1) Samy Velu on pos laju "BESOK
KIRIM, HARI INI SAMPAI"

2) The one on TV when in trying to
say he was ashamed, he said:`Kemaluan
saya besar`

3) On drugs, "Jangan hisap dada"

4) Samy said in a ceramah "Kita
akan bina satu jambatan untuk orong-
orong kampong disini", one pakcik
asked, "Datuk,
sini takde sungai,buat apa
bina jambatan?" and Samy glorious
replied,"Kalau takde sungai, kita bina
sungai!"

5) Samy's favorite quote on
national television "Toll naik sikit,
manyak marah saya. You ingat semua ini
toll saya punya
bapa punya kah!"

6) During the water shortage
crisis : "semua orang diminta jgn
membuang aiyerr..!"

7) During blood donation campaign
in Sg Siput: "..marilah kita semua
menderma dara.."

8) During the opening speech of
various function: "...selamat datang
saudara-mara semua.." (actually
is "saudara-saudari" )

9) At an opening
ceremony: "mempersilakan datin paduka
rafidah aziz naik ke pentas utk
membuka kain"

10) Commenting about his
modesty: "sebenarnya, kemaluan saya
sangat-sangat besar"

And lastly u know why our N-S Highway
concessionaire is named PLUS.

PLUS = Pungut Lebih Untuk Samy

Is tis real or someone making fun of him?

Tis is defamation......Masuk ISA later baru tau..

Jangan lah kau orang mempersendakan bahasa orang lain...

7) During blood donation campaign
in Sg Siput: "..marilah kita semua
menderma dara.."

mari menderma... 

another qoute taken from leonard tan

when in press conference some reporter ask samy about bird flu

Samy : bird flu itu sangat bahaya, jadi saya nasihatkan jangan main-main dengan burung. jangan sekali kali pegang telor telor burung, itu merbahaya.

Is tis real or someone making fun of him?

Tis is defamation......Masuk ISA later baru tau..

Jangan lah kau orang mempersendakan bahasa orang lain...

Anyway, this is Joke Heaven, posting his picture here is a Joke, posting his name in the list of Ministers in Malaysia also qualified as a joke.

Samy's favorite quote on
national television "Toll naik sikit,
manyak marah saya. You ingat semua ini
toll saya punya
bapa punya kah!"

Lol...

I love his "kemaluan" quotes.

Btw,whats "dara"?

Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and broke his jaw. 
He was unable to speak. Being the great leader that he is, he continued his grand tour.

On the last week of his visit, although unable to speak, Samy insisted on sending a message home to his Cabinet colleagues.



Samy caught a chicken and showed it to the camera.
Next he took a goat, and showed it to the camera.
Finally he took a bag and displayed it in front of the camera.


Dr Ling was the first to see the video clip. He said, "Samy is telling us that India has insufficient food because he showed us a chicken and a goat and he wants Malaysia to donate bags of rice."

Mahathir watched silently then said,"No lah....what Samy is trying to say is HE IS COMING BACK.

The whole Cabinet was puzzled and look to the old man for an explanation. Mahathir reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG." ("I am coming back" in Indian accent).

Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and broke his jaw. 
He was unable to speak. Being the great leader that he is, he continued his grand tour.

On the last week of his visit, although unable to speak, Samy insisted on sending a message home to his Cabinet colleagues.



Samy caught a chicken and showed it to the camera.
Next he took a goat, and showed it to the camera.
Finally he took a bag and displayed it in front of the camera.


Dr Ling was the first to see the video clip. He said, "Samy is telling us that India has insufficient food because he showed us a chicken and a goat and he wants Malaysia to donate bags of rice."

Mahathir watched silently then said,"No lah....what Samy is trying to say is HE IS COMING BACK.

The whole Cabinet was puzzled and look to the old man for an explanation. Mahathir reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG." ("I am coming back" in Indian accent).

..Mahathir reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG." ("I am coming back" in Indian accent).

Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and broke his jaw. 
He was unable to speak. Being the great leader that he is, he continued his grand tour.

On the last week of his visit, although unable to speak, Samy insisted on sending a message home to his Cabinet colleagues.



Samy caught a chicken and showed it to the camera.
Next he took a goat, and showed it to the camera.
Finally he took a bag and displayed it in front of the camera.


Dr Ling was the first to see the video clip. He said, "Samy is telling us that India has insufficient food because he showed us a chicken and a goat and he wants Malaysia to donate bags of rice."

Mahathir watched silently then said,"No lah....what Samy is trying to say is HE IS COMING BACK.

The whole Cabinet was puzzled and look to the old man for an explanation. Mahathir reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG." ("I am coming back" in Indian accent).

Is tis real or someone making fun of him?

Tis is defamation......Masuk ISA later baru tau..

Jangan lah kau orang mempersendakan bahasa orang lain...

Joke:Samy Vellu

Samy Vellu aka Semi Value broke his right arm (the one he uses to write). All the doktors and the spesialis in kay ell couldn't help him and so off he went to India to seek ayurvedic treatment (bomoh-lah!).

He found the village but couldn't speak the local lingo. Not to worry they knew what he was in yindia for and sent him into the jungle. Meanwhile, back in kay ell, Dr.M wanted to have a cabinet meeting. It was to discuss the impending PLUS (Pungut Lebih Untok Samy) tol rates and he needed Samy Vellu around. He summoned Anwar to fetch Samy and so Anwar dispatched the PM's secretary to india to look for Samy.

The PM's secretary found the village that Samy went to but could not see him for only the people who need treatment were allowed into the jungle. So he gave the telex to the thamby and the thamby went into the jungle to look for Samy. The thamby gave the telex to Samy who was by now being treated by the bomoh.

The telex read : "Samy.stop.Balik sekarang.stop.Jemaah menteri mau mesyuarat.stop.PM"

On reading this, Samy wanted to tell the thamby his reply but could not convey his message... because i told already what - he didn't speak the lingo. He gestured the thamby to get him paper and pencil but he couldn't write so he asked the thamby to follow him round the village and asked the thamby to draw. He saw a chicken and so the thamby drew a chicken. Followed by a goat Samy saw. Then samy pointed to his suitcase and the thamby drew a suitcase. OK... now the thamby gave the piece of paper to the PM's secretary and off he went back to kay ell. Anwar received the piece of paper and stroked his goatee... "Apa ini...chicken, goat, bag...hmmmm?" Then it struck him... "Oh, saya tau!!"

Dr. M asked, "Apa cerita Samy?" Then Anwar passed him the paper and the PM was puzzled too "Alamak!! Apa Samy cakap ini... ayam, kambing dan suitcase?" Then it struck him too. "OK, kita boleh mesyuarat tidak lama lagi...." Dr. M said. So the message they concurred meant "ayam kambing beg!" (i am coming back !!!!)

Samy Vellu and his Stamps

When Samy Vellu completed 25 years of his role as a politician over M'sia, he wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He insisted the stamp to be of international quality. When the stamps were duly released, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered him to investigate the matter. The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the problem to Samy Vellu.

He said: "Sir, the stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!"

Sammy Vellu and his old boss, Mahathir

General Musharaf, Samy Vellu, Mahathir and Gloria Arroyo are sitting in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Arroyo and Musharraf are sitting there looking perplexed. Samy Vellu is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Musharraf is thinking: "These Malaysians are all crazy after Arroyo. Samy must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him."

Arroyo is thinking: "Samy must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Musharraf instead and got slapped."

Samy is thinking: "Damn it, Musharaf must have tried to kiss Arroyo, she thought it was me and slapped me."

Mahathir is simply thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Samy again."

Samy Vellu attending UN meeting

Mr Samy Vellu attends a UN meeting on space exploration by 2008. He is representing the Malaysian Prime Minister. Here are some of the conversations:

China Delegate:
"By the year 2008, China will start their moon exploration project."

Russian Delegate: "We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon."

George Bush: "We the United States will also explore the moon - for the second time."

Malaysian Delegate: "By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun."

There was a long silence.

Bush stood up and asked the Malaysian delegate:
"Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?"

Samy Vellu (thinking for awhile): "We will do it in the evening."

Samy goes meeting
During Mahathir's time when tension is high between Singapore and Malaysia. Singapore send an invitation to Mahathir to attend one of their many meetings. So Sammy was assigned to go and supposed to reply.

Singapore side received the RSVP fax and the reply was a drawing in such order .. a chicken, a goat and a leaf.
The Singapore counter part cracked their head but couldnt figure out what is that so finally The Malaysia High Commissioner was called and settled the problem.
In Malay, AYAM KAMBING DAUN - I am coming down!

I just received this sms...

"BESOK KIRIM, HARI INI SAMPAI"

"an army will not stop me from winning sg siput elections"

"ini semua kerja orang gila" must be the funniest of all.

Brought to here after seeing semi value quote in forum today
Did not disappoint