Both? Dreams are mostly subconsious anyway.

It's the feeling of, well, why am I even alive? Every day, some form of physical pain. Despite efforts to stay healthy, still pain

Ada period pain, no period also pain. Every day has a pain of some kind...

I can't do anything, nor I can be anything other than pain.

Quite a few. Had doctors confirm it. I don't want to list them in public though.

But few people would believe me, let alone accommodate. Because it's not like I'm a cancer patient need to masuk wad and stuff. The people who really understand can dikira with fingers. My teacher/boss think I'm just being a spoiled brat that won't amount to anything.

I just, well, ignore the pain as much as I can to live.

Just. I'm tired of it. Imagine tight chains squeezing the joints, bones, muscles. Tidur also tak pasal pasal get painful spasms.

My parents do their best to help. That duty will one day end up with my future husband. He's willing to do it and I know he got the perseverance.

Still this makes me feel like a giant lifelong burden to anyone close to me.

It is difficult to eat. Painful to not eat either. Stiff and hurtful to move. Basic chores takes as much effort as climbing a mountain.

Everything is literally san fu

Well... about that....

I can barely leave the house, let alone meet people. Kinda an egg and chicken issue.

And I don't want to be the source for a massive disappointment anymore. No expectations mean no hope, means no let downs too. I've already disappointed too many people.

...But I did go to healing sessions. Laid hands and things like that. I'm still not healed.

My mom recently attended a seminar talking about why some people don't get healed. It's because of emotional resentment and things like that.

I have to get my life straight first?

UW this may be frustrating to hear. I would be frustrated too. Right now I just didn't even want to exist anymore. I'm a terrible, disappointing example that drives people away from God.

Like 'See lah nothing happen to you. If God is so good why are you still like this? God must not exist and it's just all placebo'

How can I face anyone? I'll just give a bad name to Jesus.

If I can't be healed without ridding all the inner resentment, then the inner resentment needs to go first. Or so I'm told.

Right?

I'm... going to stop the discussion for today. Too much crying. Yesterday tambah today.

Macam ini?
https://www.biblegateway.com/devotionals/

Wah I salute that you took the time ot explain this. Also helpful against extreme fundamentalism also.

Oh so that's his ministry.

Yes it is true that for many Americans associate God and Church to severe domestic abuse. Saying anything about the Gospel will trigger some very, very intense negative reactions. Aggression, hatred, flashbacks, total breakdown. Very freaky yo.

Moral Orel. It started out as a Black Comedy. Then later on became it became an accurate reflection of dysfunctional childhood for a lot of viewers.
It's so twisted, I don't even.

I don't know how to even help these people. If they carry on with their lives, pretty go from bad life to doomed eternity.

This post has been edited by Sophiera: Aug 7 2015, 09:50 PM

Sounds very much like arthritis or rheumatism. Better see a doc.

Sometimes can be muscle related too.

Will pray for you.

I think the term 'topkek' has two origins.

Top cake. As in this takes the cake

Or

In World of warcraft, chats from opposite factions pass through a ficitonal language filter. 'lol' for the Alliance is translated to 'bur' while the Horde is... 'kek'

So topkek here is literally 'Top lol' which means total joke.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=topkek second definition

Apparently I'm right

This post has been edited by Sophiera: Aug 10 2015, 07:40 PM

Amen

Lowyat guys doing maint stuff

"The forum will be down intermittently today for database maintenance."

If me and my bf live nearer (read: not Netherlands) we would be engaged de.

Alas paperwork, money and distance making that difficult.

Also today is also one of those days that I manage to go church. Started with motion sickness OTL

Each time I do arrive I syukur.jpg because most of the time I always ada masalah with something.

Yeah, I'm familiar with the double meaning. Although I always use it to express my aduih and not for worship.

Hearing and listening are two different things yo.

Oi don't belittle people like that.

It's not nice, more so in public place. If you further insist on that, it shows that you're not humble.

I don't know your life, you don't know mine. But I've seen this argument many times over the course of my internet years. I was part of it too.

Not sure if you noticed it yourself, but deep inside you're probably looking for a convenient answer. Something that satisfies your worldview.
Everything that don't fit what you want is insensitive, rash, ill-understanding, arrogant ect ect ect. All our fault.

Now you may say 'No I'm not like that'.
But let me tell you the truth: that is what your heart wants.

Self-justification at its deepest delusion.

Why do I say that?

Because I was there. In that kind of rut, getting angry at anyone who tells me what I don't want to hear. Even if that was the answer I needed.

'Oh no I'm not angry'. That is also self-deception. You are angry, even if you insist you are not. Bitterness is the root of a lot of debates. Root of many 'new philosophies'.

Right now your debates go around in a circle of inner-hurt, wondering why nobody understands. Why no one takes effort to understand.

In reality, anyone who don't conform to your desired ideal gets crossed out. Recently that happened on tumblr. User wondered why she got no friends, when all friends are axed off because we don't confirm or mollycoddle.

Yeah, I'm not going to debate with you. Probably won't even read your response because hey, I am axing myself from any more circular logic that I've grown tired of participating in.

If this is offensive, okay. Expected that too. I'd get offended too if I heard that from my end. No lie.


TLDR version: Stop this manipulative behaviour. Please. It's so obvious I can't stand it.

This post has been edited by Sophiera: Aug 24 2015, 12:35 AM