QUOTE(quiksilver @ Oct 13 2006, 02:07 PM)
Thats why i call it a "talk" not an "argument". U have to tell her before the talk, to relax, dont be emotional. Control urselves.
like i said, both sides must be calm. Tell her.
I dont want this talk to end up with a fight.
Lets try to be cool, and express what we feel logically, rationally, not emotionally.
The thing is, to me, most of the probs can be settled by talking to each other. Hearing out what the other has to say.
Compromise. Tolerate.The problem here is, at least what i think here is..U guys cant have a decent talk.
Make her understand how important it is to keep cool and rational to try to solve the probs u guys are having.
I think, the way u guys have a talk is wrong. Sorry, but from what i read, i think u are a bit childish. Or maybe just too impatient? Problems cant be settled just with a blink of an eye. We have to work for it. It takes time and patience. Be cool. A man shud be cool. Matured.
if both sides are emotional, then u wont achieve anything.Control urselves during the talk. Dont blame it all on her. T
hink of ur GOAL. To be happy together. Keep that in mind. Think back now...what goes wrong everytime u guys discuss?
Try to avoid doing it again.
And lastly, if all things fail...i suggest u use a mediator. Someone u both can rely on, to be the middle-man.
Good Luck
Those bold word is what I learn from u. Thanks
Okok. I understand already.
QUOTE(miyoko @ Oct 13 2006, 04:26 PM)
hi guys, good evening. sorry that i reported in late.
joshua,
quiksilver has pointed out some very important points there. to tell you frankly, me and my dear quarreled a lot lately after he started business. eventually, both me and my dear realized the changes in our relationship and it's unhealthy. so, recently, we had a talk rationally and calmly and the situation is resolved. dont be emotional when you face problem. who said relationship is easy? it's never easy and it's not always rainbows and butterflies. remember the song? --> "it's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that move us (in this context, relationships) along".
being emotional will not help to solve problem, actually, it will create another bigger problem. dont let your emotion controls your brain, but instead, let your brain control your emotion. in your case, if you find that talking on the phone or face to face will not work for both of you, find another alternative. sms or e-mail, maybe? one benefit of sms and e-mail is that, you can re-read after typing and edit if there's any inappropriates. you see, sometimes, when we are emotional, we tend to says things which hurts our partner or might accidentally says things that triggers to our partner being emotional. the key here is having good communication. absolutely no shouting and blaming each others. when one problem and the cos of the problem is found, your objective will be to work together to solve problem cos both of you is together. not put the blame on another party and let the other party settle it themselves. the key is "TOGETHERNESS". dont blame. when there's a hole in the wall of your house, you dont dig the hole to make it bigger, instead, you work together to close the hole.
points to ponder ---> "Relationship is about giving WITHOUT expecting anything in return".
I found that from the things that you said, you mentioned that only you trying to be patient while she just lose her temper. well, you shouldnt be expecting her to not lose her temper just because you keep your temper (NO EXPECTATION). however, you can be patient and show her through your action that keeping cool and calm and controling temper is the key of solving problem. or i should say ---> set good example, start it from within yourself.
"two wrongs doesnt make a right"
all the best, yeah.
i wish you all the best, yeah.
oh yes, as what Quiksilver said, real relationship is nothing like romantic love movie, drama or novels. i found those things entertaining, but sometimes misleading. hahaha... self-help books are better
Why always your reply so long 1?
But your point is always meaningful, no choice but to read.
Ok, point is almost the same as quiksilver, I know what to do next and how to control the situation.
I almost misunderstood your 'Relationship is about giving WITHOUT expecting anything in return'
I wanted to say why can't she just learn to be patient too?
Jul 21 2006, 11:11 PM
... my gf got sickness and I can't go accompany her *sigh*
Quote
I really don't know what I am doing. How can I change? I really really really need a patient heart to talk to her, if not I will really screw up our relationship.
Thanks to you guys.... 
Quickly I call her up and ask whether she already give up, once I called her, she said aren't we broke up already, she has deleted everything about me. 
Fine, she so confirmed wanted to break up, so I have to no choice but to surrender(break up) and close the phone.
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