Honestly, you sound like a doormat to her.

At least thats what people said to me when i had a almost similar story like what you written above.

In short, you were a doormat to her, when she needed you, she comes to you, when you wanted more acknowledgement or a show of love from her, she tends to play it cool and make it insignificant.

When she relayed her break up decision to you, its more like FYI because it means nothing to her. That also means that you were just a doormat to her.

If she really appreciate your relationship, she wouldnt do all these to you let alone ending the relationship with some general answers that dont mean anything at all.

Its like telling you "im leaving you and i just need to give you some crap reasons".

I know how it feels because whatever i have been through matched exactly what you have said so far.

Your title shouldnt be "what could i have done differently" because its not about what more can you do, you cant do anymore than what you did if the other party doesn't see you as an equal partner in a relationship.

This post has been edited by adrianteo: Sep 26 2014, 10:56 AM

in my opinion, she still think she is single (even though couple with you), still got many choices to choose from.
met this type of girls before.

at first, she seeing u as friend, not a couple, even though u guys couple after that.
this is important cause this type of girl treat u based on first impression.
(i also dont know how their mind works, some girls not like this)
i met this kind of situation, in front me, sweet couple, but she wouldnt expose me to her life (friends, parents, families).
this is obvious she is not ready to announce to the world "hey i have a bf!", and after 2 years, she still dont want you in her life.

can tell she dont know what she wants, and for sure she dont want live her whole life with you.
perhaps breakup for a certain period then u contact her back see how it goes.

on a bad side, if you enjoy cuddling and sex, u dunid to push for answers.
but if you looking for life partner, this type of girl for sure is not what u looking for.

Exactly, that was the word I was looking for. I was a door mat to her. She's obviously the more dominant person in our relationship but I never gave it much thought as I loved her unconditionally.

Seeing that she didn't complain much about me, I just assumed everything was fine.

Sorry you had to go through such an experience too. I just don't get it sometimes. In such a case regardless of whatever I did it would end anyway. It would have been great if she would just say it straight to my face instead of playing with my feelings like this. No fights, no arguments, nothing. Such a shitty way of ending things.

then you should straight tembak her at her face. You say i manage to grab a good deal from trip at this date. Please make necessary to adapt to the time.

I been to your situation before its really painful i know i plan, i pay, i drive,i navigate, i coordinate at the end i still need see her attitude.

I asked please sleep early tomorrow is a 1 day trip. Then the day before she go clubbing, then on the day of the trip i call her 5am she said call her back 6am, then i drive to her house need wait 15mins she not ready, then on the way she said she sleepy so wanna sleep so i end up driving alone while she sleep.

The whole day really moody, she feel tired because have to walk, sleepy. Later i ask her some question she show her attitude keep quiet then somemore driving i got so bad headache when driving back.

This happen because i was like you, everything also must follow her way, Now if she delay maximum of 3 mistake i straight terminate everything

..

This post has been edited by ChaChaZero: Nov 17 2021, 04:48 PM

Thanks a lot for the wake up call. Last Christmas I actually booked a room at a Hotel in GH, all paid and everything. Initially she agreed to it but after dunno what discussion she had with her mom, best friend, siblings, she said not worth going there just a few days before it was scheduled.. On Christmas eve i got into a major accident too, so I just let it slide away.

Something similar to your experience, she is ALWAYS late for appointments and she is ALWAYS tired. On weekends she sleeps at 12 and wakes up past noon and still complains she is sleepy. Even when I visit her apartment, there are times when it takes her more than 10 minutes just to open the door. Call her also she doesn't pickup, supposedly cause she was showering or on the phone with her mom etc etc.

I don't really like to force someone to do things but you guys are right. There are times when I just need to stand up and shoot her down. Take the control back. Being kind only left me defenceless to her ways.

Its a lesson learnt, hopefully I won't fall for the same tricks again. Truth to be told, my brain was telling me she's bad news but my heart just couldn't fight back. It's my mistake for being weak.

TS, you could have got a dog.

I know you love her but do not let her be in control she is spoil furthermore she is not a good mentor.

So imagine a bad mentor teaching a good student what would the result be?

Yes being kind she will step on you and when she feel you are boring (kind) she will dump you and find another one that know how to be in control. (Women would not tell you this but i learn this myself)

If you really treasure the relationship be in control, if she is wrong just shoot her dont give face, if she did right then praise her and reward her if needed.

If me i wait only maximum 15mins anything more i leave, she call me why i leave i shoot her kao kao one.

I said before i come i call you and text you, i reaching i text you again, i reach i text and call you again and you also late 15mins WTF is this nonsense la. If she give reason i tembak her even more. I said i wake up earlier than you, i need prepare and i drive all the way to your place somemore i need to wait 15mins.

I used to be very kind like you, but the pain that i need to endure really unbearable.

This post has been edited by Velocity: Sep 26 2014, 11:35 AM

Yeah, thats a good point. I have 8 cats though. One cat even disappeared for months but still came home.

I'll keep this in mind for the next time. I don't even know why I tolerated so much of this from her. I guess sometimes advising people is just not enough. Have to raise my voice to get my point across.

Thanks though. You gave me a lot to think about on how to manage a relationship.

Trying not to turn this topic into bashing-your-ex thread but i guess the moral of the story is not to allow someone to take control of your life totally.

You allowed it because you loved her genuinely. Unfortunately, it wasn't reciprocated by her in a similar way. That's because she doesnt love you as much as you loved her.

You can plan everything to the very last bit but if a person doesnt care, it doesnt mean anything to her.

I once planned a trip to Sydney with my ex while i was in Malaysia and she was in Melbourne. I took 2 weeks off to fly there only for her to tell me that she doesn't feel like going to Sydney because she wants to do something else and she needs me to take care of her since im there.

I lost AUD1k for all the bookings just like that.

So again, you can plan everything you like for someone, if someone gonna see you as a doormat, she will just keep rubbing it in as usual.

The best way to do is to convince yourself that you deserve more than that, definitely more than just being a doormat.

you could be rich you can afford such lost.

Never judge people. Make small plans and if small plans also end up like that i wont bother making bigger plans.

By being consistent like reminder and warning and after the limit it still happen you have the answer

Agreed with you. There was a time when she wanted to go on a holiday to UK with me but I doubted her true intentions. She ditched her family the last time she visited UK for a 2 week holiday just to spend time with her friends.

I figured if she can't even be around her family I definitely will have no chance at all. That was why I tried to plan trips locally. Somewhere more affordable.

She couldn't even handle that, I doubt I could have taken it further.