OK before people lash out on me, listen to me. This is not talking about hot vs not hot.

Remember beauty and looks are on the beholder.

Let's just say a guy likes nerd looking girls (wearing specs and stuffs). He meets a girl who is opposite of Nerd but he seems to be able to click with her, is it ok for the guy to date her?

On the women side, say a lady likes guys who isn't rounded (not fat but average) but she met a guy and click with him who is quite rounded, should she date him?

My argument here is that I feel most of us will take FIRST IMPRESSION as an important judging factor.

Like, if you see a guy / girl and you think they good looking from first glance, chances are they your type.

But if you see a guy / girl and you think they not so good looking, chances are they not your type (aesthetically).

So if a person don't seem to be good looking to you but end up you feel the click, should you date him/her?

My feeling here: If I were to date the person, will I like pick on her (being not aesthetically my type) in the future?

So what do you guys think?

For me some of my criteria is they must not be fat. This is because of 2 reasons
1. Potential health problem in the future
2. This shows they dont value their health

Yes I am fat but I am slowing reducing my body weight. I was obese last time and now just overweight. Reaching the healthy BMI mark soon maybe few more months?

So so you want to take the risk that your future wife going to have diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problem, kidney problem, storke etc? Young nevermind, when person gets old, all kind of illness come.

Back to your question

Of course no issue. But again see my reply above. I know of some fat girls who are super nice (my friend). If she had workout and lose weight, she will be super hot. But she didn't want to workout. Again my point is coming back to health reasons.

Here's my list of criteria
1. Not fat
2. Good personality
3. Close with her family
4. Frugal
5. Independent
6. Not princess type
7. Non smoker
8. No tattoo
9. No binge drinking. Social drinker ok.

The girl I am seeing is super skinny, doesn't have super model looks just okish look. But I am still seeing her. And she workouts 5x/week!!! More than me. And yes she ticks all the above boxes. So I am ok with that. But not yet exclusive with her yet. Will go out few more times including groceries shopping and monitor how she shops.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Dec 2 2022, 04:31 PM

Subjective but this is my personal opinion. There is a minimum threshold of the acceptance level for the aesthetic appearance. If the minimum threshold of that acceptance is not met, just stay put.

I have tendency to believe, different competitive level of individual will give different response over this question.

YES, I found the word. MINIMUM THRESHOLD.

I also like @ramjade dun like round ladies. But many ppl around me asked me "What if the Round girl you met has all the other qualities you seek for? Just round."

I'd say, MINIMUM ACCEPTABILITY. If I push my minimum threshold to lower than I might end up not satisfied?

If like that, I will make sure she workout with me. It's a fun filling activity we can do together maybe not on her part as she will huff and pant but it will be for her own good. But if she refuse maybe I won't get into a relationship with her.

Everyone have a minimum threshold.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Dec 2 2022, 04:49 PM

I can eat mcdonald sometimes but most of the time i eat healthier like subway

Its like i can sleep with someone who's 90kg but thats just a quick bang, i may not pursue something further with her( depends on her level of awareness and our conversations)

I can also see differences like hobbies and religious belief, but we're just gonna sleep together as long as no dramas thrown at me.

A simple analogy to your question, lets say you just completed your STPM and you scored quite well in your result. You applied your choices of degree & IPTA. If you were given the your 1st choice, 2nd choice or 3rd choice, how will you feel?

1st choice damn happy right ?
2nd choice still happy, right?
3rd choice still not that bad right?

Let says the 4th choice is your minimum threshold. What if you were given your 6th , 7th or 8th choices, how do you feel?

End result, will you still proceed with the offer?

For the student scenario, there are 2 choices only. If they have alternative, they can decline the IPTA offer, FAMA sponsor to IPTS. For less fortunate one, no FAMA sponsor, most likely they have to live with whatever choice they have.

Applying the similar analogy to your partner selection. If you get someone meeting your minimum threshold , you will feel happy. If you didn't get someone meeting your threshold, will you feel resentful ? But before being resentful, do you have other option ? If no other option, can you afford be resentful ?

This post has been edited by nihility: Dec 2 2022, 05:37 PM

I'm always an advocate of "just enough". If it's enough to bother you / turn you off, then no, don't force it.

I used to say looks aren't important, until I tried to go on first date with a guy whose pictures were unattractive on dating profile, against my gut feeling. I was so turned off because he looked worse IRL, and the crooked black teeth just sealed the coffin 💀 he ticked all my boxes otherwise, the very typical stable nice with a bit of awkwardness guy. So, to understand why I feel this way, I fought against my "turned off ness" and went on 2nd meetup anyway, but I basically learned it's just not possible to force it if the chemistry isn't there. I called it off.

Same goes to everything else really...
You can't have someone who is too kind to others... To the point your/his well-being is jeopardised.
You can't have someone too rich... There's a good reason why they're super rich, e.g. workaholic/hustler, no time for you.

Possible.

Many challenges to change for both sides.

The one who gives up will end the relationship.

Been there, done that before. Not pretty but don't get emo over it.

Had it occur to you that physical attraction is not just about how the other person look? Although not surprising for this coming from a guy

It also includes smell, how it feels with his/her touches

When you say not physically attracted, what do you mean exactly? You find the looks repulsive? Or not the type that you would look twice because she's not pretty enough?

I think if you find someone repulsive physically (could be looks, smell, the way the touch feels), I think it's no go. But if just "not pretty enough", maybe still possible

He mentioned rounded so I am guessing fat/obese woman?

TS question seem to me is: Should he date a girl that he is not physically attracted to?

My answer = No.

Reason = You are leading the girl on. Down the road, there will likely be drama, heart break and you will feel shitty.

Err, well I am a guy and I admit looks are important and well for me, it's simple. If looks also can't pass, I doubt the touch and smell will have any effects later on. Maybe for me as a guy that is.

That's why fairy tale is always Beauty and the Beast

Its never Handsome and the Witch

A beautiful woman could fall in love with a not good looking man or even ugly looking man with good heart but the opposite is almost impossible cos the man would just walk away and not even give the woman a second look in most circumstances

Just wanted to share this with everyone. I was quite superficial back then ...the guy's looks has to be 60% n his personality is 40% until I dated a guy who looked like a hot Greek god but had an almost empty brain and that really bothered me a lot coz I liked having deep convos. Needless to say, I stopped dating him eventually.

Now I'm trying to go for 50% looks & 50% personality which is kinda hard coz social media keeps on encouraging us to value looks over personality 😅

Welp, unfortunately (not to discriminate) but I do notice ladies seem to be even more superficial than men in most cases. I have seen men trying to know a girl even if the girl doesn't please their eyes but for women, once TURNED OFF, forever TURNED OFF.

And also the fact that many ladies (even at middle age 35+) still think they have the luxury to find a good looking and good hearted man in ONE package despite age is picking up. I have encountered a few from those dating apps where they say they need to pass facial test first before they will try and know the person.

So what if age is picking up when there are some women out there who look younger than their age? It's the 21st century now...Men really need to stop thinking that women in their 30s are a desperate bunch when there are many women who are financially independent. For me, I'd rather die single than be with someone who's not gifted in the looks dept. At the end of the day, I'm the one who has to make out with that person. If I don't find him attractive enough, nada is gonna happen. Having said that, personality is just as important. Definitely don't wanna date a bird brain again.

This post has been edited by kitkat86: Dec 2 2022, 09:11 PM

Let them be. When they cannot find their partner then they question why no men like them.

50% looks 50% personality

Thats kind of a suprise for me that a girl will rank looks so high.

What if he is poor?

A handsome charming and witty Grab rider?

Can date u?


This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Dec 2 2022, 09:40 PM

Let me get back to u if that kinda man ever appears in my life OK? Lol

Or they question us men saying we shouldn't be thinking that they will be desperate by 35+.

This only applies for ladies looking to be pregnant and have babies. Women who don't want babies won't feel that way.

any issue? can be part of your future business network as well

physical piapable or not different story

deleted

This post has been edited by justapawn: Dec 2 2022, 11:23 PM

I keep hearing ladies say that, but what exactly is a "deep conversation"?

Maybe he was a temporary Grab rider when he lost his job during the pandemic

Basically, don't ask the girl how are you, what are u doing now or have u eaten yet. All these questions won't reveal much abt the girl's personality

This post has been edited by kitkat86: Dec 3 2022, 12:21 PM

because there are not enough high value men around
if you hear about "elevator theory" you'll understand more

Balanced approach is good. Also dating in this century is pretty superficial.

With all the dopamine conditioning going on. People nowadays rarely go through the entire process or effort to know a person well to be attracted to them on a deep level. Which is having a quality relationship. That is just too much work and effort.

Rather most of us choose the path of least resistance to satisfy our sexual urges. Cue like an attractive pictures, a good pick up line light up our brain chemistry and we are motivated to seek that short term pleasure. Which is hook up and a very shallow relationship. Once your “curiosity” / “thrill of the hunt” / “sexual desire” is satisfied, it will be a very hallow and most of the things that person does just annoys you or you feel incompatible.

Haha that's why we have this term called fast food romance.

Sex before commitment, and only sex after commitment
both suits different people with different stages or condition of their lives

there's none like "one size fits all"
anyone who only thinks that way, they will never grow further

Well let me open up the pandora box. Women can always choose the red pill like men. Be an alpha

Sleep with the greek god while having quality conversation with the nerd. Enjoy the best of both world.

Never settle down with a single partner, freeze their egg to do single childbirth when they finally feel their maternal instinct kick in.

Improving themselves to be a high value women of society, wgtow. Well this trend is taking hold in a few advanced country.

I'd say that men been doing that but women are the ones criticising this behaviour. How unfair this is when women can play red pill, choose and date a few while when men does it, we are termed chauvanistic assholes, etc.

true my reply is based on the person i quoted and that context.

I see many modern men is having an identity crisis. Like most human, we are not born the same.

Some are born athletes and some are scientist. A panda trying to act like a tiger will never get high quality prey due to lack of the speed and fang while a tiger will not get good quality bamboo due to not having fingers and wrist movement.

But then many pandas are trying to go for meat cause society and marketing tells us men have to be “key” or whatever that is. So a panda without that natural ability trying to hunt prey will always get low quality meat.

I mean if you are not in any committed relationship, and you sleep with multiple women not using any manipulation and have communicated that its all casual i think no one will call you out.

Problem is men many time use deceit, like an imply understanding of commitment, or just brush off any mentioned of it being casual just to score women that actually create alot of trouble. In the end i would say many if they have told the truth they are afraid it would affect their chances.

I dont see Elon Musk or madonna having issues when having many partners or being judge differently although different sexes.

-mystery-do you use deceit/brush off mentioned of it being casual or do you tell them it's casual and no commitment? Would like to know your input.

panda has to be tamed down so that they lose their natural sights to prey onto "victims", in the end its the forest aka government has the most power (to force them pay taxes) unless panda knows how to fly and stay outside the universe haha

In my life observations, I have seen women who claimed to have steady bfs still going out with random guy friends. Yes, you can say just friends but the key here is they said if their bfs do the same is not allowed. Reason being they know control and the guys don't. So, they telling me that the guys they going out with are ghey?

Double standard here man.

I am not even in the topic of sleeping with multiple women. Some guys I know, they just date multiple gfs at a time and see who fits them better. In my opinion, that isn't good. Coz they told me they treat each one of them like real gf until they see which one best suits them. Like bruhhh, no.

You mean every girl you date, it's always with the aim of a potential mate? You don't date girls out just for company?

Anyway, personally I feel it's more important that a woman has a good brain and in sync in frequency with you. Other things is secondary. If you just going for looks without the frequency, how long do you think it'll last.

I find that if the person of the opposite sex has the same frequency as you, you feel comfortable being together and the person will slowly look acceptable, better, nicer. Beauty, looks and stuff like that it's all in the brains, psychological. That's why pretty girls often end up with Ah Beng or some pattern you find totally incompatible. Tall nice looking guys goes for short, plumb girls. Nice, pretty, etc is define by your brains .

Ever know a pretty girl and something they do or their character totally turn u off. After a while the person doesn't look that great anymore?

Something to think about 😉

This post has been edited by darksideofthemoon: Dec 4 2022, 02:21 AM

I aim for pentential wife (mate) but not company.

True. If you like somebidg ugly can become pretty too.

so you're telling guys do not have standards? Lol

imo, if you feel like you are lowering your standards to date this someone who has clicked with you, you would subconsciously treat him or her differently

That's my biggest fear. I fear I might sub-consciously treat her different AND IF SOMEONE HIGHER STANDARD comes in my life, I WOULD JUST SUB AND CONSCIOUSLY GO FOR HER.

For me, I won't compromise my standards even though we click well. That's why I have rejected some girls before even going out with them even though we click. I just feel she's not there yet.

I don't know man. That's why I want to make sure she's the right person before I commit. Dont want to hurt her and waste her time.

can, just more convenient and ready sexual access
cause in their mind they invest far more

yes, if sex is your priority then it makes sense for you to be dating a lot of women at the same time.

free sex is best sex no?

and if you didnt go for someone else because of your commitment, then it becomes a situation where you blame her for it. Vicious cycle ensues.

Friendzoned, in other words lol.

So I met this one girl on Tinder.

Physical wise, passable based on photos. Personality wise we click.

So we went out for first date. Realised that the photos were a bit misleading 😓

But hey.. she has good personality. Maybe attraction will come later right?

So we still went out. At the same time, i was also going out with other girls.

Then later I met someone who tick ALL the boxes and MORE.

I broke the news to her gently as I could.

What followed were many long winded sob texts, phone calls at inappropriate times, voice recordings.

Finally, I had to block her. Feel bad about it.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Dec 5 2022, 12:06 PM

The most important thing is you want someone to have conversations with now and later. Looks will fade, body will change, but if you can still mingle and talk to your partner like how you started then thats good enough.

Often times you see couples go on a date and they just play with their phones and not talk. Even a number married folks barely communicate at home and just stay together with kids being an anchor.

Thats just my take.

That's the hard truth la. If you choosing between girls, then it's obviously gonna be the best one stands.

when its beta till become dead fish sex or even sexless completely.. pathetic

Some girls can be extremely clingy even if you never have sex yet, but i never block girls unless rare case...ive slept with some of them usually I'll just use busy as excuse, if i dont reply them almost immediately they'll usually get the idea

you wouldn't mind an open relationship then?

i mean if you only wanted sex and you find someone who is like minded and alpha like you, it certainly looks like a win win situation for the both of you

or FWB type?

on my terms, I'll be leading as always
she's free to do whatever she wants with only few conditions (changeable throughout depends how long we met)

what are the conditions? does she get to impose conditions as well?

Everybody has requirements. Why compromise?

Just go ahead date her.
Be friend, respect her... than see how you feel together with her... sometime you may not see the magical things she can bring to you.

Most of guys are very strict like 1,0.... in relationship is not like this...

If you're beta male, of course she is setting the rules

I guess because you ask her out so many times that is why she thought there is something going on between you and her.

Did the girl you broke the news to ticked all the boxes as the second girl did or was there some boxes missing?

if you don't like her face/body and yet you choose her, you will have a hard time getting turned on during sex

why you wanna choose the above option?

Let's play a scenario. She's tad bit fat, she's a little forgetful, she has a lot of pimples, whatever. On the flip side, she cares for you, she can drive herself and willing to drive you too, she cooks well, she's sensitive to your emotions and a good listener. All things considered, you decided you want to settle with her.

From then onwards, your commitment to each other begins. Neither of you should accept 3rd party flirtation in any way, and strive to improve both your individual selves and the relationship.

For someone of higher standards to enter your life, means:
- you allowed the entry. Your resolve/commitment wavered. You can say you tried your best but I suppose when facing someone relentless, you probably slipped up at one point or more, leading to the same conclusion. Note that a simple eye candy or a colleague you talk to at work, doesn't count as "entering your life". You would have to actually harbour the intention to cheat for that to happen.

- your partner's value either stagnated or worsened over time, or that you settled too low due to your own desperation of wanting a partner. What I mean by your partner's "value" is what you enjoy, e.g. what she can contribute to the relationship and you. Perhaps you can't remember the last time she drove you to a date, she was always giving some excuse to make you drive or take Grab yourself. She was taking the relationship for granted.
>> Unfortunately, you can only weed this out by ensuring you find someone who will appreciate the little things and not take things granted.

- lack of change management. Sounds very technical but my point is that, everyone changes over time, so for two persons getting together for life, change is inevitable. Let me just roughly quote my friend who married his highschool sweetheart when I asked him about this question:
You need to accept the fact that she's going to change, and then embrace it, or work it out together. Yknow, when I first got to know her in primary school, we were just kids. She was this soft spoken little girl. By late secondary school or so, we got together. Then perhaps by my influence, there was this once she suddenly cursed at something in front of me -- I was so shocked, like it shattered my image of her being that sweet angel I knew. But I learned to appreciate that part of her because now we can curse at shit together.
>> If your partner has a new trait that you dislike, you gotta let her know so at least she knows that she'll have to do something about it. Otherwise, one day you'll just call it quits because "she's no longer the person you knew".

At the end of the day, I can write theories but practical/reality always has its special add-ons... So how will you ensure that you will never look further? She would have to be perfect, right? But no one is! We each have our own flaws so what makes you think you can find that perfect someone? Perfect for you? So what does that mean to be perfect for you? To some people, they got it easy, because they have a small checklist. Got hands, got legs, can talk, OK!! Easily fulfilled and even more, wow so much bonus! But to others, they take forever because they think the partner needs to be non smoker, non drinker, can drive, can cook, multilingual, good at finance, same religion, nice family, smart, kind, honest, virgin, long haired, slim, big boobs, long legs, fair skin, ........... See what I mean? But no one can ever tell you what kind of check list to go for! Just like for Ramjade he die die wants the girl to know how to manage her money, he has his points. But to a rich businessman somewhere, he will think, "I can sponsor her life, but I need her to be smart and pretty all the time so I can present her to my business associates".

So I'd say settle, but I don't mean settle for less -- know where your limits are, review your checklist, and go for "just enough". "Repulsive" is a strong yet fitting word to describe what it means to be not enough as I quote below
On top of it all, the feeling has to be mutual. So to me, I believe there's no way to find someone who's perfect in my books.

OK, for this I have a few questions to clarify.

1. You mentioned change management. Now, assuming the girl I knew was 'pretending to be fitting' in the beginning and I never realised it? I know this is too much of me to say but I sometimes doubt if someone is too nice, is that really for real? If after dating her for a while, you realized her pretending behaviour (since you see her more) and she starts to leak more of her bad behaviour, what should I do? It's not like I knew this was coming but it hit me like a truck.

2. You mentioned about being stagnant and either her or me are unwilling to move further or contribute further. I realised some people get too lazy after a while in a relationship after it stables down so I feel it will eventually happen. Thus, my question here is IF the 'she' is stagnated and keeps stagnate, should you as the guy lean towards keep trying to make it work? I find that sometimes, one hand clapping too long will tire one person out. What's the best way in your opinion if either one started to stagnate?

For the Just Enough parts, I'd say it's doable. I can but not sure if others can.

1 - someone pretending on the early stages just to score someone, sounds like a crazy to me. It's hard to judge every case and like people always say, hindsight is always 20/20, it's hard to know from the get go. But I think it is exactly this 20/20 hindsight that you can make use of: to reflect on yourself. Were there signs that you ignored? What kind of red flags? What can you do better next time?

Let's just say, next time around you fell for it anyway, there were no clear signs, you're now stuck with this girl. Have you tried communicating to her about those changes? Don't say in her face that she was pretending -- I think for someone who may be oblivious AND taking things for granted, she was not necessarily pretending, but more like putting more effort than usual at the start, then got too relaxed once she has secured you. Once you tell her that you want her to change, the ball is now in her court to kickstart something. The keyword to everything is understanding each other though... you have to be reasonable with your demands, be helpful and she has to make visible effort consistently.

2 - Again about communication: she needs to know from you that she's stagnant. Both of you need to do something about it. Like you say, one hand clapping, no sound but tired already, then what's the point right?

I think both of these need to come from love and commitment. If you both love** each other, then you both will have the strong motivation to make things work. But if you got together because "you have no other choice" and like, "yeah meh she came to me anyway", then you will won't feel the drive to do anything for her/the relationship.

** Then when does love comes? As a starter, back to the topic I guess if your gut feeling already feel MEH rather than OOH then I think it's quite telling that you won't last long. It has to start from positive feelings.
Trust your intuition/gut feeling/subconscious if you are looking for a date. Conversely, FIGHT your subconscious if you're trying to get over a heartbreak.

I came across this saying in a profile picture of a page of a romance book of a girl on CMB. Never like her or message her profile but I agree with the words wholeheartedly.
"If you like what you already picked out, I wouldn't keep looking. When you know, you know".

i notice that men will not accept women who are physically unattractive, unless the guy himself is physically unattractive in the first place.

Eg. so far I have not seen any attractive guys like Aaron Kwok, famous attractive male Hollywood stars, famous attractive HK male actors going lower than their standard. Of course, i'm not referring to the regular guy u see at the mall.

but i notice attractive women are capable of falling in love with men who are really physically unattractive.

eg look at some of the former Miss HK, many of them married some old ugly rich men (best example is Rosamund Kwan). Really really unattractive, but anyway rich.

But with the lack of looks, they come up over-sufficient with $$$. That's some sort of different case. What if the guy is unattractive and not well off?

if the guy is both ugly and poor, sure no women want.

so, the priority for women is different from men.

Women look for resources while men look for physical attraction.

so basically she cannot set conditions when in a relationship with you lah?

okay now i see why you dont want FWBs as well. Good info thanks.

You are "allowed" to see other girls but the girl must be exclusive to you? Sounds like a bad deal.

hahaha, keep assuming

since you didn't answer the questions but instead went off on a tangent, yes of course i will assume and i will keep assuming until you give a straight answer.

unless your answer correlates with my assumption?

You will need to go out with a person a few times to know the person.

For the first girl, I will say she ticked the minimum criteria but the physical part was below expectations. I ignored the physical part at first as she shared some common interest and it was fun with her. However, the attraction never became strong even after several meet ups. And probably because of low attraction, some other things started to grate me as she became more needy.

The second girl who i met later, is physically more attractive (subjective). She is also the very feminine type, which wasnt my consideration before, but now I like 😍 . The attraction hit me like a bus.

If one thinks he "settled" and he could have scored a better chick, then I think he won't stop looking for the "one" that fit every point of his checklist

However, if he thinks he found someone that didn't check all the items on the checklist, but there are some good points that are way above what he has in the checklist, it's not so much of "settling", but finding someone he didn't realise he needs. Then, chances of it lasting would be much higher, cos he won't go back to that arbitrary checklist

I'm a beancounter following the international standards, so I believe in conceptual framework and principles instead of rule based and checklist based method. What you need may change over time, but if there's incompatibility on principles and values, I think that's something that cannot be compromised. For example, maybe both are great with money. One believes that I should earn the money fair and square to sleep tight at night, while the other one thinks it's ok to earn money whatever way as long as I don't get caught. I won't be able to accept the differences because of the values eventhough this partnership will likely prosper

Anyway, I digress, this post is about physical attraction and it's supposed to be appearance only

There's a saying, if you sleep with 8/10 few times, she automatically become 6/10 in your mind and you can be open to her, however if you sleep with 3/10, she eventually become 1/10 and there's no "drive" for you to pursue longer term with her

Good saying..i think its accurate.

Guys is always attracted by beauty and body.
Girls personality, traits and success.

Could be Rosamund Kwan a gold digger.

Haha I think it's hard to run away from other types of attraction because like others say, someone physically attractive will not look as good the more you know about his/her bad personalities and vice versa.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, you've said it very well - to conclude in my own way, it's also like expectations management. You have a long ass checklist = you'll be easily disappointed. Conversely, short checklist = easily overachieve. I personally still feel your principles and framework can fit into "checklists" - to me it's an analogy to "list of criteria you're looking for", which can include the values you mentioned. In your example, it would mean you have another must-have value i.e. "to respect the laws", on top of "good with money". And even in that, there is a spectrum (for example, don't get caught for tax evasion vs. scamming someone has different severity).

I guess to pull back into topic, maybe it's similar to acceptance of boobs: guy A and guy B both like big boobs, but guy A prefers not too big and must be natural. Guy B insists big, even if it means huge silicon implants basically, every item has a spectrum to evaluate, it's not just a simple tick most of the time.

I once dated a girl who looked like a nerd.

well in a sexy way,

U know those movies that potray the nerd unwanted like Emma Stone, suddenly she put on some make up and do a hair, walao Hubba Hubba.

Yeah I dated a girl like that.

Too back it didn't work out, she preferred ang moh life n migrated.

But I tell u lah, if u are in a relationship whereby you are head over heels for a girl, it usually doesn't work out, i don't know why.
I think in a marriage, u need to be practical or if u are looking for long term relationship.
The girl I eventually married was someone I loved and cherish and I was always grounded at all times.

What do you mean by grounded?

gravity keeps you level headed.

if you fall in love with someone, like she is the one for you, and you keep dreaming about it, you may be destined for failure.

I may be wrong, but I think when one person is in this "head over heels" feeling, one may overlook compatibility, suitability, shared values and whether the other person truly likes you or not or just temporarily there for you until find someone better.

What if I fall head over heels on the girl because of compatibility and her character?

It's better than looks in my books. Cause looks and body degrade over time.

usually that doesn't happen.

person fall head over heels when the girl is way out of league for the guy

Compatibility and character can also degrade over time.

Just ask all the divorcees here..

As for looks, with the right lifestyle and a bit of medical.help, a girl can be hot into her 40s and even 50s.

Not saying this is more important than characther tho..

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Dec 12 2022, 11:06 PM

Define heads over heels?

I still think looks still degrade faster than personality.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Dec 12 2022, 11:18 PM

very rarely i seen a woman still look pretty in her 40s
unless if you were talking professional high income earner
those usually have a wealthy husband as well as maybe divorcee or single (unlikely)

I can still find mid 30s attractive
but usually its 18-25 years old females have the most leverage in sexual marketplace

when u r in cloud nine

u lost control of all ur senses

u are so love that u forgot about the dangers of rejection or future potential break up.

u put too much sacrifice into the dating, that if you lose her you feel like you lost all your hopes.

you cannot think logically anymore, because your whole world is her.

when you are in this mode, chances of relationship failure is high.