We’re in our mid-thirties and have a 2-year-old daughter.
My wife has a very good relationship with her siblings (5 of them), so she feels life without siblings is boring.
I’ve lived far away from home, most of my life, almost independently, struggled through without much help, so don’t feel so strongly about our daughter having a sibling.
Her biggest concern is that once we both are gone, if our daughter remains the only child, she would be all by herself in the world, with no one to share her life, with other than her spouse.
My argument to this – there are millions of kids like that, so what?

This is not a financial related decision, I have a well-paid job and am financially stable. I think I've been a great father to my kid and have done the absolute best for her and will continue to do so.
But I have to admit, parenting has been hard. Takes away a lot of your time and interest in doing other things. Adding another just going to overwhelm me psychologically.

Too add fuel to fire, this topic of another child started when I told my wife I got another job, with a significant increase in pay compared to my current job but we have to relocate to another state (KL to JB).
Initially, before I received the offer, my wife agreed to relocate.
However, after accepting the offer, when I was looking for places to stay online, she dropped the bomb having another child.
She told me, if I don't agree, she and my kid will not relocate and she has given me a week to decide.

I got no issue of relocating on my own (I would do it anyway even she disagreed to relocate the first time) but to emotionally blackmail me using my kid here is unfair.

What are your thoughts about having another child? Have you had a similar experience on this topic? Would like to hear your thoughts and feedback.

relax n take it easy bro.

2nd child / 3rd child, let it be. let them come n u relax ur standard.

no need to be overwhelmed n let ur wife takes care of them more, make her promise.

she will love u more n u will be still able to have time to do more ur own things.

Obviously your wife is blackmailing you. when 2nd child arrived, don't be surprised she will pull the same trick to get a 3rd child.

for the child
1. social-POV : to have a siblings > only child (IMO, just me)

for. adult
1. u felt unfair for the blackmailing part: really have to let ur wife know about how u feel
2. and try to understand why the wife wants it. real reason behind

since u mention this topic started since the relocation thing involved
anyhow i dont want to advise anything to TS. none of my business

to me:
1. i would want my kid to have siblings
2. and i just want to know if both (wife/husband) wants the same.

to raise a child needs commitments from both of u guys. (not saying single parents cant do so)
but since u guys are still married then it has to be a joined-effort

to avoid issues like: 'u want kids, u take care'

Initial I never wanted kids. Obviously, it was our (my) fault for not discussing this before marriage. My wife only started hinting about having kids because all her friends were getting preggy/kids. Crying every night. I gave in.
When she was pregnant, she asked if we can have the kid in Malaysia, and wanted the baby to grow with all the other family members (especially the grandparents)
I felt it was a good point. I left my high paying job abroad and since I was already in a stable financial situation, I decided to return to Malaysia.
Now she is at it again. She started the conversation by saying her friends are adding more family members, her parents for having 5 kids, even some of MY friends who are getting 2nd or 3rd child.
I hate comparisons used as an excuse to win a discussion/argument

Bro ur think too much, whats wrong to get second child.... your are financially stable anyway....
Out there a lot of married couple still struggling to get even one.....

More child better actually. It will lessen the burden of your kids if in anyway you need to goto old folks home in future. At least they scan split the cost.

I feel you're thinking too short-term. Plus using your own personal childhood as a comparison and thinking every other single child will turn out just like you (good emotional health and no problems socialising) is unfair on your current daughter. Let her have her siblings and in the far future they (including their own offsprings) shall all bring joy and pride to you and your wife as the patriarch and matriarch.

First, when you have only 1 kid especially daughter, in future when you grow old and she married, and something bad happen to either you or your wife. She have her own family matter to attend and still need to spare her time to her parent problem too. This will burden her so much....

If something big happen, at least your daughter have sibbling to discuss with, or even financial sharing or time to support their parent in future.

Adding another kid wouldn't take away more of your "ME-Time". Somemore your daughter wont have a big age gap to your 2nd child. All the activities can be done together once at a time.

I believe your wife will done a great job taking care of them.

Im not going to have children so that they can take care of me in the future, they are not my retirement plan. I will have everything sorted for myself and my wife (retirement and medical).
I will provide the best for my kid. What she does with it and becomes in the future, that's her choice.
We bring them to this world, it's unfair to put the burden on them in the future - regardless of the number of children I will have.

I got twins straight so it is fun watching the bro n sis interacting daily.

I have a lot of friend as the only child in family.

And most of them hate it. I am not sure why. But they hope they have siblings.

I find that single child tends to be lonely. A child growing up alone tends to be self centered too as the need to share toys, food, clothing and etc was never an issue to begin with when one grows up alone. It is also good to have siblings to shoulder the responsibilities in taking care of you when you are no longer capable of taking care of yourself. After all, standing on two legs is always better than one.

Don't let your child be lonely. Make more let them play together and when they are big they can encourage each other when you are dead

This post has been edited by OlgaC4: Mar 30 2022, 03:03 PM

sounds like the real issue isn't necessarily about having kid/s imo.

since I assume you can maybe afford to hire a helper/nanny to assist with the upbringing. That should free up more of your time to do other things.

the issue if you asked me, is that you are being caught out by your wife hasty and quite often, one sided decisions.

and this is leaving you with resentment.

Open dialogue may help and maybe sharing to her how you don't like to be surprised like this.

Is a blessing to have more kids.

U should have more kids if u can afford it. Money is always the issues when having more kids. But if u r not having money issues. Why not ?

U will love all ur kids equally. Trust me.

More kids is merrier especially during festive season and holidays.

Do u take count of ur daughter feeling ? She needs someone to play with. To converse and interact. Both my sons is 2 years apart. They're inseparable but still fight occasionally.

Then i had my 3rd baby with 5 years gap from my 2nd son. So they treat her like princess. But now she occasionally fight with them too although she love her brothers.

So conclusion is.. Another kid won't hurt u. But talk it nicely with ur wife and tell her how it makes u upset she's using a baby to negotiate ur working condition.

2 are better than 1

There are a few points you can think about.

Nowadays children not easy, dun play play. In the old days 1 adult can take care of 4 children and they grow up very well disiplin. Nowadays you need 4 adult to care for one child.

Generation and generation went by human got weaker and weaker due to food, industries radiation,, environment surrounding... etc. These days average ratio in 10 babies, 3 are autistic. You do not want to go through these trust me.

Not all women are like that, only a few that will feel insecure or feel the gap of bonding from husband getting further and further that's why having another child will pull back the couple's bonding. These you have to check yourself whether you guys are getting loose on intimacy and bonding or does she has the tendency of seeking your attention.

Whether it's old days or modern days people we have these kind of mentality that women are born to take care of men. Wife to husband, daughter to father, daughter to brother, wife to father in law or wife to bro in law. These mentality is really sick because if a mom think of that way, the daughter would suffer if her brothers are not married she has to care for every male in the family including her husband and father in law.
What I'm saying is I support your decission only to have your daughter because as long as the society has these sick mentality, you have a 2nd baby(son) would be a burden to your daughter.

Good luck.

I am like you - TS. Having my only daughter (5 mo) but my husband intends to want another one in the coming future. Financially it's not an issue. But it's so mentally draining to care for another life ;( I am so tired and I don't see myself having a second one. Sometimes I do feel some sort of guilt that she will be lonely as what the rest here says...