Yeah it was really a good chat. Just thankful she still willing to talk to me. Sometimes you really dont appreciate moments like this until you are in this stage.

Thanks bro!

We did....

Thanks bro. Really happy to hear this. Need this optimism in my life right now. Thank you.

Thanks thanks thanks. Yes I'll fight for her. I must get out from this hole.

Last night conversation with this girl makes me feel I really wanna fight for her. I told myself she can still talk to me nicely. Things could be worse. I must let this fuel my fight and press on for her.

Today was hard. Yesterday night she called me to continue on our previous conversation. She pointed out the things I did in the relationship that hurt her. I felt like she remembered all the fights that we had in the relationship until I asked how come she remembered so cleary the bad ones instead of the good ones. She told me she remembered both but bad ones hurt cause she's on the receiving end. I told her when we fight, we both had our differences which we need to defend. That's why we fight but every night I soften down, went to hug her, apologize and told her our differences does not matter much. It's just during the heat of the moment I may not be able to do it. That's just me as I need time to process my emotions as well.

But yeah, she told me this is the last time she wanted to talk about the our relationship with me. She wants to move on and doesnt wanna harbour toxic and angry thoughts as she doesnt feel well too. She said for the time being, maybe the space and distance is good for us as when we meet and talk this period, our conversation will only lead us towards the past. I told her okay. I will wait for her to be ready and I will continue to pray for her.

This morning I called her because I notice her car at home when I drove past. She was supposed to be in church at the time so I called her to just see if she was sick or what. Turned out she was having a bad day. She told me she doesnt felt doing anything, she is not sick or anything. I asked her if she's doing any activities later. She replied but can tell she has that negative tone in her. After we said goodbye, she sent me an angry message. It really hurts me but i think she was just venting out and i just have to live with it.

Yeah today was hard to get through but I just have to hang on.

She's very very sensitive. Like a lot of times I thought I'm doing well yet she can still feel hurt from my actions.

She has low self esteem as well. I guess all stems from her losing her dad in a young age and unhappy memories growing up.

Bro, can you define what you mean by overly positive? Does it mean to be able to move forward from this break up and be positive we will get back? Like how am I gonna show her the positiveness?

Yeah. It was hard but it could be worse.

Yesterday was tough so I shut myself off and just spend time on myself grieving and letting all my emotions out. It was a long day until at night I had bad headache but I did get enough sleep.

At night she sent me another text saying "This is why distance is needed. And as time passes things will fall into place, eventually."

I guess she was upset by herself sending angry message. Later she replied "What I mean was we need distance to move on. We need spaces to focus back ourselves. That's all I'm trying to say. I dont want to hurt myself with anger or any other negative emotions."

Her last reply: May God shape you to be the person He made you to be.

I mean this is such a bitter sweet message. Like she thinks about me but at the same time sound like a goodbye.

I miss her so so much.

Actually she did. One of her church mentor reached out to me and told me she is praying for me. Ask me to be well.

I apologize to her, asked her why pray for me since I hurt her friend. I was really just breaking down la when she reached out to me. She told me she knows I'm suffering but my ex is in also not having it easy. Maybe she thought I think it was easy for her. She told me she called her and cried too.

So yeah, dont think she is bottling it in.

I dont know should I keep in touch with her like once a week or go no contact for a month.

If I call her once a week, good thing is we keep communication open but at the same time giving her the space. Maybe call her just to catch up and know what each other has been doing without talking about the past.

Go no contact for one month is like really giving her the space and distance she need but just afraid without communication, what would happen?

I dont know if directly wish her morning night all these will make her annoying or not. Or maybe I need to give her sometime before I start to wish her this and that.

Haih dont know la so many dilemma

Yeah this is what I thought so too.

Give her two weeks break and then start slow. Haih, thanks for hearing me out bro. Can only talk here.

Our mutual friend knows. My friend dunno. Most of our mutual friends are from church so they know since I stop going.

Today reminded me about our happy moments together. Feels painful to blow it all off because of one mistake.

I only talked to one cause he's like the leader of our cell group. So he's helping me and telling me I should not be blame entirely.

My own friend I havent been seeing anyone so I also dont know how to tell. The thing with my group of closest friend are a bunch of girls. I know they will be supportive and all but my ex is sensitive when I hang out with girls so I might stay away from them. My guys friend are married with kids so I dont really wanna bother them.

I dont know. Like lost motivation to find anyone now. Both of them have kids so its a bit hard as well.

Ah we shall see. Everyday is difficult to get through but time always flows so eventually the day will pass. Just counting down the days. Tried going for a walk today at the park. Maybe will go hiking also but dont know if leg can tahan or not.

Haha you are always here

Hey there.

Thanks for checking up the thread.

I would say after so many replies from the people here, I need to get better. I need to get better in order to fight for this relationship. She's not gonna comeback to me if I am still feel with sorrow and guilt right? Just gotta be better and show her the improvement and repentance I mean I would do. Of course, there are days of ups and down, positive and negative. Some days I keep telling myself to fight on all this negative emotions but some days I feel like I deserve, I am a failure and I dont deserve her.

But tomorrow I will try to reach out to her after 2 weeks of no contact. Hopefully she will take it well.

Hey. Hows life going for you?

Doesnt work for me bro. You cant just replace someone just like that.

I managed to call her and talk to her briefly today. Although there's still sadness and can hear that she is still in pain, I just wanna take the positives out from this which is she is still willing to talk to me.