hi all parents, will be parents in lyn.

we always heard, see or even experience first hand of this issue. yup, parents that actually have favorite child among their children. no matter what they say to deny this situation, the thing is still obvious and can bee seen in the eyes of the other siblings n sometimes amongs outsider.

me myself had experience it first hand. my parents said they treat us sibling equally, but the fact is, there is favoring been done towards my eldest brother, especially my mother. in fact, my 2nd brother even said it out loud regarding this matter n now are sulking with my mother for 2 years alrdy.
me?? hey, im just ok with it, bcoz i know my eldest brother had sacrifice a lot for my family well being. he even got married late due to helping my family needs first.

in my opinion, this favoring issue cant be denied, it will happen no matter what. the only thing is some parents not obviously shown and some ..,well, too obvious..

but, in my opinion, parents had the right to love more a child of their favorite, but the children to me has an obligation to love the parents no matter if the parents are favoring or not. to me, tho i know that my parents favor my eldest brother more, i still will love them the most.

so now im a parents my self to a beautiful daughter, and planning to get more in the near future, would like to see others opinion regarding this matter, bcoz, not everybody will have the same thought like me. so, what i like to ask is;

1-is it ok to favor a child more?
2-is there any way to avoid such thing?
3-if i do favor a child in the future, is there a way to not show it to his/her sibling?
4- as children, what wuld u do if ur parents do favor a child?

thanks in advance..

I was a single child until I turned 8.
At first I wanted a younger sibling very much, but after that I realized I'd rather be a single child.

So yes at first I did bother that they pamper and favor my younger brother more than me.

But now I'm like who cares, I got two feet and two hands, I can work for myself, I can earn my own money. I can live on my own. So they can pamper my younger brother all they want as long as I get the benefits of being treated as their child.

Bottom line is, I used to care but I don't really care anymore.

This is human nature as ppl always got preference. No need to upset abt this just accept the fact n lived with it.

yup,..i agree wit u,..but some cant acept the fact but in time perhaps, they will also do the same..hehe..

Teach and favor children's goodness.
Then they will learn how to be good as they learn goodness is rewarded.
And they will respect you in the future

+1,..thanks for the opinion n advice..

My parents have 8 (7girl + 1 boy) children (included me), i'm the 6th in famil
Mostly, daddy will more "sayang" daughter one, then mummy will "sayang" son loh.
It's balance what.........haha

I'm not the first, middle or last. But my dad will " sayang" all the child in "same" situation.
But for me special, dono why i'm with my daddy relationship just like a friend since i'm a child,
until i'm marriage, delivery baby...still the same.

For mum, she really " sayang" my brother over...over...and over......
until now....become....he don't want stay with my parents now....sad...
Nvm, they still have 7 daughter always with them.....

I have 2 children, both boy.

My situation very unique, my eldest son very "sayang" me, my youngest son very "sayang" his father. What happening at the end, my eldest son forced me only can loved him. My youngest son forced his daddy only loved him. Finally, my family separate to 2 groups....

wow,..now this is unique,..hehe, what if u show love to ur youngest son n saw by ur eldest son?? he get mad?? must be cute n funny,..haha

yup... mad, sometimes keep crying.

i can not argue with his father, if not the youngest son will hit me, then the eldest son saw it will angry, at the end the youngest son will complaint to his father that the eldest son don't want him anymore, he want cry. finally, me and my husband need to recover both sons' emotion...

Hi there,

I think favoring a child is unavoidable. Here's my story:

There is 5 of us. My grandparents favor 1 and 3. My dad favor 2 and 4. My mom favor 5. I am 1 and eldest among the grandchildren, I used to follow my grandparents more than my parents. My brother, no.3 is independent. My other sibling, 2 and 4 works for my father thus the close ties. And my last is always the most loved, I think everyone will agree.

Even with my husband family is the same. My husband is the eldest and only son. He has 2 younger sister, one whom has migrated and the other still in college. My parent in law are quite fierce and strict parents but they only listen to my husband alone.

Now that I am a mother, I, too think I will be loving my first child more than the others. Sometimes, my husband will scold me. He said he will love the rest more than the first since already showered in love by me.

1-is it ok to favor a child more? - It's not ok but it's unavoidable
2-is there any way to avoid such thing? - nope
3-if i do favor a child in the future, is there a way to not show it to his/her sibling? - always be fair to others, thus no favoritsm
4- as children, what wuld u do if ur parents do favor a child? - we grew up fine but cannot say the same for others. We know other families who are mata merah (jealous) of their own siblings. Despite blood thicker than water, there is hatred sealed deep within the heart. Not a very positive feeling.

Thanks for sharing, , interesting to know that pilih kasih or favorite even extend to the grandparents!! my daughter is now being love much by my mother in-law, n father inlaw, whenever she sees them she will quickly want to jump to their hands from mine, sometimes when i want to pick her up, she seem unwilling to let go of the grandparents ..sigh. , but im ok with it, even my mother seem to love more my eldest brother 1st daughter more,..hehe, it si unavoidable, so we just have to coop with it n get over it like adult..

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Added on June 3, 2011, 11:17 amhaha,..now this is truely funny situation, its like a circle going around!


This post has been edited by hadzGBN: Jun 3 2011, 11:17 AM

Here my story:

My parent only have us 2 child, me the youngest and my elder sister. My parents are more pamper my sister rather than me. Since I do not get pampered, i rarely communicate with my parents since young and always thought want to away from this family when im independent. Because i do not get anything i like during kids but my elder sister that got whatever she fancy. Till i study college, i work part time to buy stuff that i like. At times, i went to overseas for my further studies and indeed i had stayed overseas for abt 2 years and do not come back because i want to earn money for myself.Some how rather i back to malaysia after 2 years and get a job here.

When i back to malaysia, i did have a big quarrel with my parents and finally sound out my dissatisfaction that my parents favoured my sister only after kept in my heart for 23 years. I still remember the situation especially my dad was with a stun face because these years i am a quiet child. I had a cold war for few month with my mum. Since, then i get a job from other state which away from where my parents staying which again i choose to away from my parents. I only back hometown occasionally. Hence, my sister stay just next house of my parents after got married.

In my younger age, i always feel there is always a GAP between me and my parents which the gap is my sister.

Somehow, later on my relationship with my parents had closed the gap after my mum send me a text msg saying "i missed you".
Now i already @ my 30's. I do not bother all those favourite child and i just do what should do as a son.

I will pour the same love to all my child though whether my wife will favour which child. Because i don't want my child to have same experience and feeling like me.

This post has been edited by Gary1981: Jun 3 2011, 12:13 PM

each person is different, so each person will require different things from their parents.

i am not a parent, i am the youngest child (safe to say, the most pampered). i am older now, but when i think back, i do not see it as favouritism. my father gave all 3 of us the same equal opportunities.

for example, i may have demanded more attention from my mother, so my sister had less. but she required less. she is more independent. so in my opinion, if you have many children, you should know what each needs. maybe you can predict what kind of adults they will become, and thus act accordingly. this is just my view; i donno about being a parent.

also, parents are humans, and they make mistakes. nobody is perfect

Yea, it does extend to the grandparents.

My son is the eldest grandchild in both sides of the family, thus he is loved by all. We are all very closely-knitted. My husband live near his cousins who grew up together with him. I live near my cousins who also, the same, grew up and went to school together with us. So both sides of our extended families combined, it's a very large group of people.

As my cousins are younger than I am, my uncle whom we visit on weekends also love our son a lot. In fact, he pamper our son more than anyone else does. He carries him, he let our son touches everything he wishes to touch. Others been complaining that he's spoiling him and how our son might break his precious vase in the future because he encourage our son to touch everything, to learn and feel.


Hello Gary1981,

Though I've never seen your post around here, am glad you join our discussion. I can feel what you wrote above, I know how it is like.

Dont mind me being straight-forward about a thing or two.

1. Your sister got married and live near your parents - this is why many chinese believe having daughter is better, close to home
2. Despite the treatment difference you received during your younger age, as the only son, you should also do your part. Though you may be away from home for many years and many more years to come, please never forget they are the ones who bring you to this world. Though they may be wrong and even if they do not admit it, give them a chance and forgive them.

A closely knitted family is important as you cannot survive on this world on your own without backup. When you have your own family and child, you would need their support too. Be merry and I hope you have a great and happy family in the future.

1.) Maybe due to my sister too rely on my mum. Thats why after married also stay next door
2.) Now later age do not bother what i thought off during kids. Just do what a responsible as a son..

Somehow, i would think parents shouldn't have favourite child and this may affect their childhood growth. I'm yet be a father and hope i will equally love all my kids in future.

i'm the 2nd among 3 silbings.
i think i'm the least loved of us,my mum likes my elder bro while my dad likes my younger sister.
it used to bother me, but heck, i got married and moved out.
there were things done that really upset me, but i moved on.
nothing will change the fact that they r my parents, but that doesn't mean i can forgive and forget.

now i hv 2 children, i can't give equal love to them both.
i'm only human.
but if i buy something, it will always be 2 shares so they both have it.
and everything we do, we try to do it together as a family
i will not allowed my family to be split like what my parents did...

+1 for u bro!!! ,.im sure now ur parents are proud of u!!

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Added on June 3, 2011, 4:21 pmwow, so cool to live near families, im in jb while my parents and my 4 siblings are in KL,..im with my younger brother no 4, im 3rd, here. we occasionally hangout n visit often. my wife is lucky, all her families are here, mom,dad,aunt,uncle all in jb, huhu..but its cool, when i was not married before, used to be lonely staying in jb all alone, now after married feels like got family all around again, but it cant beat the real family of mine,..hukhuk,..

This post has been edited by hadzGBN: Jun 3 2011, 04:21 PM

I read a blog entry of this lady who was under fire because she said she loves one of her kid more than the other...

Her defense was that, when she was pregnant with her older kid, a girl, it was a much harder pregnancy, morning sickness etc. with the second pregnancy, everything was smooth sailing and she gave birth to a boy. even when they were infants the mother said the girl was harder to take care of, crying, colicky etc. her baby boy was easier to take care of.

any guesses which on is her favourite?

personally, i think they're babies then, they just don't know any better. and now, when the girl has grown up a bit, and she knows her mom favours her brother, the girl acts out a bit (i mean, come on, wouldn't you if you're in that situation?) so really, if the girl is still being difficult now, whose fault is it then?

but that's not the point of this discussion huh?

anyways, my personal experience, i have 2 kids (so far) and between the two, my younger kid, my son is the one who 'pandai ambik hati'.. the older one, a girl, 7, is a bit more stubborn (like me, actually, ho hum) and not so good with the ambik hati part (she's more logical to a certain extent, like okay, did wrong, say sorry, won't do again, so there, why need to be nice now?) but she's helpful and she gives in to her baby brother most of the time..

any guesses which one is my favourite?

eh, but then, i'd still rather sacrifice my life for any of them, good or bad, favourite or not.. i love the them both to bits, just a bit differently between the two..

by the way, i am the youngest in my family and i resent the automatic assumption that we get pampered the most i was actually, and still am, but that's besides the point! so there.

hi budakjahat(tho i know u are baik haha)
thanks for the experience n sharing bro, ..love the part "ambik hati" by ur kids, haha,..cant wait for my daughter to be big enough to ambik either my "hati" or my wife "hati".. i also think that being pilih kasih is unavoidable, but i still dont know yet since i only have 1 kid currently, hehe, hopefully can give equal balance..
bold : that is sooooo truuueeeeee !! so am i!+100000000000 for u!!

Something I wanna share bout favoritism.

Sometimes parents know who to love for their own reasons. Example, if you nearly lose a child, you would treasure that one more. Or if one need special care, then that one get all the attention.

People said the elder is always more loved. That's the bright side to things but when I look at my husband, I pity him. Not because I'm his wife I side my husband, but being the eldest, he sacrificed a lot for his family. His education cut short because his parents needed to support his other sisters.

When we met, he was taking 3 buses to college. Later, he moved out alone because he cannot afford to travel. He work part time for his own pocket money.

Meanwhile, his sister gets a car after form 5 because she is a girl, then went overseas for 5 years and married there. She changed several courses and wasted a lot of their parents money. Yet, every time this sister complain parent love my husband more since he is the only boy.

Right now, the sister migrate to oversea, rarely even call home. Everything is bear by my husband. I know my husband sense of responsibility is heavy, he stayed back, he paid, he does all the chore. There was a year where my mother in law had a road accident, my husband slept in the hospital with her for several days and paid all her bills. My mother in law said to my hubby, "don't tell your sister about it, need not make her worry." When I heard about it, I was like "wow, so protected from all the responsibility at home!"

If I think of the way why sometimes my in law only listen to my husband and not their other children is because he earned it. Being eldest is hard and even though publicly seen more loved also bears heavier responsiility. So in this scenario above, sometimes is hard to measure where favoritism happen. Did they love my sister in law more or my hubby more, even I am not sure.


Yea, we are quite traditional, hence the practice. We have cousins backing us up on chores sometimes. Like when we go holiday, someone to help feed the dog. When our maid go back to their home country, we loan maid from others. When my cousin is away, we help send my aunt for medical check up. Sometimes the chore pile up, other time it's nice to have back up.

After lonely now marry good family is lucky. Of course none can beat your family but is food that everyone get along. Am glad for u.

i have to agree on why ur parents in-law favor ur brother most, its bcoz they are gratefull of wat ur hubby had done all this while. just like my eldest brother, he also help my parents a lot. thumbs up for ur hubby!!

but, that doesbt mean me n the rest can just sit back and relax while he bust his ass. as siblings, we also take part on the responsibility. i always try to help my parents out where possible. but my little sister( last one n only girl) is a fuss! haha, but wat can i say, she still a kid, n we all love her. but i hope she turn out ok after reaching adulthood, or im gonna smack her in the head!

guys,

just to share,

i am a middle child of 3 boys, my elder bro is 2 yrs elder and my younger bro is 6 yrs younger.

during my childhood days,

my parents always like to compare me with my elder bro, saying if you can study half as good as your gor gor then i will be very happy or if you are half as hardworking as your gor gor then i will be very happy.

when my younger bro made some mistakes, my parents will scold me first saying ," see i told you to be a good boy, look now your younger bro modelled after you and made this mistakes"

i was like wtf, i didnt even did those mistakes also. kena blame.

during skool days, i always get those second hand stuff from my elder bro, like books and uniform. but my younger bro always get new stuff

to them, the elderest is their first child, they pampered him since he was born and my younger bro is the last child, of cos paling pamperred.

when i was in college, i didnt have a car or motor or computer, i didnt even study overseas thou my grades are good enuff to get there. i stayed a cheap flat renting a small room

but my other siblings, they hv cars, laptops and overseas edu, and dad purposely bought a condo for them to stay in

this is how bad my family was on pilih kasih.

but look at what happen now, elder bro dont even wan to come back and see them, didnt even bother to give them allowances, my younger bro always fighting and argue with them

and they still keep pushing all their sorrows on me. saying i am the one which the most reliable one la. turn up to be a good kid la. etc etc..

inside my heart, too late for these words. the pain will always be there no matter how much you tried to compensate it.

end/

Let me also share my experience.

I'm the eldest child among 3 siblings. However, Chinese culture, being a daughter, even though you are the eldest, there many 'good' things will go to your first brother.

I'm average, not overly smart, not good in Science subjects, but my first brother does. My father loves my first brother more than he loves me, it is very obvious, I know that. There was one time I booked the wrong airasia ticket for my dad, immediately my dad scolded me 'how come you are so careless? So small thing also can't do! Never behave like your brother'. I was hurt deep in my heart but I kept silent, rebook the ticket and print out the confirmation email to my dad. Dad said ok with a gentle tone, he knew he had hurt me somehow, but it's ok.

Before I finished my SPM, my dad had already asked me to take account after SPM, after graduated, help him up in his company; I denied the offer. Not that I do not want to help, I do not want to have a life like my parents do - working day and night for a living but the industry has been too competitive until the profit has been so little. I am not going to sacrifice my family time in the future, I insisted not to take account degree, my dad was quite disappointed. After that, no matter what kind of degree I took, my dad only bashed me here and there with no ending. It's only my mother that supports me.

Although it was hurt, it's ok. No matter how they are still my parents and he is still my dad.

However, I always remind myself I would never follow my parents' footstep.

bro,..nothing more i can say but this,.mutual respect!! ,..sometimes parents too overjudge their favorite child that they didnt see the greatness of their other child, and this child is the one that will salvage them in the future! u didnt even turn ur back on them!!

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Added on June 9, 2011, 11:33 ami understand how u feel sis, but hey! good for u on having a firm prinsip! perhaps one day when u succeed in life will they acknowledge u..i pray for ur success!!! keep on sticking to ur prinsip!!

This post has been edited by hadzGBN: Jun 9 2011, 11:33 AM