Not everyone leave right? Or if you mean they leave as in pass away...

But what is hard to swallow is I was the cause that she left.

How's your sleeping pattern? Cannot sleep all or able to sleep but keep waking up?

Stress bro?

Yeah trying to bro. Working hard to stand back up to show her this mistake doesnt define who I am and hopefully she sees it and give me the chance to make things right.

Hey bro. Ups and downs but getting better. The worst part pass dy now I am just trying to build myself back and take changes in life. Hopefully the steps that I take will show her my repentance and that this mistake does not define who I am. Also called her last night and we talked for a while. Can sense that she is still struggling herself to cope with the damages I caused. I just plan to take things slow and keep in touch with her once a week maybe to show her I care and hopefully she does not repel away from me.

Hows your speaking test? As in presentation?

But without hope what keeps me going?

You listen to story of China cause its boring and make you sleep or you are really interested in it? Why stress bro? Working or studying?

Yeap thanks bro. That is also what I try doing and telling myself. But I just cant ignore the fact my mistake hurt someone badly.

And I know its cliche but hope my next moment is still with the same person.

Okay bro. Hope you can find your sleep back. I know the feeling of wanting to sleep but just fill with so much thoughts inside you keeping you from sleeping.

In fact, I slept early just now at 10 cause was really tired but woke up now cause I dream we patch back dy in my dream.
Somehow we are together in KL and having a lunch with her friend and husband. The friend mom bought her a bag earlier. When she showed me the bag, I asked her you will use this meh implying that the design is not what she like. She told me the strap already putus. Funny is I only saw her friend and the husband once before.


This post has been edited by prelude23: Dec 4 2019, 03:05 AM

Thanks bro.

How did you speaking test go? All well?

Glad to hear that youre doing alright. So you study Japanese now? For future purposes or just for fun?

Sometimes yeah but improved a lot as compared to a month ago. Can see myself making some progress.

Thank you for being supportive.

Yeah unsubscribe astro already. Too expensive and only use it to watch EPL

Oh wow thats cool. You're not studying in Malaysia, are you?

Hey thanks bro. Need to pick myself up before I can fight for her again. Need to show her the repentance and the improvement right?

Nowadays just try to stream online or youtube only.

Nowadays just try to stream online or youtube only.

It has been 3 months since I screwed up and she left me. It was not an easy 3 months but I'm probably healing bit by bit. Big shout out to a lot of you here encouraging me on. I don't cry that often anymore and I have been able to fall asleep at times. I'm still keeping myself in isolation from my friends and family because I don't want people to ask and find out I'm a failure. The pain might have subsided and my anxiety has improved. But there's no a single day where I struggled between standing back up to fight or just lying there thinking how I failed so badly and I don't deserve anything.

I think about her everyday wondering what is she doing. Has she forgiven me and can she talk to me. Church is the only place where I can find true comfort but I'm too embarrass to walk up to people and tell them what I've been going through.

On the good day I tell myself this is the consequences of my action and I just have to man up, repent and make improvement in life to prove to her the mistake doesn't define me.

On a bad day, I just think if ending myself is the only way to show I'm really sorry.

But first 3 months has passed, so lets try another 3 months.