Hi everyone,

I would like to know if any of u out there actually going thru the process of depression & anxiety in your everyday life without anyone knowing it or know it but belittled it & ignore your problems?

As for myself, I am in this phase of self-recovery & i just find it tough to go thru alone so i share out here to get some feedbacks. We all know these kind of problems are common due to work/life stress but if its just mild cases (today or 2-3days sad/upset but after that get over it already) congratulation!

i have some life events that brought me down but that sad feeling only linger for a few days after that i forgot bout that incidents & life move on like usual.

But, these past few years many unhappy events take place & i cant forget bout it till now. Its very self-destructive because i couldnt get back on my feet & struggled with my emotion/mind everyday....yes...every moment when i stay idle. i try to stay positive & seek online self-help knowledge. i do dig my courage to share out my problems with my family but they dint take it as a serious matter so i am left to help myself. i dun dare to share out with friends because i dun tink anyone will like a complaintive/negative friend.

I love part of my life now & i reli want to move forward for the sake of myself & the people around me who loves me. So, i'll tell abit of myself. Well, I have a great playful childhood (something that im proud of) till everything crumbled when i started to enter secondary school. Looking back, my parents dun reli live like a loving couple. They fought alot over financial commitment. Ok, my dad is a addicted gambler, the type that wish to hit the jackpot & become instant millionaire. My mum is a hardworking bee but do wish to be a happy well-off housewife. Both of them are low-educated. My dad used to reach home in the evening & gone in the morning. So, most of my childhood is accompanied by my mum only. I do wonder why but thats the tradition in my family. Both of them do have extra-marital affairs. My mum once told me she is fedup with my dad & need a good/trustable guy to rely on as a woman. I guess my dad dun reli love mum because she got pregnant of my elder brother when they were dating so thats how they ring the marriage bell.

Ok to cut my drama short, my dad own almost half million of debt plus interest with the ah long. He graps every penny/ assets of our family (our home,my mum money,jewellery, etc). The most scary part is he chased us in the car begging my mum to sell off the only thing left, the car we are sitting in. I was so young & just confused & scared whats reli happening in front of my eyes. The heartless selfish face of my dad. Desperate time seek for desperate measure. He is good at that. I was so disappointed that my dad is that kind of horrible asshole. We managed to get ride of him thanks to the other passer-by who intervene on our commotion. Later did i realized the seriousness of my dad's evil deed. He use each of his children (3 of us) & my mum's IC as his guarantor/collateral without our knowledge. I read news that alot of these poor victims being assault/chase/used to pay of the debts. Im a girl did he ever concern for my safety? Gosh, I cant believe how terrible he is. Somehow, after months of hiding & nego, one of my dad's rich relative was worried of our fate after hearing the news & help my dad pay the debt & hope he turned into a new leaf.

Then many sad/heart wrecking dramas along my years growing up. My mum became depressed but she still went out to earn a living for us. Seriously, we left with nothing but a few bag of clothes & my mum's car. I am grateful too that alot of good samaritans open up their hands to help my mum all these years. The issue is as a result of all the escape/poverty/betrayal by my dad, my mum seriously fall into deep distress/depression/anxiety/loneliness.....in short...mental breakdown.....i happened to be the only one living with her (my two bro older than me & can independently stay out with their friends. Nobody can tahan my mum's attitude. Hot-tempered, negative, talk without thinking,expect me to instantly become a mature grown up person because now we have nothing left. I was just 13!!

The process of our brand new life at a new place far from where im from was so hard. I just know my dad went into hiding from the ah long. My mum start to work as a partimer waitress/odd jobs, new boyfriends. We managed to find room to rent (old torn down house). I was going to new school, still in disbelief, coping with making friends, adapting to new place, facing my mum who start to get annoyed by my presence (I was taken as a burden)

She did try her best to gain back what we lost....a home...better future...dignity....but she was so stress out...i can only try my best to be a good obedient 'stay out of trouble' daughter....so sad to say...she grow strong hatred on my dad and indirectly me because my surname bear his name. She start to come home drunk (she said release stress/forgot her misery), spent all her leftover time with her boyfriends (married guys), stressed out when i have to ask her for school meal allowance/school activity expenses,school bus fare). RM50 for a month recess time....50/20days..rm2.50 a day....not to mention i have to save moni to buy something i like or stationery stuff or for emergency....i remembered i can only afford to buy roti/nasi lemak biasa at my school canteen with that amount. I can only watch others enjoying nasi kandar style from the malay stall....variety of fish, ayam goreng, vege, etc
Obviously, she dun have time to cook for me or do housework (after 3 years we moved to flat rent the whole house). i became a 'trained housewife' Haha...
looking back, Im so shock to see myself as a reli broken hearted girl. I was lonely, miserable, sad all the time. Always waited for my mum to come home & spend 'family time' with me. Nah....she is busy working & honeymooning with her bf. I was left nothing but resentment, dissapointment, hatred, woes after woes......well both of us grew up reli reli bitter...........

15 years passed by slowly, that bitterness dint go away in me....we never get along because of that & all the negative labels she tag on me i could forget & forgive my parents

its destroying my current relationship (i found a loving bf), my work (i cant focus/perform), my personal well-being (insomnia/bitter heart/low self-esteem), my family (angry of each other), personal development ( my mind is very slow functioning, kind of like blank/retarded state), i became a boring person (not interested in anyting, i used to play badminton with friends but that hobby just dint work on me anymore), i start to reject 'hang-outs' with friends. I just stay at home & felt very sad, cried every nights till tired into sleep.

I know my parents is the culprit for my misery. I confronted my dad, he said he did no harm to me, Im still standing in one piece infront of him.
Then, I told my mum how i feel all these years, she said i am narrow-minded, revengeful,childish, pressure me degrading my self-esteem so i can perform in life....what a poor parenting skill and pathetic child am i to suffer such nonsense emotional abuse

So i try to stay away from them who bring me down....i move out....but time to time still need to face my mum's same negative labels. I was once proud of my myself that finally i can support myself without burdening my mum financially... i got my degree...start working frome the bottom...buy my own car...pay my own rent...my PTPTN...pay my own expenses... I felt LIBERTY !!

Well, starting was tough...my pay is low as a fresh grad...rm1,300...i guess i dint bargain well... i just felt i know nothing practical bout work & should get a job first...slowly gain experience & raise....

then my mum pop out & said chinese old time children will give parent allowance once start earning....bla bla bla....of course i want to repay her hardship all the past years but i calculated my income-expenses = negative balance

She was so mad & disappointed when at first i said cant make it to meet my own end meet.

Finally, after many scolding & insult, I tearfully forged out RM200 per month commitment to give her as i surrender she was absent during my grown-up years & never try to understand/empathize me.

Well, my bf help me along the way...belanja makan, entertainment,my phone bill, sometimes give me a few hundred bucks for meal allowance. He & me was very thrifty then but we are happy together. He is a big joy in my life i cant imagine myself moving on in this shitty world of mine.

ok, thats my dramas...true story...i felt relieved releasing my misery here but life goes on....i am reli facing emotional/mental battle to overcome the depression/anxiety in me......

maybe it sound lame but i guess im a female so that negativity/hurt dint go away easily.....

please help me here...i want to be happy again for the sake of myself my bf n whoever that cares for me. How to erase that past hurt & move out of that weak mental state?

Any good advice beside...forget and forgive...move on...its too general........ share with me how you overcome your own hurts

Go exercise regularly. Sleep early. If can have 8 hours of sleep.

Wow, sad story here.
I had a pretty similar childhood as well, but for me i don't even have a father. He bailed on my mom before i was even born, she single-handedly raised me even though she works on different kind of jobs. She sing at pubs, a promising and talented singer she was.
For me, i wasn't a good daughter, i was very selfish and didn't realize my mom's love for me, went and waste her hard earned money (haizzz)
Not long after that, when i was 13 (same) my mom diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She was a heavy smoker and drinker.
After almost 2 years of long battle she left me, to a better place and i'm under the care of her little sister, which is my aunt.
Then only my dad came and see me, the whole situation was very awkward as i was really angry at him and didn't say a single word. He left afterwards without leaving any contacts or whatsoever, like he will never see me again ever.
Depression and high level of anxiety spiked after that, was miserable and i went and hurt myself. A scar is permanently marked on my left arm.
But after i finish study, it's all good. Met a lot of new friends and started to meditate (this you should try).
I'm now living a good life.

Hm..
When i read urs..somehow i think mine is not brutal as urs.
But a lil bit similar.but at last i think yeah god will not give things that we cant handle
Until now..i still trying to cope with my memories.with the people.with dont care attitude..i try to not to care about other people.believe me.if we are too care..the damage will happen on us.not to those people.
I do cry sometimes.i do ask myself..why this that.
Later i will say to myself...not all people is like u..no at all people is kind.some people are so selfish til they dont even know their actions are selfish..
If the world is full of kind,not selfish type of people then this world is in peace
Although i met new friends..yet sometimes i do feel sad..anxiety..the memories hunting me.
I did listen to some stories from friends..more brutal..haha
And i think the problem is im hoping for things that will not happen..
Im not letting go 100%..
While im typing this..i feel sad to myself...
I just want to be better..i just want myself free..free from all.
I do run.exercise.thats all i do for now..
Maybe we should hang out together sometimes

enough rest and sleep , plus exercise at least 3 times a week , do the things you love to do , find someone who can listen up to your problem plus give you some advice ... everything should be fine

Find a mental health care practitoner



Types of Mental Health Care Practitioners in Malaysia:

1)Hypnotherapist
Professional governing body in Malaysia: The Association of Hypnotherapy Practitioners, Malaysia (AHPM)-The Traditional and Complementary Medicine Act (Act 756) sets the minimum competence level for the credentialing of a professional Mind Body Soul Therapy practitioner in Malaysia. AHPM is a member of The Federation of Complementary and Natural Medical Associations, Malaysia (FCNMAM). FCNMAM is under the jurisdiction of the Department of Traditional and Complementary Medicine, Ministry of Health (MOH), Malaysia.
Expertise: practice hypnotherapy and may practice psychotherapy but cannot do physical examinations, cannot prescribe drugs

2)Counselor
Professional governing body in Malaysia: Lembaga Kaunselor Malaysia-The Counselors’ Act 1998 sets the minimum competence level for the credentialing of a professional counselor in Malaysia. Only a person who is licensed to practice counseling under this Act is allowed to represent himself or herself as a counselor in the country.
Expertise: practice counseling and psychotherapy but cannot do physical examinations, cannot prescribe drugs

3)Clinical Psychologist
professional governing body in Malaysia: Allied Health Sciences Division The Allied Health Professions Bill 2015 was tabled for the first reading by Health Minister Datuk Seri Dr S. Subramaniam at the Dewan Rakyat. The Bill seeks to set up the Malaysian Allied Health Professions Council to register persons practising in the allied health industry which include clinical psychologist.
Expertise: practice psychotherapy but cannot do physical examinations, cannot prescribe drugs

4) Psychiatrist
Professional governing body in Malaysia: Malaysian Medical Council-Psychiatrist need to apply for a Malaysian Medical License at the Malaysian Medical Council.
Expertise: able to diagnose and prescribe drugs, may practice psychotherapy, use electroconvulsive therapy, and admit people to the hospital.

5) Coach
Professional governing body in Malaysia: None
Expertise: practice life, business, wellness or corporate coaching but cannot do physical examinations, cannot prescribe drugs.

6) Neurotherapist/EEG biofeedback practitioner
Professional governing body in Malaysia: None
Expertise: practice neurotherapy/EEG biofeedback/neurofeedback technique. It is a safe, non-invasive, alternative treatment option that relies on EEG biofeedback machine to monitor and visualize brain activity, and is used to help a variety of psychological and medical problems. But cannot prescribe drugs.

ya i learnt that exercise can release stress as our body produce that happy hormon & improve mood...feeling better about ourself esp physical appearance...i do jog sometimes but i dun like getting sweat....currently i do forced myself out to go swimming as i felt its joint friendly & one of my self-help ways....i do feel better as i swim & float myself looking up the sky....it suddenly struck me that the emotional/mental breakdown i had everyday is 'no big deal' as long as i dun get myself keep rehearsing my hurts in the past & stay away from my negative family....

ok one of the reason why i keep feeling hurtful is because my mum would ring up me occasionally & everytime our conversation is nothing much than her asking $$$ from me....fall sick no moni see doc....want buy this that...bla bla bla.....i do give her but when im tight myself....i would say i dun have that extra $$ to spare for her....then she will sounded dissapointed...then thats all our years as mother & daughter....i try my best give her according to my means...but at the end of the day....my mum would conclude that im no good,not good enough, failure, loser, selfish, etc....in my face, during CNY relatives visit , to her friends...well, just anyone than happens to talk with her....

because of that many incidents...i lose my self-esteem, confidence went south, was in disbelief again that my mum will scorn me like that after all i did for her.....i was afraid to meet my relatives since then....i was sad whenever i visit her & her acquaintance give me a look like im 'no good daughter'...i felt sad that my mum think of me so bad....i cry just thinking of her.....so i stopped visited her for almost 1 year & her scorning dint stop anyway...

so ya i reli appreciate your advice....sometimes simple step like this is wat reli bring healings.....

wow thanks for sharing...

thats reli a challenging life to live esp with relatives.....i had bad experience living with my aunt too so wast sure if she treated u well but sound like your are doing good now...ya the only freedom we had is when we dun need to rely on someone can earn for ourself

im so happy for u

emm bout that meditation... u mean meditate on positive words ? i do that too & it help but whenever i see happy family shopping or eating meal together...my self-conciousness strike & i felt so so sad...my heart felt like being pierced with knife...because most of the time i hang out alone or with bf....friends ya but not always......that awkwardness when u eat alone or shop alone overlooking big familia laughing with joy........i felt self-pity

thats my problem i try to overcome........low self-esteem...alot of self-pity issue.....

huh same same....i reli hope people like us can be 100% healed..i just felt we dun deserve to suffer such Psychological abuse just because of our parent's mistake....

im sorry to remind u of your sadness....

ya same background ppl make us feel closer & being understood......

Thanks for your advice....ya thats wat im trying to do.....

i do think of this solution before.........but not sure hows it reli help & how much it will cost....i have a friend kind of like me...broken family background but his parent is rich...he went to Psychiatrist i think because he said he was being listened up bout his problems..then the doc give advice like 'how to' heal/help yourself...try think positive....etc then that 1 hour service cost him rm200 n he do eat sleeping pill/anti depressant medicine....he went on a regular basis....but i observe his condition dint improve alot....still need to slowly recover emotionally...mentally...im not judging but i just duno whether it will works because its not cheap for me....

i do ring up a few free hotline NGO counselors....i told them wats im going tru mentally 7 emotionally....but quite a surprise that most of them answer me the same advice....



You need to ask yourself what is your top priority in your life right now?


im like......err....i want to be free from this hurtful memories & excel in life...career...relationships....

Then, they just said i need to find the solution myself because they cant decide what to do for me.....


huh...at least i know i need to prioritize my list.......

This post has been edited by LiveLifeToInspire: Aug 23 2015, 05:06 AM

you`re welcome

I really respect you for having the strength that you do to carry on and make a life for yourself.

I've been through prolonged mild depression before but it took a combination of many things to really help me get out of it. Whatever I have been through is absolutely nothing compared to yours so I think maybe I should keep what Ive done to myself for now (feel malu tbh). I'll be sending positive thoughts and energies your way

This post has been edited by esaykay: Aug 28 2015, 08:51 AM

You're stronger than u think u are. Seeking help when you're down is not an easy thing to do. More so when you're supposed support system - family and friends aren't very supportive. But still, u have ur boyfriend who I'm sure is treating u well.

I think part of the healing process is admitting that you aren't okay, and seeking help for it. Which is exactly what u're doing now.

I've had mild cases of depression as well - stress from family n work n responsibilities. I grew up in an unhappy marriage too. My parents hardly speak to each other and the kids have to be the middle man.

I think it's important to keep active. For me, i love badminton too. And after my weekly badminton with my colleagues, I go out for dinner with them and feel incredibly happy, and I can't wait for next week for the next badminton session. Maybe it would be good for you to have some sort of a weekly activity that you really enjoy and make sure you do it every week. So when you're unhappy, focus your thoughts on that and look forward to it.

All the best to u!

New Chinese Herbal Formulas for Treating Depression.

http://www.acupuncturetoday.com/mpacms/at/...le.php?id=31447

Having suffered from depression for years without knowing it, I can say , unfortunately there is no such thing as a permanent cure...but there are ways to overcome it..one way is to really believe and know that you are not alone. Thousands of ppl have it, tens of thousands have it but don't dare to say or tell anyone..I am one of the thousands so let me share you my story, which is kind of similiar - but yours is worse due to your gambling dad.

For me, my parents divorced when i was 5 or 6. My mum became a total waste case and drank and partied so I have to move in with my grandparents. They are those old school type so u know what I mean. No communication, rotan and slapped a few times a week, and of course mental abuse till I was around 15. These bad experiences leaves us with deep painful scars that shape who we become. But i take some comfort as I did not become abusive like them...but I have had these bad things affect my relationships, work and also life in general.

I think the fact that we didn't learn or experience love from our family and parents make us the same - we don't know how to show or appreciate love in return. we can be grateful but somehow also feel we are unworthy of that love...don't know if you feel the same. I too stay away from my family mostly as they can be negative, talking old story 30 years ago, blaming others and also talk about my parents divorce..till today!

Another good way is to share and find like minded ppl who went thru the same and have some way to help each other.. i guess i am looking for that here too.

You can google CBT for depression. It has helped me deal with negative thoughts and depressive thinking. There is a good video on this but youtube has taken it down. it is 50 mins and 3-4 exercises you can do everyday (pls be diciplned) and it really does help us to look at the thoughts that come into our mind, rationally dissect it and then reprogramme our brain on the appropriate rational response (instead of crying, drinking, sleeping, watever the fuck we do when we get depressed)

PM me and i will share with you in google...500+ mb

I have always been in depression without knowing it. Symptoms include sleep a lot or very little, lose interest in everything and anyone. Learning to adapt and accept it as a gift. Thinking positive about it. That depression is a signal that lets us know it's time to step up and breakout. It also has a lot to do with what we eat and how we live, so switching things up is a great way to stay focus and excited too. Yet depression is a friend that's always near. I share this with my closest friends, and sometimes even with acquintances, mutual friends. It helps a lot, as it feels liberating, like how I fee, now as I type this. don't you just hate it when it strikes, out of the blue? Meditation, helps a lot for me. And religion of course. Find inner peace, that's the thing I guess. There is no cure, it takes time and effort. It takes patience And awareness. You will eventually find what triggers it, but then again sometimes, it strikes without a warning. Festive seasons tend to bring about it even more. More so, if loneliness is one of that trigger. It mTters not if you have a spouse or not... It's not their fault, it is within. End here for now

Vegan diet (low fat starch based vegan diet) + No Fap + Warrior Diet.



I used to lose interest in everything. But things began to change when I started to do the above. Good luck to you. It's hard and lonely path, hope that you can overcome your adversities. It is in moment of hardship in life you need to take extra special care for yourself

This post has been edited by sol_badguy: Jan 11 2016, 05:21 PM

Active listening and responding appropriately are two of the key skills a counselor.
Counselor cannot give you solution. A counsellor's job is to be your mirror and let you decide what to do next.
Maybe you can look for a licensed counselor or clinical psychologist to do psychotherapy such as CBT.
If you want direct positive suggestion, you can discuss with a licensed clinical hypnotherapist and see how he/she can help you.