I'm sorry if my story offend you


I believe he didn't make himself clear that's why there is such a problem.

It's alright! Forum is open to all comments. That's where we learn from each other If I open a topic and expect only good comments that I can accept .. then I'll be very immature. Of course I don't blame her for loving her son .. but honestly.. we are both working adults and busy at work.. and she would call him during his work. Even though he picks up and say he's busy in a meeting, she would still continue with her long nagging story, not allowing him to put down the phone and it annoys him. And this happens everyday. If he ignores her call, she would be very angry and she would try to call me instead asking where is he (when it's logical that he's working). Sometimes she would even raise her voice at me because her son is ignoring her. Imagine your in-law doing that to you .. breathing down your necks trying to find out your partner's whereabouts .. In fact, imagine your partner doing that to you everyday.. your gf calling you everyday asking where are you? Why you're not home? Nag nag nag, etc etc etc. I thought only crazy girlfriends would do that but not from a mother.

As for moving out of the house, well .. in my opinion he's 32 and i'm 29 .. and it's very much the time to be independent. I don't like to stay with my parents either cause my mother still treats me like a child even at my age ... "My House, My Rule!" concept you know? I realised that when my siblings move out, my mother threats them more and more like than adult instead and it works for me too. But different story from my partner as the mother still wants to pamper him and have him under her wings 24/7.

Nothing wrong with mother wanting to show her love. I highly approve of that! But as to HOW a mother shows it is a different story. To bug us non-stop during our working hours everyday can be frustrating. Partly is my partner's fault for not really talking to her about how he feels. Well .. hope you understand my dilemma ... any opinion is open

The poor guy! Listen to the way he talks .. he's so traumatized!! This is a permanent scar in his life!

Thank you for sharing your experiences with me .. It's always easier to talk to those who have the same experiences and able to share solutions. Yes myself is not here to say that everyone should support me in going against the mother because I'm trying to come up with a neutral solution where everybody is happy at the end of the day.

Just two days ago she called him again nagging him this and that and by the time he put down the phone, all he could say was, "This is why I do not want to move back home anymore ..."

It's true what you said about trust for a son as an adult. I wish his mother would take this into her heart and learn to accept that. And yes .. I'm still trying to dig out some info from my partner on what she likes to do most so that we can introduce some hobbies for her.. But my worry is that she may think we are trying to keep her busy from disturbing us .. i mean .. she may take it negatively ..

But thanks for sharing your advice..

Yea maybe that would help too .. unless urgent, any other non-urgent matters should call at certain time. But it won't really work cause the whole root cause of the problem is that my partner do not like the way his mother is treating him like a young child when he's already 32. And I agree too .. which guy would want to be treated like a young naughty boy that the mother consistently nags and raise her voice at? What more in front of his own girlfriend or wife? I pity him but that doesn't mean I think she's a bad mother .. just that her techniques in showing love is not right ...

Yea should tell her .. but not me telling her .. my partner should tell her!



Good idea actually! It's like letting it slide out slowly and quietly without realising...




I'll make sure to keep you people posted when this do happen after I'm married! Of course .. I hope it won't happen at all!!!

Well I try not to let it affect me .. Now my partner is picking up her calls because he notice the pressure I'm facing having to pick up all the nags on his behalf.

She should start paying attention to her lonely younger son whom is her lesser favourite ...


Aggressive?? Were they trying to force you both to get married??

Feeling frustrated with my boyfriend's mother again .. was watching movies in cinema. Silent my phone. By the time the movie ended and I checked my phone .. 5 missed calls and 4 smses from her. "Is he with you?", "Did you get my sms?", "Please call me back", "Call me back". What was the urgency? Well her poor baby boy had a minor injury on his foot and she thought he went to play futsal. When he called her back thinking it was urgent cause he also got her missed calls .. Next thing I knew he was blowing up over the phone once again. I seriously feel like I can't breathe with her breathing down or necks all the time over small matter. Her son is already 31 .. Does she still want to pamper and spoil him like that? We both can't handle her nagging .. I can't take it. I've already blocked her number. I don't plan to bring my phone out to work tomorrow cause I know I'll end up seeing her sms asking me to call her back and telling me how I should take care of her son ...

OMG I'm so sorry to hear that your relationship didn't work out .. I know how you feel having your partner's mother stalking both of you all the time. My boyfriend's mother is not the evil type but she is just so overly concern and so overly protective of her son! It's driving both of us mad! My concern is of she stays with us once we get married .. goodness I'll be having a bad time! Next thing you know .. she'll be knocking our door whole we having sex telling us to not be tough cause her poor boy is having fever! !! Arg!!!

OMG I'm so sorry to hear that your relationship didn't work out .. I know how you feel having your partner's mother stalking both of you all the time. My boyfriend's mother is not the evil type but she is just so overly concern and so overly protective of her son! It's driving both of us mad! My concern is of she stays with us once we get married .. goodness I'll be having a bad time! Next thing you know .. she'll be knocking our door whole we having sex telling us to not be tough cause her poor boy is having fever! !! Arg!!!

I hate it that she calls me everyday telling me "Make sure you give him this" and "Make sure he takes that" and "Make sure he don't do this" and "Make sure he meets his appointment" ...

Again I repeat ... HE IS 31 YEARS OLD! Does he need to be pampered and nagged like a 12 year old?? And do I need to be told how to treat him the way she treats him? If I treat him the way she treats him, then I might as well be his mother instead of his partner right? Then what is the point of this relationship if I act EXACTLY like her? Nagging my boyfriend non-stop everday .. no man would like that at all. It'll kill their ego. I don't do it. I hate nagging my boyfriend. Makes me feel like an annoying b**** if I do.

Gasp! Speaking of first child .. my partner is really the first child in the family.

Ahyoyo like that also can ... Lol

Some updates ...

24th August, Saturday - My boyfriend and I went to Malacca to visit a temple for prayers. His mother called him while we were getting ready to burn joss stick and pray (there were about minimum 8 Gods there to pray). Hence, he told his mother that we were about to start our prayers and conversation ended. We silent our phones, put our things aside and went off to pray to each God.

After were were done and checked out phones, I had 18 missed calls and he had 10 missed calls from his mother. I even had 3 sms from his mother asking "Why you don't want to pick up my call" and "Pick up my call"

So I quickly told my boyfriend to return her call. We already knew what was going to happen since she could sms me like that. The moment he called she went mad and scolded him for not picking up her call and he started reasoning with her that we were praying and we silent off our phones and put aside to avoide distractions at a sacred place. She refused to accept his reasoning and said, "You could have at least sms me!!" He explained again that we both silent our phones and PLACED ASIDE so we won't even realize anybody was calling. But she refuse to accept and continued to scold him with unreasonable excuses. He got angry and shouted back and all I could see from the temple entrance was him shouting over the phone far away from the temple. After that nothing happened until ...


26th August, Monday - When we got back from work, shortly after that his mother got home. I called her as most would do when an elderly is around to show respect but she never bother to respond to me. She just nodded her head and went off to do her things. I then left to take my bath while my boyfriend cooked dinner. Next thing I knew, while showering in the loud gushing water, I could actually hear my boyfriend and my mother shouting at each other out of sudden. I ended my bath and listen to their shouts. Neighbours were watching. But I could clearly hear what was the argument about ... it was about the incident that we didn't pick up her call on Saturday when we were praying. "OMG" I was thinking ... I could hear her clearly saying that "You both never bother to answer my call! No respect!! Called so many times!!" and "You both could have sms me if cannot pick up!!" When he kept repeating, "We were praying and we silent our phones and placed aside!! We need to respect the sacred place! At least we returned your call immediately after that!!" But she still repeated the same thing, "Excuses!! You both just want to avoid me! Move out!! Move out of the house!!"

@_@

There I was hiding in my room and next thing I know she came to the room knocking hardly on the door. "Neshimaru!! I'm telling you now .. you and my son have no respect for me! Both of you move out!!" and she continued to bang the door as my boyfriend trying to stop her. I got angry and opened the door and then explain to her firmly what happened at Malacca, that we were praying. But she pointed her finger at me with her piercing eyes and shouted, "You both have no respect for me!! Move out!!"

I know .. She slowed down a little at one point of time but her behaviour returned again .. this happened only last night. I had to literally CALL her sister meaning my boyfriend's aunty to talk to her about the mother's odd behaviour ... even his aunty thought it was odd for her to take it so offensively when we didn't pick up her calls during prayers ...

You're right .. it was nice that his aunt talked to me calmly and reassure me that things will be better and that this happens due to generation gap. She said she will talk to the mother. I cried after I got the scolding from his mother. Felt so unwelcome in the house now....

You have similar experience too? I'm sorry to hear that ..



I never plan to do that. In fact when I called the aunt I asked the aunt if the mother ever thought that I came into the picture to separate them and that I didn't meant to do it but the aunt assured me that the mother will never thought of it that way. I ever offered to stay with them instead and have been staying with them for 3 weeks already so that she can see her son everyday and we all can have dinner together... I just don't understand what went wrong ...



Thanks *Hugz*


I personally feel that she does have a little disorder too to be able to react such way but I never see it as a bad thing or look down on her. I don't even want to put her down here in lowyat. I'm here to seek advise and to rant out at the same time. Just that it's so frustrating having to experience such unreasonable things often .. last night was the worst when she pointed her finger at me, with piercing angry eyes I've never seen before and shouted, "MOVE OUT!!" I know it's bad to say it but I felt like I was facing a Monster in Law .. that's why I was desperate enough to call her sister (bf's aunt) for help. We both are at lost ...

I have a hunch that she has minor Umbilical Addiction syndrome but who am I to voice out in other people's family telling them that one of their family member needs psychological help? Especially being a typical Chinese family, it would be considered offensive and pride-killing to the family's name. It would make things worst if I'm the first (being a non-family member) to suggest this issue ... she would literally lash out on me thinking that I came in to ruin her whole family. Then I would look like the bad person in this whole relationship ... any suggestions?

You're not the only one that thinks that way. His aunt/her sister also told us the same thing. The mother doesn't treat his younger brother that way since young. She only treats my bf that way. The aunt said very high possibility is because my bf resembles his father A LOT in terms of features. It's like a photocopy machine. His aunt told us she also notices how the mother pampers my bf since young until now but neglects the younger brother (he doesn't resemble the father's face). He has been putting his foot down whenever she acts up again. He treats her well mind you. She likes to go gambling in Genting, he would bring her up there almost everyday during working hours (he does sales so time is flexible) while night time he spends time with me. I really admire him for balancing his time with both of us so well. Yet his mother somehow never see that and continue to control him. Hence he has been putting his foot down firmly whenever this happens because he felt that she needs to learn that her son is already 32 and petty things such as missing phone calls during prayers are nothing but a simple issue and simple misunderstanding ... I just couldn't believe she took it extremely offensive that she pushed us to move out ...

Yea now that you mentioned it I did remember one time when we were on our way out for a weekend trip, she got so upset and shouted at him saying that we never inform her about it. Then the argument started as usual. But the argument just didn't sound right cause she just kept repeating the same thing .. I can hear it from the car with the windows down. Then later only she shouted the truth, "Bring me to Genting lah! Being me to Genting now!" My eyes just grew big ... bad to say it but I thought that was rather childish ... Maybe you're right .. she's being overly demanding and if he continues to allow that to happen then it won't be good. He can still pamper her as children should pamper the parents .. but parents should be appreciative and not get overboard with demanding 24/7 attention from the children. What more I stay with them and that she can see him everyday and chat with him .. and he brings her up to Genting often to gamble .. on top of that give her MONEY TO GAMBLE ... isn't that enough?? We even have family dinners together quite often since I moved in. Can't me and my bf have a peaceful weekend vacation our own every now and then?

OMG last time was to Pulau Ketam and she freaked out .. now was the Malacca trip and the same thing happened ... i think you're right...