoring it and diverting your attention weakens its power over you.

You have done well by being able to talk to your parents and gf.

Take the next step by willfully ignoring the feelings when they strike you.

All the best to you in your studies.

The final exam dealt a blow to you? There are people choose to drop out of college because of many reasons. It is not the end of the world. You need to check with yourself with many questions. Don't be too hard on yourself and don't blame others. Re-asses your options on how to carry on. Not everyone follows the same path. They are sheep following what others doing. You need to carve out a path of your own. Be strong brother.

talk about it alot with my gf. but lately i didnt coz i think it bothers her too much.thanx for the links. gonna try it tonite.

1. gonna try that
2. im 5'5". yeah thats the only good thing came out of this 'ordeal' that im having
3.4. done that

i got myself some fishes


im trying not to go to a psychiatrist. money doesnt come easily in my family. same goes for travelling

idk. i didnt feel like being pampered tho.



maybe. but i just cant help it. whenever i lay idle, my minds 'automatically' thinks about how worthless my life is, how i would do everyone a favor by ending my life. i tried to think positively, n for a moment, the thought will go away. but, it cames back as soon as it left my mind.

sometimes u need to bid ur time until u find ur calling and purpose. tht is the hardest part and most mundane.

being alive is great. so much challenges, so much uncertainties, so many experiment u can do.

and as for ur gf, i think if both of u r not tht close or there isn't any plan to get married, u have to becareful wat u share with her. some girls are made to be with u no matter wat, but some, well, they are only suitable on good days of ur life.

actually my gf still asks about it from time to time. its me who choose not to talk about it.

coz, before this, i usually talk to her when the thought 'attacks'. n it is usually past midnight when everybody already sleeps.

good to know u have a supporting gf. it helps.

go get a hobby TS,u need one

Jom yumcha !! Where you stay?

Free counselling session 4 u

All other suggestions are good. If they still don't work, consider changing your room/apt. Shift to other places. Environment sometimes play a part in your mind. May sound superstitious, but no harm trying if all else fail

I am not trolling you, What I say is What I mean...

See a psychiatrist.
I believe none of those who replied here is a qualified psychiatrist.

Sometimes medication is needed.

This post has been edited by LegendLee: Jul 2 2014, 11:17 AM

first off, whatever you do, don't kill yourself. your life is precious not only to you about others as well especially your parents.

as you're at a stage where you're beginning to ponder what is it all for, give it time. give time to yourself to find life's purpose for yourself. the meaning of your life is to give it meaning and purpose. now you're in uni, make the best of it. i personally feel that's the best years one could have. i missed those years. it helped me to shape my thoughts and purpose, place in life.

what do humans search for in their life? the answer is obviously, HAPPINESS. Each has his own definition of what happiness is to them. It may mean having a roof under our head (many don't have), a religion, an expensive toy, a branded handbag, a new girl friend(s) like in your case (remember the time she said yes to u?), a college education, a promotion, more moolah to feed/keep that happiness going and yes in typical k style - SEX. People look for happiness everywhere.. similarly people prefer not to experience things that could cause them to lose that very happiness, so that they'd stay happy (your statement of wanting to be that person 1 year ago). This happiness is actively and inactively pursued throughout the stages of our life. And it changes as time passes on...It is not lasting though many take it to be because there's always an 'IF' to their perceived happiness. "I'll be happier if I get that car... I'll be happy if have more money (of course u do but when does it end?)", "I'll be happy if i can go back to the person i was 1 year ago" etc etc. This happiness is conditional meaning if the reasons for our being happy have ceased, then we go back to being unhappy. And so it starts again and again like a roller-coaster up n down x999999 ... and it always almost seems like unsatisfactoriness is running our life (easily satisfied people are happier, yes or no?).

Here's my take on having a fulfilling life:

1. Having
Like what i said earlier, pursuing the 'haves' can give u a certain measure of happiness/satisfaction. It could be wealth - a higher pay check, health, relations with people, beauty, a hobby (like someone suggested earlier) expensive stuff, exotic food, korean plastic surgery?, marriage, your university degree now perhaps? aim to do well, learn from past mistakes, what matters is NOW and hereon.

2. Not Having
By not having, i mean it is better for us not to resort to unsatisfactoriness/jelly of what others have/ill will/all those negative emotions. Instead, cultivate Contentment and Gratitude for things you already and or still have (refer to no.1). Knowing when it's enough is one of the keys to real happiness in our life though adverts for gadgets/service/products etc will beg to differ. Count your blessings, you're alive and well that's a good reason to be happy really if you ponder on it.

3. Giving - Make it a Habit
Giving away things can make one happy - it can be your belongings, your time to a friend... a noble cause, your kind words, your service etc. When you see the recipients of your kindness/selfless giving happy, it will naturally spill over to you. You'll sleep better at nigh and find your life begins to have purpose

4. Giving up/Letting go - Make it a Habit
Letting go here means letting go of our attachments, our past failures, usual comforts, negative emotions: greed, hatred, anger, feelings of suicidal etc etc) This is a little harder to do and it takes practice and checking of emotions because we are creatures of emotions, we are their slaves, they control us most of the time... let them go so that you can their master. Sing the "Let it Go" song if you have to. Start forgiving yourself for phailing that paper and let it stay in the past. Start afresh with new optimism and hope. Give yourself a chance to succeed, to give your life meaning and purpose, don't quit without fighting.

5. Cultivating Good/Moral Conduct - Make it a Habit
by means of mind, actions and speech based on pure and loving intentions. having a clear conscience sets one's mind at peace IMO) Does this make sense? Btw, you don't need a religion to do that but if you already have one you can relate to this point that i'm making better. You can still do all the good things a human is capable of doing without a religion.

6. Cultivating the Mind - You need this
As we feed our belly with food 24/7 so do we need to feed our mind with wholesomeness. This can be done by actively watching our mind and its endless motives. example: when anger arises be aware of that anger having arisen and continue watching it till it cease. It could save you from executing an action like killing someone or yourself or something that you may regret for life if you let anger (other strong emotions as well) take control over you - if it stops in the mind it won't manifest itself in your actions and speech. So being aware of our mind is a skill that could really help you maneauvre the complications and brave the vicissitudes of life. Try to always think, do, and speak positive and keep those negativity at bay by looking at them like an object, they come they go. they don't always occupy your mind space for long periods, they take breathers too and come back. They come back less when all your positives are firing on all cylinders

7. UNDERSTANDING
Happiness is sandwiched in between unhappiness - cultivate an understanding that 'this too shall pass' - not be overly overly happy (well you can actually lol) as unhappiness could be just around the corner (this is not the same as being pessimistic ya?). Similarly not to be overly sad as happiness may just pops out of nowhere where you least expected it. It's sort of like having an equanimous/balanced attitude/mind. I find that this bring a great measure of calm to me personally.


And as suggested by many already, you need to talk call the numbers given or u can pm me.

This post has been edited by hotjake: Jul 2 2014, 11:49 AM

never exercise before you sleep...bad idea..exercise in the morning or evening before dinner....all you need is a confident boost before that find out what are u unhappy abt ... there is surely something but only u can figure it out.

i agree

Depression comes with a reason and what was your reason? Try to think back in time and see what was the main cause of it. I could say I'm one of the depressed one too, the thought of killing myself or disappear from everyone has been coming out more often than not. But seeing you having the "will" to become what you used to be few months ago I would rule out the possibility of depression.

In my point of view it seems like you just felt "left out" by your friends though. Try to catch up with them, watch some new movie or drama that everyone watch so you get what are they talking about. Talk it out with your parents, their experience some times will help you to pin-point the reason of your depression and give you good advises. Make sure they know you are serious or you might get some joke answer.

Nothing wrong to be an attention seeker, no attention how to be a star? no attention how to be a leader? If you can be in the center of attention, why be the small rock on the side of the road that no one notice?

Try to avoid taking medication, those medicine actually slows down your brain to stop you from over-thinking... the side effect is not something good to be with...

try go to those orphanage and hospitals with dying ppl who struggle to keep living.



This post has been edited by twins9: Jul 2 2014, 09:50 PM

involve in sports. if u dont like university sport you can find outside sport. sport can give u sense of achievement. at least u will find a purpose there.

Some one bring TS fag fag and gain back life

This post has been edited by commanderz: Jul 3 2014, 01:29 PM

Find a hobby and what u passion about to give u a thing to fight for ! Good luck ~

Same here yo.

Then one day I suddenly felt like: "eh? If I'm planning to die, might as well YOLO and start doing something I truly enjoy."

And live happily ever after~

Agree with you bro. There is a stigma about seeking help when it comes down to it. I remember one time my friend wanted to see a psychiatrist coz he is having very serious panic attacks for no reason. He walks to a shop relax then come home seriously panicking. Like he was gonna die or have his heart exploded.

So he wanted to see the psychiatrist lah but then suddenly the plan got cancelled coz he said when his parents found out, they told him to calm down saying he is just being ridiculous. This guy has educated parents mind you. So you can imagine how shocking. They say he cannot just simply go to see a shrink without thinking how it would affect their reputation. Very sad that even high education also cannot cure a stigma.

For the guy who posted this thread, please don't be afraid to seek professional help. You said that you already spoke about your thoughts with your friends, gf etc. Though they meann well, they are not informed.

And plus, there could be a medical reason that can only be treated by medication/therapy. Usually at this age, early 20s we get this peaks of emotions and lows of the lowest because we feel like a leaf drifting by. You are not spoiled. You are just having intense emotions that are a trademark of early adulthood for many people.

But I also worry you may not be telling everything that is making you feel like this. You don't need to tell it to us here, but know that we are rooting for you!

May the force be with you!

Dear TS,

I used to have same kind of thinking when I'm at your age or younger..
Kind of lost of life purpose, directions and seeking for purpose continuously.

One day I decided to spare all my saving and to see the world to understand what is life mean in every different geography locations. I went to New Zealand, Macau, Hong Kong, China, Vietnam, Thailand and Cambodia. I have explored what I have not explore in Malaysia.

The world is huge out there, why do you sit in a room and think of nonsense?

I suggest you to go for backpack and explore the world. If you need any advice, please don't be hesitate to drop me a PM. I'm more than happy to advice you.

This post has been edited by BlaBlaBoy: Jul 4 2014, 03:45 PM

Walter Mitty, is that you?

There must be something that trigger you into depression mode. Perhaps something unnecessary bothering you.

Stop thinking too much, I guess you are like me. Whenever I'm alone, I will tend to think a lot... I mean A LOT, including my possibilities of dying while typing this message.

What you have to do, is to spend more time with your friends, families, gf and get a hobby that can occupy you.

Psych is no difference then your best friend, rather than spending money.. vent out your feelings and frustration to your good buddy. You will feel lighter emotionally. Medicine can help you for short term and not long term.. it won't cure you.

Go out, explore the world and if can become Batman. Malaysia need Batman.

Hmm Im putting on weight cus too much of happiness. I wish I can lost my weight around 10KG like before.... Was like you before.

Everyone wants to do Yolo just like you. The problem is always about money. Sobbing .

Take out all your savings, see how much you got, then choose to travel according to what you can spend....

Most ppl prefer to die than travel....since you are not afraid of death...then getting mugged and killed while travelling is nothing.... just saying lah...

Once you get exposure...you really no time to die wan.

TS. DO YOU have a religion? No am not talking about the religion of your parents, but you yourself. What is your faith, if may. Do answer us that for now. TQ

chill ur at an age where ur searching for yourself.
carry on doing what u love doing (hobbies outings and stuff) and dont be alone all the time.

look forward to tomorrow and the day after and aim to achieve stuff in life. what u always wanted to do, where u always wanted to go etc etc.

ive been thru ur phase and found myself when i was 17yrs old. now im 21 living a happy life (without a gf or many friends as well)

made peace with my dark side long time ago hahah

ahhh... the cross road of life at that age...

no worry bro... most ppl have that kind of feeling around that age...

dun take things too seriously...

know one thing: Do your best in whatever coming your way. That's the only way forward. When u finally make it through, you gonna look back and feel proud of yourselves for making this far. Its all part and parcel of life bro...

find correct friends. filter yourself who you're friends with. stay with positive groups. enjoy social activity going outside instead of staying at home. have balance social and study. if you're muslim, read the translation of quran. understand the true meaning of the words.

You are still young, you could try exploring different area of interests, there are so much in life to experience. You never know if you stumble upon something or many things that make you feel happy and purposeful in life again.
If nothing seems to work, talk to someone, maybe your parents. If needed, seek professional help.
Sometimes, it could also be the way you view the world that makes you feel the way you feel.
This one, we may not be able to help you unless you help yourself. You have to look inside yourself and find out what happened and how to feel better again.

All the best. Nothing is as bad as it seems. Learn from all your experiences & mistakes. They will eventually lead you somewhere good if you put those lessons to good use.

take a break. go visit holy places, shrine, mosque, temple, church, etc. avoid shopping malls. meditate. jogging, yoga, do anything which could make you really tired and sleep. go mandi sungai, alone or with friends doesn't matter.