hi all.

1st and foremost, im a 20 y/o male, currently studying in a uni in KL.

i can say im a (usually) jovial kind of guy. whenever our group of friends hangs out, i usually be the centre of attention, the one who usually makes the crowd livelier.

but lately (idk, for the past 5-6 month or so?) i kinda lost interest in life. day in and day out i always looking for purpose of my life. i woke up feeling depressed and go to sleep wondering what my purpose of continue living. i think it has to do with me failing in my final exam last year, idk.

i consider myself lucky being blessed with a gf, an understanding parents, n a group of close friend. i didnt feel like this when im with them, but whenever im alone, especially at night, im always be overwhelmed by the feeling of wanting to end my life. i closed all my windows (i live in 6th floor) just so that i dont think of throwing myself out of my bedroom window.

i tried to confide this to my closest friend, but he just scoffs and thought i was joking. when he realised i was being serious, he told me to go out more often (which im trying to avoid, since thats the reason why i failed in my exam), count my blessings in life (which i do). pray to god (which i cant, coz i dun really believe in god) etc etc etc.

idk. being a lurker in kopitiam (was introduced by sum1 to kopitiam, saying that its malaysian version of  4chan. haha.) , i know some of u might think that im a pathetic guy (which i agree)

i just feel so depressed. i was a plump person before, (average weight  at 75kg) n i lost 15kg of weight in a span of 5-6 month. i cant sleep normally.

i need help. what should i do? i wanna be that kind of person i was 1 year ago.

please help

i go out with my gf almost every week ( we study in the same uni). n i can say, im not like this whenever im around with my friends/family. just that whenever im alone, (when im studying, taking a shower, watching tv, etc.) the thought would overwhelms me. once i was at my parent's home, the thought attacks, n i tried to distracts myself by taking a night walk. in the end i run back to my house coz i feel like throwing myself in front of a speeding car. (yea i know. its pathetic)

i tried music. (which wat my friend suggests) it doesnt helps. i tried many genre of music.(another suggestion of my friend) from classical such as pachebel, 80s music, 90s music, i even tried justin bieber just for the heck of it. none of it helps.

i tried exercising before sleep.(yet another suggestion of my friend) the only result i got from that is a sore body when i woke up the next morning.

idk. i really hope (like u said) that it is just a phase that im having. n it goes away soon.

too pampered

having such colorful life yet depressed?
its only a sign of having too much but taking things for grant.
try imagine kids without families, gf or neither doing well in studies.

you think their life are any better than ts?

even though have emotions but does not need to resort to drastic results like losing interest in life..
i might be wrong or have a wrong impression but to me it sounds like he wants to die