Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

Bump Topic Topic Closed RSS Feed
4 Pages  1 2 3 > » Bottom

Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+

Serious Relationship Ending...

views
     
TSspunkberry
post Mar 31 2007, 11:42 AM, updated 19y ago

危ない人です
Group Icon
Elite
1,890 posts

Joined: Feb 2007


Okay...it's not me. But this is a friend of mine.

Her boyfriend courted her for two years...and they've been together for two and a half years. Which totals it to 4 and a half years of knowing each other. He's her first love...I don't know if she's his first love, but they've been together for a long time. Recently, she's been crying almost nonstop for the past week because she and her boyfriend have come to a point where neither of them see the future with each other...meaning that both of them no longer see themselves married to each other. Separate ways, that means...but they still love each other.

I don't know how to help her get out of this depression/emotional state. I mean, I'm encouraging her and telling her that she WILL get out of this state after a while...and it definitely won't be in a month's time. I mean, I cried nightly for seven months after I broke up with my first love...and this is her first love for two and a half years...it's obviously impossible to get over sooo quickly.

She feels that she's hit rock bottom and beyond with her crying. She keeps telling herself that she's stronger than this and that she knows that she should stop but she doesn't know how to. I can't relate to her properly because I hated my ex when we broke up...she still loves him, he still loves her, but they want to go separate ways because they no longer see themselves married to each other. She can't hate him the way I hated my ex and became an angry person to get over it.

She's been trying not to think about it...every day she comes online and talks with people. But, once she runs out of people to talk with, she starts thinking about it again and ends up crying for the rest of the day. She says she looks awful now...and I can't really blame her for feeling this way. I reckon I'd probably do the same thing if I'd been with a guy for that long...and he's my first love...and four and a half years later you both realize that you probably won't be marrying each other. I just can't empathize with her...I don't know what to say to her because I've never experienced it myself.

Does anybody have any similar experience? Can you help me help her?
-br0k3n-
post Mar 31 2007, 11:52 AM

Getting Started
**
Junior Member
167 posts

Joined: Mar 2007
QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 11:42 AM)
Okay...it's not me. But this is a friend of mine.

Her boyfriend courted her for two years...and they've been together for two and a half years. Which totals it to 4 and a half years of knowing each other. He's her first love...I don't know if she's his first love, but they've been together for a long time. Recently, she's been crying almost nonstop for the past week because she and her boyfriend have come to a point where neither of them see the future with each other...meaning that both of them no longer see themselves married to each other. Separate ways, that means...but they still love each other.

I don't know how to help her get out of this depression/emotional state. I mean, I'm encouraging her and telling her that she WILL get out of this state after a while...and it definitely won't be in a month's time. I mean, I cried nightly for seven months after I broke up with my first love...and this is her first love for two and a half years...it's obviously impossible to get over sooo quickly.

She feels that she's hit rock bottom and beyond with her crying. She keeps telling herself that she's stronger than this and that she knows that she should stop but she doesn't know how to. I can't relate to her properly because I hated my ex when we broke up...she still loves him, he still loves her, but they want to go separate ways because they no longer see themselves married to each other. She can't hate him the way I hated my ex and became an angry person to get over it.

She's been trying not to think about it...every day she comes online and talks with people. But, once she runs out of people to talk with, she starts thinking about it again and ends up crying for the rest of the day. She says she looks awful now...and I can't really blame her for feeling this way. I reckon I'd probably do the same thing if I'd been with a guy for that long...and he's my first love...and four and a half years later you both realize that you probably won't be marrying each other. I just can't empathize with her...I don't know what to say to her because I've never experienced it myself.

Does anybody have any similar experience? Can you help me help her?
*
Quite pity th story cry.gif
Ask ur fren to b strong and keep encourage her tat in the world, there is more thing to do instead of LOVE.
She cry from day to day, ntg can do geh....
Tat guy also, court her for 2 year but din think bout the future, so, wat the point 2 b 2gether? Juz play around?

glozz
post Mar 31 2007, 11:55 AM

"Robocop"
******
Senior Member
1,681 posts

Joined: Jan 2003
Hmm, let me get this straight; they decided to split but they still love each other? So what exactly is the problem? Have they tried talking about their problem? Have they tried resolving their problem?

Well; If indeed they decided to split; there's nothing much more to say and do. As for how to help her. Unfortunately; there's nothing much you can do for her as it's her life and her problem.

However, you can be her friend.

Be there for her; but let her stand up on her own in the face of her problem.
Be her listening ear; but make it clear that at the end of the day, she has to move on herself.
Bring her out and don't let her mop by herself; but explain to her that life is bigger than herself and life goes on, whether or not she chooses to.
Encourage and allow her to meet new people; but she has to go through the hurt and the memories each new relationship will carry by herself.

Good luck.
Mrsinner
post Mar 31 2007, 12:02 PM

New Member
*
Junior Member
26 posts

Joined: Jul 2006
From: si vous lisez ceci vous �tes un babouin


just tell your friend theres thousands of other guys who would cross the ocean just to get a date her. and let her think about that.
cursed
post Mar 31 2007, 12:10 PM

I Am Your Only Despair
******
Senior Member
1,631 posts

Joined: Dec 2006
From: Where Light Meets Day


mmm...this is quite a depressing story...after years of loving each other..they decide to split up?whos idea was that?most prolly its the guy..perhaps he decides that hes bored..thats an assumption..but perhaps in this situation try to do this

A)if it meant to be then its meant to be...dont let her mop,like the previous poster said...be her ear,take her out and encourage that the world doesnt end if they split...perhaps introduce her to new frenz..and whenever she needs to talk try to be there for her..

B)if she still wants him in her life...then thats hard..but perhaps suggest to her that she should talk thru her problems wif her bf....see whats the root of why they wish to split..perhaps its been to long??..perhaps a suggestion to take a break and perhaps it'll be all better after it..but i guess ur fren is very emotional and sensitive to this matter considering its her first love..

but dont let her feel lonely..no matter wat happens..try to convince her not to do the unthinkable..wounds will heal but a broken heart will never mend..it takes months or even years..like i said.."if its meant to be then she has to accept reality..dont let her fall..when it happens..try to be supportive and let her get back on her two feet on her own..knowing she has a fren like u to lend an ear too..she'll be fine..though be patient wif her and try to show her new things or new frenz..dont do things that reminds her of her relationship(if they split).


williamlee_1985
post Mar 31 2007, 12:12 PM

The Red Devils wear Nike
*******
Senior Member
2,006 posts

Joined: Jan 2005
From: KLANG


still love each other but break?

no future? so what?

a bf/gf relationship doesn't mean must marry in the future.
edifgrto
post Mar 31 2007, 12:13 PM

Am a cat! ^^
******
Senior Member
1,707 posts

Joined: May 2005

QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 11:42 AM)
Okay...it's not me. But this is a friend of mine.

Her boyfriend courted her for two years...and they've been together for two and a half years. Which totals it to 4 and a half years of knowing each other. He's her first love...I don't know if she's his first love, but they've been together for a long time. Recently, she's been crying almost nonstop for the past week because she and her boyfriend have come to a point where neither of them see the future with each other...meaning that both of them no longer see themselves married to each other. Separate ways, that means...but they still love each other.

I don't know how to help her get out of this depression/emotional state. I mean, I'm encouraging her and telling her that she WILL get out of this state after a while...and it definitely won't be in a month's time. I mean, I cried nightly for seven months after I broke up with my first love...and this is her first love for two and a half years...it's obviously impossible to get over sooo quickly.

She feels that she's hit rock bottom and beyond with her crying. She keeps telling herself that she's stronger than this and that she knows that she should stop but she doesn't know how to. I can't relate to her properly because I hated my ex when we broke up...she still loves him, he still loves her, but they want to go separate ways because they no longer see themselves married to each other. She can't hate him the way I hated my ex and became an angry person to get over it.

She's been trying not to think about it...every day she comes online and talks with people. But, once she runs out of people to talk with, she starts thinking about it again and ends up crying for the rest of the day. She says she looks awful now...and I can't really blame her for feeling this way. I reckon I'd probably do the same thing if I'd been with a guy for that long...and he's my first love...and four and a half years later you both realize that you probably won't be marrying each other. I just can't empathize with her...I don't know what to say to her because I've never experienced it myself.

Does anybody have any similar experience? Can you help me help her?

Remember a story of how the turtle mama laying eggs in the hole. Then, the mama goes back to the ocean. And never look back his eggs anymore?! After a time passed, so the little turtles all hatched. And start following their mom's step going the ocean. Of course, there are many little turtles there... so pity... some of them die half-way,... because they are many enemies awaiting them. Some crabs wanna eat them, big fishes are all inside the sea. Especially big sharks... and so on.

So, why the turtle mama dun care about her child?! Letting them do whatever they have to do?!

hmm.gif I dun know why I talk about this story. But for your friend's case. I think it's normal. Dun you think so?! Want cry, just cry... everyone also got love once. being hurted before. If she dun get herself strong. No one could help her... tongue.gif

TSspunkberry
post Mar 31 2007, 12:14 PM

危ない人です
Group Icon
Elite
1,890 posts

Joined: Feb 2007


I'd take her out...but I live in Japan and she's studying college in Australia. I'm trying to be there for her all the time (as it is I'm online every single day)...her blog posts are getting kinda angry at herself for being like this and give me a sort of gauge for what she's feeling right now. She says she's lost.

I don't know whose decision it was to split...and I don't know what her situation with him is right now because I was under the assumption that they were living together. She's a little bit on the needy, clingy side...but not overly so. I don't know what happened...but they've decided that they're going to do their own things even though they still love each other.

I guess this is one of those things where "I love you but I can't be with you" comes in. I always said that thinking too far into the future can be a killer for relationships. She's 20 and I think he's that age too. I don't know him that well.
kerrk
post Mar 31 2007, 12:26 PM

Casual
***
Junior Member
464 posts

Joined: Nov 2005



just because they don't see that "they're married with each other", they break up?

i mean, does every couple have to see themselves married with each other to be together?

if they assume that they're not gonna have a future together, then i'd say better late than never. =/ it'd be hard for awhile..but i guess time will heal.

give her your full support =)
glozz
post Mar 31 2007, 12:27 PM

"Robocop"
******
Senior Member
1,681 posts

Joined: Jan 2003
Well; I think it's fairly simple then. Time to pick up her things and herself and move on. Ultimately; all you can offer her now is advise. Everything else; is up to her.

Here's something I'll share:

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


This post has been edited by glozz: Mar 31 2007, 12:27 PM
cursed
post Mar 31 2007, 12:30 PM

I Am Your Only Despair
******
Senior Member
1,631 posts

Joined: Dec 2006
From: Where Light Meets Day


QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:14 PM)
I'd take her out...but I live in Japan and she's studying college in Australia. I'm trying to be there for her all the time (as it is I'm online every single day)...her blog posts are getting kinda angry at herself for being like this and give me a sort of gauge for what she's feeling right now. She says she's lost.

I don't know whose decision it was to split...and I don't know what her situation with him is right now because I was under the assumption that they were living together. She's a little bit on the needy, clingy side...but not overly so. I don't know what happened...but they've decided that they're going to do their own things even though they still love each other.

I guess this is one of those things where "I love you but I can't be with you" comes in. I always said that thinking too far into the future can be a killer for relationships. She's 20 and I think he's that age too. I don't know him that well.
*
lets see..judging by this...being needy thats hard to deal wif...a needy person tends to ask for more attention..but if shes not overly then fine..perhaps if i would give it the clearer picture..perhaps the bf found bout her needy personality..like every other thread i read in this forum..its very hard for her to be seperated from him even though hasnt see him for a day or two or weeks..but perhaps the guy couldnt take it nemore..but he didnt want to break her heart..if it was meant to be then its really meant to be..but if ur so far away...thats even harder..

if shes blaming herself...thats prolly wrong but some ways rite..but i'm not asking u to ask her to change her personality..thats a tough ask to do...shes 20..still young..every 1st love tends to be yes he/she is my only one that i would want to be wif and marry too..but when shes so into her relationship and this sort of thing happens..for sure shes's lost..she doesnt know what to do..what i advise is if she knows how was ur first love was..but then u were angry wif ur ex bf..then its kinda hard to convince ....tell her dont blame herself..this is reality..we have to accept the good and bad..no matter the consequences..we have to take it wif chin up and try to move on..
toby.c13
post Mar 31 2007, 12:32 PM

Please enter custom member title
******
Senior Member
1,580 posts

Joined: Aug 2006
QUOTE(glozz @ Mar 31 2007, 12:27 PM)
Well; I think it's fairly simple then. Time to pick up her things and herself and move on. Ultimately; all you can offer her now is advise. Everything else; is up to her.

Here's something I'll share:

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

*
nice one glozz... rclxms.gif notworthy.gif
edifgrto
post Mar 31 2007, 12:46 PM

Am a cat! ^^
******
Senior Member
1,707 posts

Joined: May 2005

QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:14 PM)
I'd take her out...but I live in Japan and she's studying college in Australia. I'm trying to be there for her all the time (as it is I'm online every single day)...her blog posts are getting kinda angry at herself for being like this and give me a sort of gauge for what she's feeling right now. She says she's lost.

I don't know whose decision it was to split...and I don't know what her situation with him is right now because I was under the assumption that they were living together. She's a little bit on the needy, clingy side...but not overly so. I don't know what happened...but they've decided that they're going to do their own things even though they still love each other.

I guess this is one of those things where "I love you but I can't be with you" comes in. I always said that thinking too far into the future can be a killer for relationships. She's 20 and I think he's that age too. I don't know him that well.

In Japan now?! Japanese girls are Kawaii neh... drool.gif
soli,.. tongue.gif back to your discussion...

arr,... what is this "I love you but I can't be with you" ?! rclxub.gif That means your friend still young. it's a test for her. After 10 years later, when she is 30 or 40 with 2 or 3 kids that time... you go and ask her this "I love you but I can't be with you". It's no longer big deal anymore.
PS: should not watch too much of drama shows. That making human weak... laugh.gif

TSspunkberry
post Mar 31 2007, 12:49 PM

危ない人です
Group Icon
Elite
1,890 posts

Joined: Feb 2007


lol I don't watch that much drama on tv. actually...I hardly watch tv.
cursed
post Mar 31 2007, 12:53 PM

I Am Your Only Despair
******
Senior Member
1,631 posts

Joined: Dec 2006
From: Where Light Meets Day


QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:49 PM)
lol I don't watch that much drama on tv. actually...I hardly watch tv.
*
that wouldnt be a suprise...u wouldnt be able to understand whats happening rclxms.gif

but seriously...like i said bfore...always try to be there for her when she needs it the most..most importantly...ask her to think things through and tell her crying does not help the situation..tell her to be strong no matter what the outcome is. cuz the grass is always greener on the other side.icon_rolleyes.gif
-br0k3n-
post Mar 31 2007, 12:54 PM

Getting Started
**
Junior Member
167 posts

Joined: Mar 2007
QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:49 PM)
lol I don't watch that much drama on tv. actually...I hardly watch tv.
*
Fuyoh!!!! Tat mean u r a realistic ppl. U should show it to ur fren
cursed
post Mar 31 2007, 12:55 PM

I Am Your Only Despair
******
Senior Member
1,631 posts

Joined: Dec 2006
From: Where Light Meets Day


QUOTE(-br0k3n- @ Mar 31 2007, 12:54 PM)
Fuyoh!!!! Tat mean u r a realistic ppl. U should show it to ur fren
*
ah?..show wat liao ?...show her dont watch tv ah tongue.gif!!!!!!!

or show her to be more realistic izzit laugh.gif
-br0k3n-
post Mar 31 2007, 12:56 PM

Getting Started
**
Junior Member
167 posts

Joined: Mar 2007
QUOTE(cursed @ Mar 31 2007, 12:55 PM)
ah?..show wat liao ?...show her dont watch tv ah tongue.gif!!!!!!!

or show her to be more realistic izzit  laugh.gif
*
Of course lah, show him dunwatch tv, dun think will work out....
TSspunkberry
post Mar 31 2007, 12:59 PM

危ない人です
Group Icon
Elite
1,890 posts

Joined: Feb 2007


hahaha thanks cursed. I told her that my ear is always open for her to pour her thoughts into. smile.gif
cursed
post Mar 31 2007, 01:03 PM

I Am Your Only Despair
******
Senior Member
1,631 posts

Joined: Dec 2006
From: Where Light Meets Day


QUOTE(-br0k3n- @ Mar 31 2007, 12:56 PM)
Of course lah, show him dunwatch tv, dun think will work out....
*
LOL!! notworthy.gif i know what u mean now...rclxms.gif


QUOTE(spunkberry @ Mar 31 2007, 12:59 PM)
hahaha thanks cursed. I told her that my ear is always open for her to pour her thoughts into. smile.gif
*
np icon_rolleyes.gif hope it turns out okay..if u need help trying to convincing her..ask me for icon_question.gif laugh.gif

4 Pages  1 2 3 > » Top
Topic ClosedOptions
 

Change to:
| Lo-Fi Version
0.0193sec    0.43    5 queries    GZIP Disabled
Time is now: 26th November 2025 - 11:46 PM