I work with colleague, she is 30++ woman, she is very independent, have a career and mature. She is sorta of the girl who overprotecting by her parent and recently break free from their parent. I am also in my 30's already.

A lot of stuff been happening between me and her. For the first few months, I don't have feeling for her until I spends too much time hanging out with her and fallen head over heels over her.

I did a mistake thought, I make thing too fast and she's got scare, some more I make another mistake is I confessed my feeling too early, so ending up she's been avoiding me and giving me the cold shoulder. The reason she rejected me because she have no experience how to date and willing to stay single for the rest of her life. To sums it up, she rejected herself and me.

I did take a step back but whenever I take a step back, she's notice it and used it against me cause we used to hang out as a group. I stop doing it and continue being myself to her, at the time I also trying to move on with my life.

After a month of awkwardness, everything settle back to normal, no big deal. She will tease me often in subtle way and I did the same to her but thing is a little different. All the chat is initiate by me, and she will tell me what's going and honestly telling me everything about her work but never tell me what's going on with her life but whenever I go out lunch with her and a colleague of mine. She also talks about other guy in front of me, but only briefly, saying that friend can help you find business.
She's always on her phone, I begins to suspect that she moved on to another guy or I just thinking too much.

After this, the period where she's been emotional sad, cause something happens to her, she's told me about it, her personal story and so i just listen to her and give small bits of advice. She's been real friendly and comfortable with me lately. Not showing any awkwardness but she kept texting a "guy" friend, thats i know so far.

So ladies, am i in the friend-zone, my guts tell me I AM!

This post has been edited by Plant: Oct 19 2013, 01:09 AM

when you confessed and she avoids = friendzoned.

Why she wants to stay single? Why she must choose you instead of being single?

erk, yes.

there could be few probable reasons:

1) both of you are colleagues (same dept? team? floor?). so if there's a romantic r/s going on, it'll be very well "known" in the office. the girl may not want that attention. so handle this with care, professionally (in office). keep neutral for the time being until she is ready to commit further. subtle hint to her that office romance is not forbidden, just need to be careful.

2) as you mentioned above, "she have no experience how to date". this could be true. either she had bad r/s before this or she never dated anyone. you're currently taken a step back, which is a good sensible thing to do. dont scare her too much, just a little tease here n there should keep the momentum rolling. she's now easy and not feeling awkward, so that's a good start. keep is slow n steady!

3) constantly chatting with a "guy". ermmm yeahhhhh girls no need to overthink this portion, although you cant help to think THAT other guy. until she tells you she's into another guy, you're probably (temporary perhaps?) friendzoned by her. again, keep it stead and observe. she may be using this tactic to test you? or perhaps to make you jealous? to see/know if you really care for her, unconditionally? keep doing what you're doing with her. action speaks louder, so subtly engage with her as a close friend/colleague. she need someone but she may not aware of her feeling or even aware of YOU as a potential partner. proof her wrong!

4) seriously, she may not be single. LDR with her bf? or got a bf but not telling. some girls really do that. keeping her options open or dont want to be "branded" as someone's gf. still, keep the r/s as is. no need to over-chase her. since you both always hang out during lunch, trick her to confess! tai-chi this to her friends till she cant keep it a secret anymore. that'll be a good sign to you whether you should proceed or stop (unless you're a spanar).

regardless of her "status", if you really like or love someone dearly, you'll cherish her dearly. you may not be fated to be with her, for now. loving someone from afar is hurt/confusing/killing you inside-out but that's what unconditional love is all about. be happy that you have someone to love, hope she'll be happy, safe, and healthy.

keep observing and be patient.

Are you sure she is single? Go ask her that you are curious, ask her if she is seeing anybody or already attached. Check with your colleagues, ask them about her status.

Her behaviour doesn't seem to show that she is single. Women in their 30s, they are turning into aunties, usually when they are single, they despo for any guy. It is when you are after girls 28 and below, they behave like that because they know they got many choices and they want to wait longer to search for the right guy.

By the way, despite her being 30s, is she hot looking?

can't tell why she wants to be single but i know the reason why.

1) Yes you are on point there my friend, when I confessed to her, she told me this reason as well.

2) Yea, all my friends says this is good thing, and tells me not to do anything drastic. They says when the time comes, it will comes, you will know what to do. I was like huh? I told them i never were good at this expressing emotional stuff.

3) She will never sees me as a potential partner.... but everyday I kept trying to proof her wrong but I think i am losing my sanity soon.

4) Dunno how to trick her to confess, I did tried the other day, and feels like she is in interrogation, and that moment i pull away.

Right now, whenever I asked a question, she always honestly answer it, like there is no secret between us. Even she asks me question, I would be honest about it and tells no lies. In the past, I remembered in the past, if a girl rejected me, most girls will just give me one line answer and that's it, sometime even lie about it. In conclusion, I think she don't want to hurt me.

trust me bro, finding a bf isn't her priority and she have a lot of guy friends. Like i said in my first post, she is very independent girl and career driven. I won't judge a girl appearance. This may sound bullshitting, I like her personality and I always go to her if i got some problem, because she might have the knowledge to help me out, job wise la, but if it is "life" related, read my first post. In other words, I respect her.

Is she hot? ya she stills hot in my perspective.

This post has been edited by Plant: Oct 19 2013, 10:55 PM

Yes and a potential spare tyre.

I don't know la because I usually don't have a problem approaching ladies in their 30s.

It is those below 29 that I usually have difficulty asking them out. I do get them out but with a lot of difficulty, they play hard to get.

My advice is lay low for awhile.

bro..sorry to break ur assumption but..MOVE ON..u r being treated like a doormat..u expecting more from her..she dont feel the same..why waste time bro for someone who is vague with you???YOU CONFESSED!and she still looks around for other guys....aiyo bro...be A MAN.many flowers at the park..many fishes in the sea...just GO

and if she really really likes u..she will think of u..she will find u..she will ask u out too..isnt it too obvious?maybe she keeps playing around..the reason why she still single..

1. Learn to respect her choice; every lady has her definite choice whether to step in a relationship or not

2. Be friend with her; try to observe her likes and dislikes, learn how to communicate in ways that she would feel comfortable and not stressful

3. A lot of times it has to do with the family where a person raised up from. There might had been trauma, physical or verbal violence happened on a person but he or she would not show it in front if people that they feel not safe to talk to, in deeper way.
\
It might be even possible that a person would try to run away from any more control on their life, because of the ways their family treat them.

It might be possible that there're lots of resentment or frustration within a person over certain things in their life.


4. Relationship works in mutual way and the fundamental elements are built on Trust, Respect & Understanding.
How much have u worked on these 3 elements when u're trying communicate with her ?

Every lady's thinking and mindset are not entirely similar, and some might be seen as "weird" from others crowd of people, but it's actually perfectly normal.

It takes some time for u to be able to really comprehend her mindset pattern. And when the right time and atmosphere arrive u may try to understand how she think about "Relationship"; what 're her viewpoints.


4. Thus, learn not to jump into conclusion too quickly on someone, especially on ladies.





This post has been edited by Life_House: Oct 20 2013, 08:06 PM

wah double post! thanks bro! I am trying to move on and yea I feel like her damn doormat. I think I am gonna focus on myself more and there is something going with my life at the moment, good thing la.

Oh... I see, i never thought of it this way. Damn..you are right about how her family treat her, your one smart dude/gal but let's leave it at that.

On the weekend I have been doing some self reflection, recalling back when I first meet her to the current day, I have concluded that I have make some mistake leading to this situation. I can says I learned from this and next time won't do the second mistake again.

And yes, you're right about her point of view relationship and yes, it may take some time for me to understand but If I can make her happy without her being my bf, that's fine with me. due to her family controlling and struggling freedom, I think she deserve some happiness, if she is happy I am happy. I really do not want to go the route of "don't want me, well pfft your lost" and be super jerk to her. I only do that if the girl is a b****.

I think what my next move is, it's to leave her alone and remain distance between me and her, but I'll do it in friendly way la of course, she is my friend after all. BUT, I need to protect myself as well if I don't want to be hurt again.

Thanks all, for helping me out. It's good to heard some good people helping each other out in this difficult moment.

This post has been edited by Plant: Oct 20 2013, 11:18 PM

ASk her is she wants to feel left out from her FB friends.

u are her emotional pillow. She know u have feelings for her, so u will "Listen" to her problem.

well, that's my exact situation & intentions now all i can do is stop going after her and leave it as is (stay neutral and try detach any feelings/crush). i've tried various subtle intentions but almost no response, so I just know it wont go anywhere. why push is that far if the signs are not there?

anyways, moving on.......

The only reason why a woman decide to stay single for the rest of her life is this. She has bad hurt experience before, and she does not wish to endure it again. How much do you know about her, TS? Her dating experience, her break up, etc?

In short, take your time to know her better. Go easy on her. Feeling is not build overnight, Rome city is not build in one day.

frenzoned
move on
date other girls
if shes jealous, got chance
if she say good for u, then 0 chance

Obviously she was never interested in you, before or now and probably future.

bro..you are just emotionally attached to her...happen to me before and i know how it feels...seriously and at the end of my story is that i didnt get together with her...

So in short...moving on now, better then to getting stuck to the current situation. YOu will get hurt more...

Lets say you waited for her and thing pan out but this will affect your future as you being the one giving in all the time...Do u want that?...Relationship wont be balance at all and you will try hard to change things which is damn tiring and End of the day break up..

So dont force it if it doesnt feel right.
if its love it will turn on spontaneously NOT by so call Patience.

No offense to the Girls but seems like she has the upper hand..

Just my 2 cents