Late 20-something Chinese dude here.

I met another woman online, and for the past couple of weeks she's very keen to chat with me everyday. After all, she claimed that she's interested in me too. However, whenever I try to invite her out, she always rejects it with various reasons such as her outstation work demands (she works far away and only return during weekends), weekend events, having to rest...etc.

I expressed my dissatisfaction earlier and she agreed to meet another day. So this week I attempted to invite her out again. But again, I was greeted with the same resistance. Only when I suggest the following day, she agree to going out for a lunch with me without much enthusiasm.

Am I right to think that she sees me as a guy best-friend instead of a potential partner? After all if she's remotely interested in me, she'd have take the opportunity to meet me irl?

This post has been edited by IzeStorm: May 29 2024, 11:06 PM

Signs are not positive for you bro….

Shud use ur efforts to find other girls liao. No need to care bout her anymore

Not sure what you're expecting but the signs are clear as blue sky

You probably come on too strong. Women can sense desperation from miles away.

Cast your net wider.

Thanks for knocking some sense into me folks, the barrage of messages gave me false hope. I understand that long journey make takes some toll on her, but to decline invitations over trivial matters like her brother is coming home or traffic jam?

This is my first time so I'll take this as a lesson and move on.

Seems like irl is the only option, not having much luck with online leads so far.

Move on dude. She's not that into you.

Be glad she's not scamming you.

Don't be quick to rule out meeting someone online.

Just don't treat everyone you meet as the mother of your future child. This scares people off.

I bet she's dating other dudes

Yet. TS have yet to see her, she can always find another excuse to postpone the lunch again until she finds a chance to scam

So how many times you've actually met so far and how were the sessions?

I think it's fair to give an ultimatum and work together to minimise the risks, so that you know if even that fails, you can move on.

My attempt to be in her shoes:
- her brother doesn't stay with them so it's a big deal when he returns. Maybe it was a last minute plan.
> Manage this by ensuring she knows his next return (or whoever other family?!) so she can plan her schedule accordingly.
- terribad traffic jam
> She should clear her schedule and depart early morning. You can ease her burden by letting her decide a place convenient for her to eat, or you offer to pick her up (if she's okay with a stranger knowing her address)
- work schedule / events
> She needs to book ahead or even apply annual leave if all else fails.

Honestly, I think she has a few problems.
Breaking promises
She ought to uphold a promise she makes to someone she's interested in. Otherwise, why kill her own chances of getting to know you? Before labelling her a liar, you might want to understand her values regarding promises. Maybe she doesn't even think it's a "promise", more like a casual "eh if I can then let's meet lah, if cannot then let's chill online lah"

No respect for others' time
You need to set the record straight: you're clearing your schedule to meet her so she should do the same and respect your time.

Priorities
Is she young? I bet young ladies tend to be carefree in dating so they're not invested to quickly work something out lol. Anyhow, it's obvious you're way below in priorities despite her apparent interest, her list looks something like this:
1. Work
2. Family
3. Herself (me-time)
Whatever next excuse she may have
??. You
...I guess you being on the list at all is something

If she keeps letting so many things get in between her love life, then I can imagine it'll be very difficult even if you progress further with her.

you met another woman online? So have you even gone on first few dates with her

let me be blunt with you
she has many options and easily forget about you
you're not special in her eyes

online is big red alert there

if you never seen her irl , most likely fake photo or maybe a guy even.

the only thing that matters is face to face or video call

gl

I can answer for ts.

Can you check how sure you are she likes you. If it's as real as you say. Then she could be very comfy with online and anxious when meeting in person. After all, you all meet online first.

If she's busy then be understanding. Why the rush? Plenty of time for you in the future.

She may also be very anxious about her looks etc. Rather than say meet up for a date, better to invite her to do what you are doing. For example, do charity or help out. So focus won't be on her and you won't have to face her all time which causes her stress.

Also, don't voice out your dissatisfaction. But maybe disappointment. One is harsh and one is about you're being sad not able to meet her. Which emotion would better when she's the receiving end?

(the above only applies of she's really into you but haven't met you) (if she ain't into you, then move on).

Men need to learn the art of wooing. That, I can easily say, foreigners do it better. Don't learn about their sweet talk. Learn how chill they're and don't only focus on becoming gf bf. Really just enjoy the process of hang out and meet up like meeting up any other friends. When exclusivity comes, then be romantic. You'll nail it.

Good luck, my friend.

Move on....if a girl likes you she will make the time for you

Takut last2 suruh bank in duit je bruh.

Sudah terang lagi bersuluh

Stop wasting time on this one

hate to break it to you but you may be her 2nd option only.

you are only 20 something. Move on buddy.

Willing to go out vs rejecting may or may not be sign of not positive.

Nobody can really say she is not interested.

My advise is if u think u still wants to invest and see, go ahead and dont regret it.
Or if u think its time to stop now, sure why not?

But lastly, dont just stop with 1. Go try out more its not wrong to spread ur fishing net. Dump the fishing rod.