You sound like you’re being emotionally manipulated and gaslighted by someone who knows exactly how to play the “sweet, misunderstood victim” card.

Let’s break it down:

She pursued you, came off as the “perfect girlfriend”, made you feel safe, wanted, and chosen. She talked about settling down and marriage although you didn't have such thoughts yet. Then, it was only after you asked about her past that she slowly started revealing parts of it. She didn’t come clean voluntarily. She trickled the truth, revealing only what she had to when you questioned her.

Then came the real problem. She kept doing things behind your back with other men, testing your trust again and again. And every time she crossed a line, she either minimised it, lied, or begged for your understanding.

That’s not accountability.
That’s damage control.

You're an easy catch for her because you want to believe the best. You’ve created this image of her as the “ideal girlfriend” or “future wife”, and now you're fighting against reality to protect that fantasy. But deep down, you feel something’s off, and it’s eating at you.

She knows this. She knows you’ll keep giving her chances. So she gives you just enough sincerity to reel you back in, while never truly respecting your boundaries. This isn’t growth. It’s manipulation with a smile.

If she were serious about change, you wouldn’t be discovering truths months later. You wouldn’t feel confused, conflicted, or like the villain every time you react to being lied to.

This isn’t love. It’s a loop of guilt, hope, and control, dressed up in “good girl” behaviour. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, slowly eroding your peace of mind.

So here’s the hard question:
Do you want to spend your future constantly questioning the woman beside you?
Or do you want a relationship where you don’t have to play detective, therapist, or emotional bodyguard just to keep things stable?

Now think long-term:
If your family (and especially your future children) found out what kind of woman you chose as your wife/their mother… would you feel proud?
Or would you regret letting your standards bend this far?

It’s not that people don’t deserve second chances. But she hasn’t shown she’s earned one yet. She's just using you.

You deserve honesty. You deserve trust. And you deserve a truly loyal partner.
You want a woman who’s honest with you, respects your boundaries, and considers your feelings without needing to be reminded.

Right now, she isn’t that woman—and she may never be.
She’s still too entangled in her past and her connections with other men to offer you the kind of pure, intentional love you deserve.

What is done is done. Can you live with that fact now? It's like plenty of emotional baggages that comes with it and nothing guarantees that it will not happen again.

If you can't find make peace with it, you have your answer.

I mean nobody is perfect
TS has own emotional baggages, it will be unfair to question this girl motives while ignoring his cause it will be a narrow perspective

Hey guys, very rarely do I explain my in real life problems to the masses but I do believe it has reached peak point of my sanity (maybe exaggerated, idk) and this maybe a way for me to vent and ask for opinions

I've been dating this girl for a year and a half, very sweet girl, understanding, kind, anything I could ask for

Seems like no-brainer, right? Up until I asked about her past in the initial phase of the dating. Sounds like red flag, yes? But I do not want any surprises when I'm dating her.

She had 30+ bodycounts, she was treated badly by other guys and whatnots. There was a glimpse of hope for me, thinking she wouldn't repeat her history on me.

BUT there are caveats to my hope

There has been a time where she went out with a guy that took her virginity, saying she was helping the man sell Takoyaki to Uni Students. She said, she had to and had not realized she had offered her help. Nothing else that she did with the man, but to this day I'm still skeptical. She admitted it was her fault.

One time, she wanted to go out with her "abang angkat" on the night of Christmas, she even begged, she knew the abang angkat before she even know me. They did not go out as the abang angkat did not get cuti on that day.

Another one, is she asked me can she go out with her friends? I said yeah, go for it but little did I know the person that will take her had FWB experience with her, I did ask her beforehand "Did you guys do anything?" (referring to her past, did she do anything with this guy) to that she said No. But then, she refused to go out for some unknown reasons. Months later, she shown me a picture of a guy asking her out(ITS THE SAME EXACT GUY), she did this to show that she is loyal, later I asked her what did she do with him to which she later replied she had done something with the dude(she forgotten she had lied). I was heartbroken to say the very least, she lied to me. And had she gone out with the dude months earlier, what the fuck would have I done I dont even know man.
She seems so genuine, she still loves me, she had asked her parents for marriage with me, never have I seen a person be this serious to me, but with all the terrible pasts, things she did... I become very hesitant.

What if someone that knew how she is, saw that she's with me? Will they tell everyone what they had done to her? Will they say I'm an idiot for accepting her?

What if she repeats her past with me? I've experienced it firsthand, but that was the initial part of the dating, will she change for the better?

I feel conflicted, I need opinions

I am very disappointed in myself, years ago I said to myself I wouldn't be accepting someone with such high bodycounts, even mocked the people that does it but here it come bite me back in the ass. Never had I know it is a complex decision to make when it is on top of my nose.