Late 20-something Chinese dude here.

I met another woman online, and for the past couple of weeks she's very keen to chat with me everyday. After all, she claimed that she's interested in me too. However, whenever I try to invite her out, she always rejects it with various reasons such as her outstation work demands (she works far away and only return during weekends), weekend events, having to rest...etc.

I expressed my dissatisfaction earlier and she agreed to meet another day. So this week I attempted to invite her out again. But again, I was greeted with the same resistance. Only when I suggest the following day, she agree to going out for a lunch with me without much enthusiasm.

Am I right to think that she sees me as a guy best-friend instead of a potential partner? After all if she's remotely interested in me, she'd have take the opportunity to meet me irl?

This post has been edited by IzeStorm: May 29 2024, 11:06 PM

Signs are not positive for you bro….

Shud use ur efforts to find other girls liao. No need to care bout her anymore

Not sure what you're expecting but the signs are clear as blue sky

You probably come on too strong. Women can sense desperation from miles away.

Cast your net wider.

Thanks for knocking some sense into me folks, the barrage of messages gave me false hope. I understand that long journey make takes some toll on her, but to decline invitations over trivial matters like her brother is coming home or traffic jam?

This is my first time so I'll take this as a lesson and move on.

Seems like irl is the only option, not having much luck with online leads so far.

Move on dude. She's not that into you.

Be glad she's not scamming you.

Don't be quick to rule out meeting someone online.

Just don't treat everyone you meet as the mother of your future child. This scares people off.

I bet she's dating other dudes

Yet. TS have yet to see her, she can always find another excuse to postpone the lunch again until she finds a chance to scam

So how many times you've actually met so far and how were the sessions?

I think it's fair to give an ultimatum and work together to minimise the risks, so that you know if even that fails, you can move on.

My attempt to be in her shoes:
- her brother doesn't stay with them so it's a big deal when he returns. Maybe it was a last minute plan.
> Manage this by ensuring she knows his next return (or whoever other family?!) so she can plan her schedule accordingly.
- terribad traffic jam
> She should clear her schedule and depart early morning. You can ease her burden by letting her decide a place convenient for her to eat, or you offer to pick her up (if she's okay with a stranger knowing her address)
- work schedule / events
> She needs to book ahead or even apply annual leave if all else fails.

Honestly, I think she has a few problems.
Breaking promises
She ought to uphold a promise she makes to someone she's interested in. Otherwise, why kill her own chances of getting to know you? Before labelling her a liar, you might want to understand her values regarding promises. Maybe she doesn't even think it's a "promise", more like a casual "eh if I can then let's meet lah, if cannot then let's chill online lah"

No respect for others' time
You need to set the record straight: you're clearing your schedule to meet her so she should do the same and respect your time.

Priorities
Is she young? I bet young ladies tend to be carefree in dating so they're not invested to quickly work something out lol. Anyhow, it's obvious you're way below in priorities despite her apparent interest, her list looks something like this:
1. Work
2. Family
3. Herself (me-time)
Whatever next excuse she may have
??. You
...I guess you being on the list at all is something

If she keeps letting so many things get in between her love life, then I can imagine it'll be very difficult even if you progress further with her.

you met another woman online? So have you even gone on first few dates with her

let me be blunt with you
she has many options and easily forget about you
you're not special in her eyes

online is big red alert there

if you never seen her irl , most likely fake photo or maybe a guy even.

the only thing that matters is face to face or video call

gl

I can answer for ts.

Can you check how sure you are she likes you. If it's as real as you say. Then she could be very comfy with online and anxious when meeting in person. After all, you all meet online first.

If she's busy then be understanding. Why the rush? Plenty of time for you in the future.

She may also be very anxious about her looks etc. Rather than say meet up for a date, better to invite her to do what you are doing. For example, do charity or help out. So focus won't be on her and you won't have to face her all time which causes her stress.

Also, don't voice out your dissatisfaction. But maybe disappointment. One is harsh and one is about you're being sad not able to meet her. Which emotion would better when she's the receiving end?

(the above only applies of she's really into you but haven't met you) (if she ain't into you, then move on).

Men need to learn the art of wooing. That, I can easily say, foreigners do it better. Don't learn about their sweet talk. Learn how chill they're and don't only focus on becoming gf bf. Really just enjoy the process of hang out and meet up like meeting up any other friends. When exclusivity comes, then be romantic. You'll nail it.

Good luck, my friend.

Move on....if a girl likes you she will make the time for you

Takut last2 suruh bank in duit je bruh.

Sudah terang lagi bersuluh

Stop wasting time on this one

hate to break it to you but you may be her 2nd option only.

you are only 20 something. Move on buddy.

Willing to go out vs rejecting may or may not be sign of not positive.

Nobody can really say she is not interested.

My advise is if u think u still wants to invest and see, go ahead and dont regret it.
Or if u think its time to stop now, sure why not?

But lastly, dont just stop with 1. Go try out more its not wrong to spread ur fishing net. Dump the fishing rod.

Signs are there ,repeatedly shown.

Do not overthink it to your favor. its time wasting.

Oh. Thread got moved…

in my opinion she may try to scam you later after gaining your trust

go chat with a few more girls

and ask them out

don't focus on only one girl

Sounds like a scam. I am currently talking to a scammer to pass time too, he/she been trying to ask me to invest in stocks with him/her which I have been coming out with excuses to reject so I can continue to see what tactics they can use.

Seriously bro? Haha. Just be careful you don’t end up kena jampi and do something you’ll regret!

Hahaha. already obvious scammer, I just chat to pass time. Ask to meet this Sunday to see what kind of excuse he/she will use to bail out.

Ooh! Cool! Please keep us updated! Would love to see a scammer get some payback.

usually they will ask you to meet in a group
then flash you with scarcity scenario
even induce fear

Have you ever encountered such a scenario yourself?

Bro, girl very simple! She like or love you, everything OK.

Base on what you write out, end it. Go for another.

I think you already know the answer to your questions.

The only question worth asking is, why are you still holding out for her?

Never ever entertain women's mind games. If she says no, take it as a no. Man up and move on.

Sometimes, hope springs eternal…. Despite all the signs pointing elsewhere…

The chemicals of love are difficult to explain…

She's not real

If he/she's a scammer, they picked a really underwhelming background as the bait. However, I'm not going to lie that I've even considered buying some cheap DIY stuff to solve her existing car problem.

Thanks folks, totally learnt something from this so it's a W in the end. It's clear that she's just using me as emotional tampon. Therefore I've already stop replying to any of her responses, if she's interested, too bad. She missed her chance.

Thanks for the detailed response Takudan. I've actually given my ultimatum prior to this post by informing her that I'm not happy with her excuses after multiple attempts. It's her who reached out to me again afterwards (hence the confusing mixed signal), so I decided to give her another go. Unfortunately, she chose to act funny again so I'm sticking to my guns this time. Even if she become my girlfriend afterwards, I already foresee a lot of drama afterwards due to incompability in our priorities.

Did u actually went out with her? How many times?

0! Hence this post.

Be prepared to be stood up in the last minute

I’m glad you put your foot down and stood your ground.

Sometimes persistence does work in getting a girl.

The key is to have the correct mindset. Continue to pursue but at the same time dont get emotionally invested much into her.

In this way, you can pursue several girls at same time, date some of them when there is an opening.

he hasnt gone out on a single date with this girl, and then tried to act alpha by telling her he's not happy with her excuses. Just shown he's clueless about women. If a woman is not hooked on you emotionally or sexually, any action is just deemed as low value

But in all fairness, from OP’s posts, it seems it’s always the girl coming up with some last minute reason to fob him off… very mixed signals.

Giving ultimatums to a girl who hasnt invested in you (havent even met in this case), is a desperate unattractive behavior.

Its the same with "confessions of love".

Fair point, but I still can’t help feeling that the feelings are more on TS’ side, and less on the girl’s, given her repeated excuses and reasons for missing appointments and appearances….

It’s better for TS to move on…

TS can move on anytime, no need drama. But maybe he need to relook at his approach if he is not getting much success in attracting the opposite sex.

Whenever a guy is hitting on a girl, the default starting position is He will be more attracted to her than she is of him. Natural. The more attractive or marketable she is relative to him, the bigger the gap.

The art or game is to change that default starting position and make the girl similarly attracted to the guy.

Attraction is build on demonstrating high value. Some men make the mistake (commonly see in this forum) that when a girl responds positively, the guy becomes needy, pushy, desperate. Low value actions that kill any attraction.

Yes, it's always a balancing act.

Come on too strong, big turn off to the party being chased after.

Take it too slow, run the risk of her getting swooped up by another party.

I'm glad all these masak masak games are behind me.

Yea its balancing.

Also doing more the right things and less the wrong things.

But there is also a thrill that maybe u would hv forgotten.

The thrill of the hunt.

The hunt is long passed, and now, because I hunted well, I feast.

she is not interested, you're just a backup and emotional tampon. You chose to listen what she says rather than what she does.


It really shows you don't know the dating game.

This post has been edited by Drian: Jun 12 2024, 03:16 PM

When i was a teenager, i often hear guys will replay a game but with difficulty modes. Thats how a person can approach in life. Play the game over n over (go out with tons of females) and then witness the nuances of those situations

I believe TS has moved on already.

Hi yes it's not meant to be, I don't have much experience growing up due to personal reasons, so this is actually a good lesson for me.

As long as you don’t a life lesson affect you too deeply, instead, use it to help you grow as a person.

You’ll be ok my friend.

Hopefully the lesson is not to be forever alone.

We always hope for the best. It’s what makes life worth carrying on hahaha