Feb 16 2024, 03:14 PM
QUOTE(Takudan @ Jan 25 2024, 12:40 AM)
Heyo, been wanting to reply to this but couldn't find the time to write my essay until now.
Women is generally quite aware of the "time limit". Here's how the single women in my circle of friends generally think:
A) I really want kids, so I need to settle down asap
B) I'd love to have a romantic partner, so I try my best to look for one. (This was me and a friend of mine. I'm WIP but she's kinda on hiatus cuz she just found it difficult to warm up to strangers...)
C) I'd like to have a romantic partner but I don't want to force/rush it, and I can't be bothered to actively look for one... (Many friends are here; they're quite skeptical about datings apps)
D) I'm aware I can be hard to deal with, so I willfully stay single (ironically speaking, this person is quite amicable and quiet. Just that she's a clean freak and she's really conscious about her own quirk..)
A and B people would be those you're probably lamenting about. Basically as time passes, they gain experience and also desperation at the same time. You may perceive that as only the latter, but I can assure you, there's so much more about it.
Heck, don't you dare tell me you never changed from 20s to 30s. You probably learned a lot from your life experiences, saved up a good sum, groomed yourself better, gained a bit of weight from your skinny self, whatever it is, some part(s) of you must've gotten better. Sometimes gotta give yourself some credits lah.
Furthermore, when I said experience, I meant that understanding oneself is also a way to realise what one truly wants or doesn't want. I said this before and I still stand by it: we can imagine our ideal partner all we want, but reality can be very different and that's not a bad thing. You will NEVER find the perfect one. I do not believe in a perfect jigsaw puzzle pair -- at least not from the get go. Sure, having deal breakers allow you to quickly filter out certain people, and that helps in this modern era of excessive choices (dating apps), but remember that on the flip side, you're closing your own doors to other opportunities with each additional criterion. It's equally important to keep an open mind that when you meet someone so different and out of your own world, you might just realise that maybe those little quirks are what you love and suddenly you don't care as much about her height or weight anymore. After the initial chemistry, it's still a hell lot of work to mold yourselves to be the best version for the other, and that includes accepting each others' occasional bullshits. Don't forget you're not perfect either.
Hi Takudan, thanks for writing such a long reply. I think generally all girls are quite a fusion of the 4 conditions you mentioned and it changes over time. Regardless the conditions, normally woman in 30s is more demanding in terms of the quality of man. When they were young (below age 30), those pretty girls with good personalities are easily paired up and married. Those after 30s are a bit problematic and this phenomena happens to guys as well. Women is generally quite aware of the "time limit". Here's how the single women in my circle of friends generally think:
A) I really want kids, so I need to settle down asap
B) I'd love to have a romantic partner, so I try my best to look for one. (This was me and a friend of mine. I'm WIP but she's kinda on hiatus cuz she just found it difficult to warm up to strangers...)
C) I'd like to have a romantic partner but I don't want to force/rush it, and I can't be bothered to actively look for one... (Many friends are here; they're quite skeptical about datings apps)
D) I'm aware I can be hard to deal with, so I willfully stay single (ironically speaking, this person is quite amicable and quiet. Just that she's a clean freak and she's really conscious about her own quirk..)
A and B people would be those you're probably lamenting about. Basically as time passes, they gain experience and also desperation at the same time. You may perceive that as only the latter, but I can assure you, there's so much more about it.
Heck, don't you dare tell me you never changed from 20s to 30s. You probably learned a lot from your life experiences, saved up a good sum, groomed yourself better, gained a bit of weight from your skinny self, whatever it is, some part(s) of you must've gotten better. Sometimes gotta give yourself some credits lah.
Furthermore, when I said experience, I meant that understanding oneself is also a way to realise what one truly wants or doesn't want. I said this before and I still stand by it: we can imagine our ideal partner all we want, but reality can be very different and that's not a bad thing. You will NEVER find the perfect one. I do not believe in a perfect jigsaw puzzle pair -- at least not from the get go. Sure, having deal breakers allow you to quickly filter out certain people, and that helps in this modern era of excessive choices (dating apps), but remember that on the flip side, you're closing your own doors to other opportunities with each additional criterion. It's equally important to keep an open mind that when you meet someone so different and out of your own world, you might just realise that maybe those little quirks are what you love and suddenly you don't care as much about her height or weight anymore. After the initial chemistry, it's still a hell lot of work to mold yourselves to be the best version for the other, and that includes accepting each others' occasional bullshits. Don't forget you're not perfect either.
Yes, I myself changed a lot from 20s to 30s, experienced mid life crisis, missed a few good ladies and so on. I do agree with you that we will never find the perfect partner. Personally, I give myself some non-negotiable restrictions and I am mentally prepared to accept the consequences. Anyway, one hard truth I learned over the years is good appearance speaks louder than any other criterions. A decent and healthy appearance could earn you more opportunities in dating. In contrary, you will have really hard time if your look is below average. For career wise, I am still striving hard to climb higher and earn more. It won't be smooth sailing for me as I don't have mentor/guidance. Well, time is against me nowadays, I just can do my best to improve myself in every crucial aspect.
This post has been edited by justapawn: Feb 16 2024, 03:35 PM
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