This is human nature as ppl always got preference. No need to upset abt this just accept the fact n lived with it.

Teach and favor children's goodness.
Then they will learn how to be good as they learn goodness is rewarded.
And they will respect you in the future

I have 2 children, both boy.

My situation very unique, my eldest son very "sayang" me, my youngest son very "sayang" his father. What happening at the end, my eldest son forced me only can loved him. My youngest son forced his daddy only loved him. Finally, my family separate to 2 groups....

Hi there,

I think favoring a child is unavoidable. Here's my story:

There is 5 of us. My grandparents favor 1 and 3. My dad favor 2 and 4. My mom favor 5. I am 1 and eldest among the grandchildren, I used to follow my grandparents more than my parents. My brother, no.3 is independent. My other sibling, 2 and 4 works for my father thus the close ties. And my last is always the most loved, I think everyone will agree.

Even with my husband family is the same. My husband is the eldest and only son. He has 2 younger sister, one whom has migrated and the other still in college. My parent in law are quite fierce and strict parents but they only listen to my husband alone.

Now that I am a mother, I, too think I will be loving my first child more than the others. Sometimes, my husband will scold me. He said he will love the rest more than the first since already showered in love by me.

1-is it ok to favor a child more? - It's not ok but it's unavoidable
2-is there any way to avoid such thing? - nope
3-if i do favor a child in the future, is there a way to not show it to his/her sibling? - always be fair to others, thus no favoritsm
4- as children, what wuld u do if ur parents do favor a child? - we grew up fine but cannot say the same for others. We know other families who are mata merah (jealous) of their own siblings. Despite blood thicker than water, there is hatred sealed deep within the heart. Not a very positive feeling.

yup... mad, sometimes keep crying.

i can not argue with his father, if not the youngest son will hit me, then the eldest son saw it will angry, at the end the youngest son will complaint to his father that the eldest son don't want him anymore, he want cry. finally, me and my husband need to recover both sons' emotion...

1.) Maybe due to my sister too rely on my mum. Thats why after married also stay next door
2.) Now later age do not bother what i thought off during kids. Just do what a responsible as a son..

Somehow, i would think parents shouldn't have favourite child and this may affect their childhood growth. I'm yet be a father and hope i will equally love all my kids in future.

Yea, it does extend to the grandparents.

My son is the eldest grandchild in both sides of the family, thus he is loved by all. We are all very closely-knitted. My husband live near his cousins who grew up together with him. I live near my cousins who also, the same, grew up and went to school together with us. So both sides of our extended families combined, it's a very large group of people.

As my cousins are younger than I am, my uncle whom we visit on weekends also love our son a lot. In fact, he pamper our son more than anyone else does. He carries him, he let our son touches everything he wishes to touch. Others been complaining that he's spoiling him and how our son might break his precious vase in the future because he encourage our son to touch everything, to learn and feel.

I read a blog entry of this lady who was under fire because she said she loves one of her kid more than the other...

Her defense was that, when she was pregnant with her older kid, a girl, it was a much harder pregnancy, morning sickness etc. with the second pregnancy, everything was smooth sailing and she gave birth to a boy. even when they were infants the mother said the girl was harder to take care of, crying, colicky etc. her baby boy was easier to take care of.

any guesses which on is her favourite?

personally, i think they're babies then, they just don't know any better. and now, when the girl has grown up a bit, and she knows her mom favours her brother, the girl acts out a bit (i mean, come on, wouldn't you if you're in that situation?) so really, if the girl is still being difficult now, whose fault is it then?

but that's not the point of this discussion huh?

anyways, my personal experience, i have 2 kids (so far) and between the two, my younger kid, my son is the one who 'pandai ambik hati'.. the older one, a girl, 7, is a bit more stubborn (like me, actually, ho hum) and not so good with the ambik hati part (she's more logical to a certain extent, like okay, did wrong, say sorry, won't do again, so there, why need to be nice now?) but she's helpful and she gives in to her baby brother most of the time..

any guesses which one is my favourite?

eh, but then, i'd still rather sacrifice my life for any of them, good or bad, favourite or not.. i love the them both to bits, just a bit differently between the two..

by the way, i am the youngest in my family and i resent the automatic assumption that we get pampered the most i was actually, and still am, but that's besides the point! so there.

Something I wanna share bout favoritism.

Sometimes parents know who to love for their own reasons. Example, if you nearly lose a child, you would treasure that one more. Or if one need special care, then that one get all the attention.

People said the elder is always more loved. That's the bright side to things but when I look at my husband, I pity him. Not because I'm his wife I side my husband, but being the eldest, he sacrificed a lot for his family. His education cut short because his parents needed to support his other sisters.

When we met, he was taking 3 buses to college. Later, he moved out alone because he cannot afford to travel. He work part time for his own pocket money.

Meanwhile, his sister gets a car after form 5 because she is a girl, then went overseas for 5 years and married there. She changed several courses and wasted a lot of their parents money. Yet, every time this sister complain parent love my husband more since he is the only boy.

Right now, the sister migrate to oversea, rarely even call home. Everything is bear by my husband. I know my husband sense of responsibility is heavy, he stayed back, he paid, he does all the chore. There was a year where my mother in law had a road accident, my husband slept in the hospital with her for several days and paid all her bills. My  mother in law said to my hubby, "don't tell your sister about it, need not make her worry." When I heard about it, I was like "wow, so protected from all the responsibility at home!"

If I think of the way why sometimes my in law only listen to my husband and not their other children is because he earned it. Being eldest is hard and even though publicly seen more loved also bears heavier responsiility. So in this scenario above, sometimes is hard to measure where favoritism happen. Did they love my sister in law more or my hubby more, even I am not sure.
Yea, we are quite traditional, hence the practice. We have cousins backing us up on chores sometimes. Like when we go holiday, someone to help feed the dog. When our maid go back to their home country, we loan maid from others. When my cousin is away, we help send my aunt for medical check up. Sometimes the chore pile up, other time it's nice to have back up.

After lonely now marry good family is lucky. Of course none can beat your family but is food that everyone get along. Am glad for u.

guys,

just to share,

i am a middle child of 3 boys, my elder bro is 2 yrs elder and my younger bro is 6 yrs younger.

during my childhood days,

my parents always like to compare me with my elder bro, saying if you can study half as good as your gor gor then i will be very happy or if you are half as hardworking as your gor gor then i will be very happy.

when my younger bro made some mistakes, my parents will scold me first saying ," see i told you to be a good boy, look now your younger bro modelled after you and made this mistakes"

i was like wtf, i didnt even did those mistakes also. kena blame.

during skool days, i always get those second hand stuff from my elder bro, like books and uniform. but my younger bro always get new stuff

to them, the elderest is their first child, they pampered him since he was born and my younger bro is the last child, of cos paling pamperred.

when i was in college, i didnt have a car or motor or computer, i didnt even study overseas thou my grades are good enuff to get there. i stayed a cheap flat renting a small room

but my other siblings, they hv cars, laptops and overseas edu, and dad purposely bought a condo for them to stay in

this is how bad my family was on pilih kasih.

but look  at what happen now, elder bro dont even wan to come back and see them, didnt even bother to give them allowances, my younger bro always fighting and argue with them

and they still keep pushing all their sorrows on me. saying i am the one which the most reliable one la. turn up to be a good kid la. etc etc..

inside my heart, too late for these words. the pain will always be there no matter how much you tried to compensate it.

end/

Let me also share my experience.

I'm the eldest child among 3 siblings. However, Chinese culture, being a daughter, even though you are the eldest, there many 'good' things will go to your first brother.

I'm average, not overly smart, not good in Science subjects, but my first brother does. My father loves my first brother more than he loves me, it is very obvious, I know that. There was one time I booked the wrong airasia ticket for my dad, immediately my dad scolded me 'how come you are so careless? So small thing also can't do! Never behave like your brother'. I was hurt deep in my heart but I kept silent, rebook the ticket and print out the confirmation email to my dad. Dad said ok with a gentle tone, he knew he had hurt me somehow, but it's ok.

Before I finished my SPM, my dad had already asked me to take account after SPM, after graduated, help him up in his company; I denied the offer. Not that I do not want to help, I do not want to have a life like my parents do - working day and night for a living but the industry has been too competitive until the profit has been so little. I am not going to sacrifice my family time in the future, I insisted not to take account degree, my dad was quite disappointed. After that, no matter what kind of degree I took, my dad only bashed me here and there with no ending. It's only my mother that supports me.

Although it was hurt, it's ok. No matter how they are still my parents and he is still my dad.

However, I always remind myself I would never follow my parents' footstep.