Hi there,

I think favoring a child is unavoidable. Here's my story:

There is 5 of us. My grandparents favor 1 and 3. My dad favor 2 and 4. My mom favor 5. I am 1 and eldest among the grandchildren, I used to follow my grandparents more than my parents. My brother, no.3 is independent. My other sibling, 2 and 4 works for my father thus the close ties. And my last is always the most loved, I think everyone will agree.

Even with my husband family is the same. My husband is the eldest and only son. He has 2 younger sister, one whom has migrated and the other still in college. My parent in law are quite fierce and strict parents but they only listen to my husband alone.

Now that I am a mother, I, too think I will be loving my first child more than the others. Sometimes, my husband will scold me. He said he will love the rest more than the first since already showered in love by me.

1-is it ok to favor a child more? - It's not ok but it's unavoidable
2-is there any way to avoid such thing? - nope
3-if i do favor a child in the future, is there a way to not show it to his/her sibling? - always be fair to others, thus no favoritsm
4- as children, what wuld u do if ur parents do favor a child? - we grew up fine but cannot say the same for others. We know other families who are mata merah (jealous) of their own siblings. Despite blood thicker than water, there is hatred sealed deep within the heart. Not a very positive feeling.

Yea, it does extend to the grandparents.

My son is the eldest grandchild in both sides of the family, thus he is loved by all. We are all very closely-knitted. My husband live near his cousins who grew up together with him. I live near my cousins who also, the same, grew up and went to school together with us. So both sides of our extended families combined, it's a very large group of people.

As my cousins are younger than I am, my uncle whom we visit on weekends also love our son a lot. In fact, he pamper our son more than anyone else does. He carries him, he let our son touches everything he wishes to touch. Others been complaining that he's spoiling him and how our son might break his precious vase in the future because he encourage our son to touch everything, to learn and feel.


Hello Gary1981,

Though I've never seen your post around here, am glad you join our discussion. I can feel what you wrote above, I know how it is like.

Dont mind me being straight-forward about a thing or two.

1. Your sister got married and live near your parents - this is why many chinese believe having daughter is better, close to home
2. Despite the treatment difference you received during your younger age, as the only son, you should also do your part. Though you may be away from home for many years and many more years to come, please never forget they are the ones who bring you to this world. Though they may be wrong and even if they do not admit it, give them a chance and forgive them.

A closely knitted family is important as you cannot survive on this world on your own without backup. When you have your own family and child, you would need their support too. Be merry and I hope you have a great and happy family in the future.

Something I wanna share bout favoritism.

Sometimes parents know who to love for their own reasons. Example, if you nearly lose a child, you would treasure that one more. Or if one need special care, then that one get all the attention.

People said the elder is always more loved. That's the bright side to things but when I look at my husband, I pity him. Not because I'm his wife I side my husband, but being the eldest, he sacrificed a lot for his family. His education cut short because his parents needed to support his other sisters.

When we met, he was taking 3 buses to college. Later, he moved out alone because he cannot afford to travel. He work part time for his own pocket money.

Meanwhile, his sister gets a car after form 5 because she is a girl, then went overseas for 5 years and married there. She changed several courses and wasted a lot of their parents money. Yet, every time this sister complain parent love my husband more since he is the only boy.

Right now, the sister migrate to oversea, rarely even call home. Everything is bear by my husband. I know my husband sense of responsibility is heavy, he stayed back, he paid, he does all the chore. There was a year where my mother in law had a road accident, my husband slept in the hospital with her for several days and paid all her bills. My mother in law said to my hubby, "don't tell your sister about it, need not make her worry." When I heard about it, I was like "wow, so protected from all the responsibility at home!"

If I think of the way why sometimes my in law only listen to my husband and not their other children is because he earned it. Being eldest is hard and even though publicly seen more loved also bears heavier responsiility. So in this scenario above, sometimes is hard to measure where favoritism happen. Did they love my sister in law more or my hubby more, even I am not sure.


Yea, we are quite traditional, hence the practice. We have cousins backing us up on chores sometimes. Like when we go holiday, someone to help feed the dog. When our maid go back to their home country, we loan maid from others. When my cousin is away, we help send my aunt for medical check up. Sometimes the chore pile up, other time it's nice to have back up.

After lonely now marry good family is lucky. Of course none can beat your family but is food that everyone get along. Am glad for u.