I've been loving a girl for about 6 years, but she said that i m not her type. I thought that i can get over it easily, but it doesn't works that way. I've been thinking about her even though i tell myself not to. What am i? i feel i am so weak and lost....

if you are so weak and lost, how are you gonna take care and provide for her even if she was yours....?? come on man, there are plenty of fishes in the sea... prioritise your life. she may just turn out to be the wrong one at the end of the day...

Throughout the 6 years, were you guys together? was it just one sided?

Maybe you are right, plenty of fishes in the sea, but the fish that will shine in your life is hard to find. Sure sure, will prioritise my life. Just the feeling is too hard to pass through.


It is one sided..

wow! what a tenacity. it's never going to be easy until you are willing to let go. you dont depend on someone else to make the decision for you. you have to make that decision, feel all the hurt you possibly would and then move on. i can say this because i been through this

whatever it is, i just hope you dont go around looking for comfort / building that coping mechanics by making innocent people fall for you and then you just ditch them so you could just some sort 'revenge' / make a point.

it is not fair for the other person, and it never will. at the end of the day, you didnt just break the person's heart but you break the faith as well. and that, is the most horrible thing a person can do.

This post has been edited by Fragileme: Apr 11 2018, 05:57 PM

the accumulated one sided love is about six years, so give yourself a sizeable amount of time to dissolve the feelings gradually.
can't just delete the memory or feelings just like that.

I suppose you were friends with her for past 6 years. Tried to tell her or told her but she does not feel the same way but you decide to stick around and she allowed you.

Does it sum up your story.

If yes, welcome to the Friendzone..

As a former veteran of the Friendzone, I salute you for sticking around so long.

But I do hope she did not treat you like am ATM or doormat during these 6 years.

So this is what you need to do.

Take a step back and make evaluate your situation.

6 years in and still no progress... Do you really want to invest more time. If you want, it's your choice.

If you think you are never going to win the her heart then you need to gradually wean yourself from her.

Unfollow her from FB

Go and hang out with your other friends

Try some new things

If all else fails... Just burry yourself with work for next 6 mths and no contact at all with this girl.

Build your self confidence.

Woman do not want men with no self confidence or esteem.

Build your self confidence before trying to woo other girls.

This post has been edited by cfa28: Apr 11 2018, 06:54 PM

...okay.. One question, did you guys ever dated?

Ikr, it is hard to control when it comes into feelings. I meet the right feelings, but she don't. So i guess time is the best solution now.. Don't worry, I'm not that type of person that will hurt others just for my satisfaction.


yup, you are right, i guess i can only just keep this feelings deep inside of my heart and let something else to surpass this feeling.


She doesn't treat me like ATM or doormat. Maybe i will just burry myself with work, and see how it goes eventually. Yeah sure sure, i will build myself up.

Nope.

Let it go. Find yourself yadah yadah the basic stuff. I don't wanna say this but go self love! You need it. And just keep that bittersweet memory. You don't have to forget it. You just need to let it go.

Good to know TS! That person who deserved your attention and energy is coming. Just a little late maybe.

Your life will be filled with cotton candies rainbows and unicorns soon!

you need to really love yourself before you can learn to love another person...

I just try to hate her. It has helped me forget things. Way easier than letting time heal.

Out of curiosity... She has been single for past 6 years?

What feelings u r talking about? What did u guys do to develop feelings?

TS, you're feeling the pain coz of: (1) the hurt from rejection & (2) denying that you still love her.

I was in unrequited love. We were almost there to become lovers, but coz of some misunderstanding (I thought he liked another girl & he thought I didn't like him anymore), we didn't get together. I still loved him though I was in emotional pain. Tried to forget him by going out with different men, or events & gatherings, or substances (drinking alcohol & smoking), but just wouldn't work. Seeing him changing one gf after another over the years and thinking what I was to him...well, maybe I was just a nobody.

Decided to have a closure after 8 years. Asked him out, because my another friend told me he actually had feelings for me. Sadly, he didn't wanna see me. He said he didn't wanna hurt me again, and he didn't love me anymore. We were almost there, but the relationship broke, and we're never the same again, so he said just let go.

Loved him for 8 years till I was 20, then I decided to focus on rebuilding my self-esteem and confidence. I accepted that I still had feelings for him, but I knew I could live happily without being with him.

Been single all my life, thinking I could never love again... till I met my current bf at age 27. He's my first love and first man. I am amazed that I can love again, and love so much more deeply than I once loved that unrequited love. My bf and I are happily together for almost 2 years now. He's the love of my life, and we'll be married soon.

I don't think we can ever forget our unrequited love. 17 years has passed, and I still think of that unrequited love sometimes, looking at his pics with his gf, but it's more of memory and nostalgia, no love feelings or jealousy or anger etc. My bf mentions his ex-gfs sometimes or his first gf, but I'm okay, coz I understand we all have our past, and it's okay to live with it.

Accept that life isn't perfect and no one is perfect either, and you'll be happier. Some things are just not meant to be, and it's okay... as long as we tried.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Apr 15 2018, 10:38 AM

to get over quickly is to stop giving yourself false hope and know it in the bottom of your heart that over is over. the end. and start focus on something else in your life.

I cant hate her, or i should say i dont really know what is hate.. anyway, i will try my best.


not really, she had a bf before. She was my classmate for 2 years way back to secondary school life, the feelings is hard to describe, i just fallen with her kind smile, and more and more. I guess im the one who develop the feeling instead. I just cant control tho. She may just thought that i am a good friend of her or whatsoever, maybe.


Yup, i guess i just couldnt forget her in my life anymore, but still, have to get over it just like you do. It was a really convincing story from you, maybe i will meet another one sooner or later and will do the same as you. Much thanks for your experience talk, it was really helping me a lot to think over it.


Yup, will do.

Are you guys still keeping in touch.

You never know

Just ask him out but don't sound too desperate.

In my case, I held on for two years.

As long as she is around you, you will never be able to let go. You may try to avoid contact, but whenever your eyes made contact with hers, all the feelings that you have tried so hard to bury will erupt to the surface just like a volcano.

So, in my humble opinion, the best course of action is:
1. Recognise the fact that you will never be able to touch someone who never had any feeling for you and give up. There is no Korean drama or fairy tale in real life.
2. Totally cut off any connection with her.

Meanwhile, make effort to build yourself up, physically (gym maybe?) and mentally (work, hobby, part time, whatever just to stop you from thinking about her).

Welcome. Most people will tell you that you can forget someone over time; it's partially true.

However, if you've loved someone deeply before, and then decided to have a closure and let go, the strong feelings and memories will fade slowly over time.

Intensity level will drop from 100% (miss her every second, even dream of her during sleep)
to 70% (miss her every 2-3 days)
to 50% (miss her every 2-3 weeks)
to 20% (miss her every few months)...
then slowly to just less than 5% (only think of her once or twice a year).

You won't completely forget her (unless you have amnesia or some brain damage), and it's okay coz it's part of your past memories.

As the intensity drops, you will have the capacity to love again (either love yourself more, or care for other people, or ready for someone new).

I've been through this phase, so I'm sharing with you. To be honest, I'm actually happy that I didn't get together with that unrequited love, coz many years later, I find out as I change and grow in life, the unrequited love and I are not compatible anymore. I don't like his lifestyle and I disagree with some things he does.

On the other hand, I find out my bf is highly compatible in terms of personality, values, goals etc, and we love each other very much. My bf is like my mentor + best friend + confidant + activity buddy + lover in bed + many more. Had I not decided to move on from this unrequited love, I wouldn't have had met my future hubby who's just so perfect and right for me.

So for you, have the confidence that life will get better as you move on gradually, and fate will bring you the one meant for you. Cheers!

This post has been edited by Ralna: Apr 21 2018, 01:00 PM

So true.. i would only choose option 1 tho.. option 2 is not available for me, i wouldn't want to lose her even as a friend relationship. Thanks for the opinion!

It is good to hear that! Glad that you found the one that highly compatible with. Thanks for the cheer! I will stay strong and build myself up!

Actually what I did is the 2 steps above, I did not mean for it to be available options to choose.
If you agree that whenever your eyes made contact with her and your buried feelings will resurface, how to move on if you maintain contact with her?
I never believe you simply can be "just friends" with someone you truly love.

Anyway, I wished her the best and hope that she will meet her right one, said my goodbye and totally cut off connection with her.
Sounds harsh? How to ignore her totally when I said I loved her? Well too bad, when I chased her I do so wholeheartedly, and when I decide to let go I do so wholeheartedly too. I did what I could, she made her choice and I don't look back anymore.

This post has been edited by alkw89: Apr 23 2018, 09:26 AM

If it's one-sided, and for six years, i wouldn't call that love.

Sounds like an unhealthy obsession.

Opps, my bad for misunderstanding your sentence. Maybe you are right, i can't really buried my feelings deep into my heart if i am still have contact with her. However, i feels that i wouldn't want to end our relationship just like this.... But i will not get to move on if i dont do that? I wouldn't know.


Could you define more about unhealthy obsession? She doesn't really affect my daily life, i do what i want still, it is just that i would think of her when i am off to be free on myself.. the feelings is hard to control. However, i am still who i am...

If you do not want your relationship to just end like that, then why not ask yourself what are you actually looking for out of the relationship with her?

Can you bear the sight of her being lovey dovey with her bf when you are not the one?
If you love someone you should wish her to be happy, even if it hurts you? Sorry I am just human, not a Saint.
It's like a dual edged sword, while I will be happy for her that she found the correct one, I am pretty sure that lovey dovey sight will devastate me at the same time.
I prefer to wish her all the best and move on, not gonna stick my nose around to see whatever happens next which I have nothing to do with.

You want to be there for her whenever things are not working out and she is sad?
The moment she made her choice, I prefer to give my blessings for her future relationship and cut off ties.
If the relationship actually worked out for her in the end, good for her, I will be happy for her.
If the relationship does not work out in the end, then too bad, she made her choice.
Giving my blessings does not mean I need to be there for her. If I am not the one by her side during happy times, why would I want to be a doormat for her just during her bad times?

You can say I am selfish. At the end of the day, the only one responsible for your own happiness is you.
But if I really love someone, I want to be there with her all the time, happy or sad, good or bad, high or low, rich or poor. And this can only happen if both parties are willing to face all the challenges together. If not, why even bother?

She ignores you, that's why you still feel like you can do what you want still. If she decides to lead you on and doormat you, do you think it will be the same?

Six years. You don't think that's unhealthy?

I know and understand, r u chinese? If yes then this song for u, one of my favourite song last time, he waited a girl for 6 years also.

https://youtu.be/LTzy8NF3BDo

I waited a girl, from friend till being a couple, but still break up in the end, wasted time to wait her for another 2 years, i have finally found another girl now, might not be someone i love the most, but probably more compatible and happier partner for me

What my friend told me before, u might not marry the one who you love the most, but the one who most suitable - i always belive the right person will appears at the right time

I feel you bro , I'm going through the same thing but not as long.

If you don't mind asking , can a girl changes her mind for loving or not loving a guy ?

What I'm going through now is something like this, we kinda dated and she accept me as her bf but currently can say is in a limbo. We didn't break off or anything but just don't talk to each and not seeing each other as we're in different states

Hahaha, i guess it is kind of unhealthy. It does actually affect my feelings in my daily life, just that i ignore the reality for a moment. Thanks btw.


Yup, my friends also told me about this. And its true. Not everyone can marry the one they loved the most, we have to accept the reality and fate. Just make it a good memories deep inside our heart. Hahaha. Thanks for the song too.


High 5!


Hahaha true, maybe i would collapse right away. Will strengthen myself to be stronger towards my feelings. And yes, will get through this stage soon enough. 6 years is really too long. The gate of end must open for myself. Haha.

there are some people here in LYN who know me in person, and a few of them may know this story. for you guys and girls out there, y'all know i have a somewhat complicated past.

anyhow, i fell for this girl sometime ago by surprise. spent some time together, but we actually live thousands of miles apart. that last night we were together back then, she asked me if i liked her. i said yes, a lot. she said she liked me back but only half way (dafuq she meant by halfway?).

years have passed and we have lived our own lives, but we contacted each other from time to time but not very often. somehow, i never really forgot about her that i started missing her. realized after all these years i never really gotten over her.

sometime after, she invited me to her wedding.

so, 8 years after we first met, i flew to her place to attend her wedding, to see her family and her husband. somehow, after that wedding, i truly felt it's over. it's not a feeling of loss or defeat, but more like i felt happy for her. that it was time for me to make myself truly happy for myself.

so, TS, i don't know. maybe you may go through an experience that may shake you up, a certain feeling that you need to feel, then maybe - just maybe, you will truly get over her.

lol i don't really have any helpful advice for you. i just wanted to share mine.

stop feeding urself with passed sweet memories of you both . then slowly you will let go of her .

i liked a girl for past 10 years , she's living in UK , she knew i like her all the while , and yet we remained as friends , during this years apart , we did not contact each other , just once a while through whatsapp msges to wish her HBD n all .

during this past 10 years , i been feeding myself with past sweet memories of us during college times , all those sweet moments , i recalled our sweet memories almost every day , just to carry-on the love i had for this girl .

this love is just like a COMA person , u know that person is no longer there , it is just the OXYGEN that carry the life of this person .

Thanks for your sharing! I will figure it out eventually. Hahaha.


Yeah, recall back all these memories will be painful to myself. Hide it deep inside of somewhere, focus on something else instead. This is what i do right now.

Better question to ask if how to grow stronger and focus on your goal.

Besides, someone that's "weak and lost" ain't sexy. Probably that's why it's unrequited.

Hahaha, i realized it. Will be stronger and sexier! Thanks.

wow, you love her for 6 years one sided or in a relationship for 6 years.

Did she found out you have a thing for her for the past 6 years? if so after she knew, she said no. What year was that?

The word unrequited define it well, it is one sided.


She knew it. It was 2013 if I am not mistaken. But she knew it through the rumor spread by my friend. I confessed to her at 2014 and so on(I did confessed again and again since then). But now, I realized that we can just be friend.

Ah I see. I wish you the best in the healing process.



This post has been edited by Flame111: May 31 2018, 03:35 PM

Thanks. I wish you the best for your bff case too.