you sounded like a clean freak, perfectionist type of housewife. well not to say that it's not good, but during festive seasons especially CNY. it's where everyone gathers and enjoy. if you dont like crowds visiting your home i think there's a problem there. bits of food boxes of drinks left on the table, etc etc.. all these are very common during CNY. give and take a little dear, you will enjoy more. i would tolerate and do all cleaning happily if i have a big family coming to stay with me. see yourself lucky. i live abroad and having to spend time with my family is more precious to me than picking on these little things. i had to spend a lot just to go home. but if things are on the extreme side, probably unsafe to your children at home then you can speak to your husband, im sure he will see fit your reasons and agree with you.

if your husband does totally nothing to help out in the house including taking care of the kids, i understand your frustration there and totally can see why you dont want to have the 2nd baby. he needs to make a deal on doing certain things if he wants to have a 2nd baby. but just planning for a 2nd baby, he might have his points not to wait for at least 3yrs apart. different families are brought up differently, dont compare other house affairs to yours. if you and your mother was a very organized housewife, good. but dont expect everyone to be like you. i feel it's a bit overboard when you quoted his family as "dirty and unorganised." Well, he grew up just fine anyway. being a mother and to manage everything isnt' easy. you know it, so understand your parents in law when they were at your shoes.

really, these are all petty issues that you get within a marriage. i have never heard of any women getting along so well with their in-laws,or how much they loved and feel their in-laws are a perfect family figure. talk it out and tolerate on the things you want and he wants. you're sad and angry, you feel lonely when nobody eat and talk to you. or even when he doesnt ask you how was your day. fair enough. have you ever asked or know how he felt or see things from his point of view? i wouldnt dare to judge much, you know best. but to say you're gonna leave because of these petty issues? no wonder divorce rates are going up among the couples nowadays.

To TS, sorry for what you are going through. I'm also married with a girl currently 9 months + I know how it feels like when you have whole bunch of relatives coming over to your house for visit or staying for few days. Different families have different habits so yes, some of those behavior will not be our liking but CNY is only a yearly thing so sometimes just need to tolerate for that period

For your husband which has married you and living together with you should have know your living habits. Like you said "You like your house clean and organized". Your husband should have helped out on some of the clean ups and or the mess created. After all he's also living in the house.

About having 2nd baby, both need to prepare and not just 1 side say want want. TS you try to look back when you have your 1st child is your husband helping out a lot during your pregnancy, after deliver, during confinement period and upbringing and caring for the baby. If he's not then better don't because you will be over stress since your 1st child is only 6 months.

I also sometimes argue with my wife but we talk it out after that and try to understand each other and what both of us expect. Most important, for your husband I think he don't realize how difficult it is to take care a baby since you mentioned that the baby is left at the babysitter day n night so I can honestly say, he don't know the full experience thing. I know because my wife send my daughter to her mother place in the morning then bring her back in the evening on weekday and my daughter is sleeping in her cot with us in the same room and on weekend we take care of her ourselves. From my wife confinement period I was in the same bedroom as her and our baby so I go through the whole period with my wife together. Waking up a few times at night, changing diaper, feed my daughter, I started to help my wife to bath our daughter when she was 3 months old on weekends. It was not easy at 1st but down the road I start to realized myself its not something easy. That's why I didn't keep asking my wife for a 2nd child even my parents ask me I also tell them, we will plan it later since taking care a baby is not easy and can be quite tired.

Overall, try talking to your husband, let him understand how you feel and if he really want a 2nd child, just bring your 1st baby home and let the baby sleep in the same room as yours and ask your husband to help out (waking up at midnight 3-4 days a week to help you feed the baby or change diaper see if he can tahan for 3 weeks or not) Let your husband experience the hardship.

This post has been edited by TitanRev: Feb 17 2014, 01:14 PM

"I feel sad n angry tht he never see things in my view and jz kept wanting to go his way.. and when I dun agree then it becomes another fight.."

This is the reason I think both of you fight. When a fight starts between husband and wife, usually both parties is at fault. The same thing you said is equally applicable for your husband to complaint about you. Try to be the one with the positive energy to open up and talk to your husband. Let me share a little secrets, guys normally can give in if you talk slowly, nicely, and cute. But will reject to the core if you forced your idea on him. So if you want something, try not to bring up your voice but instead requested "manjaly", I am sure your man heart will soften and give in

There are a few issues here. Leaving the family issue aside during CNY, most important is that u need to talk to your HB regarding taking your Baby Back during the night time.

A Baby Sitter (BS) is just a Baby Sitter. Parents should take care of the Baby whenever they can. I hope that u are already taking care of the Baby on weekends. Else, the Baby won't even know that you're the parents.

Look for a BS nearer to your house. Talk to your neighbours, who ia willing to help you.

Above all, talk to your HB that being away from your Baby is killing you emotionally.

Good luck. If you need someone to talk to, Call Befrienders.

dear friend,

my marriage ends up with divorce. will be attending court tomorrow to settle everything.

appreciate and learnt how to talk with hbby.

So sorry to hear this.

Stay strong.

the judge on leave today. damn malaisia court. delay till next month

stay lovely with ur hubby. think bck the happy moments.

In my opinion Jonrev is right. Even if it is your house you still have to entertain your in-laws whenever they come over or when you host a family reunion. You must never show your displeasure otherwise your husband will have no defense should they complain against you. Try putting on a smile instead of a black face after all you are the one who has to clean up whichever face you put on. Keep the anger inside. This will make your husband feel guilty. Always try to be accommodating and supportive and make him proud of you be it with in-laws or his male friends.

Intimacy is very important in a marriage. If you feel that intimacy is only for making babies then you are actually pushing your husband away. Intimacy helps strengthen a marriage; helps you to communicate with your husband; helps you to convey your desires and wishes to him. Maybe your husband was just using 'having a second baby' as an excuse to get intimate with you.

Try the soft approach. If you are always fighting with him then he will not want to come home early and have dinner with you. If having tried and failed, then try counseling.

Good luck!

We are still very loving thank you. Just celebrated our 40th valentine's day.

I wish you all the best. Hope you have a better future. I always believe things happen for a reason.

thanks~!

First and foremost, bring your baby back to the family. The baby needs her mom and dad. Why would you even have a baby if you don't plan to take care of him/her? It's easy to have a baby, only takes few min. But raising a baby or a kid is a completely different experience.

Secondly, communicate your thoughts and feelings to your hubby. He needs to know what is going on. It is tough to have a balance between his own vs his parents/relatives. Sometimes you do have to look the other way. Make him to clean the house since it's his relatives made the mess. If the communication is a one way street, then you have a bigger issue on hand. Most likely it will lead to separation then divorce.

hope for the best. and get ur baby back. The kid needs mom's love.

oh dear... hope you're alright.
do you have baby/kids?

mind to share the boiling point?

Cheers

Let's see...You like cleanliness, and ya husband do not. To make life easy, why not get part-time cleaning service and robot cleaner to resolve the cleanliness matter.

As for baby, is there a reason for not bringing back baby after work?

Men are lidat. They are not as sensitive as women. Just tolerate with it and always remember to share how you feel about things. Communication is key.

Dear friend must read

"Used vs. Loved"

While a man was polishing his new car, his 6 yr old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father.....with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times. Devastated by his own actions.......sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.The next day that man committed suicide. . .Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life..... Things are to be used and people are to be loved. But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved.... In this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in mind: Things are to be used, but People are to be loved. Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits they become character;Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder. God bless you.


This post has been edited by danielisme: Feb 25 2014, 11:48 AM

Nobody is totally clean and organised.u should adapt

I miss my ex gf more than my ex wife.

see my title...I miss my sc. I love her so much

Why didn't you marry your ex-gf then?

Dear TS,

I guess you're probably tired to here us saying you should sit down and talk with your husband, but communication is the only way... Are you able to pick up the baby personally after work, instead of your husband?

I always wonder y ppl will think / say like this when they heard bout the divorce thingy....if 2 ppl r not happy n there is no way to settle things out divorce will be a very good choice instead of fighting n being unhappy for life.

just my 2cents..