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Serious Relationship Ending...

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TSspunkberry
post Mar 31 2007, 11:42 AM, updated 19y ago

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Okay...it's not me. But this is a friend of mine.

Her boyfriend courted her for two years...and they've been together for two and a half years. Which totals it to 4 and a half years of knowing each other. He's her first love...I don't know if she's his first love, but they've been together for a long time. Recently, she's been crying almost nonstop for the past week because she and her boyfriend have come to a point where neither of them see the future with each other...meaning that both of them no longer see themselves married to each other. Separate ways, that means...but they still love each other.

I don't know how to help her get out of this depression/emotional state. I mean, I'm encouraging her and telling her that she WILL get out of this state after a while...and it definitely won't be in a month's time. I mean, I cried nightly for seven months after I broke up with my first love...and this is her first love for two and a half years...it's obviously impossible to get over sooo quickly.

She feels that she's hit rock bottom and beyond with her crying. She keeps telling herself that she's stronger than this and that she knows that she should stop but she doesn't know how to. I can't relate to her properly because I hated my ex when we broke up...she still loves him, he still loves her, but they want to go separate ways because they no longer see themselves married to each other. She can't hate him the way I hated my ex and became an angry person to get over it.

She's been trying not to think about it...every day she comes online and talks with people. But, once she runs out of people to talk with, she starts thinking about it again and ends up crying for the rest of the day. She says she looks awful now...and I can't really blame her for feeling this way. I reckon I'd probably do the same thing if I'd been with a guy for that long...and he's my first love...and four and a half years later you both realize that you probably won't be marrying each other. I just can't empathize with her...I don't know what to say to her because I've never experienced it myself.

Does anybody have any similar experience? Can you help me help her?
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post Mar 31 2007, 11:52 AM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 11:42 AM)
Okay...it's not me. But this is a friend of mine.

Her boyfriend courted her for two years...and they've been together for two and a half years. Which totals it to 4 and a half years of knowing each other. He's her first love...I don't know if she's his first love, but they've been together for a long time. Recently, she's been crying almost nonstop for the past week because she and her boyfriend have come to a point where neither of them see the future with each other...meaning that both of them no longer see themselves married to each other. Separate ways, that means...but they still love each other.

I don't know how to help her get out of this depression/emotional state. I mean, I'm encouraging her and telling her that she WILL get out of this state after a while...and it definitely won't be in a month's time. I mean, I cried nightly for seven months after I broke up with my first love...and this is her first love for two and a half years...it's obviously impossible to get over sooo quickly.

She feels that she's hit rock bottom and beyond with her crying. She keeps telling herself that she's stronger than this and that she knows that she should stop but she doesn't know how to. I can't relate to her properly because I hated my ex when we broke up...she still loves him, he still loves her, but they want to go separate ways because they no longer see themselves married to each other. She can't hate him the way I hated my ex and became an angry person to get over it.

She's been trying not to think about it...every day she comes online and talks with people. But, once she runs out of people to talk with, she starts thinking about it again and ends up crying for the rest of the day. She says she looks awful now...and I can't really blame her for feeling this way. I reckon I'd probably do the same thing if I'd been with a guy for that long...and he's my first love...and four and a half years later you both realize that you probably won't be marrying each other. I just can't empathize with her...I don't know what to say to her because I've never experienced it myself.

Does anybody have any similar experience? Can you help me help her?
*
Quite pity th story cry.gif
Ask ur fren to b strong and keep encourage her tat in the world, there is more thing to do instead of LOVE.
She cry from day to day, ntg can do geh....
Tat guy also, court her for 2 year but din think bout the future, so, wat the point 2 b 2gether? Juz play around?

glozz
post Mar 31 2007, 11:55 AM

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Hmm, let me get this straight; they decided to split but they still love each other? So what exactly is the problem? Have they tried talking about their problem? Have they tried resolving their problem?

Well; If indeed they decided to split; there's nothing much more to say and do. As for how to help her. Unfortunately; there's nothing much you can do for her as it's her life and her problem.

However, you can be her friend.

Be there for her; but let her stand up on her own in the face of her problem.
Be her listening ear; but make it clear that at the end of the day, she has to move on herself.
Bring her out and don't let her mop by herself; but explain to her that life is bigger than herself and life goes on, whether or not she chooses to.
Encourage and allow her to meet new people; but she has to go through the hurt and the memories each new relationship will carry by herself.

Good luck.
Mrsinner
post Mar 31 2007, 12:02 PM

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just tell your friend theres thousands of other guys who would cross the ocean just to get a date her. and let her think about that.
cursed
post Mar 31 2007, 12:10 PM

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mmm...this is quite a depressing story...after years of loving each other..they decide to split up?whos idea was that?most prolly its the guy..perhaps he decides that hes bored..thats an assumption..but perhaps in this situation try to do this

A)if it meant to be then its meant to be...dont let her mop,like the previous poster said...be her ear,take her out and encourage that the world doesnt end if they split...perhaps introduce her to new frenz..and whenever she needs to talk try to be there for her..

B)if she still wants him in her life...then thats hard..but perhaps suggest to her that she should talk thru her problems wif her bf....see whats the root of why they wish to split..perhaps its been to long??..perhaps a suggestion to take a break and perhaps it'll be all better after it..but i guess ur fren is very emotional and sensitive to this matter considering its her first love..

but dont let her feel lonely..no matter wat happens..try to convince her not to do the unthinkable..wounds will heal but a broken heart will never mend..it takes months or even years..like i said.."if its meant to be then she has to accept reality..dont let her fall..when it happens..try to be supportive and let her get back on her two feet on her own..knowing she has a fren like u to lend an ear too..she'll be fine..though be patient wif her and try to show her new things or new frenz..dont do things that reminds her of her relationship(if they split).


williamlee_1985
post Mar 31 2007, 12:12 PM

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still love each other but break?

no future? so what?

a bf/gf relationship doesn't mean must marry in the future.
edifgrto
post Mar 31 2007, 12:13 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 11:42 AM)
Okay...it's not me. But this is a friend of mine.

Her boyfriend courted her for two years...and they've been together for two and a half years. Which totals it to 4 and a half years of knowing each other. He's her first love...I don't know if she's his first love, but they've been together for a long time. Recently, she's been crying almost nonstop for the past week because she and her boyfriend have come to a point where neither of them see the future with each other...meaning that both of them no longer see themselves married to each other. Separate ways, that means...but they still love each other.

I don't know how to help her get out of this depression/emotional state. I mean, I'm encouraging her and telling her that she WILL get out of this state after a while...and it definitely won't be in a month's time. I mean, I cried nightly for seven months after I broke up with my first love...and this is her first love for two and a half years...it's obviously impossible to get over sooo quickly.

She feels that she's hit rock bottom and beyond with her crying. She keeps telling herself that she's stronger than this and that she knows that she should stop but she doesn't know how to. I can't relate to her properly because I hated my ex when we broke up...she still loves him, he still loves her, but they want to go separate ways because they no longer see themselves married to each other. She can't hate him the way I hated my ex and became an angry person to get over it.

She's been trying not to think about it...every day she comes online and talks with people. But, once she runs out of people to talk with, she starts thinking about it again and ends up crying for the rest of the day. She says she looks awful now...and I can't really blame her for feeling this way. I reckon I'd probably do the same thing if I'd been with a guy for that long...and he's my first love...and four and a half years later you both realize that you probably won't be marrying each other. I just can't empathize with her...I don't know what to say to her because I've never experienced it myself.

Does anybody have any similar experience? Can you help me help her?

Remember a story of how the turtle mama laying eggs in the hole. Then, the mama goes back to the ocean. And never look back his eggs anymore?! After a time passed, so the little turtles all hatched. And start following their mom's step going the ocean. Of course, there are many little turtles there... so pity... some of them die half-way,... because they are many enemies awaiting them. Some crabs wanna eat them, big fishes are all inside the sea. Especially big sharks... and so on.

So, why the turtle mama dun care about her child?! Letting them do whatever they have to do?!

hmm.gif I dun know why I talk about this story. But for your friend's case. I think it's normal. Dun you think so?! Want cry, just cry... everyone also got love once. being hurted before. If she dun get herself strong. No one could help her... tongue.gif

TSspunkberry
post Mar 31 2007, 12:14 PM

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I'd take her out...but I live in Japan and she's studying college in Australia. I'm trying to be there for her all the time (as it is I'm online every single day)...her blog posts are getting kinda angry at herself for being like this and give me a sort of gauge for what she's feeling right now. She says she's lost.

I don't know whose decision it was to split...and I don't know what her situation with him is right now because I was under the assumption that they were living together. She's a little bit on the needy, clingy side...but not overly so. I don't know what happened...but they've decided that they're going to do their own things even though they still love each other.

I guess this is one of those things where "I love you but I can't be with you" comes in. I always said that thinking too far into the future can be a killer for relationships. She's 20 and I think he's that age too. I don't know him that well.
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post Mar 31 2007, 12:26 PM

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just because they don't see that "they're married with each other", they break up?

i mean, does every couple have to see themselves married with each other to be together?

if they assume that they're not gonna have a future together, then i'd say better late than never. =/ it'd be hard for awhile..but i guess time will heal.

give her your full support =)
glozz
post Mar 31 2007, 12:27 PM

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Well; I think it's fairly simple then. Time to pick up her things and herself and move on. Ultimately; all you can offer her now is advise. Everything else; is up to her.

Here's something I'll share:

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


This post has been edited by glozz: Mar 31 2007, 12:27 PM
cursed
post Mar 31 2007, 12:30 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:14 PM)
I'd take her out...but I live in Japan and she's studying college in Australia. I'm trying to be there for her all the time (as it is I'm online every single day)...her blog posts are getting kinda angry at herself for being like this and give me a sort of gauge for what she's feeling right now. She says she's lost.

I don't know whose decision it was to split...and I don't know what her situation with him is right now because I was under the assumption that they were living together. She's a little bit on the needy, clingy side...but not overly so. I don't know what happened...but they've decided that they're going to do their own things even though they still love each other.

I guess this is one of those things where "I love you but I can't be with you" comes in. I always said that thinking too far into the future can be a killer for relationships. She's 20 and I think he's that age too. I don't know him that well.
*
lets see..judging by this...being needy thats hard to deal wif...a needy person tends to ask for more attention..but if shes not overly then fine..perhaps if i would give it the clearer picture..perhaps the bf found bout her needy personality..like every other thread i read in this forum..its very hard for her to be seperated from him even though hasnt see him for a day or two or weeks..but perhaps the guy couldnt take it nemore..but he didnt want to break her heart..if it was meant to be then its really meant to be..but if ur so far away...thats even harder..

if shes blaming herself...thats prolly wrong but some ways rite..but i'm not asking u to ask her to change her personality..thats a tough ask to do...shes 20..still young..every 1st love tends to be yes he/she is my only one that i would want to be wif and marry too..but when shes so into her relationship and this sort of thing happens..for sure shes's lost..she doesnt know what to do..what i advise is if she knows how was ur first love was..but then u were angry wif ur ex bf..then its kinda hard to convince ....tell her dont blame herself..this is reality..we have to accept the good and bad..no matter the consequences..we have to take it wif chin up and try to move on..
toby.c13
post Mar 31 2007, 12:32 PM

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QUOTE(glozz @ Mar 31 2007, 12:27 PM)
Well; I think it's fairly simple then. Time to pick up her things and herself and move on. Ultimately; all you can offer her now is advise. Everything else; is up to her.

Here's something I'll share:

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

*
nice one glozz... rclxms.gif notworthy.gif
edifgrto
post Mar 31 2007, 12:46 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:14 PM)
I'd take her out...but I live in Japan and she's studying college in Australia. I'm trying to be there for her all the time (as it is I'm online every single day)...her blog posts are getting kinda angry at herself for being like this and give me a sort of gauge for what she's feeling right now. She says she's lost.

I don't know whose decision it was to split...and I don't know what her situation with him is right now because I was under the assumption that they were living together. She's a little bit on the needy, clingy side...but not overly so. I don't know what happened...but they've decided that they're going to do their own things even though they still love each other.

I guess this is one of those things where "I love you but I can't be with you" comes in. I always said that thinking too far into the future can be a killer for relationships. She's 20 and I think he's that age too. I don't know him that well.

In Japan now?! Japanese girls are Kawaii neh... drool.gif
soli,.. tongue.gif back to your discussion...

arr,... what is this "I love you but I can't be with you" ?! rclxub.gif That means your friend still young. it's a test for her. After 10 years later, when she is 30 or 40 with 2 or 3 kids that time... you go and ask her this "I love you but I can't be with you". It's no longer big deal anymore.
PS: should not watch too much of drama shows. That making human weak... laugh.gif

TSspunkberry
post Mar 31 2007, 12:49 PM

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lol I don't watch that much drama on tv. actually...I hardly watch tv.
cursed
post Mar 31 2007, 12:53 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:49 PM)
lol I don't watch that much drama on tv. actually...I hardly watch tv.
*
that wouldnt be a suprise...u wouldnt be able to understand whats happening rclxms.gif

but seriously...like i said bfore...always try to be there for her when she needs it the most..most importantly...ask her to think things through and tell her crying does not help the situation..tell her to be strong no matter what the outcome is. cuz the grass is always greener on the other side.icon_rolleyes.gif
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post Mar 31 2007, 12:54 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:49 PM)
lol I don't watch that much drama on tv. actually...I hardly watch tv.
*
Fuyoh!!!! Tat mean u r a realistic ppl. U should show it to ur fren
cursed
post Mar 31 2007, 12:55 PM

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QUOTE(-br0k3n- @ Mar 31 2007, 12:54 PM)
Fuyoh!!!! Tat mean u r a realistic ppl. U should show it to ur fren
*
ah?..show wat liao ?...show her dont watch tv ah tongue.gif!!!!!!!

or show her to be more realistic izzit laugh.gif
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post Mar 31 2007, 12:56 PM

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QUOTE(cursed @ Mar 31 2007, 12:55 PM)
ah?..show wat liao ?...show her dont watch tv ah tongue.gif!!!!!!!

or show her to be more realistic izzit  laugh.gif
*
Of course lah, show him dunwatch tv, dun think will work out....
TSspunkberry
post Mar 31 2007, 12:59 PM

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hahaha thanks cursed. I told her that my ear is always open for her to pour her thoughts into. smile.gif
cursed
post Mar 31 2007, 01:03 PM

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QUOTE(-br0k3n- @ Mar 31 2007, 12:56 PM)
Of course lah, show him dunwatch tv, dun think will work out....
*
LOL!! notworthy.gif i know what u mean now...rclxms.gif


QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:59 PM)
hahaha thanks cursed. I told her that my ear is always open for her to pour her thoughts into. smile.gif
*
np icon_rolleyes.gif hope it turns out okay..if u need help trying to convincing her..ask me for icon_question.gif laugh.gif
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post Mar 31 2007, 01:04 PM

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Unfortunately, no. I dont have a similar experience. I have friends who have a totally different scenario. My 2 friends have been a couple for 4 or 5 years. And when they talk about the future together, its all so normal. Like they both told each other no marriage till 24 or 25. They're very much in love with each other.

But of course not every couple can be like that. Whos idea was it that they would not be compatible for each other in the future? The guy's or your friend's? IF it was the guy's idea then i think he just lost interest of her. He courted her for two whole years, thats an extremely loooong period =/

If you have any friends in Aus, tell them to take her out and meet new people and go for new experiences. All you can do is come online and chat with her, and i think thats already very good smile.gif You're such a good friend. I think giving too much advice/suggestions would be a little negative tho. She should learn how to cope with her problems. Shes going to be facing the real world soon.
TSspunkberry
post Mar 31 2007, 02:49 PM

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yeah I know. I reckon she's actually dealing with it better than I would if I were in her shoes. XD
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post Mar 31 2007, 06:44 PM

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Tell her that her bf wanted to go separate ways because he doesnt love her anymore. Saying that her bf still loves her is just an excuse.
If she still thinks that she's correct, slap her and make sure she knows what she's doing
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post Apr 1 2007, 12:47 AM

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omg...that's wasted
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post Apr 1 2007, 12:54 AM

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i think i kinda understand why they break up although they still love each other very much.
i have experience this for two times in my life. but i am not sure if their situation are same as mine.
i had beeen wit my first ex for almost two years. we love each other but at the end we break up. why? it is because of the guy cant take responsibility to marry me in the future. and he cant promise our future together. so in the end we break up.
Second ex, we been together for 9 months. still the same reason. and break up.

the only advice is choose carefully before u fall in love to someone, understand them more first. coz most of the ppl is covered by a mask... take care... smile.gif
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post Apr 1 2007, 01:24 AM

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Lol @ spunk. Dont look down on urself tongue.gif Maybe you can cope better now you have experience unsure.gif

SeeD, she will have to fly across the ocean to slap her xD

rabbit_luv is so lucky. Luckily your ex-bfs know how to communicate and tell you they can't bear the responsibilities of marriage and not lead u on.
TSspunkberry
post Apr 1 2007, 08:39 AM

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true. now that I know that things like this actually happen to people immediately around me...maybe I'd deal with it better.
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post Apr 1 2007, 08:47 AM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:42 PM)
Okay...it's not me. But this is a friend of mine.

Her boyfriend courted her for two years...and they've been together for two and a half years. Which totals it to 4 and a half years of knowing each other. He's her first love...I don't know if she's his first love, but they've been together for a long time. Recently, she's been crying almost nonstop for the past week because she and her boyfriend have come to a point where neither of them see the future with each other...meaning that both of them no longer see themselves married to each other. Separate ways, that means...but they still love each other.

I don't know how to help her get out of this depression/emotional state. I mean, I'm encouraging her and telling her that she WILL get out of this state after a while...and it definitely won't be in a month's time. I mean, I cried nightly for seven months after I broke up with my first love...and this is her first love for two and a half years...it's obviously impossible to get over sooo quickly.

She feels that she's hit rock bottom and beyond with her crying. She keeps telling herself that she's stronger than this and that she knows that she should stop but she doesn't know how to. I can't relate to her properly because I hated my ex when we broke up...she still loves him, he still loves her, but they want to go separate ways because they no longer see themselves married to each other. She can't hate him the way I hated my ex and became an angry person to get over it.

She's been trying not to think about it...every day she comes online and talks with people. But, once she runs out of people to talk with, she starts thinking about it again and ends up crying for the rest of the day. She says she looks awful now...and I can't really blame her for feeling this way. I reckon I'd probably do the same thing if I'd been with a guy for that long...and he's my first love...and four and a half years later you both realize that you probably won't be marrying each other. I just can't empathize with her...I don't know what to say to her because I've never experienced it myself.

Does anybody have any similar experience? Can you help me help her?
*
geez, wat she got to do with you, your gene partner...
make it simple..when both collide and seeing each other not in future context...move on..be tough icon_rolleyes.gif
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post Apr 1 2007, 01:56 PM

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I have a friend who have been in a relationship for 4 years. The bf ask her to marry him. She is young so she said wait first. End up, he dumped her. But, she still have feelings towards him.

More sucky than this eh?
TSspunkberry
post Apr 1 2007, 02:11 PM

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UPDATE:
Okay, so it turns out that my friend had been going through her bf's msn chat histories and found out some stuff that she probably wasn't supposed to find out. She confronted him about it, during which he swore he never cheated on her. Then he had bought another sim card just to call his friend...and she blurted out the B word (Breakup). More fighting...and then he got fed up and just said "Okaylah if that's what you want, FINE!". She talked to him later about it and gave him the decision to make: break or not. He is to give his answer on Friday or something, but he still can't decide whether he wants to go or stay.

Now here's the thing...she knows she was wrong for invading his privacy but she wants to know why he couldn't be more honest with her. I personally think that there's no such thing as complete honesty in a relationship...but she's in a really bad shape right now...

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Apr 1 2007, 02:15 PM
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post Apr 1 2007, 02:22 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:14 PM)
I'd take her out...but I live in Japan and she's studying college in Australia. I'm trying to be there for her all the time (as it is I'm online every single day)...her blog posts are getting kinda angry at herself for being like this and give me a sort of gauge for what she's feeling right now. She says she's lost.

I don't know whose decision it was to split...and I don't know what her situation with him is right now because I was under the assumption that they were living together. She's a little bit on the needy, clingy side...but not overly so. I don't know what happened...but they've decided that they're going to do their own things even though they still love each other.

I guess this is one of those things where "I love you but I can't be with you" comes in. I always said that thinking too far into the future can be a killer for relationships. She's 20 and I think he's that age too. I don't know him that well.
*
she just need some time. after few months she will be back to normal. Right now, she just couldnt use to the life. Thats why she say she is lost.

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post Apr 1 2007, 04:15 PM

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QUOTE(rabbit_luv @ Apr 1 2007, 12:54 AM)
i think i kinda understand why they break up although they still love each other very much.
i have experience this for two times in my life. but i am not sure if their situation are same as mine.
i had beeen wit my first ex for almost two years. we love each other but at the end we break up. why? it is because of the guy cant take responsibility to marry me in the future. and he cant promise our future together. so in the end we break up.
Second ex, we been together for 9 months. still the same reason. and break up.

the only advice is choose carefully before u fall in love to someone, understand them more first. coz most of the ppl is covered by a mask... take care... smile.gif
*
No offense but you're thinking about marriage after being together for 9 months?
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post Apr 1 2007, 04:34 PM

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lol cameltoe. lol. lol. lol.
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post Apr 1 2007, 05:37 PM

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I too think theres no such thing as complete honesty in a relationship. Some things should be kept under the rug, if you dont want it in your face.

IMHO your girlfriend should be the one who decides; and not give the deciding power to her bf. Wth, he could still say "lets make up" but he still continue two timing her (i assume thats the thing she wasn't supposed to find out)

Make sure she has ppl around her to keep her sane =/
neorelated4
post Apr 1 2007, 10:01 PM

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IMO she should move on and forget the guy. it's gonna be hard for a few months and there's not gonna b any shortcut or real escape for her raw hurt and broken heart.. but if she does go thru it, she may find a new light at the other side of the tunnel =) ask her to get herself really busy with charity work or join a club or just doing things she likes. btw helping others in need also makes u feel much grateful n happier at the end of the day.. constantly reminds u that ur not the only one in pain.
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post Apr 1 2007, 10:27 PM

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hmm, you can try ask your friend to try something she want? such as go study japanese language and thing she has wanted to do. This can help her to take her mind off the guy. Any way allthe best to your fren. Bad things will over very soon
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post Apr 1 2007, 11:03 PM

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It takes time to heal.. Haiz..

No matter how sad..Life still hav to goes on..
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post Apr 2 2007, 10:02 AM

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QUOTE(Came|toe @ Apr 1 2007, 04:15 PM)
No offense but you're thinking about marriage after being together for 9 months?
*
Nothing wrong with that. If it feels right, then get with the program.

QUOTE(Grimm @ Apr 1 2007, 05:37 PM)
I too think theres no such thing as complete honesty in a relationship. Some things should be kept under the rug, if you dont want it in your face.
*
Nothing should be kept under the rug, if you don't want to know about the ugly side of your partner from your partner, you're going to find it out from someone else. Take your pick.

QUOTE(spunkberry @ Apr 1 2007, 02:11 PM)
UPDATE:
Okay, so it turns out that my friend had been going through her bf's msn chat histories and found out some stuff that she probably wasn't supposed to find out. She confronted him about it, during which he swore he never cheated on her. Then he had bought another sim card just to call his friend...and she blurted out the B word (Breakup). More fighting...and then he got fed up and just said "Okaylah if that's what you want, FINE!". She talked to him later about it and gave him the decision to make: break or not. He is to give his answer on Friday or something, but he still can't decide whether he wants to go or stay.

Now here's the thing...she knows she was wrong for invading his privacy but she wants to know why he couldn't be more honest with her. I personally think that there's no such thing as complete honesty in a relationship...but she's in a really bad shape right now...
*
ok spunkberry, in Cupid's Corner, there's really only 1 way for a woman to forget her useless boyfriend, and that is to spend the day with spanker! Yes you heard that right, spanker is da man to show you there's more to life than that loser you were dating, and you'll find out that shopping is actually boring, and finding leeches on you while rafting is fun! Not only that, he'd bring you go skydiving and bungee jumping just fo sh*tz and giggles.

But it's too bad she ain't in malaysia
cursed
post Apr 2 2007, 11:03 AM

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QUOTE(spanker @ Apr 2 2007, 10:02 AM)
Nothing wrong with that. If it feels right, then get with the program.
Nothing should be kept under the rug, if you don't want to know about the ugly side of your partner from your partner, you're going to find it out from someone else. Take your pick.
ok spunkberry, in Cupid's Corner, there's really only 1 way for a woman to forget her useless boyfriend, and that is to spend the day with spanker! Yes you heard that right, spanker is da man to show you there's more to life than that loser you were dating, and you'll find out that shopping is actually boring, and finding leeches on you while rafting is fun! Not only that, he'd bring you go skydiving and bungee jumping just fo sh*tz and giggles.

But it's too bad she ain't in malaysia
*
LOL!!! how is that gonna help wif the situation man....

neway she was well wrong to invade one's privacy..but its wrong for the guy to be a two timing as well....but why does she leave it to her bf to make the decision..if she is furious wif the matter..just break it up then..no point getting hurt later..i hope she just gets over him and let time takes its place..she will be okay..
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post Apr 2 2007, 12:05 PM

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don't just let the guy makes the decision.. while waiting let her ask herself if she can REALLY accept him back after all this even if he still wants to continue the relationship... some wounds just doesn't heal as well as we think it would... and there would be scars...

better to end it now rather than later if it's the inevitable outcome.
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post Apr 2 2007, 03:29 PM

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when 2 person gets too close and understands each other too well, that's what happens...
maybe this would help...ask her to get on with her life and just leave him behind for a while...just each other sometime to miss each other....if they really still love each other...after at most 2 weeks, they'll be like first love again.
try this...really, no kidding
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post Apr 2 2007, 03:37 PM

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Wth. Give him another chance? sleep.gif Are u insane?

Give the two timing twit a lesson and find a much better guy.
cursed
post Apr 2 2007, 04:23 PM

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I've Already Mentioned Bfore...Lol..As A guy wif a guy's thinking obviously there are most guys who would lie themselves out of trouble when their caught..honestly i did not do this wif my relationship bfore..but i have heard alot of these stories...wat i said in my previous post...never leave it too late cuz its gonna hurt her more...so tell ya fren to let him go..there are better things out there..
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post Apr 2 2007, 05:10 PM

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I highly doubt he's been two-timing her...but I do know that she does get her hackles raised whenever he talks to another girl behind her back. I don't get why he has to sneak around with girls on the phone...maybe you guys are right. Maybe he really IS two-timing her..but he swears he isn't. It's been four and a half years you know...that's a long time to be with someone you're half interested in..
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post Apr 2 2007, 05:23 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Apr 2 2007, 05:10 PM)
I highly doubt he's been two-timing her...but I do know that she does get her hackles raised whenever he talks to another girl behind her back. I don't get why he has to sneak around with girls on the phone...maybe you guys are right. Maybe he really IS two-timing her..but he swears he isn't. It's been four and a half years you know...that's a long time to be with someone you're half interested in..
*
sneaking around when girls around??..that suspicious and proves my point..were all liars and two faces..well most are tongue.gif!!! so perhaps hes just bored wif the relationship and decide...rite she wouldnt know i would be two timing her and decides to go on a woman hunt...typical two timers..sneaking around when a girl is calling..cuz he doesnt want both parties to find out bout each other..or else he'll be hearing echos sooner then later...
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post Apr 3 2007, 04:12 PM

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I don't know him at all actually...I've never talked with him before.
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post Apr 3 2007, 05:37 PM

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well... two timing doesn't necessary means he doesn't love her.. he's just horny that's all. how's the progress? have you chat with her lately? give her lots of support.. if it's not gonna work, it's not gonna work... don't drag too long.. just a waste of time. i've seen 12 years of relationship go down the drain so what's 4 1/2 years? better now than later
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post Apr 3 2007, 06:09 PM

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yeah like rourou said..i hope ur fren doesnt linger or debate on this issue..if it's time to let go..its time then...
Grimm
post Apr 3 2007, 07:05 PM

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No. Two timing doesn't mean he doesn't love her. It only means his love is split for two parties. So shes giving her all in return of half of his love. Great deal wink.gif Oh wait. Maybe less.


Added on April 3, 2007, 7:06 pmBut anyways, she'll have to make HER decision. And from what i see, the sooner the better. No use procrastinating or "giving him a chance to tell his side of the story". Its just an excuse. When things go stagnant like this, the person's life will surely be very depressing sad.gif

This post has been edited by Grimm: Apr 3 2007, 07:06 PM
dolph
post Apr 3 2007, 11:27 PM

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QUOTE(the_torch @ Apr 2 2007, 03:29 PM)
when 2 person gets too close and understands each other too well, that's what happens...
maybe this would help...ask her to get on with her life and just leave him behind for a while...just each other sometime to miss each other....if they really still love each other...after at most 2 weeks, they'll be like first love again.
try this...really, no kidding
*
what if after 2 weeks, things still stuck there? Does it mean that either one does not love each other anymore? rclxub.gif
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post Apr 4 2007, 04:51 PM

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I asked her why she was giving him so much power....the decision to split. I told her that she should be the one deciding too...and she said she wants to stay in it so now she's waiting for his answer.

I told her that if she wants out, she'd better do it now.

I've been talking to her almost everyday and she's been telling me everything she feels like play-by-play so I think she's getting through it quite well right now...still crying every day but that's normal.
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post Apr 4 2007, 07:13 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Apr 4 2007, 04:51 PM)
I asked her why she was giving him so much power....the decision to split. I told her that she should be the one deciding too...and she said she wants to stay in it so now she's waiting for his answer.

I told her that if she wants out, she'd better do it now.

I've been talking to her almost everyday and she's been telling me everything she feels like play-by-play so I think she's getting through it quite well right now...still crying every day but that's normal.
*
soooo she broke up wif him then?..wat u mean play by play?

btw off topic: u stole one of my siggy tongue.gif...so u like trance too thumbup.gif

rare to see malaysians like trance tongue.gif
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post Apr 4 2007, 08:17 PM

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play-by-play means every step...like every time her mood changes she tells me. she hasn't broken up wiht him because she obviously wants to stay with him. it's all up to him now.

yes I do like trance. smile.gif
most malaysians like trance only when they can do the melbourne shuffle. I can't do the shuffle...lol

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Apr 4 2007, 08:17 PM
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post Apr 4 2007, 08:26 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 11:42 AM)
Okay...it's not me. But this is a friend of mine.

Her boyfriend courted her for two years...and they've been together for two and a half years. Which totals it to 4 and a half years of knowing each other. He's her first love...I don't know if she's his first love, but they've been together for a long time. Recently, she's been crying almost nonstop for the past week because she and her boyfriend have come to a point where neither of them see the future with each other...meaning that both of them no longer see themselves married to each other. Separate ways, that means...but they still love each other.

I don't know how to help her get out of this depression/emotional state. I mean, I'm encouraging her and telling her that she WILL get out of this state after a while...and it definitely won't be in a month's time. I mean, I cried nightly for seven months after I broke up with my first love...and this is her first love for two and a half years...it's obviously impossible to get over sooo quickly.

She feels that she's hit rock bottom and beyond with her crying. She keeps telling herself that she's stronger than this and that she knows that she should stop but she doesn't know how to. I can't relate to her properly because I hated my ex when we broke up...she still loves him, he still loves her, but they want to go separate ways because they no longer see themselves married to each other. She can't hate him the way I hated my ex and became an angry person to get over it.

She's been trying not to think about it...every day she comes online and talks with people. But, once she runs out of people to talk with, she starts thinking about it again and ends up crying for the rest of the day. She says she looks awful now...and I can't really blame her for feeling this way. I reckon I'd probably do the same thing if I'd been with a guy for that long...and he's my first love...and four and a half years later you both realize that you probably won't be marrying each other. I just can't empathize with her...I don't know what to say to her because I've never experienced it myself.

Does anybody have any similar experience? Can you help me help her?
*
i believe time is the best medicine. as time passes, he will diminish from ur friend memory... and by tat time, she might meet her Mr. right.


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post Apr 5 2007, 01:53 AM

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Any updates spunkberry? tongue.gif My curiousity is getting the better of me!
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post Apr 5 2007, 08:10 AM

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hahaha she's still waiting for his answer I think...while a problem of my own cropped up.
cursed
post Apr 5 2007, 03:39 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Apr 4 2007, 08:17 PM)
play-by-play means every step...like every time her mood changes she tells me. she hasn't broken up wiht him because she obviously wants to stay with him. it's all up to him now.

yes I do like trance. smile.gif
most malaysians like trance only when they can do the melbourne shuffle. I can't do the shuffle...lol
*
oh rite i see...lol i dont need to do the melbourne shuffle..i just can enjoy listening to trance everyday if i have too..and i enjoy going for raves ...too bad there are so few in this country sad.gif!!


QUOTE(spunkberry @ Apr 5 2007, 08:10 AM)
hahaha she's still waiting for his answer I think...while a problem of my own cropped up.
*
aww...if u would like to share wif us we could offer some advise tongue.gif!

hope its not such a big problem
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post Apr 5 2007, 03:42 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Apr 1 2007, 02:11 PM)
UPDATE:
Okay, so it turns out that my friend had been going through her bf's msn chat histories and found out some stuff that she probably wasn't supposed to find out.


Wooo..men hates that, it somehow reflect the lack of trust or loyalty on his part. What if he is sincere in their relationship and the fling was just as lots of guys at his age does, nothing more. He's 20. Expect the unexpected.

Pre-marriage relationship aren't binding. She doesn't own him neither is he. Don't expect anything more out of it like married couple does. Neither party has the right to do so.

QUOTE
Now here's the thing...she knows she was wrong for invading his privacy but she wants to know why he couldn't be more honest with her. I personally think that there's no such thing as complete honesty in a relationship...but she's in a really bad shape right now...
Notwithstanding the said event, what led her to to believe that he is untrusted and honest? If she really believe that this relationship requires undivided trust and honesty and somehow it was impossible under current circumstances, than back out. She should make the decision to end. Not him. By asking him to make the decision, she is expecting the relationship to continue, and there's no guarantee that it wont happen again.
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post Apr 5 2007, 04:31 PM

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my advice: get her busy with works. Lots of works. Like go for sports, take up a hobby or sumthing. Just to keep herself busy. U have no idea how productive girls in a bad mood can be. xD
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post Apr 5 2007, 04:42 PM

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You have no idea how stubborn and moody girls can be too =/

And... what problem cropped up? tongue.gif
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post Apr 5 2007, 05:26 PM

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read the long distance relationship thread..
cursed
post Apr 5 2007, 08:13 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Apr 5 2007, 05:26 PM)
read the long distance relationship thread..
*
well thats tragic..(read ur problem)


dont worry...perhaps ur path will converge in the future..

though i guess ur parents would be worried bout u emotinally

LDR is never easy..

neway back to topic..how is ur fren handling?
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post Apr 7 2007, 09:06 AM

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she's handling much better these days...I'm quite proud of her actually. smile.gif
cursed
post Apr 7 2007, 11:56 AM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Apr 7 2007, 09:06 AM)
she's handling much better these days...I'm quite proud of her actually. smile.gif
*
thats good to hear nod.gif
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post Apr 8 2007, 07:38 PM

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she hasn't been coming online lately...I think it's cos she's back in KL now. smile.gif
while I have to slog away at schoolwork...damn..
cursed
post Apr 8 2007, 10:05 PM

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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Apr 8 2007, 07:38 PM)
she hasn't been coming online lately...I think it's cos she's back in KL now. smile.gif
while I have to slog away at schoolwork...damn..
*
she is?..oh then ask her to contact me tongue.gif!!!..lol i give her a heart-to-heart talk then tongue.gif

thank goodness my homework/assignments are almost over..but thats till september doh.gif
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post Apr 9 2007, 10:01 AM

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okay this topic is closed. XD

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