You know what smileypig, I've read your brief over and over again, and I have to say, you've done a good job.

What you wrote seems very genuine and "human", as opposed to sounding like it came from someone who gets paid to write briefs for students.

Sure there are a few niggles here and there, as have been pointed out by some people, but overall, it is very good.

What I suggest you do now is rewrite an entirely new brief without looking at your current one for reference. Compare the 2. You will see that only the main points would have been mirrored in the second brief. Compare sentence structure and word choices. Then you make a hybrid version based on the 2, which should be better than your original draft.

Hope this helps