jdreamer,
glad that you are doing fine. however, please remember not to put too much hope because the higher the hope, the higher your expectation will be and the more painful when you fall.

i would just wanna remind you that when a person's heart/feel has changed, there's nothing much that you can do to get it back. if she wanna be set free, then just let her go. after all, there's still a lot of trees out there. it's not like you cant live without her. i know it's kind of hard for you to accept this at the moment, but as time pass, and your wound starts to heal, you'll come to realize this.

it's not your lost for losing her. peopl do change over time. what she did was what she thought right for both of you. because she thinks that since she has lost her feelings for you and has started to fall for another guy, then she doesnt wanna waste your time and set you free. if you guys are fated to be together, you will be together eventually. but if you guys are not fated to be together, no matter how hard you push also no use.

i always believe that we will get to learn from experience. Maybe she is God's plan for you in order for you to prepare yourself for a true one that God has arranged for you. take things easily and try to be optimistic and think positively.

i'm sorry if the things i said today dont sound good. however, i'm just worried that you might get hurt if you put too much hope in it. all the best yeah.

you dont need to forget. it's impossible to forget. nobody can forget intentionally. you have to accept and learn to live with it. everyone have different way of healing. so in your case, if you think this is the best way for your healing, by all means, go for for it. remind yourself that you target now is to HEAL yourself. your priority is not her anymore. now, work on healing yourself. dont have to keep counting of the days of your breakup. it will only remind you of the breakup and end up feeling pain over it. frankly speaking, i used to remember the date that my ex-bf break up with me. but gladly say, i've forgotten it now.

usually, in this kind of situation, it will better if you could change the way your girl think. well, my advice will be, you try to make your point clear saying that you need her trust in order for the relationship to work. because it is really hard to maintain a long distance relationship if there is no trust. you'll eventually get pressured because you will be overly worried that she will think nonsense and lack of trust with you each time you have any outings.

well, in this kind of situation, i will try to make my points clear that i need trust. STERN and CLEAR. well, this is what my dear did lah... hehehe... of course i wasnt checking on him but sometimes, if i just overstep the border, then he would say his point of view and we come to an agreeable solution lorr...

well, i always give 101% of trust to my dear, since the beginning of relationship. and he hasnt violated it even once. so, basically, there's no trust issue between both of us. well, maybe both should work it out together. you play your part to give her more trust and she play her part in being not so suspicious and negative thinking. it has to work in both way. all the best yeah.

thanks a lot for your wish. me and my dear didnt only back to normal. actually, i feel both of us have moved to another level in our relationship. previously there's some kind of barrier when we are to talk of certain things but now, it's no longer there. we are more close to each others and i strongly believe there's a future for both of us. currently, we are working together to furnish his house (our house)

In my opinion, everyone have a different sets of "ga jik goon" or "yan sang goon". this is definitely unavoidable. me and my dear also different. i guess, in this kind of situation, RESPECT and COMPROMISE is EXTREMELY important. well, i hope that the things that i will say will not offend you. if i ever do, let me apologize first.

i somehow feel you ought to respect your bf's choice. dont put your thought or opinion is more previledge than his thought or opinion. both's opinion should be at the same level. there's no superiority in relationship. try not to put yourself as the superior here. try to put yourself in his position and dont think so negatively. he must have his own reason to wanting to have his own business. try to respect it, ok? as to why i say not to put yourself in the superior, is because when you put yourself in superior, you will tend to think that only your idea works while his idea is not as good as yours. yes, i understand that you are from Hong Kong and you would know the culture there more than him and you believe that working for others is a better start than to straight away start his own business (if he is to go to Hong Kong). However, there are cases where a foreigner is success starting business in a foreign country. have some faith and confident in him. try not to worry about it too much and create tense between both of you.

yes, i do know that you would want him to be financially viable to finance your family (i mean the family that both of you will build together). but you gotta understand that the family belongs to both of you. so both of you gotta work together to finance it and to make it a happy family. yes, the responsibility lies higher and heavier on the man's shoulder, but the woman behind him acts to support him in case if the burden is too heavy.

try to understand the reason to why he wants to start his business. frankly speaking, having own business is indeed a better way to earn money. and frankly speaking, it doesnt only take 1 year for a new starting company to earn money. it will take at least 1.5 or 2 years to break even and start to earn money. so i believe, time and support is what he needs now.

take myself as an example. i'm not the type of person who always like to take risk. so when my dear tell me he's starting business, i'm kind of worried. moreover, his ex-company (that time his company) have just promoted him and there's salary increment and there's also some counter offer when he resign. i thought that it would be safer to work for others because if lost money also, still the money is the other company's money. so, i kind of not that supportive. but when he told me that the reason why he wanna start his business is because he wanna have his own career and to earn more money for his future family (me and our family), i decided to fully support him. because if i love him, i have to love all of him. we'll be there for each others to support each others through ups and down.

then, now, he has got really little time for me. i was sad and kind of angry about it and we got some argument and cold war for 1 day (one day only, hehehe... cos i couldnt stand pretending to be angry but actually care about him - such a torture for me) then eventually after i think about it, i come to understand that no matter how i angry or cold war or scold him, he couldnt do anything about his time because he just couldnt fork out the time. and when i get angry about it, it only made both of us unhappy, so, eventually, i learn to accept it and deep down inside me, i know that he will definitely spend time to accompany me if he's available. and that's just what he do. so happy about it. he always try to arrange his time to be there for me when i need him

anyway, enough about my part. northasian, maybe you ought to talk it with him. ask him the reason why he want his own business. dont jump into conclusion that he want his own business just because he wanna be boss and dont wanna work under people. remember one thing, even if he have his own business, he still work under other people, and that other people is his CUSTOMERS. well, i guess i wrote too long. hope that it's of some help. all the best to you, yeah.

ONE, and i mean, ONE stalk of flower will do. maybe try giving a pink rose, or whatever flower with meaning of good day, or you are beautiful, but try not to give red rose, just yet. all the very best to you.

hey... have some confident in yourself. it's not like when you fail in one relationship, you fail in all. moreover you didnt fail at all. it's just that both of you have decided to walk on a separate road to achieve each others dream. there's no failure when a relationship ends. remember this and be confident with yourself, ok?

you are most welcome. no, i always try not to provoke my dear.

in your gf's case, maybe she's just insecure and lack of confident on herself. tell her that you dont feel good about those kind of provoking. one point to ponder, if now, she already like this, then when old that time, how?

erm... i'm out of idea, maybe others can give some idea? cos in my POV, when my guy say until like that liao, i will definitely understand liao and will try my best to be good worr...

well, for your case, maybe you ask her is it that she's suspicious and dont trust you, therefore, keep on checking and provoking you? ask for an answer lorr. then from her answer, then you ask her how she wants you to do lorr. let her guide you because only she understand what she needs better.

yes, a little is good, but when it's getting bigger, that is where the trouble and problem comes. all the best yeah.

a box of chocolate? or a small plush toy that can be put on beg?

sorry for such a long post. hehehe... eyes tired of reading is it? sorry ah...

yeah, northasian, try not to push too much about getting married and having family and things like that. as you said, currently, his business is not so well. i would advice you to be supportive, and try not to over pressure him with family and marriage or migration kind of thingy. maybe talk nicely with him and discuss for a solution agreeable to both of you. all the best, yeah.

you should give without expecting anything in return. meaning, you respect his decision but at the same time, ask him what's his plan if he dont wanna go to HK. anyway, how old are you? i always believe, dont get married because we are getting older. but get married because we are committed and ready to commit more. hey, dont cry... talk things nicely with him. say all your difficulties.

jdreamer,
what quiksilver says is true. give sometime to yourself. try not to contact and reply so fast to her. actually, in my point of view, it's better that both of you dont contact each other so much in the mean time and try not to be so close in the mean time. try to go on with your usual life, without her. try not to be emotionally dependent on her or your relationship. after both of you really have recover, then be close friend.

the reason why i adviced not to be so close now is because both of you guys are confused and used to be in love. if you guys stay close in such a period time after breaking up, confusion might occur and complication follows. i'm afraid that you might subconsciously put in high hope in the relationship. i hope you do get what i mean. all the best, yeah.

hahaha... actually, you should think of the memorable stuffs yourself. then only it will be memorable. all we can do is just giving suggestion here. the final decision still yours mah... we've given many ideas leh... as for chocolate, maybe try ferrero rocher and make it into a flower bouquet.

from the way you describe it, he sounds like getting ready and working for your need. he's indeed working to develop his career and business, building a good foundation for both your future and his future. hey, dont be so pesimistic.Malaysia isnt as bad as you think. if you are to come here, i believe, your bf will do as best and super best as he could to protect you and to take care of you. have some trust in him, ok? dont cry... you have us here to support you.

it sounds a good progress. at least both of you could discuss the matter and is willing to discuss the matter to get a solution agreeable to both of you. talk over it nicely and calmly, ok? think optimisticly. he do sound like a person who's understanding and matured. have trust in him and discuss with him, ok? all the best, yeah.

dunno how to read chinese. banana girl here

i'm fine here. now busy furnishing and decorating new house

what yiu yiu yiu?

not yet lorr... they already grown a bit liao, but i still cant find people who willing to adopt them anyone wanna adopt kittens?

yeah, everything is back to normal liao. me and my dear discussed things over and we have worked together to solve problem. now, i feel, one barrier is being put down by both of us

you guys are most welcome. yeah... i hope everything is fine here. jdreamer?

why not so ok?

suiteng, in my opinion, if both of you understand each others but still argue, i guess the problem isnt understanding matters. i think, the problem should lies in the attitude of both of you. try to look into the matter and think of why wanna argue. what triggers the argument. i give you an example, maybe it's not that you guys understand each others too much, but it's because of both of you wanna win and wanna make the other person agree with what each of you think. anyway, whatever the problem is, arguing will not do both of you any good. talk calmly and dont argue. all the best, yeah.

sherly, mind to say what triggers his family not liking you? well, i guess when family comes into picture, is the hardest things to deal with. however, i always believe, solve problem from the root which triggers the problem. say for example, his family misunderstands you, try to clarify the misunderstanding by action and prove them wrong and make them have more trust in you. it's no good to fight fire with fire. fight fire with water. all the best, yeah.

jdreamer,
try forgive her. yes, she left you just like that when you have spend 4 years to build the relationship. however, try not to think about it so negatively. well, if you have spend 4 years of effort, she have spend 4 years of effort too. let's try to look into it in this way. maybe this 4 years of spending time together have actually made her realize that this is not what she want and she would like to end it before it gets worst. yes, it may sound selfish, but look at it in a positive way.

p/s: you may get angry with her, and yes, it's indeed a process post-breakup and eventually will lead to your forgiveness and accepting the breakup. however, try not to let the anger and grudge held in your for too long because it will only make you into a sour person. all the best. you have our support!

well, now that you realize the problem, why not discuss it with jorineb and try solving the problem together by coming into a solution agreeable to both of you? all the best, yeah.

jdreamer,
try forgive her. yes, she left you just like that when you have spend 4 years to build the relationship. however, try not to think about it so negatively. well, if you have spend 4 years of effort, she have spend 4 years of effort too. let's try to look into it in this way. maybe this 4 years of spending time together have actually made her realize that this is not what she want and she would like to end it before it gets worst. yes, it may sound selfish, but look at it in a positive way.

p/s: you may get angry with her, and yes, it's indeed a process post-breakup and eventually will lead to your forgiveness and accepting the breakup. however, try not to let the anger and grudge held in your for too long because it will only make you into a sour person. all the best. you have our support!

well, now that you realize the problem, why not discuss it with jorineb and try solving the problem together by coming into a solution agreeable to both of you? all the best, yeah.

mandy, this thread is only for LDR couples only ah? i'm not in LDR worr...