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This post has been edited by ChaChaZero: Nov 17 2021, 04:48 PM

Actually I did talk to her about marriage before. The thing is she's only 25 this year and she has no desire to marry yet. She said she will consider it around 28 which is why I started saving up now.

Thanks for reading. I know it's long winded so don't scold him but I'm just so torn I couldn't help but type continuously. I've even talked to a lot of people about it.

The thing now is I can't talk to her. I've tried every approach from electronic to physical presence. She just doesn't want to talk at all. I once managed to get her to agree to talk to me for 10 mins but she declined it later in text and didn't respond at all after that.

Most of the time she will just walk on when she sees me. I for one think it's worth saving. We've already identified the problem. Now it's just a matter of working on it.

And you're right. I should have spoke up when I felt something was wrong. I judged with my heart instead of my brain.

This post has been edited by ChaChaZero: Sep 26 2014, 12:20 AM

Thanks for all the criticism and advise guys. I appreciate it all.

Some points to clarify, my savings is still with me. I actually put in about 80k into a mutual fund for our future. I still have enough to spend as I've been working for 8 years now.

I don't really need the whole world to know but at least for her parent to know. As far as I know she doesn't seem to be restricted. And I would appreciate if she stopped running away when she sees someone she knows when we're out. By run away I literally mean it, she just bolts off and texts me to meet her somewhere else. This happened countless times.

And for her UK experience, I can't really tell what it is. From what I understand she likes UK for the environment but she took a course that was above her abilities so she studied the entire time there, doing nothing else. She had a short relationship there which ended badly and took it out on her parents for not taking her problems seriously. I had an extremely long talk about that with her until 3am one weekend and she patched up with them shortly.

The thing is she felt free in UK where no one could monitor her. It's not so much the society but more the environment. I couldn't control her knowing this. Also I admit I relented to her will a lot cause she has some health issues. Whenever I took charge she would say I nag too much or outright don't listen. And it's just minor stuff like coming in to work on time. She used to come in at 10am when work starts at 9. I told her to buck up and got fked upside down.

I tried not to nag her too much but you're right. Sometimes its just meant to be done. Eventhough she scolds me for nagging, she actually does fix the problem. Like her coming to late work, after my nagging, she comes in earlier now. It just feels wrong that I need to nag/complain to get a point through. Now that I think of it, I've never raised my voice to her but I do criticize her attitude a lot.

I've tried planning for trips with her but I always get those stupid dunno/not sure/need to check with someone etc etc excuses. It may not be UK but its at least a decent place. Even the latest which I invited her to stay over when everyone was away, it took her a month to finally decide. And point to note, she's never around during long weekends. She always goes home. In fact, we've only spent one long weekend together and no holidays ever. I tried, seriously. No response.

Exactly, that was the word I was looking for. I was a door mat to her. She's obviously the more dominant person in our relationship but I never gave it much thought as I loved her unconditionally.

Seeing that she didn't complain much about me, I just assumed everything was fine.

Sorry you had to go through such an experience too. I just don't get it sometimes. In such a case regardless of whatever I did it would end anyway. It would have been great if she would just say it straight to my face instead of playing with my feelings like this. No fights, no arguments, nothing. Such a shitty way of ending things.

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This post has been edited by ChaChaZero: Nov 17 2021, 04:48 PM

Thanks a lot for the wake up call. Last Christmas I actually booked a room at a Hotel in GH, all paid and everything. Initially she agreed to it but after dunno what discussion she had with her mom, best friend, siblings, she said not worth going there just a few days before it was scheduled.. On Christmas eve i got into a major accident too, so I just let it slide away.

Something similar to your experience, she is ALWAYS late for appointments and she is ALWAYS tired. On weekends she sleeps at 12 and wakes up past noon and still complains she is sleepy. Even when I visit her apartment, there are times when it takes her more than 10 minutes just to open the door. Call her also she doesn't pickup, supposedly cause she was showering or on the phone with her mom etc etc.

I don't really like to force someone to do things but you guys are right. There are times when I just need to stand up and shoot her down. Take the control back. Being kind only left me defenceless to her ways.

Its a lesson learnt, hopefully I won't fall for the same tricks again. Truth to be told, my brain was telling me she's bad news but my heart just couldn't fight back. It's my mistake for being weak.

Yeah, thats a good point. I have 8 cats though. One cat even disappeared for months but still came home.

I'll keep this in mind for the next time. I don't even know why I tolerated so much of this from her. I guess sometimes advising people is just not enough. Have to raise my voice to get my point across.

Thanks though. You gave me a lot to think about on how to manage a relationship.

Agreed with you. There was a time when she wanted to go on a holiday to UK with me but I doubted her true intentions. She ditched her family the last time she visited UK for a 2 week holiday just to spend time with her friends.

I figured if she can't even be around her family I definitely will have no chance at all. That was why I tried to plan trips locally. Somewhere more affordable.

She couldn't even handle that, I doubt I could have taken it further.