Do we still have to pay the bride price to marry? Both parties are Chinese and both are medical doctors.

Long ago the boy's family must give some kind of angpow as bride price to the girl's parents. Now must some more? Luckily the boy is also a doctor or else might have to pay a lot bcs the girl is also one. What's the latest practice?

So far, from the general chinese community, it's still a 'yes'. I've only seen a few rare exceptions where both couples are Christians and bypassed this tradition. But anyway, the money thing is more of a cultural and social thing rather than religion. In other words, there's a VERY high chance the groom side will have to pay the bride's parents in a chinese community. It doesn't matter whether both are professionals or not. It's more on the parents rather than the couple. Some parents continue this practice just for the sake of tradition.

Normally, the groom will give a certain amount and the bride parents returns some. How much do they return is up to them. The ones I've witnessed before ranged from 1% to 90%. With that margin, there's no way to figure out an average.

Personally, I hate the idea of giving money to the bride parents. It's like what Tony Stark said about giving up his Ironman suit.

LOL this practice puts the girl's parents in a dilemma. In the past they would normally return half or one third of the angpow. I wonder how much to expect if the girl is a doctor. Friends say if the boy is also doctor no need to ask for too much. How could the girl's parents ask for such an angpow? I think by right it depends on how much the family of the boy can afford to give. So if the boy is a pharmacist then he must give more? It sounds like the girl's parents are selling a pig or something haha.

Do the Chinese still practise this considering that now most young couples pay for the wedding dinner etc and parents are not really required to come up with anything much. The girls nowadays have a joint dinner with the boys and parents on both sides don't have to fork out much money.

I don't have a doctor example. I have heard of a Chartered Accountant couple where the parents returned 80%.

This is a tradition from the olden days where the wife is not allowed to go back home whenever she wants. So, the money is something like a 'duit pencen' to the parents for releasing the daughter. And the wife is to serve the husband. But nowadays, wives are more brutal. Still, when there's an advantage in terms of money, people just stick to the tradition. Just like the question of whether daughters should inherit the parent's property.

The amount is somewhat tricky. The girl side parents will always say cin-cai. But when you give them a cin-cai amount, things start to heat up.

The money for the 'dowry' is handled separately from the dinner expense. The joint dinner is usually paid using the ang pau collected from guest. But I've seen some extreme cases where the boy side foots the entire bill and the girl side keep the cash.

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This post has been edited by daruma: Jun 5 2013, 09:53 AM

Thanks for the response. I had always thought this bride price is to help the girl's parents throw the wedding eve dinner but nowadays they have only one joint-dinner and the girl's side doesn't spend much. Marrying off both gender is also a problem. When it's a daughter you won't know how much to keep. If you keep too much the boy's relatives (not the parents. It's always the kaypoh relatives) will say the parents are selling their d'ter. If you don't want anything they'll say your d'ter is "free". If it's a son you also don't know how much to give in order to maintain "face". I guess today society has evolved so much that relatives are all also very busy people and hopefully won't have time to dig for details.

To me a marriage should just involve the couple and their immediate families. All the relatives should just drink the tea,eat the dinner,shut up and go home so everybody is happy LOL. As long as the couple is happy with each other and have a good life and present their parents with a few grandchildren why should anybody sibuk about other people's affairs? I have no time to bother about such things. Through the years so many nieces/nephew got married and we just go through the tea ceremony etc in a ritualistic manner without asking about anything. I observe that Chinese weddings have evolved so much. Nowadays it's like a bridal fashion parade and photo-shoot sessions. The young go for style while businesses make tons of money.

is it still a common practice these days?

i personally feel, this dowry thing is like business between 2 families =_=

For chinese(not sure about other races), actually many bride's mother would pass the dowry back to their daughters. Coz last time most woman do not work to have their own income, so this money would be useful for emergency purpose, especially if there's quarrel between the husband and wife.

agree with what you said. i guess, we all have evolved to be money minded; even to the extend of wedding angpao.

i've friends who purposely disclose the price per table in hopes his friends are smart enough to give the appropriate amount.

as for the wedding reception, it's true, especially for chinese wedding, it's like attending a fashion show. which is why, my partner and i want to break that tradition. no banquet dinner. to us, wedding is suppose to be something sacred and elegant, not some silly heng dai / chi mui games =_=

That is so true.

I think the dinner is necessary to give your parents face and pride but all that fashion show and pre-wedding photo shoots are unnecessary.

No need to tell people how much each table will cost bcs people are not idiots and they know how much 4star or 5star hotels charge. No need to do "shameful" things. Marriage is only once a lifetime unless they plan to marry 4 hohoho

Ya lah. I never ask personal questions e.g where the groom/bride works or as what. Jangan sibuk hal orang lain. I just drink the tea if I have to,give the angpow,enjoy the dinner and then go home. Everybody is happy. Until today I don't know what most of my nephews'/nieces' spouses are doing,their names or their town/kampung LOL. Just take care of own children and spouse and leave the relatives alone.

Do we have to give? I've allocated about RM30K for this. If don't have to I can use the money to buy some electronic gadgets

RM30k should be enough for everything bcs the angpows will help you pay for the dinner. Today's young people don't understand the role of the angpow in a wedding. It's to help one family celebrate the marriage of their child. So it's a community effort. People are actually paying for their dinner and relatives/friends who are rich will give more than the actual price of the dinner to help out with other expenses like liquor etc.

I think if you're a man your parents must at least ask her parents,maybe through somebody. Do not take things for granted or your parents could lose face. Tolong give them face and make them proud.

Means I still have to hold on to the money. Can't get some gadgets then

Yes,you had better to be on the safe side. Buy after the wife is safely in your bed hahaha

Hehe..right on

No need.

Can ignore it unless the girl side family very yimjim

I gave to my mother in law.... it's like a tradition..... she 'gave' it back to my wife after that..... no harm keeping the tradition going....

No harm forgoing the tradition too.