I've been loving a girl for about 6 years, but she said that i m not her type. I thought that i can get over it easily, but it doesn't works that way. I've been thinking about her even though i tell myself not to. What am i? i feel i am so weak and lost....

if you are so weak and lost, how are you gonna take care and provide for her even if she was yours....?? come on man, there are plenty of fishes in the sea... prioritise your life. she may just turn out to be the wrong one at the end of the day...

Throughout the 6 years, were you guys together? was it just one sided?

Maybe you are right, plenty of fishes in the sea, but the fish that will shine in your life is hard to find. Sure sure, will prioritise my life. Just the feeling is too hard to pass through.


It is one sided..

wow! what a tenacity. it's never going to be easy until you are willing to let go. you dont depend on someone else to make the decision for you. you have to make that decision, feel all the hurt you possibly would and then move on. i can say this because i been through this

whatever it is, i just hope you dont go around looking for comfort / building that coping mechanics by making innocent people fall for you and then you just ditch them so you could just some sort 'revenge' / make a point.

it is not fair for the other person, and it never will. at the end of the day, you didnt just break the person's heart but you break the faith as well. and that, is the most horrible thing a person can do.

This post has been edited by Fragileme: Apr 11 2018, 05:57 PM

the accumulated one sided love is about six years, so give yourself a sizeable amount of time to dissolve the feelings gradually.
can't just delete the memory or feelings just like that.

I suppose you were friends with her for past 6 years. Tried to tell her or told her but she does not feel the same way but you decide to stick around and she allowed you.

Does it sum up your story.

If yes, welcome to the Friendzone..

As a former veteran of the Friendzone, I salute you for sticking around so long.

But I do hope she did not treat you like am ATM or doormat during these 6 years.

So this is what you need to do.

Take a step back and make evaluate your situation.

6 years in and still no progress... Do you really want to invest more time. If you want, it's your choice.

If you think you are never going to win the her heart then you need to gradually wean yourself from her.

Unfollow her from FB

Go and hang out with your other friends

Try some new things

If all else fails... Just burry yourself with work for next 6 mths and no contact at all with this girl.

Build your self confidence.

Woman do not want men with no self confidence or esteem.

Build your self confidence before trying to woo other girls.

This post has been edited by cfa28: Apr 11 2018, 06:54 PM

...okay.. One question, did you guys ever dated?

Ikr, it is hard to control when it comes into feelings. I meet the right feelings, but she don't. So i guess time is the best solution now.. Don't worry, I'm not that type of person that will hurt others just for my satisfaction.


yup, you are right, i guess i can only just keep this feelings deep inside of my heart and let something else to surpass this feeling.


She doesn't treat me like ATM or doormat. Maybe i will just burry myself with work, and see how it goes eventually. Yeah sure sure, i will build myself up.

Nope.

Let it go. Find yourself yadah yadah the basic stuff. I don't wanna say this but go self love! You need it. And just keep that bittersweet memory. You don't have to forget it. You just need to let it go.

Good to know TS! That person who deserved your attention and energy is coming. Just a little late maybe.

Your life will be filled with cotton candies rainbows and unicorns soon!

you need to really love yourself before you can learn to love another person...

I just try to hate her. It has helped me forget things. Way easier than letting time heal.

Out of curiosity... She has been single for past 6 years?

What feelings u r talking about? What did u guys do to develop feelings?

TS, you're feeling the pain coz of: (1) the hurt from rejection & (2) denying that you still love her.

I was in unrequited love. We were almost there to become lovers, but coz of some misunderstanding (I thought he liked another girl & he thought I didn't like him anymore), we didn't get together. I still loved him though I was in emotional pain. Tried to forget him by going out with different men, or events & gatherings, or substances (drinking alcohol & smoking), but just wouldn't work. Seeing him changing one gf after another over the years and thinking what I was to him...well, maybe I was just a nobody.

Decided to have a closure after 8 years. Asked him out, because my another friend told me he actually had feelings for me. Sadly, he didn't wanna see me. He said he didn't wanna hurt me again, and he didn't love me anymore. We were almost there, but the relationship broke, and we're never the same again, so he said just let go.

Loved him for 8 years till I was 20, then I decided to focus on rebuilding my self-esteem and confidence. I accepted that I still had feelings for him, but I knew I could live happily without being with him.

Been single all my life, thinking I could never love again... till I met my current bf at age 27. He's my first love and first man. I am amazed that I can love again, and love so much more deeply than I once loved that unrequited love. My bf and I are happily together for almost 2 years now. He's the love of my life, and we'll be married soon.

I don't think we can ever forget our unrequited love. 17 years has passed, and I still think of that unrequited love sometimes, looking at his pics with his gf, but it's more of memory and nostalgia, no love feelings or jealousy or anger etc. My bf mentions his ex-gfs sometimes or his first gf, but I'm okay, coz I understand we all have our past, and it's okay to live with it.

Accept that life isn't perfect and no one is perfect either, and you'll be happier. Some things are just not meant to be, and it's okay... as long as we tried.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Apr 15 2018, 10:38 AM

to get over quickly is to stop giving yourself false hope and know it in the bottom of your heart that over is over. the end. and start focus on something else in your life.

I cant hate her, or i should say i dont really know what is hate.. anyway, i will try my best.


not really, she had a bf before. She was my classmate for 2 years way back to secondary school life, the feelings is hard to describe, i just fallen with her kind smile, and more and more. I guess im the one who develop the feeling instead. I just cant control tho. She may just thought that i am a good friend of her or whatsoever, maybe.


Yup, i guess i just couldnt forget her in my life anymore, but still, have to get over it just like you do. It was a really convincing story from you, maybe i will meet another one sooner or later and will do the same as you. Much thanks for your experience talk, it was really helping me a lot to think over it.


Yup, will do.

Are you guys still keeping in touch.

You never know

Just ask him out but don't sound too desperate.

In my case, I held on for two years.

As long as she is around you, you will never be able to let go. You may try to avoid contact, but whenever your eyes made contact with hers, all the feelings that you have tried so hard to bury will erupt to the surface just like a volcano.

So, in my humble opinion, the best course of action is:
1. Recognise the fact that you will never be able to touch someone who never had any feeling for you and give up. There is no Korean drama or fairy tale in real life.
2. Totally cut off any connection with her.

Meanwhile, make effort to build yourself up, physically (gym maybe?) and mentally (work, hobby, part time, whatever just to stop you from thinking about her).

Welcome. Most people will tell you that you can forget someone over time; it's partially true.

However, if you've loved someone deeply before, and then decided to have a closure and let go, the strong feelings and memories will fade slowly over time.

Intensity level will drop from 100% (miss her every second, even dream of her during sleep)
to 70% (miss her every 2-3 days)
to 50% (miss her every 2-3 weeks)
to 20% (miss her every few months)...
then slowly to just less than 5% (only think of her once or twice a year).

You won't completely forget her (unless you have amnesia or some brain damage), and it's okay coz it's part of your past memories.

As the intensity drops, you will have the capacity to love again (either love yourself more, or care for other people, or ready for someone new).

I've been through this phase, so I'm sharing with you. To be honest, I'm actually happy that I didn't get together with that unrequited love, coz many years later, I find out as I change and grow in life, the unrequited love and I are not compatible anymore. I don't like his lifestyle and I disagree with some things he does.

On the other hand, I find out my bf is highly compatible in terms of personality, values, goals etc, and we love each other very much. My bf is like my mentor + best friend + confidant + activity buddy + lover in bed + many more. Had I not decided to move on from this unrequited love, I wouldn't have had met my future hubby who's just so perfect and right for me.

So for you, have the confidence that life will get better as you move on gradually, and fate will bring you the one meant for you. Cheers!

This post has been edited by Ralna: Apr 21 2018, 01:00 PM