This cny hubby family came and stay over at our place fr few days (the hse tht we r staying in now belongs to his parents) so all his sisters n family cram into the house creating havoc.. rubbish n worn diapers thrown here n there.. drinks left half not finish din bother to throw away..used my bb tub to bathe their baby and din bother to clean till when I wanted to use I have to clear up myself. . The list goes on..

I was furious because I like my environment clean n organised. . Stuff arranged properly. . I din blow in frnt of his family bt of cuz my face showed im unhappy.. today his sisters was telling my husband how "afraid" they r with me cuz I showing black face.. and husband always follows his family words.. kept saying im stubborn selfish.. din care bout others feeling. .

And walked out to another room after 1 hr of argument. . This is d 2nd time tht he fight with me over these matter n he always says im stubborn etc etc...

I feel like leaving cuz theres no point tht I come home to face sumbody who no longer appreciate what ive done.. baby was sent to bbsitter day n nite n he refuse to bring baby back even though baby is already 6 months.. I missed my baby so much n suspecting bbsitter is not feeding him well cuz he is not gaining weight fast enuf to be within the normal line.. its already on the yellow line.. tried finding another bbsitter bt cant get as all full..

Now he kept saying want to have 2nd baby!!!.. of cuz I din allow him to touch me as im not ready for 2nd baby.. I wanted age gap of 3 yrs when my 1st baby can take care of hkmself first..im scared as we dont have mil or my mom to take care.. financially wud b burden also.. bt hubby insist to hav 2nd baby.. so we fight again..

I feel sad n angry tht he never see things in my view and jz kept wanting to go his way.. and when I dun agree then it becomes another fight..

Everyday I come home to eat alone for dinner he cum bck at 9 or 9.30.. ive got nobody to talk to.. not even asking me how was my day..

Its really sad tht we r jz married 1yr plus tht we hav so many things to fight about.. I think im gonna slip into depression frm missing my baby to having to face his dirty n unorganised family..

i think u shud report to police. not here

i envy u because u can marriage...
btw, i cant. my father in law is too over protective.

i hope u can find ur own happiness too

One word tolerance or move out to other place temporary to cool down, if keep quarrel definitely lead to divorce.

i think you should move out first, or face to face tell your husband what are u thinking....

From what u described, your husband is an irresponsible jerk. Think again why u married him and maybe that helps. If not sure will divorce...
Try communicate with him...
Good luck

My 2 cents here.

Root cause is difference in expectation - yours and your husband.

Hard to change expectation as it is cultivated since younger years

Maybe reach a compromise in between. But need to sit down and have a wife to husband talk on this.

Good luck!

Whatever plumberly has said.

Have you considered marriage counselling or spending time with a couple which you can model after?

This post has been edited by ionStorm: Feb 15 2014, 10:25 AM

the root cause is both of you did not communicate well before marriage of what to expect and what are both's expectations.

both of you must find time to talk properly, not argue or quarrel, but slow talk and settle the matter. Explain to him why both of you should wait to have the second baby. He might be angry with you for not letting him touch you, which might trigger his anger and go find someone else outside.

Do you have any family members place where you can temporary move out to? Marriage counselling might be a good idea too.

He said she said . U think he's wrong . He think u are wrong . Why dont just be more considerate and talk things out . Its not that his sisters or tthose family member going to stay in your current house forever . So if u guys move out , u will not let his sister or other family member to go your house ?
Its just for few days and once in a year got cny la come on

If your husband want 2nd baby that means he should be financially ready for it . So is it u that make most of the money or him?
Marriage need tolerance , understanding and taking a step back. Many home broken because what wife cant give , outside woman can give . So end up husband got girlfie

Marriage is about husband-wife having the common goals and finding the balance between your differences. In your case, sit down with your husband to get the priority right. This encompass your physical, mental, spiritual and emotional need. If this cannot be done, I would say this is end of the road.

It's pity your baby didn't receive the love. This is the golden moment which I think you need to take charge despite your daily heavy workload. Putting your baby in the hands of others is like a time bomb. You should should to your husband that having baby means responsibilities. If he can take care of the first one, it fine to have the 2nd one then. Else ask him to forget about it.

Hopes it helps.

your in-laws came to stay for a few days only. to me, tolerating unacceptable behaviour is part and parcel of marriage including that of your in-laws. remember, marrying your husband means marrying into the family. like it or not, it comes with your husband. learn to tolerate otherwise, you'll only see yourself as the victim.

I think the crucial crux of a marriage is to give and take. Having his close relatives over is only a yearly event, if only you could tolerate and compromise then it will actually make your husband a very proud man to have an understanding wife like you. However, if you constantly put on a black face and argues with him when they are around is just a total put off for your husband as you are very well aware that Guys ego is very important, and especially in front of his relatives.

And not letting him touch you because he wants a second child is another put off, it doesnt mean that when you want to have children only you both can embrace each other and have intimacy. Guys need physical touch, girls need emotional support... by moving out, what do you expect your husband to do? It will only create a barrier and allow third party to creep in.

i think yes..in someway you are a bit selfish and inconsiderate.

CNY is like that for a lot of family. At least for those families that I know. During which, the whole bunch of families will come back to the parent's house. Things will certainly be messy. During my time when I go back to my grandparent's house, it will be dirty like crazy. But the grandparents side of the family will not complain and just tidy whenever they can. Just need to bear with this. Only like 1 week only.

One of the solution is you shift out and live on your own. Then the responsibility of the house will not fall on your "that much" anymore. However, since you are the daughter in law, you have the obligation to the house. If there are other daughter in laws, you guys just need to work together. It's all about being in the family. That's how Chinese families are brought up.

Communication is the key to a good marriage. Chinese or not, family is still family. Make sure to sort things out with him face to face before moving to the next step.

I did prvsly tried to talk it out with him on having baby issue bt it always turn out to b another disagreement as both equally stubborn n want our own ways.

Ive made it clear tht if wan me hav 2nd child thn we buy hoyse first. .

Yes I also considered wanting to go for marriage counsellor which I wanna wait till things Cool down first..

Ermmm, when u did something downright wrong eg having an extramarital affair, it is so wrong to again blame your wife as the cause behind it. If u really did it, admit that it's your mistake like a real man and stop yapping around and said it is the lady's fault. Seriously, where are your balls?

Also I dont think TS husband is ready to become a dad. There is a lot more responsible rather than only donating a sperm to become a dad. It doesnt mean that if he is FINANCIALLY ready and he can become a dad. Remind u that becoming a dad is totally different from a sperm donor or a sponsorer. In order for a man to become a father, he should be ready psychologically as well. Apparently by leaving his baby most of the time at the nanny and did not consider his wife's opinion of not wanting the 2nd baby is totally WRONG.

TS, try to talk to your hubby. Refuse to have sex is not an ideal way either. Need to communicate with him. Along the way u will need to be patient and skillfull. As for the CNY family part, try to be patient as it is just temporary...

P/s: I am really annoyed by a post earlier. U know who u are. It shows u are just someone insecure and likes to blame others for your own act. I can say u are not a true man but just someone very childish and inconsiderate.

Anyway, good luck to u TS, I hope the best for your family.

This post has been edited by catherinessc: Feb 16 2014, 01:44 AM

Is best to seek a good counsellor to start of with. Then only bring in your husband. From what I had read in here, sounds that your approach is logical to get a house before second child and also to settle down the first child. Anyway, you have to get to communicate with you in a more mutual way. Both must be able to speak the "same" language before can go further. There is a book named love language. You want to give a read. Is very useful to me and my wife. Trust me I went through all the disagreement thing because I had twins and being a first time parent is super tough