I am a chinese and my gf is a muslim. I have met her parents and they are very sporting and not judgmental. The issue here right now is my family. My mom only wants me to marry a chinese girl. Previously I had a chinese gf but the relationship did not last long and the current one is a sumandak (muslim). My mom knew I broke up with the chinese girl but she does not know about my current relationship with this sumandak. Actually I want to keep it private but my gf always ask me when can I bring her to see my family. I always tell her that one day when the time is right she will meet my family but deep inside my heart I am afraid to bring her to my parents house. She is a nice girl very pretty and polite. About convert to islam I think that should be no problem because I'm interested to this religion before I even met her but I need to do more research before doing so. She thought I am not serious with her and she always ask me "are we able to get married or not if no we better break up now". fuhhhh I am in a dilemma right now.

Anybody with the same experience?
I want to seek for advises.

Same boat with you about 10 years ago..... Breakup at the end. Married with Chinese now

Go marry Chinese. Settle.

why breakup? family cannot accept?

I am done with chinese (had bad experience before)

if you have gf or married, later on can break up or divorce...it won't be an issue since a partner can be found again and again, there are plenty more out there...

but your mom?? you only have 1 set of parents. listen to your mom and draw out a long term plan. And 1 thing that makes me suspicious is why the heck your malay gf making marriage as an ultimatum?? how old is she?

I'd figure that if she's not at that age yet, might as well just take it slow and see how compatible you both are. Have you discussed with her about your living style after you both settle down, racial preferences, etc??

for her parents, it's a gain, but for your mom, she's losing you in terms of your culture, your surname etc....you do understand right??

I thought it was family.... But at the end it was me. I don't want to pray 5 times a day and I really really love char siew :/

Just some facts. I guess you already aware:


====

U r caught up in the puppy love, and cannot see the bigger picture.

one bad experience cannot generalize all.

I had 3 relationships, but eventually settled down with a Chinese wife.

This post has been edited by Pete the great: Dec 9 2017, 05:48 PM

most states?

what if TS migrate to Sarawak? WIll this syariah law cover?

eventually you will be forced to choose.
unless your mum am willing to let you go and convert but you know this will hurt her much.
for you to make any decision is easy cos you only think it impact you alone but truth is it impact the whole family.

Wat kind of bad experience

1 bad experience only then make a conclusion that all chinese girls all bad?

Same situation but I just recently converted. Didn't change my name as it is allowable. Planning on getting married next year. Haven't tell that to my parents but I suspect my dad ardy found out about it. This kind of thing takes time to accept. I'm planning to tell my parents about it next year and I'm ardy expecting the worst scenario where I might be abandoned but I don't think it will last long. I have 2 points that might makes my parents easier to accept me, first I didn't change my name and my future children are still gonna have Chinese name and secondly I'm still allowed to perform family traditions like burn incense for the ancestor during cny but it is makruf which means allowable but not encouraged to do so.

This post has been edited by willywonka92: Dec 11 2017, 01:05 PM

although resistance is to be expected in a muslim-nonmuslim relationship, it doesn't mean the end of the world.

It's good that you're expecting resistance from your parents. Now that you're well equipped with that intel, what are you going to do about it?

1) Give up.
2) Strategize.



This post has been edited by ZZR-Pilot: Dec 12 2017, 12:28 AM

Me too. I am not gonna change my name/tradition etc as long as it's not against the syara'.
Pm me for details bro. I rally need this.

I am not saying all chinese women are bad...
I am just not really interested anymore.

You'll be surprised to know that you actually don't have to.

I think for the most part people kancheong for no reason. Masuk melayu la... potong kote la... pffft.....

This post has been edited by ZZR-Pilot: Dec 12 2017, 12:27 AM

Any update PM me dude.

#AnakDerhaka

what are you waiting for?

i think you need to create a topic to enlighten everyone here. your intel will be much appreciated.

I told her to be patient..since it's half of the deen

hey TS, how old are you and your Muslim gf? tried to understand your situation here.

p/s - I'm a Muslim.

i vice versa than you
i like some chinese girl but afraid of making the move.

will she accept a malay guy? she sure looks hawt but convert even better

does it matter?... furthermore it a thing which should not be delay..

most people do not know what r they talking about...just gether info from this n that person and make assumption... make like convert to islam a very difficult thing on earth.. (even a born muslim too same as them).. go to correct source n get the info..there is persatuan mualaf you can refer to and ustaz can guide you... Willywonka92 is correct and hecan guide you to a good source. cheer brothers...

how many times you've dated a chinese?

better find and settle with chinese girl, really. you won't want your mom or anyone part of your family to be disappointed in you

Find this guy,Brother Lim Jooi Soon, Pengasas Interactive Dakwah Training, IDT Kuala Lumpur.

He's a convert as well AND he's more knowledegable on Islam than than those "holier than thou" meleis.He can advice you on this kind of touchy situation.

This post has been edited by zeek58: Dec 13 2017, 04:29 AM

late 20's
are you a revert?

mommy's boy

yes, no matter which corner you are in Malaysia. even you married at another country with PR visa/status , your marriage will not recognize at Malaysia and you will get caught for khalwat

You say "should be no problem" but are you absolutely sure on this?
So I think i's a good idea for you to research more on the religion before committing anything.

No, my question was, if TS get married with his dream girl, and he migrates to Sarawak, and let say, if he kena caught there like accidentaly eating during puasa, would the syariah law apply?

Yes, there is also a jambatan agama islam sarawak to monitor all the muslim over there

not sure if they working or not, heard from Sarawak friends that there been cases, some muslim there eat some stuff in public they not suppose to eat.

Wish all religion has the same rules when it comes to marriage. Hail equality!

that depend on luck, if you are bad luck appear during that time when they looking for some quota or xtra pocket money then you will get caught

seem like in Sarawak, they are very lax about that.

that's why a lot of my Sarawakian friends tell me, that place is nice to live, don't get the kind of stuff we face in Peninsular.

I only been to Bintulu and Miri - but I can say, the place is just so different. All the races there so peaceful, they don't differentiate by haroom or not, even wedding, all races come to attend church, mosque, temple.

yeah agree, the swing party i attend at miri also full with multi races.

You can choose to marry but not convert.

Just move to SIngapore/Australia/US/Europe etc...

Lots of my frens did that and still enjoying their Bak Kut Teh.

I've been in a similar situation - and just got married early this year.

Just to clear the air - becoming a Muslim does not make you lose your name and/or culture. The unfortunate reality is that many people still cling to that belief in this country, probably because we've been conditioned to think along racial lines instead of differentiating between ethnicity, culture and religion.

There are Islamic outreach NGOs like the Hidayah Centre that may be able to help you out in situations like this and help you learn more about the religion, you can try a quick search online. Or feel free to drop me a PM if you have any queries.

Good luck TS, i think you are just young and naive.

Got the exactly same experience as you last year. I have tried my best but end up we broke up.

I suggest you, try to tell and convince your parents, they should know about it. They might be hard to accept it, keep it up and take your time to convince them. I believe that someday they will understand it. Good luck bro. =)

This post has been edited by patapon_113: Dec 14 2017, 04:21 PM

https://www.adamhawa.my/archives/1711

Contact this guy bro. He got experience almost just like you at the beginning, and succeed.

This post has been edited by HimuraNakamura: Dec 14 2017, 04:32 PM

I'm a chinese married a muslim wife 5 years ago. living happily together.
for me race & religion is not a problem, my parents are cool with it.

don't convert because wanna get married. go understand the basic of religion first. no change of name needed.
you will have a lot of questions why cannot eat pork, drink etc etc, you will be satisfied if your doubt are answered.

all the best!

Congratz bro.
How did you convinced your parents?
I mean I love my parents so much and I don't want them to feel despair. I still want to have a good relationship with them.

why broke up bro. I will try my best to convince them.

It really depends on how open your family is on this sort of thing. In my case, it wasn't the first time in my family someone's married into the religion. It also helps that my other half isn't from an ultraconservative family and there's a bit of mixed heritage here and there.

What I'd suggest is getting to understand the expectations of your parents and your partner better. Is their expectation of you marrying a Chinese girl solely out of race or name and culture? Because like I said, becoming a Muslim doesn't make you lose your culture, and you don't have to change your name or the name of your children (case in point: the 21+ million Muslim population in China). On your partner's side - to what extent is she willing to confirm to your parents' expectations (e.g., if you get married and have children with Chinese names)? I'm not sure how serious this relationship is but it's something to discuss/think about if you're considering marriage.

I kinda adore ur decision.. its gonna worth it. Good luck

A bit hesitant to post publicly such personal details, so I'll just say this:

1) I'm malay, my wife is teochew. She never changed her name, she never changed her IC, she never changed ANYTHING except her faith.

We got married with her cina name announced during akad nikah, with her cina name on all JAWI documents, with her cina name on our marriage cert + card.

2) My sister also married a convert. Takde potong kote pun.

just do it if it feels right. no right or wrong in this matter. you're the one marrying not ur mom.

i've been there done that brother. but don't take my words as advice. take care

As clarification, there are many local ethnicity in Sarawak especially local native which they look like Muslim Malay but they are not. The local native are bumi too and they are not Muslim by religion (most of them are Christian or Catholic).
People are friendly over there and most etnicity live well along with others.
U will see Muslim Malay, Native and Chinese eat and drink at the kopitiam that is not certified halal. Not that all non-halal kopitiam serve pork/lard but owner couldn't be bother to certify halal I guess..


This is very true. People respect each other as an "individual" and their religion. Individual comes first because something happen most of the people saw it will come over and try to help irregardless of religion.
It is opposite in West Msia (not trying to generalised everyone, but most people), when something happen and surrounding people will start to see who is this person their race/ethnicity, and religion. A double standard treatment, stereotype and hypocrite. Again, not targeting everyone in West or a specific religion, but u can easily see in social media shared, and even newspapers stating headline with "..... four <some race> robbing someone house or goldsmith....."

It is always the extremist (all types of religion) that trying to show everyone that their religion is superior than others and becoming chain-effect to others and so..


Unusual of me to share view of sensitive topic, back to TS topic.
If religion is an issue, then try to understand and accept the religion as this is a long journey.
If parent is an issue, try to explain to them upfront and strategize your communication. What is their concerns and pin it down during your discussion with them. Old school parents are quite tricky to handle, so best to share are "need to know" basis, the more u share it will creates more question and confuse them. Less is more.
Lastly, I recommend to take a longer time digest because it involves your life time partner, not just anyone or religion.

Good luck TS.

+1 agree on this, especially all practitioner as pure as their religion

Dunno how true, but heard that in that state, got you know whom - don't mind eating pork.

Quite many interracial couples here
I'm in one too, converted and getting married very soon.

Nothing to advice, just wanna cheer for you, Good luck Bro

why u broke up with the chinese girl ? is she pretty ?

I live in a mixed family, i am being accepted by both sides, chinese father and muslim mother. Yes, there were rough patches (i could only imagine what my parents went thru) but it all worked out, i still celebrate CNY and Raya.

Well I am 33 already, I am sure I am mature enough to think. Breaking your moms heart is not an option. There must be a solution.
About this religion, I think it leaves a lot of question mark to me.

The media spread a lot of bad things about this religion. That's the first thing make me interested to know more.

Second is praying. why need to pray everyday? whats so special about it.

3rd, halal. why do they care so much?,

4th about the aurat, why islam got this thing? what for? and so on.

If I can state everything here 2 pages also not enough.

Yes, there are a lot of misconceptions about Islam among non-Muslims and even among malay Muslims.

For example, melayu ppl keep asking my wife for her 'nama Islam'.

1) Islam requires no such thing. Even Melayu alim ppl don't know that.

2) No such thing as 'muslim names'. Those are ARABIC names. Even the name of prophet him himself is not Islamic - he was named Muhammad BEFORE he was called by god to establish the religion.

Anyway, if you want ur questions answered you should go see a well known preacher.

If you ever get the impression that he's equating masuk Islam = masuk melayu, walk away from him & don't ever come back. From my experience with my wife, there are too many ppl preaching the religion like stone age neanderthals.

I recommend a Chinese convert...but even then, be careful.

This post has been edited by ZZR-Pilot: Dec 18 2017, 07:31 PM

Real god is Jesus. Read your holy book.

islam is easy, n u dont hv to practice. why, u think all those malays practice eh?
good religion and calm, until you read ISIS manifesto
i got so many friends who were christians and married moslem girls (7 near me actually)
none of them are worried about anything lor

no need to circumcise whattt.. that is only malay tradition.. islam encouraged u to, but not obligation
but no mopre pork for you lorrr

i ate pork for a year 9by mistake, i didnt realize the school i was in serve pork, i was 17 then)..mehhh not too different from turkey, just cheaper

This post has been edited by rinsedpie: Dec 18 2017, 08:40 PM

there is no need to change name, to change character, to circumcise, to wear malay clothes, to speak malay, to follow malay culture, to mingle with malays. why, u think malay means islam and islam means malay ah?

u will get new genetic pools.. and yer kids will be intelligent, just by rules of selection alone they will be

See your post, i tot youre my fiance...
he went through wht you been through before getting bck with me... (long story... im his ex last 10 yrs) total of years known him 14... dated for 4 years, break up for 10 years... now gotten back with him...

during the break up period, he doesnt trust any chinese girls after i left.. so hes been dating muslim girls... the 1st muslim girl lasted for 4 years but end up break cuz he went play around looking for girls (no sexual involved), thn the 2nd muslim gf lasted a year... cuz shes too pushy wanna get married.. but he doesnt want cuz his parents disapproved...

he brought back a few girls to his parents, but parents all disapproved... so he gave up being in the relationship til i contacted him back..

so my advised is, you have to choose: your family or your gf...
my fiance chose his family...

you gotta make your choices...

hope this helps..

marry first...tell your parents...2nd wife will be Chinese because you entitled the privilege.....3rd one get Indian and you can well be on Malaysia book of records for show casing 1 Malaysia spirit...tabik

Religion is most likely fiction created by those in power to control the masses

Experience at least once and you wont regret. I had couple awek gf and there more fun and less demanding compare to cina.

Me tink if put religion aside , many cina bro will prefer awek for wife, most r really sincrely sayang2 abang treat husband like king, and less materialistic vs amoi. From my own experience oso..even indonesians better than amoi

Meenachi is best.

I just broke up with my malay girlfriend, and we've been together for almost 8 years. Although my family and her family are fine with me convert, but i just can't accept islam. I've try and struggle, but i just can't. I'm not really a religion guy, i kinda don't care abut them as i just want to live my life simple.

Why there must be religion to divide our differences? Its like you were being born with it, no choice, and forced to swallow the religion?

Life is so unfair.

you're 33 and you have to follow your moms wishes? Most people in the rest of the world by 18 already kicked out of the house and will marry whomever they want. The world does not belong to our parents or their parents. It belongs to the future.
The solution? Show your mom that this girl doesnt have to be Chinese to steal your heart or for you to be a responsible man who can take care of his family. Show that everything you do, is colour blind and all you seek for everyone is happiness.

The media most people expose themselves to are out there to sensationalize everything. They have no interest in real news. Are only there to raise your eyebrows. The truth is boring and doesnt sell. Everyone out there talks about how you will need to "cut" it to be muslim. When the truth is no member of the clergy is going to ask you to take off your pants and prove you've been cut.

praying? the idea of praying is to seek inner calm by talking to god. Most religions out there have similar beliefs. Well, in your own house no one is going to storm in and force you to pray.

Halal? Authorities dont really care what you eat in your own house or if you go to other countries and eat pork. But if you eat pork or drink alcohol in Malaysia at least, they will feel challenged that their authority is undermined.
When everyone starts ignoring the law, "chaos" will ensure. (by chaos I mean peoples will start ignoring the authorities). When no one listens to the authority, they will start to lose their power. And no power, means, they will lose their job.
I've been living in Singapore and MUIS doesnt care what you eat. Their job is to ensure you have many options in terms of halal food and to guide Muslims.

Aurat? kind of a grey area. But imagine you seeing old uncles and aunties walking around in hot pants and low cuts all the time. Not that pleasant. So there needs to be a common understand as to what is decent clothing. Unfortunately malays are taking it too extreme these days. No one is forcing them to wear hijabs at all.

TLDR version:
When you're married, whether you're religious or not, there is actually only one person in the family you need to please.
That is your wife.
If both of you can come up with a harmonious solution to everything in your marriage, then you're set for life.

In this 21st century, most people right now are mixed-blood. So, I believe the society should learn how to accept them as part of culture learning in a friendly manner. I used to have friends who don't understand why a malay must marry a chinese? Why not they marry with the same race? Funny, how until now the people cannot accept different race. Can you see the differences when a chinese marries an Ang Moh? Like Seriously right? Is it the level of status or because Ang Mo is white and are intelligent? FYI, not everyone are born genius and so whatever. Skin color doesn't matter anyway, is about how your life partner treat you is anout their role as a gf/bf in a relationship.

Some people are destine to fall in love. Love happens. Is a beautiful thing, but because of this, it takes time for your parents to understand. It is nothing wrong to have a different race as life partner. You should be brave to tell your parents when you are ready. You must roll your boat across the storm with your own might. BE BRAVE. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Yup! I agree with what you said. Islam is a universal religion. It doesn't make us lose our name, culture and others. Only the society brings up the peer pressures and exaggerated the law of religion teachings. In fact, I never heard of haram things that much, which some are not even mention in the Holy Quran. It was too much for that.

Straight to the point, tell your family about her and religion settle now dont drag as muslim girl cant drag like most chinese do.

Their religion is very extreme and non tolerance, better not to go into, otherwise there is no turning back.

Tell u what, just ask your heart, do you really love this girl that you willing to do anything for her? Because she doesn't have the choice you have, ergo she cant convert to other religions.

You made the call, your decision, your choice.

If you truly love her, then revert and marry her, if not let her go.