hi all.

1st and foremost, im a 20 y/o male, currently studying in a uni in KL.

i can say im a (usually) jovial kind of guy. whenever our group of friends hangs out, i usually be the centre of attention, the one who usually makes the crowd livelier.

but lately (idk, for the past 5-6 month or so?) i kinda lost interest in life. day in and day out i always looking for purpose of my life. i woke up feeling depressed and go to sleep wondering what my purpose of continue living. i think it has to do with me failing in my final exam last year, idk.

i consider myself lucky being blessed with a gf, an understanding parents, n a group of close friend. i didnt feel like this when im with them, but whenever im alone, especially at night, im always be overwhelmed by the feeling of wanting to end my life. i closed all my windows (i live in 6th floor) just so that i dont think of throwing myself out of my bedroom window.

i tried to confide this to my closest friend, but he just scoffs and thought i was joking. when he realised i was being serious, he told me to go out more often (which im trying to avoid, since thats the reason why i failed in my exam), count my blessings in life (which i do). pray to god (which i cant, coz i dun really believe in god) etc etc etc.

idk. being a lurker in kopitiam (was introduced by sum1 to kopitiam, saying that its malaysian version of  4chan. haha.) , i know some of u might think that im a pathetic guy (which i agree)

i just feel so depressed. i was a plump person before, (average weight  at 75kg) n i lost 15kg of weight in a span of 5-6 month. i cant sleep normally.

i need help. what should i do? i wanna be that kind of person i was 1 year ago.

please help