I am going to apply for a scholarship offered by univeristy of queensland. i have to send in a cover letter as a part of the application, using the following headings:
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Submit a 500 word summary entitled "Expression of Interest in chosen area" (depending on the program you are applying for e.g. Science, Biotechnology Environmental Science or Marine Studies) to support your application. Within your summary please make comments using the headings provided below. This written summary forms a very important part of your application. This is your opportunity to express your interest in the sciences, what you have achieved to date and why you desire to pursue a career in the chosen area.
1. A serious interest in a career in Science, Biotechnology, Marine Studies or Environmental Science (include information on why you wish to study at UQ)
2. Summary of any previous activities or experiences (including voluntary activities) as evidence of your interest.
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honestly, i faced some difficulties in writing the cover letter. i've came out with this draft below(not yet format), please kindly read the letter, see if there is any points to add, to cut off, spelling and grammar errors, repeating points, unnecessary points, and has the content answered the questions....oh ya, if possible, please check if i use the inappropriate words..
thank you very very much. please give as much opinion as possible since the deadline is approaching...


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[SIZE=7]Editted letter:


My name is--------, and I am applying for the Faculty of Biological and Chemical Sciences International Scholarship (Malaysia). Presently, I am a student working towards a Bachelor's Degree in Biotechnology and have a good academic record.

The concept of Biotechnology aligned with my goal to incorporate biological knowledge with technology, contributing to the well-being of human lives and our surrounding environments. The main factor that stimulates my interest in biotechnology is, we can learn about the science of living organism and apply the knowledge obtained in scientific research in various sectors. The best example in this case would be the genetic engineering study, in which we study about DNA, develop techniques such as recombinant DNA, and convert the idea to commercialized products in food and pharmaceutical industry. My interest in genetic engineering and strain development has generated a strong will to learn and determination to explore myself in the related field. Throughout my learning process, I am often fascinated by the numerous application of the biological product, particularly in the area of Microbial Biotechnology. The uses of microorganism in the environmental management (eg.bioremediation), food production and agriculture (eg. Biopesticide) which contributes to the society has inspired me to make greater effort in discovering the potential of biotechnology field, in both research-based and commercial-based industry.
Studying in University of Queensland offers the opportunity for me to undertake my major in Microbial Biotechnology. I found that UQ offers the largest number of laboratory choice in Queensland and has a variety of different projects available. While the last year of the program consists of mainly laboratory assignments, I am confident that upon my graduation from UQ, I can gain sufficient practical experience, and also well- prepared for the competitive biotechnology industry in various sectors.

Over the past few semesters, I have developed basic laboratory skills and also learned to be a dynamic team player. During laboratory sessions, I can work well with my course mates and was able to obtain desire experimental results. Even when we failed in a particular experiment, I managed to train myself to analyze and identify possible errors. This has directly helped me to establish the ability of critical thinking and problem solving. I was a will group facilitator (student tutor) for certain subjects when I was in college. Tutoring has helped me to develop the sense of responsibility and also the eagerness to study more on the subjects. Of course, I still have a long way to go before I can achieve my goal to become a full-fledged biotechnologist. That is another factor for why I choose to continue my studies in UQ - a suitable place to further consolidate my foundation and gain exposure in biotechnology field.

I would like to thank you in advance for your time and consideration.



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thank you once again for those who read and leave comments!

This post has been edited by smileypig: Apr 17 2006, 10:43 PM

" After surveying various aspects of different universities, such as program outlines, laboratory facilities, teaching resources, research and reputation, I found that University of Queensland is the best option for me to continue my studies."

This sounds like you are trying to polish an apple........

em.....i don mean to.... is there any way to express better??

No, I suggest you leave out the entire UQ is great thing.

just a suggetion:
I had maintained an excellent academic record thoughout my high aschool, currently studying at xxx college, my CGPA is 3.8.

I think you should shorter some of sentences; try to keep you letter to the point. short & simple without using too many word filler.

agree. Do not have much time to go through your essay. But here are some mistakes in my opinion. Why dont u pay someone to help u restructure your essay? I am sure it is worth the money.

For me, it is more interesting than studying pure science because biotechnology not only establishes a foundation of basic knowledge in biology and chemistry(need reviewing)

I (am) often fascinated by the numerous application of the biological product,

and also (become) well- prepared for the competitive biotechnology industry in various sectors. (competitive sectors in the industry?) (IMO)

Attending college not only explores a wider array of subjects in science, but also explores myself. (need reviewing)

Flatly speaking, after reading thorugh your letter, my conclusion is that you are a paper chaser with NO REAL INTEREST in science.

If you do not believe me, please read your own letter with a critical eyes.


Dreamer

I felt like I just read an English essay rather than an application. Maybe you can elaborate more on Microbial Biotech since you said you're interested in that field.

maybe my expression is not good enough... i do admit that i dont have the passion like a real scientist in science, but i'm definitely not the paper chaser... if i have no real interest in science, definitely i wont choose this as my study and career option bcs i believe interest matters most.

sorry if i insulted you, you gave me a feeling like you are a real scientist who claims that i'm a rat shit who spoiled the whole pot of soup...

<< This is your opportunity to express your interest in the sciences, what you have achieved to date and why you desire to pursue a career in the chosen area.>>

I am not a real scientist. I am an engineer and I really love my area. I am willing to spend time and effort above and beyond my course material to really know what is going on my area.

Did you do that?? For example, do you know what kind research that has been done by the University of Queensland in your area?? Obviously not. Did you even go and research what are the hot areas in your supposedly interested field??

What have you achieved to date??

Above and beyond your course material. Besides getting a good grade..

Do you really interested in this area??

If you do, what kind of stuff have you been reading

Above and beyond your course material. Besides getting a good grade.

Stop fooling around. You are just a paper chaser.

Dreamer

Like above, the impression given isnt too good.
Cant see your passion at all.

thank you for ur advise and reminder. i'll think seriously and deeply about what u have jz said..

You know what smileypig, I've read your brief over and over again, and I have to say, you've done a good job.

What you wrote seems very genuine and "human", as opposed to sounding like it came from someone who gets paid to write briefs for students.

Sure there are a few niggles here and there, as have been pointed out by some people, but overall, it is very good.

What I suggest you do now is rewrite an entirely new brief without looking at your current one for reference. Compare the 2. You will see that only the main points would have been mirrored in the second brief. Compare sentence structure and word choices. Then you make a hybrid version based on the 2, which should be better than your original draft.

Hope this helps

thank you very very much, INFeRNO!
u really gave a lot of encouragement to me, and also some good advices.
thanks for ur praise, it means a lot to me, i really appreciated it.
i'll try my best, not only in this application, but also in my future study and career too!